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What Women Want in Men

There are physical looks, personality traits, and general characteristics most women want in a man. The problem with this historical debate is the discussions focus on what women want in one of short-term relationships, friends, physical traits, marriage, or attraction. The answers in this clear guide reveal once and for all what women want in all these areas.

For men, this means you can cultivate and maintain happy friendships and intimate relationships with women. If you are already in a relationship, this is what your woman wish you already knew. Anytime you can get a woman feeling attraction, whether it be over the phone, in a business deal, or placing an order at a restaurant, you will get more out of the situation – not necessarily at the expense of her.

If you are a woman, the mysteries revealed could mean many things. You will gain a clearer understanding of what drives you as a woman in your relationships, why past relationships have failed, and even how to select a real, authentic man that is Mr Right.

3 Sources That Trick You to Believe What Women Want

I’ve read dozens of books, subscribed to attraction newsletters, talked to attraction experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to create a set of complete, holistic characteristics women want in men. In my search, I came across my first dilemma: experts gave contradictory advice – more so in the diverse stages of a relationship.

At the start of a relationship, dating experts attempt to describe what women want. There are pick-up artists and attraction experts that tell men to neg (a gentle, teasing insult), take advantage of a woman’s insecurities, and advance the relationship as fast as possible. Such people praise themselves as pioneers in defining what women want, but in reality nearly all of them cannot keep a long-term relationship. They excuse themselves as having the power to be selective, instead of dating and keeping any woman that comes their way, though their denial is a facade for deficiencies in their personality.

…long-term relationship advisers transform men into sensitive, new age, wuss-bag, girly men.

At the later stages of relationships are marriage experts, psychologists, romanticists, and communication trainers that teach men to listen to women. According to such experts, women want to be heard, understood, and made to feel special. These teachers do not tell you the skills and personality characteristics that create animalistic urges in women because the principles are counter-intuitive to “good relationship communication”. Pick-up artists and those that teach men how to succeed in dating, bash marriage trainers and the like over their teachings because the dating coaches feel long-term relationship advice transform men into sensitive, new age, wuss-bag, girly men – and I agree… to an extent.

Most men that learn communication skills from me fall into the trap of applying interpersonal relationship advice at the start of a relationship. It is not so much what they do as it is how they do it. The men become needy, have low self-esteem, and fail to communicate strength. Women don’t want to feel understood, listened to, worried about, and comforted at the early stages of a relationship – such “nice boy” characteristics send them running. Women want to feel indescribable urges that arise from bad boy qualities.

Culture and society creates the second dilemma: society infuses disempowering beliefs and limiting norms into men. I don’t blame guys for their limiting beliefs about what women want, but I do blame them for holding onto the beliefs when the truth is revealed. We are lead to believe women only want tall, handsome, wealthy men. Such advice drives men to feel insecure about themselves then validates their initial belief. They may get rejected on an approach, dumped by a girlfriend, or divorced from a long-term relationship, and reason through their perceptual filters that their shortness, ugly looks, or poor wealth did it to them.

If most experts and society don’t know what women want, surely women know? What better way to get the answer, then from the source itself, right? No. Most women don’t even know what they want – and therein lies the third and last dilemma.

Women preach to guys the characteristics they feel attracted to. They reason, “I’m a woman so I know what I and other women want.” This causes confusion.

Malcolm Gladwell in Blink says attraction is one topic of many when our rapid judgments and feelings are unconsciously processed. When our conscious, analytical mind enters the fray, errors occur. Gladwell says we label what we think attracts us to what really attracts us. Few people are aware of what lurks beneath the conscious mind. We succumb to personal qualities that leave us feeling out of control and bewildered.

If these three sources of information create dilemmas in defining what women want in men, what is the source of truth? What I’m going to teach will probably shock you, but put your preconceived notions about this topic aside so you can learn. “Empty your cup” as Bruce Lee would say.

Why Women Are Confusing

Women say one thing and mean another thing. A woman says she wants you to spend more time with her, but according to David Deida, author of The Way of The Superior Man, if you give her that in certain circumstances, your compliance disappoints her. If a woman sees she can upset you by calling you ugly, she will weed you out of being a potential mate – not because of your looks, but because your weak self-esteem let her easily destroy you.

