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On Achieving Goals – Part 1: Defining What You Truly Want

Alexander Graham Bell said, “What this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.” Napoleon Hill said, “The starting point of all achievement is desire.” Abraham Lincoln said, “You can have anything you want – if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.”

How to Make Nothing Stop You – Ever

For centuries, mankind has explored this mysterious emotional state that gets him want he wants. This power is not the law of attraction. It is a power within you. The power is your power. It is self-motivation. You control if your self-motivated. Self-motivation gives you anything you damn well want if you want it bad enough.

Think of something you once wanted so badly that nothing stopped you from getting it. This is the passionate desire you need to achieve what you want. Contrast this passion to something you thought “would be nice”. Maybe you wanted to learn the guitar because you thought it would be a nice skill. Maybe you wanted to learn a new language to explore cultures. Maybe you wanted to go scuba diving for an adventure. Whatever nice thing you wanted, you did not achieve it because your hunger for it was deficient.

When trying to motivate yourself to learn a new language, perhaps you purchased some books and CDs, but never progressed further because you lacked the emotional desire (it happened to me when I tried to learn Spanish). You can take steps forward to achieve what you want, but you fall short without the self-motivation required to carry you through your full journey.

To achieve your communication and personal development desires, goals, and dreams, I believe two characteristics need emphasis. Both deal with passion and having a fire-in-the-belly attitude. Firstly, you need to define exactly what you want. The second characteristic is revealed in the second part of this article.

How to Figure Out What You Want

You will suddenly realize that the reason you never changed before was because you didn’t want to.Robert H. Schuller

When you know what you want, and want it bad enough, you will find a way to get it.Jim Rohn

Modern man lives under the illusion that he knows what he wants, while he actually wants what he is supposed to want.Erich Fromm

The first step to achieve what you want in your personal development journey is to know exactly what you want. You probably already think you know what you want, but I am pretty confident you do not truthfully know. What you think you want could be someone else’s wants; a facade to get another want; a vague desire which creates a slow, unenergized pursuit.

You can take steps forward to achieve what you want, but you fall short without the self-motivation required to carry you through your full journey.

When you do not define what you want with pure precision, you wonder through life’s jungle waiting for signs that validate your success. You lack proof of forward movement because you don’t know what you’re moving towards. Eventually, you get devoured by obstacles that demotivate you from trying to reach your mysterious destination.

Let’s say you want to be good at making small talk with anyone because you would love to have the skill of being able to approach someone and start a conversation. Wanting to make small talk with anyone, however, is not what you really want. What you really want is a host of outcomes small talk fulfills. What I mean by this is that you don’t want the skill of being able to talk to anyone for the sake of being able to talk to anyone – your desire to talk with anyone has hidden motives. Successfully being able to approach someone and start a conversation fulfills that want.

One reason you could want to make small talk with anyone is to control your fears when you meet new people. Another reason is to network more effectively so you can grow your business. Another is to feel secure around people. All these are emotional motives that drive your desire to make small talk. When you define your wants in the correct light, you become self-motivated to pursue that goal because it holds importance to you.

Do you want to raise happy children? Do you want what is best for your family? If you want what is best for your family, you’re probably lying to yourself. I’m not saying you don’t want what is best for your family; what I’m saying is the underlying motives behind “I want what’s best for my family” deals with your desires.

Perhaps seeing your family safe and secure makes you feel happy and comforted. Knowing your children are happy validates your parenting skills. When other parents see your successful children, you feel proud. Maybe you want successful children to make up for the failures in your life or you do not want to be frowned upon and humiliated by other parents. These outcomes are probably what you really want when desiring the best for your family.

Only when you accurately define what you want can you get what you want. You will aim with precision when focusing on a target clear to you.

Exercise to See What You Want

I want you to do an exercise now. This exercise forms the framework for this article so you will greatly benefit from doing it. The exercise is a mental and emotional catapult successful people use to define what they want, become self-motivated, and achieve their goals.

Get out a paper and pen, and draw two columns. Make the second column twice the size of the first. This exercise is large and will take several hours. You may want to do it in two sittings, but the process should be energizing so you might be able to get it done in a one sitting.

Success is not what you know or who you know; it is how you think.

In the first column on the left, label it “What I Want”. Obviously, under this you will write down what you want. Some people would write down goals as the heading for this column, but I don’t like using the word “goals” in combination with words that signify a deep desire because you don’t need to set goals when you want something bad enough. Your desires automatically become something you want without you sitting down and writing them as goals.

To help you determine what you want, remove all constraints around your desires. Forget about what you know or have. Stop letting the past limit your future. Remove financial, intellectual, and relationship constraints. Success is not what you know or who you know; it is how you think. You can overcome any constraint if you know how to think in an empowering manner.

It is absolutely necessary you do not reason to yourself what you want. The analytical part of your mind can hurt the emotional part. The most common form of reasoning contains “buts”. For example, “I want to work as a public speaker. But I am not good at speaking. But I don’t know how to get started. But I won’t be able to make money.” All these stupid constraints trick you into avoiding your true desires.

