Navigate / search

What Men Want in Women

Men confuse you. They date bitches, don’t talk to you, and all seem to want only sex. The male specie is nonsense from a female perspective.

That is your first problem stopping you from discovering what men want in women when dating and in relationships. As long as you try understand men through your female experiences and understandings, you will remain confused.

Men differ from women. Before you give me a Nobel Prize for that remarkable statement, understand that you tend to operate from your limiting beliefs in dating and relationships. You apply your reality of chemistry and connection to a man’s reality, forgetting a male’s emotional psychology is completely different to your own.

If you cook, clean, and shop for a man in hope he likes you, you’ll be ineffective at triggering attraction and other important responses men want to feel around women. You wouldn’t feel attracted to a guy who only sat around watching football drinking beer so don’t become the female equivalent.

To figure out what men want in women, put aside your preconceived notions about dating and relationships then listen. Men also benefit from reading this article because it helps you, if you’re a guy, better understand your desires so you can build better relationships with quality women.

Men Want Only Sex

Too many women believe the only thing a man wants in a woman is sex. Men want so much more. Remember what I said earlier about judging from your experiences and perspective?

A man may only desire sex from you because you focus on physical qualities. When your attractiveness depends on dressing sexy for him and sexual comments, you’re seen as a friend with benefits. You invoke a caveman response from him. This satisfies some women some of the time, but you might want more.

Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.

Many men (or should I say boys?) have yet to evolve on an emotional level. They seek only physical attraction because their emotions are blocked. They don’t know how to connect at an emotional level. Imagine putting on a pair of green glasses. It doesn’t matter what colors exist, everything is seen green. A guy’s lack of emotional development blinds him from being able to deeper connect.

Physical involvement is unequal to a relationship. A man can be physically involved with a woman and want nothing more. I believe this is what forms the belief that men only want sex. The problem with this belief is it overlooks other areas of attraction men want in women. Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.

Nearly all men want a fulfilling relationship with one woman. A guy may not want this now or in the near future, but ultimately that is what he desires. If he says otherwise, he is either emotionally immature or yet to meet a great woman.

What Men Want in Women: The Secret is Attraction

Every man wants to feel significant, important, desired, and sexy. There’s a broad array of characteristics great men want in women that lead to one experience. The secret feeling a man wants to have around you is one of attraction.

You may think of attraction as “chemistry”. It’s the energetic charge between two people that evokes an animalistic urge. When you become what men want in women, men feel attracted to you.

Attraction can be temporary, but when you understand its principles and continually refine them (by re-reading this article and purchasing books on the subject), you make attraction long-term that leads to commitment and a satisfying relationship!

You probably know a few women who seem to effortlessly pull men towards them. They easily attract men through their looks or personality. These women understand attraction, even though they probably didn’t learn it from a source like this article.

Three Types of Attraction to Get the Man You Want

Men can be attracted to you in three primary areas. We crave for all three in a partner.

As I mentioned earlier, there is physical attraction. Men are turned on more than women by visuals. It’s important to dress well, get your hair beautiful, be slightly tanned, show off your figure, and exercise.

Are you not that beautiful? You can still improve it by learning from other women. You may also have an advantage over attractive women!

Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself.

Beautiful women tend to identify with their looks and become insecure. Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself. Attractive women, in general, go through life easier than less attractive women so they have yet to develop the two other areas of attraction that lead to satisfying relationships

Guys tend to want women who are attractive, but lack personality, for the short-term. You cannot have a relationship with a body part. Looks is only one piece of the attraction puzzle.

The second type of attraction is intellectual. Intellectual attraction comes from more rational, logical means controllable through words and actions. Think of the bimbo blonde who has a peanut for her brain – that’s the opposite to an intellectually attractive woman. It’s a pain to live with someone unintelligent. An attractive man wants a woman who holds a conversation with almost anyone, talks about his interests, regularly reads books, and teaches him valuable lessons.

The third type of attraction is emotional. If a guy suddenly becomes disinterested in you, a lack of emotional attraction is the problem. A real relationship fails to develop in the absence of emotional attraction. Ways to attract men emotionally involve high-status behavior, teasing, playfulness, mystery, and unpredictability.

Deficiency in an area of attraction decreases a man’s interest in you. Intensify all three forms of attraction to hypnotize any man.