When women say what they want, it isn’t really what they want – it’s an attempt to rationalize something abstract to them.

When women say what they want, it isn’t really what they want – it’s an attempt to rationalize something abstract to them. The surface is not a description of the depths. Attraction is a confusing subject to intellectually understand and experience. Often guys and women cannot explain why they are attracted to someone because attraction isn’t a logical decision (“I keep dating the wrong type of person”). Attraction isn’t decided. Attraction certainly isn’t a choice.

Women say they want nice guys, so men be nice, but a woman does not make the logical decision to be with a guy because he is nice to her with compliments, presents, and gifts. Both genders make emotional decisions on their relationships. If a man compliments a lady, gives her gifts, buys her flowers, and earns her affection, the techniques may work for a while, but he is just being used. Such behaviors are fake, manipulative, needy, and undesirable.

Another confusing characteristic men adapt that women say they want is humor, one of the most universally attractive qualities women want in men. Being funny is not the whole story. A good sense of humor isn’t what they entirely want. Women aren’t crawling over comedians. What they want is a guy who is cocky, has a sense of humor, can tease, and doesn’t constantly degrade himself. Unstoppable confidence combined with humor attracts nearly every woman – even the psychotic type so be careful. (Here’s a good guide on humor to attract women.)

Do Physical Looks Matter?

One of the strongest beliefs I need to destroy is that women must have a physically attractive man. Society overemphasizes physical appearance as it pries off male insecurities. Physical attractiveness in women is important for men, but guys get into relationship-trouble projecting their desires onto women.

A guy’s attractiveness towards women comes more from his personality than physical looks. I’ve heard countless stories of guys over 40 years old, bald, short, and even over 300 pounds, who date and keep very attractive women. On the contrary, I know plenty of wealthy, young, good looking men who initially attract a woman, but they don’t keep her because these guys do not have the complete package described to you in this article.

Physical looks grabs a woman’s initial interest, but it fails to maintain any strong relationship. (Remember, this a holistic approach to what women want in men.) If that’s the case, why do tall, good looking, rich guys attract and keep beautiful women? Such men have other characteristics that attract women. They emit confidence, are challenging, and show other alpha male qualities.

If you still do not believe a man’s personality, communication, and other non-physical aspects attract women more powerfully than tangibles, you are a “theorist”. You theorize on what you think works and does not work based on limiting beliefs. Put your limiting beliefs aside to discover the truth.

How you communicate to a lady, and not your physical looks, determines how attracted she is to you in the short-term and long-term. Non-physical qualities are more important in the long-run because they determine the condition of a relationship.

How you communicate to a lady, and not your physical looks, determines how attracted she is to you in the short-term and long-term.

Of course, there are women who only accept a man based on his looks. These women probably make up 2% of females. Don’t worry about these few women! In fact, avoid them like the plague! Their shallow personality is created from low self-esteem and other self-related problems that make them a pain to be around.

Though the characteristics described throughout this article is attractive to even shallow woman, do not avoid such women because they may dislike you. Avoid superficial people because they are unhealthy to be around. If a potential partner adds no value to your life, and you only want them because they are attractive, then you are the one with a shallow personality seeking to cover a void only you can fill.

With that said, the importance of a guy’s looks for a woman is more about looking good rather than being good looking. Women get repelled by a man’s looks when he has poor hygiene, awful attire, and annoying nervous habits. These negative physical qualities hold any man back from success with women.

Rather than worry aimlessly over your looks, focus on looking good. Firstly, to make better use of your looks, get some good clothes. Ask your friends what they think you could change to improve your physical attractiveness. Even better, ask a female friend what she thinks you could change. Most women will be more than happy to fix you up. If price worries you, good clothes need not be expensive. You can jump on eBay and search Google for online clothing stores to pick up bargains.

Oral hygiene is another physical aspect that must work for you instead of against you. Brush your teeth in the morning and night. Remember to brush the roof of your mouth and tongue to remove bacteria that makes your breathe smell like an unemptied disposal unit. Floss at least once a week to remove food stuck in between your teeth. Furthermore, you can rinse your mouth regularly with water, gargle salt water, and use a mouth rinse. Do what you can to prevent the build up of bacteria that creates smelly breath.

