What Men Want in Women
Men confuse you. They date bitches, don’t talk to you, and all seem to want only sex. The male specie is nonsense from a female perspective.
That is your first problem stopping you from discovering what men want in women when dating and in relationships. As long as you try understand men through your female experiences and understandings, you will remain confused.
Men differ from women. Before you give me a Nobel Prize for that remarkable statement, understand that you tend to operate from your limiting beliefs in dating and relationships. You apply your reality of chemistry and connection to a man’s reality, forgetting a male’s emotional psychology is completely different to your own.
If you cook, clean, and shop for a man in hope he likes you, you’ll be ineffective at triggering attraction and other important responses men want to feel around women. You wouldn’t feel attracted to a guy who only sat around watching football drinking beer so don’t become the female equivalent.
To figure out what men want in women, put aside your preconceived notions about dating and relationships then listen. Men also benefit from reading this article because it helps you, if you’re a guy, better understand your desires so you can build better relationships with quality women.
Men Want Only Sex
Too many women believe the only thing a man wants in a woman is sex. Men want so much more. Remember what I said earlier about judging from your experiences and perspective?
A man may only desire sex from you because you focus on physical qualities. When your attractiveness depends on dressing sexy for him and sexual comments, you’re seen as a friend with benefits. You invoke a caveman response from him. This satisfies some women some of the time, but you might want more.
Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.
Many men (or should I say boys?) have yet to evolve on an emotional level. They seek only physical attraction because their emotions are blocked. They don’t know how to connect at an emotional level. Imagine putting on a pair of green glasses. It doesn’t matter what colors exist, everything is seen green. A guy’s lack of emotional development blinds him from being able to deeper connect.
Physical involvement is unequal to a relationship. A man can be physically involved with a woman and want nothing more. I believe this is what forms the belief that men only want sex. The problem with this belief is it overlooks other areas of attraction men want in women. Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.
Nearly all men want a fulfilling relationship with one woman. A guy may not want this now or in the near future, but ultimately that is what he desires. If he says otherwise, he is either emotionally immature or yet to meet a great woman.
What Men Want in Women: The Secret is Attraction
Every man wants to feel significant, important, desired, and sexy. There’s a broad array of characteristics great men want in women that lead to one experience. The secret feeling a man wants to have around you is one of attraction.
You may think of attraction as “chemistry”. It’s the energetic charge between two people that evokes an animalistic urge. When you become what men want in women, men feel attracted to you.
Attraction can be temporary, but when you understand its principles and continually refine them (by re-reading this article and purchasing books on the subject), you make attraction long-term that leads to commitment and a satisfying relationship!
You probably know a few women who seem to effortlessly pull men towards them. They easily attract men through their looks or personality. These women understand attraction, even though they probably didn’t learn it from a source like this article.
Three Types of Attraction to Get the Man You Want
Men can be attracted to you in three primary areas. We crave for all three in a partner.
As I mentioned earlier, there is physical attraction. Men are turned on more than women by visuals. It’s important to dress well, get your hair beautiful, be slightly tanned, show off your figure, and exercise.
Are you not that beautiful? You can still improve it by learning from other women. You may also have an advantage over attractive women!
Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself.
Beautiful women tend to identify with their looks and become insecure. Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself. Attractive women, in general, go through life easier than less attractive women so they have yet to develop the two other areas of attraction that lead to satisfying relationships
Guys tend to want women who are attractive, but lack personality, for the short-term. You cannot have a relationship with a body part. Looks is only one piece of the attraction puzzle.
The second type of attraction is intellectual. Intellectual attraction comes from more rational, logical means controllable through words and actions. Think of the bimbo blonde who has a peanut for her brain – that’s the opposite to an intellectually attractive woman. It’s a pain to live with someone unintelligent. An attractive man wants a woman who holds a conversation with almost anyone, talks about his interests, regularly reads books, and teaches him valuable lessons.
The third type of attraction is emotional. If a guy suddenly becomes disinterested in you, a lack of emotional attraction is the problem. A real relationship fails to develop in the absence of emotional attraction. Ways to attract men emotionally involve high-status behavior, teasing, playfulness, mystery, and unpredictability.
Deficiency in an area of attraction decreases a man’s interest in you. Intensify all three forms of attraction to hypnotize any man.
Since you can go elsewhere for advice to improve your physical looks, what I’ll teach you in this article on what men want in women builds your intellectual and emotional attraction to start a great relationship and keep it that way. You are discovering the secrets men wish you knew that society will not tell you.
The #1 Female Mistake in Relationships with Men
It’s good to have a normal conversation with a man, analyze what’s going on, and work from there. The number one mistake woman make with men, however, is they engage their logical mind too much. You cannot reason someone into attraction. You cannot bore someone into loving you. Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.