Since you can go elsewhere for advice to improve your physical looks, what I’ll teach you in this article on what men want in women builds your intellectual and emotional attraction to start a great relationship and keep it that way. You are discovering the secrets men wish you knew that society will not tell you.

The #1 Female Mistake in Relationships with Men

It’s good to have a normal conversation with a man, analyze what’s going on, and work from there. The number one mistake woman make with men, however, is they engage their logical mind too much. You cannot reason someone into attraction. You cannot bore someone into loving you. Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.

Get out of your head thinking about the right things to say and do based on his responses. Stop critiquing every behavior of his because over-analysis makes you insecure – and insecurity is the last thing a man wants in a woman. Is he looking at you instead of approaching you? He may be interested, but just nervous. Is he not calling you? He could of had a tiring day at work.

Analysis is paralysis. It makes you act out insecure thinking as you become clingy and ask needy questions. Men go crazy by a woman’s search for meaning in an interaction. It is what leads to the dreaded word all men hate: drama.

Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.

Men don’t want to instantly connect with you at a deep emotional level – not yet anyway. What a man wants in a woman is to chill then enjoy whatever occurs in the moment. Men usually want to spend time with a woman doing fun activities. To a woman, a great date is filled with deep conversation. To a man, a great date can be racing go karts where few words are exchanged!

You will not hear a man talk about emotional fulfillment. Guys do not sit around drinking a beer discussing emotional contentment in their relationship with a woman. What you will hear, however, whether it be through verbal or nonverbal communication, is his emotional state around a woman. If she is what he wants, he’ll tell his mates, “She’s cool.” Whether his feelings around her are great or not determines if he remains with the woman.

Does this frustrate you? If it does, you are still trying to understand men from a female point of view. Gender differences does not make you more right than the opposite sex. Expecting another person to mirror your wants signals emotional immaturity. Being angry at someone for having wants different to you displays further immaturity. Do not wish either gender were a certain way. Hear the truth about what men what in women.

The Freedom-Attention Dilemma – A Catch-22?

Men joke around when their friend has a woman who takes away his freedom. He is tied to a leash. She has his balls in her bag.

He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these.

I’ve seen men frustrated with their partners disallowing them to play golf on Saturday, go to a party, or watch the football. While these men are probably pussies in other areas of life – and there’s many potential reasons women issue such orders – men hate when their freedom is stolen by a woman.

In dating, one of the greatest things a man dreads is his loss of freedom. Will I have to see her every weekend? Should I call several times a week? Must I sacrifice my interests to spend enough time with her?

A man wants to spend time with a lady he feels great around, but he wants it to be on his own terms. If he is not committed to you or being around you, he does not have a problem. He most likely does not feel attraction.

Christian Carter, author of Catch Him and Keep Him, says a man wants to be needed to feel power and masculine. This does not mean a man wants to be called up every hour to help a vulnerable princess stuck in a castle. It means he loves a women who values his opinion, help, and presence yet maintains her strength. He wants an independent women so he can uphold his freedom.

No man wants to feel isolated on a throne. He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these. He wants an independent woman not needing him every moment of her day.

Seductive women know how to make a man feel free and powerful. The secret there is for him to feel it. No catch-22 exists when you understand the freedom-attention dilemma.

What Men Don’t Want in Women

It helps to become the woman men want by defining what men don’t want in women. Though the list can potentially total hundreds of qualities, here are the most important traits to monitor and avoid in your behavior that emotionally and intellectually unattractive women fail to understand:

Do not make him your world. Contrary to what floats around in musical lyrics, a man you just met does not want you to do anything anytime for him. Seriously, get a life. Find passions that take up your time. A woman with passion is more seductive than one with few interests outside the relationship. I found myself attracted to one woman simply because she drew great art. I thought it was weird, but could not control it.

Do not regress to the past. Avoid raving on about ex-boyfriends or bad situations you share with the man in your presence. Do not bring up the topic about him not asking you out to dinner one month ago. Such issues hint at emotional baggage that weighs down a relationship. Work through a situation as soon as possible or move on girl! Live in the present moment.

Always take into account how your communication could be received.

Do not bury what you want or feel. Similar to the point above, this second piece of advice to avoid is a killer because of resentment. Don’t say you’re fine with him playing 18 holes of golf Sunday afternoon if you hate him for it. Express what you want or feel without attachment to an outcome. Always take into account how your communication could be received. An open, honest feminine energy is attractive!