Another physical quality any guy can improve to become more desirable to women is his health. I encourage you to workout at the gym at least three times a week to improve your strength and aerobic fitness. Hit the weights and do cardiovascular workouts to improve your vitality. The sessions will develop your endurance throughout the day, better your happiness, improve self-perceptions, and help you maintain an energetic personality.

Working out gives you psychological benefits beyond characteristics favored by women. You can overcome personal insecurities and live a happier life with regular workouts. You will emit confidence, dominance, boost your self-esteem, and improve your wellbeing – all characteristics women desperately want in a man. Anything that improves your life makes you more desirable to women.

Why Women Hate Nice Guys

Women do not want what attraction expert David DeAngelo terms a “wussy” or “nice guy”. A wussy is an omega male. He is not confident, has no power, and is too compensatory with women. He is dominated by females and other males.

A high percentage of males are wussies because society conditions everyone to be nice to strangers. It is an area where most communication coaches fail. Good communication is being nice to people, though this doesn’t cut it for the holistic approach we’re after to describe what women want. It is counter-intuitive to traditional communication skills that teach “be nice and people will like you in return”. Many marriages fail because the man stops being a man – he transforms into a nice wussy.

Nice guys are too boring, submissive, easy, predictable, anxious, indecisive, agreeable, clingy, and insecure.

A nice guy runs after women. He is willing to dedicate his life to a woman, forever begging like a puppy for attention. He desperately wants a woman, any woman that gives him the attention to make his lonely life worthwhile. Because he is chasing and crying for approval, he is not being chased and is disproved by women – further hurting his low self-esteem.

The nice guy versus jerk argument of who women like more is confused by what is “nice”. Being a nice guy in the sense that you smile all the time, listen to a woman’s problems, compliment women, and be ultra sensitive to not offend a woman, is not what women want.

Geoffrey Urbaniak and Peter Kilmann, two researchers from the University of South Carolina, in 2006 had 20 women analyze 191 male college student’s answers to a questionnaire designed to measure their niceness. Now, niceness in this study was defined by agreeableness, which brings up this problem of defining a nice guy. “Proponents of the nice guy stereotype argue that women often say they wish to date kind, sensitive men,” write Urbaniak and Kilmann, “but, in reality, still choose to date macho men over nice guys, especially if the macho men are more physically attractive.” The researchers found nice (agreeable) guys had no real advantage in short-term and long-term relationships.

Ask any lady who is frequently approached by guys. She will tell you she hates nice guys because they are too boring, submissive, easy, predictable, anxious, indecisive, agreeable, clingy, and insecure.

A nice guy tries to buy a woman’s attraction instead of creating it through his communication and personality. He cannot keep a woman interested through himself so he does it with gifts and dinners to make her like him. He has the disease to please, suppressing his own needs and emotions in favor of giving women what they say they want. Women are too happy to receive gifts, but only to fulfill material needs. They view such a guy as a provider; not someone they want. A woman’s attraction cannot be brought.

What You Can Learn From Animals

In the animal kingdom, an alpha male is followed by its specie within a given geographical location. It is the dominant animal of the group. An animal that possesses an alpha status breeds abundantly.

An alpha animal has responsibilities. Males often try to take down the alpha male. The dominant creature must successfully fight challengers to keep its alpha status otherwise it will become an outcast and possibly die.

In the human world, alpha males get what they want with humor, confidence, composure, and a lack of need for people’s approval without domineering behavior. They overrule fearful males in possession of low self-esteem. While jerks are not very different to nice guys deep down because they are easily intimidated, show insecurity, and put on a false front, nice guys lose out altogether in sucking up to women and collapsing in any situation. Jerks pummel invaders beyond necessary means while nice guys run away scared.

Like the animal kingdom, alpha males are challenged by other males in pursuit of alpha status. Fortunately, death isn’t associated with these challenges. Being challenged can make or break you, however. Women don’t want jerks who try to physically take down any guy that threatens the relationship. (You’ve probably seen these jealous, overprotective boyfriends try to dominate.) A true alpha male can walk-away from ego-headed jerks who pick a fight and come out of the situation stronger than before because of his confidence and humor.

