What Men Want in Women
What Men Don’t Want in Women
It helps to become the woman men want by defining what men don’t want. Though the list can potentially total hundreds of qualities, here are the most important traits to monitor and avoid in your behavior that emotionally and intellectually unattractive women fail to understand:
Do not make him your world. Contrary to what floats around in musical lyrics, a man you just met doesn’t want you to do anything anytime for him. Seriously, get a life. Find passions that take up your time. A woman with passion is more seductive than one with few interests outside the relationship.
Do not regress to the past. Avoid raving on about bad ex-boyfriends or bad situations you’ve had with the man you’re talking with. Do not bring up the topic about him not asking you out to dinner one month ago. Such issues hint at emotional baggage that weighs down a relationship. Work through a situation as soon as possible or move on girl! Live in the present moment.
Do not bury what you want or feel. Similar to the point above, this second piece of advice to avoid is a killer because of resentment. Don’t say you’re fine with him playing 18 holes of golf Sunday afternoon if you’ll hate him for it. Express what you want or feel without attachment to an outcome. Always take into account how your communication could be received. An open, honest feminine energy is attractive!
Do not criticize. Men generally do not like to be told or criticized on what to do. No matter who you criticize, it is poor communication. Guys like to figure out what’s good or follow what feels right. There are ways to tell him what you want or need without complaining. Say what you like. Drop in a few tips. He’ll feel he figured you out himself. You can learn more about criticism and other communication barriers that kill relationships in my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program.
Do not bitch about other women or anything for that matter. Complaints bring a negative energy into the conversation. If he experiences negative energy around you, he’ll stop wanting to be with you. Habitual whining also makes you look insecure and powerless. Practice talking positively about everyone and everything.
Do not be a drama queen. Did a customer make you go head over heels at work and leave without saying thanks? Did a friend say something that upset you? Did your car breakdown this week? Never turn a simple problem or everyday occurrence into a plot fit for a drama movie. Carter advises you to share what happened, but free it from emotional exaggeration that annoys men. If you cannot solve a simple problem at work, how do you think he feels towards you handling an inevitable relationship problem?
10 Universal Characteristics Men Want in Women
If you follow the advice shared so far, you’ll be ahead of many women. Here are the top 10 additional traits men desire in women to make you the ultimate fantasy girl:
1. Sense of humor. Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait both men and women want. Make a man laugh and you’ll make him feel great! A good sense of humor means you make people chuckle and enjoy a chuckle yourself. To be funnier, notice that most conversational humor has nothing to do with jokes. Observe what people laugh at then model their success. Also check out Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer.
2. Adventurous. Men come to love women who they share time with doing activities. You can feel deeply connected to a guy or girl after intimate conversation. A guy will almost feel the same way with you after a fun, thrilling, even atypical activity. Explore the world!
3. Passionate. What are you passionate about? Passions make you feel great, which makes others feel great. A passion also lets a man know you have other areas of interest – a very attractive trait for great men. Guys, similar to women, don’t want to feel they are everything to their partner.
4. In control. Carter says men want a woman in control of her emotions, conversations, and other situations. This doesn’t mean a woman must repress her inner world or dictate everything – both are unhealthy. Seductive control is an assertive influence over one’s inner and outer worlds. A seductively in control woman takes responsibility for what occurs around her. If she has a need, she expresses it to get it met. If she doesn’t know anyone at a party, she’s in control of her socializing and starts conversations. If someone breaches her boundaries, she says so.
5. Seeks personal growth. Get your life together. Hate your parents? Learn how to heal that relationship. Dread your job? Find work you love. Over-weight? Make exercise and healthy eating parts of your lifestyle. Do drugs? Discover how to quit. Each improvement in your life automatically boosts your attractiveness to quality men you want. Have an attractive life of your own.
6. Selective. A woman who takes any man that comes her way has low value. Make it known what you do not want in a man. Make it known what you love in a man. Let these be your boundaries. It may appear you are decreasing your chances of finding good men, but a decent man is attracted by a woman who carefully selects the men she dates.