Do not criticize. Men hate being criticized. It shows a lack of respect. No matter who you criticize, it is poor communication. Guys like to figure out what’s good or follow what feels right. There are ways to tell him what you want or need without complaining. Say what you like. Drop in a few tips. He’ll feel he figured you out himself. You can learn more about criticism and other communication barriers that kill relationships in my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program.

Do not bitch about other women or anything for that matter. Complaints bring negative energy into the conversation. If he experiences negative energy around you, he’ll stop wanting to be with you. Habitual whining also makes you look insecure and powerless. Practice talking positively about everyone and everything.

Do not be a drama queen. Did a customer make you go head over heels at work and leave without saying thanks? Did a friend say something that upset you? Did your car breakdown this week? Never turn a simple problem or everyday occurrence into a plot fit for a drama movie. Carter advises you to share what happened, but free it from emotional exaggeration that annoys men. If you cannot solve a simple problem at work, what does he feels about you handling an inevitable relationship problem?

10 Universal Characteristics Showing What Men Want in Women

If you follow the advice shared so far, you’ll be ahead of many women. Here are the top 10 additional traits men desire in women you can develop to become the ultimate fantasy girl:

Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want.

1. Sense of humor. Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want. Make a man laugh and you’ll make him feel great! A good sense of humor means you make people chuckle and often chuckle yourself. The good news is when a man says, “She has a great sense of humor”, it often means she laughs at his jokes. You can have a great sense of humor according to him by laughing. To be funnier, notice how most conversational humor has nothing to do with jokes. Observe what people laugh at then model their success. Also check out Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer.

2. Adventurous. Men come to love women who do activities with them. You often feel deeply connected to a guy after intimate conversation. A guy almost feels the same way with you after a fun, thrilling, even atypical activity. It’s how our minds work. Research shows the brain associates excitement with pleasure and attraction. Explore the world!

3. Passion. What are you passionate about? Passions make you feel great, which makes others feel great. A passion lets a man know you have other areas of interest – an attractive trait to great men. Guys, similar to women, don’t want to feel they are everything to their partner.

4. Control what you can control. Carter says a man wants a woman in control of her emotions, conversations, and other situations. This doesn’t mean a woman must repress her inner world or dictate everything – both are unhealthy. Seductive control is an assertive influence over one’s inner and outer worlds. A seductively in-control woman takes responsibility for what occurs around her. If she has a need, she expresses it to get it met. If she doesn’t know anyone at a party, she starts conversations. If someone breaches her boundaries, she asserts herself to get them to stop.

5. Personal growth. Get your life together. Hate your parents? Learn how to heal that relationship. Dread your job? Find work you love. Over-weight? Make exercise and eating healthy your lifestyle. Do drugs? Discover how to quit. Each improvement in your life automatically boosts your attractiveness to quality men you want.

6. Selective. A woman who takes any man that comes her way has low value. Make it known what you do not want in a man. Make it known what you love in a man. Let these be your boundaries. It may appear you are decreasing your chances of finding good men, but a decent man is attracted by a woman who carefully selects the men she dates.

7. Playful. I think many women have playfulness at heart, but not all are proactive about it. Maintain a playful attitude, instead of waiting for a guy to be playful with you. An attractive woman talks about many topics, jokes, and shows normal, relaxed behavior. To build your playfulness further, blend a little bitchiness with humor. Think of puppies fighting. It may look serious on the outside, but there’s a caring, fun energy exchanged.

Extra Traits of an Attractive Woman

  1. Do little things without expectation of receiving to show you care.
  2. Don’t put up with his secondary behavior or anyone else’s. He’ll respect you for it and you’ll be happier. Men want to feel their best around women.
  3. Be his best wing woman. Make him look good in front of his friends and boss.
  4. You may be a head-turner, but your gray matter keeps men interested.
  5. Be relaxed and you’ll make others more relaxed.
  6. Need help from him? Find non-controlling ways to get help.

8. Unpredictable. I definitely do not mean drama! Men hate drama. Unpredictability involves various actions and words often contradictory to the past that create intrigue. Go for a spontaneous country drive. Kiss then end it quickly. Aggressively want him then show distance. Become a little mysterious. Boredom kills human interest.