Women don’t necessarily want alpha males, but they do want a man with alpha qualities.

Alpha males are territorial. If a threatening person invades their space, they defend themselves or leave the location. An alpha male is protective. He does not fight to prove his toughness, because he is tough in his own right, but he does protect people he cares for.

A strong male takes lead when a couple goes out to a movie or dinner. He chooses a movie or place to have dinner with his woman’s preference in consideration. He does not say, “I’m happy with whatever you want” or “I don’t care where we go”. He takes control without being controlling.

What I recommend you learn from this is to set a goal of developing alpha male qualities. You don’t need to be the macho leader of a group; rather, work on building qualities seen in alpha males. An alpha male has confidence, strong self-beliefs, and power in the relationships. He is assertive, takes the lead, knows what he wants, and isn’t afraid to get what he wants with integrity and honor. Women don’t necessarily want alpha males, but they do want a man with alpha qualities.

5 More Hidden Qualities Women Love in Men

A man women love gets through any situation. When a situation fights him, he comes out stronger. When a woman treats him poorly, he challenges her thoughts and behaviors to bring out the best in her. He does not require people’s approval. He never degrades his values. Other qualities I feel need emphasis follow:

Leadership and Status. A man’s status to a woman is a woman’s looks to a man. Higher status means the man is more able to obtain the necessary resources for surviving and thriving. The high school quarterback, the company CEO, and manager of a nightclub are positions traditionally attractive to women.

Fortunately, there are situations and skills outside of your career that will increase your status. Become more social. Make friends easier. Learn to speak in public. Make great female and male friends. These are few of the many ways to increase your leadership and status.

Cocky and Funny. The attractive man balances cockiness with humor. He teases women like playful puppies. It may appear serious to outsiders, but participants know its fun and enjoy it. He is confident enough to play with people. Studies show that two people comfortable enough to playfully tease one another share a stronger relationship.

The attractive man balances cockiness with humor.

One example of cocky and funny can be noticing something unusual about a woman then busting her for it. Let’s say a woman is going out to a party you were not invited to and she has a large bag (it doesn’t have to be really large). You can bust on her by smiling and saying, “That bag is huge! Do you have a bomb in there? Are you going to blow up the party? Glad I’m not going *smile*.” This example is funny and shows no need for her approval.

The other day a woman complimented me on how good I looked. (I’m not actually that good looking. It’s just that I was teasing her and the only response she knew to feeling attraction is to be nice). A wuss would have reciprocated the compliment and let the situation fizzle down. I knew this was an opportunity to keep building the tension. I looked at her in a calm manner, said, “Thank you”, and made my eyes trace down her body. I saw her shoes, which were these strappy things with small heels. I then teased her by asking, “Did you make those shoes this morning with strings and some bamboo?” She laughed, loved it, and I loved it. It was confident, appropriate, cocky, and funny.

What Women Don’t Want

You can have a quality or two that women don’t want, but it helps to eliminate many for stronger attraction and happier relationships. Here are 10 qualities quick-fired that women don’t want in men:

  1. Bad hygiene
  2. Thin or overweight
  3. Heavy drinkers and smokers
  4. Unemployed
  5. Lack social intuition
  6. Fake feelings and poor emotional expression
  7. Afraid of people’s emotions
  8. Disease to please
  9. Low confidence and self-esteem
  10. Unaware of his wants

Ambition and Passion. Women want men that know their life purpose. Women want men to passionately pursue their life’s passion no matter what. Even when the woman complains about her man’s passion, deep down she wants him to not succumb to her complaint. A man willing to forgo his life purpose to pursue a woman is not what women want.

Truth. Women, like men, want someone authentic. Incongruent communication and behavior turns off anyone. Avoid dishonesty. Being truthful does not mean you approach a woman you like and tell her, “I want to get to know you because you’re beautiful” (that violates other qualities that women want, though it can work in some situations). It does mean being authentic to people and true to yourself. The truth will come out later regardless of your choice to be truthful so make it a virtue instead of a limitation. Truth and honesty is a core theory of my Big Talk training course that lets you quickly build relationships with anyone. (You can learn about my course so you can effortlessly talk to women – even if you’re scared of them – here.)