7. Playful. I think many women have playfulness at heart, but not all are proactive about it. Maintain a playful attitude, instead of waiting for a guy to be playful with you. An attractive woman talks about many topics, jokes, and shows normal, relaxed behavior. To build your playfulness further, blend a little bitchiness with humor. Think of puppies fighting. It may look serious on the outside, but there’s a caring, fun energy exchanged.
Extra Traits of an Attractive Woman
- Do little things without expectation of receiving to show you care.
- Don’t put up with his secondary behavior or anyone else’s. He’ll respect you for it and you’ll be happier. Men want to feel their best around women.
- Be his best wing woman. Make him look good in front of his friends and boss.
- You may be a head-turner, but your gray matter keeps men interested.
- Be relaxed and you’ll make others more relaxed.
- Need help from him? Find non-controlling ways to get help.
8. Unpredictable. I definitely do not mean drama! Men hate drama. Unpredictability involves various actions and words often contradictory to the past that create intrigue. Go for a spontaneous country drive. Kiss then end it quickly. Aggressively want him then show distance. Become a little mysterious. Boredom kills human interest.
9. Good body language. Physical attractiveness is enhanced through better nonverbal communication. I love a woman who understands her posture, curves, and gestures! Patty Contenta is a former dancer and great body language teacher who shows women how to use their body with class to be attractive. Her techniques are simple, practical, and take seconds to learn. I highly recommend her book Sensuality Secrets to improve your feminine body language.
10. Void of insecurities. Nothing turns a man off faster than an insecurity according to Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction. Severe insecurities like indecisiveness, bitchiness over attractive women and past boyfriends, feelings of inferiority, and poor belief in one’s seductiveness is the kryptonite of attraction. Insecurities originate from low self-esteem, a massive indication of low status. Show confidence in what you want with authoritative actions. Never second guess yourself. This is when aggression attracts men.
It is unnecessary to become everything taught in this article. Think of the outline given as the personification of traits to build in your life. The more you take on, the more your seductive prowess grows. Follow this advice that few women know and you’ll be a woman men want.
(Here’s three resources to further help you. I have a popular article on what women want in men, which spurred me to write what men want in women. Secondly, I’ve reviewed a book called Catch Him and Keep Him mentioned in this article that’s great for women who want to attract and keep Mr Right. Lastly, I recommend you also get Patty Contenta’s Sensuality Secrets.)
Click the next page number to continue reading: 1 2 3
About the Author
Did this Article Interest You?
1) Tell friends, coworkers, and family about it by clicking a share button in the gray-colored box below. 2) Reprint or quote the article under the conditions described here. 3) If you're not signed up to the Tower of Power (ToP) newsletter, get your free trail-subscription to receive more great articles and advice. Simply enter your name and email below to sign up now:
Update: What Christmas present did you get for yourself? You can tell me ;-) None for me this year.
Hey Tower of power, your work is so good to read since it teaches you about men and women and how to build a relationship. Big up man, excellent. I will keep in touch with you, let me say thanks a lot. God bless you
From your friend
Ezekiel Boaz
Your views are only on man and woman as sexual partners. There can be other relations as mother, sister, friend, coworker, etc. Attraction to one other need not and evidently not as per your article. I think a man’s attraction to a woman is much beyond sexual attraction when in other facets of life.
Yes and no. The article helps women find and keep a great guy. It has very little to do with being sexual. The best relationships I and many attraction experts have seen delay sex.
Did you read the article B.? Right from the start I said physical attraction is only one part so we’re on the same page there – though sexual attraction is different to physical attraction.
as far as i am concerned – david d’angelo is so full of s*** that he should really run for obama’s job. if men and women would just cut the shit and get right down to brass tacks and the points – and STOP with the body language – and STOP with saying one thing when he / she means the complete opposite (i.e. – his / her mouth says ” yea – ill go out on a date with you” and his / her brain is really thinking ”i think ill stand him up instead and just not tell him or call him”). if BOTH sexes would just cut the s*** and get right down to the point and tell what they are REALLY THINKING – then dating would be so much easier and the world would be a much better place.
I generally agree with you Richard. Believe it or not, David teaches the same thing now. Get his Man Transformation program. It’s all about authenticity. He is evolving beyond techniques and tricks.