9. Good body language. Physical attractiveness is enhanced through better nonverbal communication. I love a woman who understands her posture, curves, and gestures! Patty Contenta is a former dancer and great body language teacher who shows women how to use their body with class to be attractive. Her techniques are simple, practical, and take seconds to learn. I highly recommend her book Sensuality Secrets to improve your feminine body language. It really is what men want in women.

10. Void of insecurities. Nothing turns a man off faster than an insecurity according to Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction. Severe insecurities like indecisiveness, bitchiness over attractive women or past boyfriends, feelings of inferiority, and poor belief in one’s seductiveness is the kryptonite of attraction. Insecurities originate from low self-esteem, a massive indication of low-status. Show confidence in what you want with authoritative actions. This is when aggression attracts men.

It is unnecessary to become everything taught in this article. Think of the outline given as the personification of traits to build in your life. The more you take on, the more you grow your seductive prowess. Follow this advice that few women know and you’ll be a woman men want.

What to Do Next

Here’s three resources to further help you not only understand what men want in women, but to help you get a great man:

  1. Read what women want in men, which spurred me to write what men want in women. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and men.
  2. I reviewed a book called Catch Him and Keep Him mentioned in this article that’s great for you to attract and keep Mr Right.
  3. I recommend you also get Patty Contenta’s Sensuality Secrets to build seductive body language.
Want more tools and tactics to improve your life?
Never miss a tip
Instantly get new articles and bonus tips for free (about once a month) by signing up to the newsletter:

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to


Ezekiel Boaz

Hey Tower of power, your work is so good to read since it teaches you about men and women and how to build a relationship. Big up man, excellent. I will keep in touch with you, let me say thanks a lot. God bless you
From your friend
Ezekiel Boaz


Your views are only on man and woman as sexual partners. There can be other relations as mother, sister, friend, coworker, etc. Attraction to one other need not and evidently not as per your article. I think a man’s attraction to a woman is much beyond sexual attraction when in other facets of life.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Yes and no. The article helps women find and keep a great guy. It has very little to do with being sexual. The best relationships I and many attraction experts have seen delay sex.

Did you read the article B.? Right from the start I said physical attraction is only one part so we’re on the same page there – though sexual attraction is different to physical attraction.

richard ludwig

as far as i am concerned – david d’angelo is so full of s*** that he should really run for obama’s job. if men and women would just cut the shit and get right down to brass tacks and the points – and STOP with the body language – and STOP with saying one thing when he / she means the complete opposite (i.e. – his / her mouth says ” yea – ill go out on a date with you” and his / her brain is really thinking ”i think ill stand him up instead and just not tell him or call him”). if BOTH sexes would just cut the s*** and get right down to the point and tell what they are REALLY THINKING – then dating would be so much easier and the world would be a much better place.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

I generally agree with you Richard. Believe it or not, David teaches the same thing now. Get his Man Transformation program. It’s all about authenticity. He is evolving beyond techniques and tricks.

To say someone should stop with the body language and stop saying one thing and doing another is dangerous advice. Try cutting off your body language now. You cannot do it. Body language is part of an inevitable communication process. The question becomes, is your body language attractive?

As for the mixed messages, here’s a thought to remember: uncertainty, mystery, and some games (I said SOME) is part of an exciting relationship process. To say it’s deceptive or immature usually signals past pain because you or someone you know has been hurt by an unhealthy mixed message.

I agree the example you used is deceptive, but it many cases it’s effective. Guys or girls then think endlessly about the person. “Does he like me or not?” I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, but good mixed messages like playfully saying, “You’re a pain to be around with” when you smile in delight is good.

I’d be more worried about a woman who thinks she can skip playful banter and be unpredictable because she thinks it’s a stupid game. This is the woman I would not feel great around, which is what it comes down to. Individuals may disagree. Men want to feel great around a woman – how this happens depends on the man and woman.

richard ludwig

it is just that MY type of woman is so very up front and no nonsense and makes her intentions known beforehand LOUD AND CLEAR so there is NO misunderstanting. im NOT a ”nice” guy – im A kind guy with i think just enough ”bad boy” in me to hold my own. but my emotional and sexual desires and needs at times overpower the ”bad boy” part in me that i just break down crying in frustration. a woman would be able to attract me and KEEP me if she would just do what i am suggesting right from the get go.