Chivalry. Chivalrous behavior defines courteous gestures towards women. It is another confusing topic for men. Chivalry has never been, and never will be, dead. Here are examples of chivalry:

  • Opening doors for women.
  • Walking on the footpath closest to the road.
  • Pulling out a chair for a woman to sit on.
  • Buying a woman dinner – not to impress her or to take her out, but because you are eating there in the first place regardless of her accepting your invitation.

The context of chivalry determines its effectiveness. Chivalry behavior can be negative when the chivalrous man does not take a holistic approach to what women want. Women like chivalrous men when they have other qualities mentioned in this article.

If you ever get confused with what to do, avoid being the desperate nice guy. Keep your power in the relationship. Take the journey of personal development so you become a better person day-by-day. Use all the advice share here and you could even make women attached, needy, and wanting your approval.

Any man can improve his success with women by following the holistic advice. You may not want to attract women in dating, yet qualities women want in men help any relationship, whether it be with a spouse, friend, or business associate. Communicate what women want and they will give you what you want on a silver platter.

(To learn more about women in dating and relationships, I recommend you learn from David DeAngelo. Also check out a follow-up article on what men want in women.)

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Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to


Julius Justice Musimenta

Very good article Josh. I wish men could take up your advice! Indeed women also need to consider these issues. Most women tend to be driven by material needs and demands.Well, love attraction has a complexion of psychological games which need more explaination to complement this article.
Thank you Josh, I will personally take this serously.

Aggrey Nuwamanya

this was a great article, thanx Josh it was a great learning process though brief for me. It left me yearninig for more but I guess that is Joshua’a style of keeping us waiting for the next issue and the next and the next 😆

Thanx Josh


Thanku Josh. U are really a resource person.
I have learnt a lot from this presentation.Hope it will help me to keep the candle burning if I happen to get a partner.
Thank u so much.


Interesting reading… I am in an interesting position of the younger man older woman relationship. I agree with the article about what women want, and yes it would be great if the men could get the balance right. Women call men Jerks when they have been totally selfish and have not given the woman pleasure first. The other thing that men need to be aware of is it can sometimes take a woman years to be honest with herself about getting her wants met and knowing how to ask for them in an honest way. There are lessons in life to learn and once you have learned them I believe you are ready for open and honest love in a committed relationship. So guys and girls, stay away from manipulation. Be caring and honest, and Passion will be yours. B


I am convinced it is THE way to attract a woman to be ALPHA. So whatever response this may generate, do realize I almost fully agree with this article.

Basically I am asking for more appreciation of non-alpha qualities and the way ALPHA-ness can be less valuable in other situations than picking up women. OK this is a VERY long bit but I have read a lot about this material and certain things bother me so I decided to write them down.

1. Other qualities a man should have

You will have to admit that not everyone is a born leader or extravert and will never be such a person completely. Being a leader or extravert is simply something that cannot be learned because it’s so much related to personality. These things are the hardest things to change.

It seems the theory is a bit too harsh towards introverts (such as me) as if they never will get a woman. I believe with a mixture of alpha and other qualities you can get there as well. It is of course important that we come out of our shells, not afraid to speak up and no longer taking ANY ***t from girls, making the first move. Personality is important because women can spot it very quickly, which is why Mystery Method and other ALPHA-related pickup techniques are so successful.

But you can have other things going for you, some of them not even ALPHA: intelligent, successful, good looking, a good listener (not ALPHA), a good mediator (not ALPHA), empathic (not ALPHA), good with children (not ALPHA), very honest (not very ALPHA, he’s the bad boy remember?). The only problem with non-ALPHA qualities is that they are less visible while ALPHA qualities become obvious very quickly. It’s that annoying pop song that get’s played 1000 times a day on the radio that is more likely to become a hit than the much more brilliant but obscure single of that Indie singer-songwriter. So while women could get a much better man, they will settle for the ALPHA male, no matter how much of an asshole he is. Nice, good guys finish last.