To say someone should stop with the body language and stop saying one thing and doing another is dangerous advice. Try cutting off your body language now. You cannot do it. Body language is part of an inevitable communication process. The question becomes, is your body language attractive?
As for the mixed messages, here’s a thought to remember: uncertainty, mystery, and some games (I said SOME) is part of an exciting relationship process. To say it’s deceptive or immature usually signals past pain because you or someone you know has been hurt by an unhealthy mixed message.
I agree the example you used is deceptive, but it many cases it’s effective. Guys or girls then think endlessly about the person. “Does he like me or not?” I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do, but good mixed messages like playfully saying, “You’re a pain to be around with” when you smile in delight is good.
I’d be more worried about a woman who thinks she can skip playful banter and be unpredictable because she thinks it’s a stupid game. This is the woman I would not feel great around, which is what it comes down to. Individuals may disagree. Men want to feel great around a woman – how this happens depends on the man and woman.
it is just that MY type of woman is so very up front and no nonsense and makes her intentions known beforehand LOUD AND CLEAR so there is NO misunderstanting. im NOT a ”nice” guy – im A kind guy with i think just enough ”bad boy” in me to hold my own. but my emotional and sexual desires and needs at times overpower the ”bad boy” part in me that i just break down crying in frustration. a woman would be able to attract me and KEEP me if she would just do what i am suggesting right from the get go.
another thing i wish men / women would do is to completely cut out the mind games – because my mind got f*** up from an ex who did that s*** to me. it f***** me up so bad that i have issues when it comes to trusting women as whole. if they would also cut out the mind games as well as do what i suggested it would make it MUCH EASIER for me to trust women and for me to fall in love with them(as a kind guy – NOT as a clingy nice guy or as bad boy), and it would make it MUCH EASIER for them to fall in love with me and get into my pants.
also – for both sexes to do TOTAL TRUTH – NO LYING – NO DECEPTION – would also make it easier for dating, falling in love, and getting into each others pants
there are things i have issues with when it comes to women -
1) my beef with women in general is they place way too much importance on the size of the d!ck and not enough on the person the d*** is attached to. what i am saying is – d*** size does NOT matter – the person who it is attached to matters more than the size of the d***. i personally would NOT like to be with a with a woman who ”loves” me just for my d*** alone – i would like her to love ALL of me – ALL OF ME
2) i have heard of situations of when western women mock, tease, and make fun of men just because the size of their d*** does not measure up their likings. that is just plain mean and cruel and is the same thing as cutting the mans balls off. i give part of the blame to the media and pop culture that blasts through ”bigger is better” and if that does not demoralize and humiliate men, and cause problems with their self confidence/self esteem, i do not know what does. and i give part of the blame to women themselves, because IF they were in a bad relationship with a male with a too big(or too small d*** – which ever the case may be) and they carry it on the next boyfriend and then take it out on him if she does not get off, and for listening to their girlfriends when they say ”size matters” which can screw up a good thing if she listens to her girlfriends. the new man in her life did not do a thing to deserve the abuse. sex + lovemaking should be about the mutual sharing of love and emotions – and not if he has a big d*** or not – OR – if she shaves down there or not. that is just superficial and on the surface and the person inside is more important than the surface details.
3) women (and most men – there are exceptions though) – only care about how much money the partner has in the bank, his/her possessions, and the size of his d***. if they would just skip right past the materialistic things and be more interested in the person inside – the relationship would have more meaning and more love in it. to be mainly interested in the materialistic things is just plain shallow and superficial.
oh – by the way – i have a couple neuro-psychological conditions right in my brain that CANNOT be fixed – and to me it also seems like women can SMELL the wonky wiring in my brain and avoid me like plague because of it. it also seems like i have bad genes to pass on and they think/feel any kids we may have will be defective too. defective kids need care and loving from both parents too. by the way 90% of the unborn babies that got diagnosed with downs syndrome get aborted. that is NOT right. they deserve to live and get loved too. when the mother aborts the special needs baby – that just says she will ONLY love the baby IF it is perfect with NO defects.
I loved this article! great job!