another thing i wish men / women would do is to completely cut out the mind games – because my mind got f*** up from an ex who did that s*** to me. it f***** me up so bad that i have issues when it comes to trusting women as whole. if they would also cut out the mind games as well as do what i suggested it would make it MUCH EASIER for me to trust women and for me to fall in love with them(as a kind guy – NOT as a clingy nice guy or as bad boy), and it would make it MUCH EASIER for them to fall in love with me and get into my pants. 😈 :mrgreen:

also – for both sexes to do TOTAL TRUTH – NO LYING – NO DECEPTION – would also make it easier for dating, falling in love, and getting into each others pants

there are things i have issues with when it comes to women –

1) my beef with women in general is they place way too much importance on the size of the d!ck and not enough on the person the d*** is attached to. what i am saying is – d*** size does NOT matter – the person who it is attached to matters more than the size of the d***. i personally would NOT like to be with a with a woman who ”loves” me just for my d*** alone – i would like her to love ALL of me – ALL OF ME

2) i have heard of situations of when western women mock, tease, and make fun of men just because the size of their d*** does not measure up their likings. that is just plain mean and cruel and is the same thing as cutting the mans balls off. i give part of the blame to the media and pop culture that blasts through ”bigger is better” and if that does not demoralize and humiliate men, and cause problems with their self confidence/self esteem, i do not know what does. and i give part of the blame to women themselves, because IF they were in a bad relationship with a male with a too big(or too small d*** – which ever the case may be) and they carry it on the next boyfriend and then take it out on him if she does not get off, and for listening to their girlfriends when they say ”size matters” which can screw up a good thing if she listens to her girlfriends. the new man in her life did not do a thing to deserve the abuse. sex + lovemaking should be about the mutual sharing of love and emotions – and not if he has a big d*** or not – OR – if she shaves down there or not. that is just superficial and on the surface and the person inside is more important than the surface details.

3) women (and most men – there are exceptions though) – only care about how much money the partner has in the bank, his/her possessions, and the size of his d***. if they would just skip right past the materialistic things and be more interested in the person inside – the relationship would have more meaning and more love in it. to be mainly interested in the materialistic things is just plain shallow and superficial.

oh – by the way – i have a couple neuro-psychological conditions right in my brain that CANNOT be fixed – and to me it also seems like women can SMELL the wonky wiring in my brain and avoid me like plague because of it. it also seems like i have bad genes to pass on and they think/feel any kids we may have will be defective too. defective kids need care and loving from both parents too. by the way 90% of the unborn babies that got diagnosed with downs syndrome get aborted. that is NOT right. they deserve to live and get loved too. when the mother aborts the special needs baby – that just says she will ONLY love the baby IF it is perfect with NO defects.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Richard, in your other comment you said you have Asperger Syndrome. That changes a lot of my understanding with what you said! While I cannot understand what you go through, my knowledge about the syndrome is you struggle in situations involving emotions because hidden messages are communicated through that channel. Your brain means you cannot easily understand these messages like most people.

I could tell you were hurt by an ex. It really sucks to go through that stuff. You have a lot of resentment and anger against women. Understand that what she did to you is DIFFERENT to mixed messages and attractive games. Women, like men, sometimes struggle to break up with someone so they don’t follow up on their promises. They lie to avoid the pain of telling the truth.

Total truth is important. For you, it sounds like a high value. However, are you ready for some tough love? You cannot expect both sexes to not lie. You cannot expect women to cut out mind games. Dating may become easier, but I suggest you stop blaming the opposite sex. This is BIG for you. Take responsibility for your life. Read the start of the article, it speaks directly to you (except as a male).

It’s your responsibility as an authentic person to set boundaries in your life. If a woman blatantly deceives, then call her out on it and say what you expect. (My request relating to this for you is to please stop swearing in your comments because this is a public place for learning.) From my experience, most women will be authentic if they have a man that is authentic.

Yes, some women like men will lie. Yes, some women like men are superficial. You don’t want these women so it DOESN’T matter. Life isn’t fair, but it’s rewarding.

Any man or woman that has a “beef” with the opposite sex cries out emotional baggage. You will forever struggle to understand and connect with someone – even if you love them – because your “beef”, which is a limiting belief, is guaranteed to prove itself true in some way or another. The moment you recognize a situation that slightly validates your belief, you’ll instantly resort to your generalizations and anger towards women.