Get out of your head thinking about the right things to say and do based on his responses. Stop critiquing every behavior of his because over-analysis makes you insecure – and insecurity is the last thing a man wants in a woman. Is he looking at you instead of approaching you? He may be interested, but just nervous. Is he not calling you? He could of had a tiring day at work.
Analysis is paralysis. It makes you act out insecure thinking as you become clingy and ask needy questions. Men go crazy by a woman’s search for meaning in an interaction. It is what leads to the dreaded word all men hate: drama.
Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.
Men don’t want to instantly connect with you at a deep emotional level – not yet anyway. What a man wants in a woman is to chill then enjoy whatever occurs in the moment. Men usually want to spend time with a woman doing fun activities. To a woman, a great date is filled with deep conversation. To a man, a great date can be racing go karts where few words are exchanged!
You will not hear a man talk about emotional fulfillment. Guys do not sit around drinking a beer discussing emotional contentment in their relationship with a woman. What you will hear, however, whether it be through verbal or nonverbal communication, is his emotional state around a woman. If she is what he wants, he’ll tell his mates, “She’s cool.” Whether his feelings around her are great or not determines if he remains with the woman.
Does this frustrate you? If it does, you are still trying to understand men from a female point of view. Gender differences does not make you more right than the opposite sex. Expecting another person to mirror your wants signals emotional immaturity. Being angry at someone for having wants different to you displays further immaturity. Do not wish either gender were a certain way. Hear the truth about what men what in women.
The Freedom-Attention Dilemma – A Catch-22?
Men joke around when their friend has a woman who takes away his freedom. He is tied to a leash. She has his balls in her bag.
He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these.
I’ve seen men frustrated with their partners disallowing them to play golf on Saturday, go to a party, or watch the football. While these men are probably pussies in other areas of life – and there’s many potential reasons women issue such orders – men hate when their freedom is stolen by a woman.
In dating, one of the greatest things a man dreads is his loss of freedom. Will I have to see her every weekend? Should I call several times a week? Must I sacrifice my interests to spend enough time with her?
A man wants to spend time with a lady he feels great around, but he wants it to be on his own terms. If he is not committed to you or being around you, he does not have a problem. He most likely does not feel attraction.
Christian Carter, author of Catch Him and Keep Him, says a man wants to be needed to feel power and masculine. This does not mean a man wants to be called up every hour to help a vulnerable princess stuck in a castle. It means he loves a women who values his opinion, help, and presence yet maintains her strength. He wants an independent women so he can uphold his freedom.
No man wants to feel isolated on a throne. He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these. He wants an independent woman not needing him every moment of her day.
Seductive women know how to make a man feel free and powerful. The secret there is for him to feel it. No catch-22 exists when you understand the freedom-attention dilemma.
What Men Don’t Want in Women
It helps to become the woman men want by defining what men don’t want in women. Though the list can potentially total hundreds of qualities, here are the most important traits to monitor and avoid in your behavior that emotionally and intellectually unattractive women fail to understand:
Do not make him your world. Contrary to what floats around in musical lyrics, a man you just met does not want you to do anything anytime for him. Seriously, get a life. Find passions that take up your time. A woman with passion is more seductive than one with few interests outside the relationship. I found myself attracted to one woman simply because she drew great art. I thought it was weird, but could not control it.
Do not regress to the past. Avoid raving on about ex-boyfriends or bad situations you share with the man in your presence. Do not bring up the topic about him not asking you out to dinner one month ago. Such issues hint at emotional baggage that weighs down a relationship. Work through a situation as soon as possible or move on girl! Live in the present moment.
Always take into account how your communication could be received.
Do not bury what you want or feel. Similar to the point above, this second piece of advice to avoid is a killer because of resentment. Don’t say you’re fine with him playing 18 holes of golf Sunday afternoon if you hate him for it. Express what you want or feel without attachment to an outcome. Always take into account how your communication could be received. An open, honest feminine energy is attractive!
Do not criticize. Men hate being criticized. It shows a lack of respect. No matter who you criticize, it is poor communication. Guys like to figure out what’s good or follow what feels right. There are ways to tell him what you want or need without complaining. Say what you like. Drop in a few tips. He’ll feel he figured you out himself. You can learn more about criticism and other communication barriers that kill relationships in my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program.
Do not bitch about other women or anything for that matter. Complaints bring negative energy into the conversation. If he experiences negative energy around you, he’ll stop wanting to be with you. Habitual whining also makes you look insecure and powerless. Practice talking positively about everyone and everything.
Do not be a drama queen. Did a customer make you go head over heels at work and leave without saying thanks? Did a friend say something that upset you? Did your car breakdown this week? Never turn a simple problem or everyday occurrence into a plot fit for a drama movie. Carter advises you to share what happened, but free it from emotional exaggeration that annoys men. If you cannot solve a simple problem at work, what does he feels about you handling an inevitable relationship problem?