2. Long term Relationships and the expiration date of ALPHA-ness

To MAINTAIN a good relationship seems an entirely different ballgame. Women are very picky and choose the best guy for everything. First, the guy with the best sperm, the alpha male. Then, the guy who is the most able to take care of her children (definitely not an alpha, she is now looking for non-alpha qualities). She may will still want romance and sex although children can interfere with that. She might want a 3rd guy for that (because the typical alpha male is a bad boy and will probably be screwing around too, plus being in love wears off).

Pure biology (from Desmond Morris) but it doesn’t sound like a recipe for happiness to me. Ask every woman who has had a relationship with a celebrity/rock star/president etc. Sure they were attractive men, but did they make their women happier? Some women may actually wise up, go against their nature and appreciate non-ALPHAS more. One of the things that I noticed about famous pick up artists such as Mystery, who could pick up 10 women a night, actually how incredibly LONG it took him to finally find the woman of his dreams (IF she still is…).

It will be also become a major problem for a guy, that has learned the alpha way to seduce women, that she eventually will find out his alpha-ness was only there to seduce her and no longer necessary to maintain the relationship. I know you will say “internalize ALPHA-ness so it’s not fake” but it will cost a lot of energy to keep doing so, that energy will run out sooner or later once the relationship is established.

3. A more relaxed look on improving your personality

Rather than being the best ALPHA male it seems to me it’s better to figure out how to be the best YOU, as the unique, strong, confident person everyone can be (Without necessarily having to dominate every crowd). Psychologists such as Marti Laney have written books to help introverted people thrive without having to become all extraverted. Like Shakespeare said, “To Thine Own Self Be True”.

There just seems to be too much emphasis now on “be ALPHA this, be ALPHA that”. Is that the right kind of pressure to put on young men that already suffer from a lot of peer pressure?

4. Biology does not always rule

Both women and men are by nature attracted to questionable or temporal characteristics that don’t truly matter in the long term: dominant behavior and tits and ass respectively. That doesn’t stop all of them from having a brain and resisting to anything nature urges them to do. Do also realize that not every girl is a total knock-out so they’re not all in the luxury position of choosing an ALPHA male of their best liking. Notice dating sites such as Geek2Geek that help geek girls finding geek boyfriends. Not very alpha is it? If any ALPHA male would place an ad there he would be telegraphing he’s not really an ALPHA (otherwise what’s he doing there?). And the girls there don’t look for that type of guy. Actually some girls are a model that want a smart man instead of a leader (I’m sorry I don’t think most of them are very smart, just read an average book about history or politics).


I have done most of what you say is right things to do to attract a woman and yet I have never had a girlfriend and still a virgin, so I think it is about looks, height and looks. I have been told that women only want tall, fit, good looking and financially secure men, also that women go for tall men because the taller the bigger the family jewels. Which is total BS and probably a femi-nazi bs rumor.

I think of suicide at least twice a fortnight and depressed a lot of the time due to what I call the Shallow Womens Syndrome, getting sick of the loneliness. I do not show any negative emotions to women and always am happy go lucky and nice with them yet no Girlfriend, I would estimate I have asked out over 280 women since age of 14 now 34 soon to be 35, and vast majority like to mock when rejecting and comment on me being ugly. I sometimes think what is life without love and its NOTHING. Love and faith is all that matters in life and faith can’t keep you alive for long. I have tried everything available to men to find a woman and nothing! HELP!!!



There is one thing that I notice about your view on life that so obviously reveals your AFC-ness: that you think you NEED a ****ing woman to be happy. That means you do not have enough value of your own and that is not the situation you want to maintain. Who says women always make you happier? Plenty of guys have only been miserable. Because of your attitude alone you will come off as too needy and insecure. If you cannot be happy on your own, a woman will NEVER, EVER be able to make you happy. Work on the foundation (yourself) first, get a nice job that you like, develop interests and hobbies that you can be passionate about. If you have become that cool guy, any woman that says no to you is a fool. Do you want to marry a fool or an intelligent woman? Stop being needy and only approach women that are worthy. Even if you don’t find that woman, you can still be happy because you have made a life for yourself that is fulfilling.