I’ve removed some of your comments Richard. Please keep the discussion related to the article, what men what in women.

richard ludwig

im sorry for the foul language. ill tell you how she hurt me. my ex and i were both geeks. we known each other for a better part of 2.75-3 years. i was physically, emotionally and very sexually attracted to her not for her body – but for her BRAIN. see, she and i can both repair, upgrade, tear down and build pcs. but she had a skill i DO NOT have – she is able to make www sites. we loved each other very much. then she kept on making www creation demands of me for a skill i do not have, and i was trying as best as i could from books and referencing to www sites. no matter what i did to help was not good enough and she griped at me for it. then the mind games started and i did not realize they were mind games. then in april of this year, she said ”you never really loved me, you never really wanted to be with me, i wish you never were even born” then she kicked me to the curb. i still cry to this day from the head games she played on me.

and with my brain being not able to understand the ”messages” – that is why it would be so much easier for an NT(Neurological Typical) woman to just cut the manure and get right down to the point when it comes to dating. plus, when it comes to dating, it is EASIER for me to date a female aspie (person with aspergers syndrome) or a female autie (person with autism). add epilepsy to the mix, and that would be ideal for me because she would be in the same shoes i am in and then she can relate to me and my neurological issues.

another thing about my ex – i kept on reminding her that i also have epilepsy(seizure condition) and she kept on ”forgetting” – and if she keeps on forgetting then how can i count on her to get help when i REALLY NEED IT – I CANNOT!!!!!

i have forgiven my ex for what she did – but the scars are still there.

is what i am looking for in a woman impossible?


Hey Richard: I don’t think what you ask in a woman is impossible to find,because there’s so many people, sooo different that I’m sure there are all imaginable kinds of people in this world (unless you really NEED the woman to be aspie/epileptic). BUT it will be very hard to find, that kind of honesty is not too important for people these days. I don’t think the perfect woman has to necessarily be “in your shoes”, remember opposites sometimes complement each other, people don’t have to have the same interests/personality/qualities. The important thing is finding a woman who loves you and respects you for who you are. But you won’t love her and respect her for who she is if you expect her to be like you. It’s also important not to confuse mind games with innocent flirting, where you hide certain things or use some “irony” to show you actually care or like the person. A woman knowing your situation shouldn’t do this though,but it’s your responsibility to explain your feelings to the woman and your past experiences. Woman don’t find this unattractive as men do.

When it comes to the truth, I think exactly like you….I don’t mind some humor, irony, mystery…but if I say “serious now, tell me the truth” I like, well the truth, lies have no place in a relationship. I’d rather listen to an awful truth…it will hurt, but never as much as a lie.


Thanks for the article.
I’m in a long-term relationship, it sure sheds some light on why sometimes my partner and i are super close and other times we are on the brink of breaking up.
I will make sure the qualities of attraction between us are treated with importance.

And Richard, as a fellow aspie I would like to say sorry you were hurt *hugs* and that there are non-superficial, non-materialistic and honest people out there. And some of them are female 😛

P.S I’ve heard that our(aspie) constant honesty is as hurtful as their(NT) occasional lies and mind games.

richard ludwig


i would like to express my thanks to you both for your encourgement and kindness :X (yahoo emote meaning affection).

nat – if you are anyplace near asheville, nc – would you consider a ”hook-up”? because i heard it is easier for 2 aspies to click 😛


Thank you Richard! and you are welcome anytime 🙂 I hope you find the right person for you :X hugs!


I loved this article! great job!

richard ludwig


ok – ill comply. ive said my piece.

a couple other things i find VERY desirable in women is besides for total, complete honesty, is intelligence(i cannot stand a bubblebrain), an open mind when it comes to other people not fitting the mold set by society and the media, and openness to dating the disabled(as well as a LTR and possible marriage – i would prefer marriage over an LTR). OH – 1 more thing – to be emotionally and sexually faithful(that goes w/o question – because i am quite capable of expressing LOVE – it just takes the right one).

i also find women who do not gossip attractive – as well as those who can zip her lip after lovemaking so they do not tell the whole world about it.