10 Universal Characteristics Showing What Men Want in Women
If you follow the advice shared so far, you’ll be ahead of many women. Here are the top 10 additional traits men desire in women you can develop to become the ultimate fantasy girl:
Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want.
1. Sense of humor. Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want. Make a man laugh and you’ll make him feel great! A good sense of humor means you make people chuckle and often chuckle yourself. The good news is when a man says, “She has a great sense of humor”, it often means she laughs at his jokes. You can have a great sense of humor according to him by laughing. To be funnier, notice how most conversational humor has nothing to do with jokes. Observe what people laugh at then model their success. Also check out Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer.
2. Adventurous. Men come to love women who do activities with them. You often feel deeply connected to a guy after intimate conversation. A guy almost feels the same way with you after a fun, thrilling, even atypical activity. It’s how our minds work. Research shows the brain associates excitement with pleasure and attraction. Explore the world!
3. Passion. What are you passionate about? Passions make you feel great, which makes others feel great. A passion lets a man know you have other areas of interest – an attractive trait to great men. Guys, similar to women, don’t want to feel they are everything to their partner.
4. Control what you can control. Carter says a man wants a woman in control of her emotions, conversations, and other situations. This doesn’t mean a woman must repress her inner world or dictate everything – both are unhealthy. Seductive control is an assertive influence over one’s inner and outer worlds. A seductively in-control woman takes responsibility for what occurs around her. If she has a need, she expresses it to get it met. If she doesn’t know anyone at a party, she starts conversations. If someone breaches her boundaries, she asserts herself to get them to stop.
5. Personal growth. Get your life together. Hate your parents? Learn how to heal that relationship. Dread your job? Find work you love. Over-weight? Make exercise and eating healthy your lifestyle. Do drugs? Discover how to quit. Each improvement in your life automatically boosts your attractiveness to quality men you want.
6. Selective. A woman who takes any man that comes her way has low value. Make it known what you do not want in a man. Make it known what you love in a man. Let these be your boundaries. It may appear you are decreasing your chances of finding good men, but a decent man is attracted by a woman who carefully selects the men she dates.
7. Playful. I think many women have playfulness at heart, but not all are proactive about it. Maintain a playful attitude, instead of waiting for a guy to be playful with you. An attractive woman talks about many topics, jokes, and shows normal, relaxed behavior. To build your playfulness further, blend a little bitchiness with humor. Think of puppies fighting. It may look serious on the outside, but there’s a caring, fun energy exchanged.
Extra Traits of an Attractive Woman
- Do little things without expectation of receiving to show you care.
- Don’t put up with his secondary behavior or anyone else’s. He’ll respect you for it and you’ll be happier. Men want to feel their best around women.
- Be his best wing woman. Make him look good in front of his friends and boss.
- You may be a head-turner, but your gray matter keeps men interested.
- Be relaxed and you’ll make others more relaxed.
- Need help from him? Find non-controlling ways to get help.
8. Unpredictable. I definitely do not mean drama! Men hate drama. Unpredictability involves various actions and words often contradictory to the past that create intrigue. Go for a spontaneous country drive. Kiss then end it quickly. Aggressively want him then show distance. Become a little mysterious. Boredom kills human interest.
9. Good body language. Physical attractiveness is enhanced through better nonverbal communication. I love a woman who understands her posture, curves, and gestures! Patty Contenta is a former dancer and great body language teacher who shows women how to use their body with class to be attractive. Her techniques are simple, practical, and take seconds to learn. I highly recommend her book Sensuality Secrets to improve your feminine body language. It really is what men want in women.
10. Void of insecurities. Nothing turns a man off faster than an insecurity according to Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction. Severe insecurities like indecisiveness, bitchiness over attractive women or past boyfriends, feelings of inferiority, and poor belief in one’s seductiveness is the kryptonite of attraction. Insecurities originate from low self-esteem, a massive indication of low-status. Show confidence in what you want with authoritative actions. This is when aggression attracts men.
It is unnecessary to become everything taught in this article. Think of the outline given as the personification of traits to build in your life. The more you take on, the more you grow your seductive prowess. Follow this advice that few women know and you’ll be a woman men want.
What to Do Next
Here’s three resources to further help you not only understand what men want in women, but to help you get a great man:
- Read what women want in men, which spurred me to write what men want in women. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and men.
- I reviewed a book called Catch Him and Keep Him mentioned in this article that’s great for you to attract and keep Mr Right.
- I recommend you also get Patty Contenta’s Sensuality Secrets to build seductive body language.
Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"
Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to http://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/