Richard, in your other comment you said you have Asperger Syndrome. That changes a lot of my understanding with what you said! While I cannot understand what you go through, my knowledge about the syndrome is you struggle in situations involving emotions because hidden messages are communicated through that channel. Your brain means you cannot easily understand these messages like most people.
I could tell you were hurt by an ex. It really sucks to go through that stuff. You have a lot of resentment and anger against women. Understand that what she did to you is DIFFERENT to mixed messages and attractive games. Women, like men, sometimes struggle to break up with someone so they don’t follow up on their promises. They lie to avoid the pain of telling the truth.
Total truth is important. For you, it sounds like a high value. However, are you ready for some tough love? You cannot expect both sexes to not lie. You cannot expect women to cut out mind games. Dating may become easier, but I suggest you stop blaming the opposite sex. This is BIG for you. Take responsibility for your life. Read the start of the article, it speaks directly to you (except as a male).
It’s your responsibility as an authentic person to set boundaries in your life. If a woman blatantly deceives, then call her out on it and say what you expect. (My request relating to this for you is to please stop swearing in your comments because this is a public place for learning.) From my experience, most women will be authentic if they have a man that is authentic.
Yes, some women like men will lie. Yes, some women like men are superficial. You don’t want these women so it DOESN’T matter. Life isn’t fair, but it’s rewarding.
Any man or woman that has a “beef” with the opposite sex cries out emotional baggage. You will forever struggle to understand and connect with someone – even if you love them – because your “beef”, which is a limiting belief, is guaranteed to prove itself true in some way or another. The moment you recognize a situation that slightly validates your belief, you’ll instantly resort to your generalizations and anger towards women.
im sorry for the foul language. ill tell you how she hurt me. my ex and i were both geeks. we known each other for a better part of 2.75-3 years. i was physically, emotionally and very sexually attracted to her not for her body – but for her BRAIN. see, she and i can both repair, upgrade, tear down and build pcs. but she had a skill i DO NOT have – she is able to make www sites. we loved each other very much. then she kept on making www creation demands of me for a skill i do not have, and i was trying as best as i could from books and referencing to www sites. no matter what i did to help was not good enough and she griped at me for it. then the mind games started and i did not realize they were mind games. then in april of this year, she said ”you never really loved me, you never really wanted to be with me, i wish you never were even born” then she kicked me to the curb. i still cry to this day from the head games she played on me.
and with my brain being not able to understand the ”messages” – that is why it would be so much easier for an NT(Neurological Typical) woman to just cut the manure and get right down to the point when it comes to dating. plus, when it comes to dating, it is EASIER for me to date a female aspie (person with aspergers syndrome) or a female autie (person with autism). add epilepsy to the mix, and that would be ideal for me because she would be in the same shoes i am in and then she can relate to me and my neurological issues.
another thing about my ex – i kept on reminding her that i also have epilepsy(seizure condition) and she kept on ”forgetting” – and if she keeps on forgetting then how can i count on her to get help when i REALLY NEED IT – I CANNOT!!!!!
i have forgiven my ex for what she did – but the scars are still there.
is what i am looking for in a woman impossible?
Hey Richard: I don’t think what you ask in a woman is impossible to find,because there’s so many people, sooo different that I’m sure there are all imaginable kinds of people in this world (unless you really NEED the woman to be aspie/epileptic). BUT it will be very hard to find, that kind of honesty is not too important for people these days. I don’t think the perfect woman has to necessarily be “in your shoes”, remember opposites sometimes complement each other, people don’t have to have the same interests/personality/qualities. The important thing is finding a woman who loves you and respects you for who you are. But you won’t love her and respect her for who she is if you expect her to be like you. It’s also important not to confuse mind games with innocent flirting, where you hide certain things or use some “irony” to show you actually care or like the person. A woman knowing your situation shouldn’t do this though,but it’s your responsibility to explain your feelings to the woman and your past experiences. Woman don’t find this unattractive as men do.
When it comes to the truth, I think exactly like you….I don’t mind some humor, irony, mystery…but if I say “serious now, tell me the truth” I like, well the truth, lies have no place in a relationship. I’d rather listen to an awful truth…it will hurt, but never as much as a lie.