I agree…and discretion is not only attractive to potential male partners but also for people in general


Wow, I like this article even more now i have read “what women want in men”. Women are so confusing!!!I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that. 🙂

And thanks Richard.
And I am so pleased that someone has actually listed aspie qualities under the topic “what men want in women”!!!
It has totally made my day and I will have to remember this in the future when I’m feeling like a freak 😀 I live in Australia BTW.

Oh, and if you really have your heart set on aspie traits and values, I saw a website ‘aspieaffection’ (there was a link on wrongplanet) Its for people wanting to meet other aspies for relationships/ friendships etc. I’m not sure if its any good, I just thought I’d pass on the info.

richard ludwig

i checked out already – it costs $$ to join (and i am on a VERY LIMITED income – i have to make every $ go as far as i can) – and the women on it(for the free ”taste”) are way too far out of my reach. i tried eharmony once and they cannot match me up, neither can or yahoo personals. i guess then untill the rest of the world gets their head out of their toushe – i’m probably gonna be doomed to celibacy. who knows.

there is a reason WHY i find aspie/epilepsy desirable in a significant other, IF she has the 2 conditions as well, then we can count on each other if more help is needed than the other can handle(like if she is having one heck of a seizure and it is more than what i can handle with common sense epilepsy first aid), and we would be able to RELATE and UNDERSTAND each other because there would be no need to go into details(like there would be with an NT) since we both understand each others neuro/psychological issues. other than that – she can have her own interests that i would very willingly encourage her to pursue an active part in, and i would also be willing to participate in as well(just so i can experience something different).

another reason why i find a woman with the aspie trait very desirable is because aspies not only do NOT lie, but also because they are also very loyal&faithful(the only one she would make love to is her own partner), and the breakup/divorce rate with the aspie/autie group is less than 0% – when with NT it is at least 80-85%. you do the math sweetheart. it is all about stability also.


Don’t give up yet! you’ll find someone…:)

richard ludwig

Josh, i have a bit of a question: why should a person (male/female) be void of insecurities? i ask this because we ALL have them in one for or another – ALL OF US., to get rid of them or to hide them seems ever so very fake.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

The answer is in the article. A insecure person needs approval and has low self-esteem.

No, not everyone is insecure. Security means safety, while insecurity is the opposite. An insecurity can mean you feel anxious and become uncomfortable when “exposed”. A secure person feels comfortable with oneself.

Your comments boils down to self-improvement being fake. What deviates from your current self is NOT fake. You are creating a better self.

Revealing an inner vulnerability is extremely attractive. I wrote a report for Big Talkers called Seduction Secrets that teaches people to win friends by becoming vulnerable. If you look at the definition of insecurity, you’ll see that becoming vulnerable can take the power away from an insecurity.

Sydney Girl

This website is great. My first impression of you Tower was when I watched you talk on a video a few months back and not thinking much except perhaps unsubscribe (then my life foundations got completed rooted). However, after reading several articles written by you and reading the responses to such comments, I can see you are not just a self development leader but also someone who is very knowledgable of our deep and personal psychology. It’s everything a curious person like me wants all in one spot.

You have something very special happening here. I highly suggest you approach someone like the Dept of Education and promote your course through our school curriculum.

As an Aussie, I’m so proud. I know I’ll see you on a major talk back show in the states in the near future. Unless of course, I get my own talk back show here in Australia by then, then I’ll be calling you personally.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Hey Sydney Girl,

Great to hear you’re a curious person. Hold onto that trait!

Thank you for your encouraging words and suggestion. I’ve done very little work with children, though it does interest me in the future. My mum is a teacher so her students get a few emotional intelligence tips 🙂

I was close to doing something with Today Tonight here in Australia three weeks ago, but that fell through. Awaiting your call 😉 If that’s your dream, chase it with a passion. Now, I’m sounding like a self development leader!


Do we assume that “sexual-tension” or sexual-chemistry as some like to call it comes from flirting? Tracey Cox’s says flirting can make one irresistible to the opposite sex. please comment

[…] Compare talking with your friends to talking with a guy you like. You can talk about a million subjects with a guy you like, but you say nothing because you worry about him liking you or making a fool of yourself. This is negative thinking and it chokes your ability to talk. You don’t think like this around friends. It is important to sort out these inner game issues that prevent you from starting a conversation so you become the woman men want. […]

[…] ebook is designed to help you attract men even if you’re not beautiful. Men want women in the long-term who give them pleasurable feelings associated with non-physical attraction. Catch […]