Some kudos already are in place, I admire you for having approached so many women, I should learn from that, get out more and talk to more women. I do have reasonably good looks but my introverted personality has gotten in my way too much. You see every guy has some problems, nothing to worry about because most of them can be overcome. 🙂

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Good comments Dolittle. Every guy should read them.

Jaime, I admire your courage. Nearly any guy would not have done what you’ve accomplished, let a lone be still searching for answers. It’s time to learn and change.

I too believe life without love is nothing. Your not searching for love, however, you’re searching for validation. You’re searching for a reason to live. You cannot be loved when you’re so desperate for acceptance by women. You seem to think that a woman will give you the life you want. While that alone scares away a woman, you’ll destroy any relationship you have when you go in needing love and acceptance. Women don’t fulfill your life.

Look elsewhere for love and fulfillment. Love your family, friends, build a career, get healthy, help people. Doing those things will magnetize women to you because you’ll lift them up instead of dragging them down through neediness. Push on mate.


I agree with it all, because I am who you described. The fact is that it is not flawless and you have to know when to be funny and not to be. I was an alpha male but I knew when to back off and ask for her input on where she wanted to go.

My girl broke up with me last week and it was on emotion and now I met someone else and it turned out to be good for me. What pisses me off is when women have the total package they always think that there is something better no matter what. I know you women are saying no I love my man or my husband but the truth is my friends or I have ###### many of you that say they are so in love and would never cheat. Guys, woman are gullible creatures who buy into what everyone else thinks and do not listen to there emotions. I have not – and will not – ever see a woman put into a certain situation and around the right guy and won’t take advantage.


:mrgreen: I totally agree with everything that was said! It isn’t logical; it’s just fact! If any guy reads this and doesn’t heed this advice, they are just setting themselves up for failure! Couldn’t have said it better myself! Simple, straight to the point, and true! I’ve had many experiences!


Women want a man that is successful just as men want their women to also be successful, but both men and women need to define what is successful. I would say mainly women need to define their term successful. There are so many women that have this requirement list for their men – and SUCCESSFUL always is on the list. Well women define what success means to you!!!

It seems that a lot of women have this illusion of their men being this great success and always bringing home the money. Yes there are tons of men that are successful including myself but at the same time with an economy as bad as it is even the most successful people can be laid off at the snap of a finger. Then when women find that the men have possibly been laid off and wasn’t his fault but they seem to want to put the blame on him and say oh it was his fault he is not successful which is also complete bulls***. Women need to realize that everyone men and women are susceptible to being laid off and not ones fault except the business they worked for.

Also these women that have this big DREAMY vision of their men simply bringing home the money and being this HUGE success is just that a DREAM and these women are the young inexperienced women that have not been in the “real world” and don’t have experience themselves.

Success is not built magically or just over night and poof the man or woman instantly have money. Success takes time, effort, a lot of grit and hard work and also trial and error. So yes everyone wants and has dreams of having lots and tons of MONEY, but it takes a lot of work and effort to do so!!

steven azemia

Thank you very much for this good secret to help us build up a better relationship by discovering the real things that is needed in every relationship between man and woman. All is simply true.

Ferdinand .N.

Thanks very much Josh for the article fortunately i’m still single searching, so i’ve got a great opportunity to utilize the points effectively ie any time i see the right person for now i’ve not seen anybody.

Keep on doing the good job and would be glad to read more.

thanks Josh.


Attraction is not a choice. How to act on it is what is lost. Both genders try to respond to attraction from intellectual interpretations turned into social norms. Just like we try to control anger, fear, joy based on social norms.

Give me a break. We have instinctive imprints in us which predate our intellect. We have emotions which we have no idea what they are, we just feel them. We fall all over the place trying to explain who we are, where we came from or whether our existence has meaning. We are a result of billions of years of evolution. We carry that history with in us, a history we can’t read out loud but one we feel.

Attraction is primal, its basic and is earthshaking. When a silver-back returns from a fight all the females kneel or lower themselves, some groom him, basically submit to him, why, because they feel an earth shattering desire to be around him and submit to his needs. Why do they feel this way, who knows.

When a playful, bold and confident bad boy invades a girl’s personal space and looks her straight into her eyes, she feels a spine shattering adrenaline rush that takes her breath away. Why is that, who the hell knows.

One thing I know why we exits is to multiply. That is it.

Men create friendships, gangs, colonies and nations and herd women in it. Within these we create laws and social norms that makes sure breeding is insured.

There is nothing men don’t do to breed. The struggle between alpha and beta males resulted in religions, in political and economic classes. Everything that is there in human societies today is a result of the effort to breed.

Unfortunately we are lost in all of these. We are too taken by the technicalities and lost site of our purpose. We teach our children to be good in school while telling them to act on their sexuality is a BIG NO NO. Most of us are disgusted with the idea of sex and sexuality we can’t even talk to our children about it, we are too EMBARRASSED. I encourage anyone with nerves to go watch the “bonobo chimps” in the Congo. They are the real us without all this intellectual baggage we carry.


About six months ago, I was single. Like many single males, I was tired of being single and was ready to attract new love after having two failed long term relationships during my college years. I dated many girls but none of them worked out.

I found this article and was ready to try out these ideas. In addition to these techniques, I decided to take it a step further by believing that I will find someone. I remained as positive as I could, prayed, and always kept a mental image of the mate I wanted. That mental image consisted of looks, personality, and family. I also set a date a three months into the future of when I wanted this person to arrive in my life. I had complete confidence that this person was going to arrive.

I actually met someone a month later! I believe one of the techniques that worked best was to be cocky in a funny way. Use light hearted jokes… but always say a “just kidding after with a laugh”. Don’t be a jerk. If you have tried this and time is going by and still no one, remind yourself of these concepts. I tend to forget and go back to my old nice guys, ways all the time. I jump back to this article to keep me staying confident. Thanks for this article.

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

I was updating the article when I read your comment. Very rare to hear someone execute a plan they learned. I tip my hat to you sir.


So I agree that guys who are too nice are being manipulative and needy. HOWEVER, guys who give backhanded complements are emotionally abusing. BE CAREFUL guys when you read this and do not take it out of context.

Being cocky does not mean being mean. A woman cares what her man thinks so if you try to deflate her self esteem, you will be emotionally abusing her. Make sure she knows you think she is beautiful first and foremost and that you support and celebrate her. She will do the same for you.

Alpha qualities are great but when you are so stoic and distant that you act like she doesn’t even exist you are creating distance not intimacy. It’s all about balance.

We want a guy who knows how to fix things and to know how to be sensitive to our feelings but not overwhelm us with your neediness. We want to know you want us in your life.

Cocky no, dry sarcasm maybe but mean never. remember that. Great relationships are about supporting and celebrating each other too.

Michael Charway

Hi Josh, I am sooo impressed with your articles. Sometimes I wonder how you do it. I must say that I have been reading your articles and many others before I got married to my wife. The truth is that apart from the Bible, your articles are arguable some of the most useful tools to communication.


😀 Josh it was nice article. I hope you will personally notice my reply and that you will send me reply. I am really impressed brother with you’re atypical and simple words which gives motivation – words like conquer and pioneer. These words give motivation to rebuild confidence systematically.

Do Physical Looks Matter and What Women Really Want in Men |

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Mr. Uebergang obviously did not read the article by Urbaniak and Kilmann that he cites, as the details he gives are simply wrong and the conclusions he draws from it are really not reflective of that paper…I suggest that he actually read it before citing it.


I too, have had many experiences, and I’m sorry, but everything that was mentioned in this article is preconcieved…I swear, people will do and say anything! The truth is, if you just RELAX, be yourself, feel comfortable in your OWN skin,and not go to war with everthing/everybody, then women will feel comfortable around you…be yourself, NOT an illusionist!

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[…] The workshop teases Style into the whole pick-up subject as he commits to getting this part of his life solved. He becomes sick of not talking to women then sets out on a journey to become ultra successful with women. After learning from the many greats like his best friend Mystery, attending seminars, reading lots of books on related topics, and practicing then failing, Style soon becomes one of the world’s best at picking-up women. He finally discovers what women want in men. […]