Rather than ask yourself, ‘What are my goals?’ ask yourself, ‘What would excite me and why?’

When we reason with “buts”, we rarely have tried to find a solution. I’ve heard people who want to become public speakers say they are not good at public speaking, yet they have not looked into how they can speak better in public. These people reason they don’t know how to get started in public speaking, but they never once looked into how they can get started. We have limiting thoughts from limiting knowledge. It is crazy how we remove ourselves from our desires through this silly (ir)rationalizing process.

Productive Procrastination

Where does your mind drift to during the day? What you think of could be the surfacing of repressed desires you’re too afraid to let the world know about.

If you sit in your cubicle thinking about children having fun outdoors, maybe you desire to coach your child’s soccer team. Notice where your mind drifts to and think what that says about you. Procrastination can be productive.

In determining your ultimate career, ask yourself what you would do if money was not a consideration. Ask yourself what you would do if you had the necessary training. Ask yourself what you would do if you knew the right people. Remove all constraints and find what greatly turns you on.

Another thought to help you accurately define what you want is to not fall in the illusion of wanting what other people want. Society has norms and expectations that can mold your desires. I understand that everyone will not want to be married. Think deeply about what your goals really mean to you. Passion is more about caring than finding the right thing. You will be surprised at the many things you can be passionate about once you start caring.

The Secret to Get What You Want

As a verification step to knowing what you want, you can test to see if this is truly what you want by running a mental theater of what it will look, feel, smell, hear, and taste like when you achieve the goal. Rather than ask yourself, “What are my goals?” ask yourself, “What would excite me and why?” See what excites you by running through intense visualizations.

The experiences that excite you (I am talking about a desire of 100 on a scale from 1 to 100 where 100 is the most intense) are what you want. They are your goal. When you want them, you will get them.

If you still struggle to determine your desires, remember to remove all constraints. You can stop the exercise for a few hours to allow your subconscious to work and define what you want. Additionally, I recommend you get Jack Zufelt’s program How To Use The Conquering Force Within You to learn more about defining what you truly want. (I earn nothing from referring you to Jack’s program. I have two copies of it and encourage you to get your copy.)

Passion is more about caring than finding the right thing.

Once you define what you want, write these desires down on the piece of paper under the heading “What I Want”. In the same column (this is optional), you can go one step further by using the SMART method. Rephrase your want in a specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and tangible form. Write less than five goals for now unless you have the time and desire to do more.

Finished? Well done. You have defined what you want. That completes the first part of the exercise. Few people will ever do what you just did, which sets you apart from the masses.

The next step after defining what you want is to stimulate an intense hunger to get your desire. Why do you need this when you already want your desire? You will have your **** days. You will want to stay in bed. If you did not hunger, you would hardly eat. Consume the advice in part two here and you will devour your passions.

Want more tools and tactics to improve your life?
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Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to https://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/

Comments

Setting SMART Achievable Personal Goals
Reply

[…] Too vague. A vague goal is general and contains uncertainties. Set a specific goal. The more specific a goal is, the more likely you will achieve it. What exactly do you want to achieve? Maybe it is a more intimate relationship with your partner. Saying “my goal is to have more intimacy with my partner” is vague. Convert it to a more specific goal such as: “In 30 days, I will able to come home from work then talk and cuddle with my partner for 30 minutes everyday”. This is a great goal as it is specific and measurable. You need to be specific and define exactly what you want. (I’ve written a complete article I recommend you read to truly define what you want.) […]

Asha
Reply

Thanks Josh for the beautiful blog. Awaiting for Part 2 🙂 .

Karen
Reply

Thank you Josh, Im all the way in Kenya and defining what you truely want has revealed to me stuff I could never imagine…soon after I finished writing my list, I was wowed! Now I got fire in the belly…awaiting for Part 2. Cheers 🙂

Odong Mike Lo'Asio
Reply

Surely Joshua, The sky is the limit & thanks alot

Odong Mike

fatima
Reply

thanks, dear Josh
I deeply enjoy your articles and I check my mail everyday looking for a trace of you. continue your precious motivation and goal of helping others.

deo
Reply

Thank you so much. You really are so good. I am so motivated by your article. Keep it up please. 😉

Anurag
Reply

Hi josh, your article was really nice. full of motivation.
dont need second. but still waiting for.. 😆

Vincent
Reply

Hello Josh! i’m appreciated on what u did to help us learn more about life and increase our motivation. Thank you very much! Best wish for u! 😀

Lawrence
Reply

Your articles are indeeed an eye opener, and I am lucky I registered to your mailing list.

Syed
Reply

Hello Josh,

Every article of yours attracts me, now Iam spending more time on your article and have started implimenting it my life. Eagerly waiting for part II.

Bless you

Kiran
Reply

Hi Josh,
All of this is covered in Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” – the book & the video.

“The Secret” is something I am practising. It does work…

Rgds,
Kiran Navaratna
Bangalore, INDIA

Shikha
Reply

Hey Josh, I like the simplicity, and yet, the powerful message highlighted.You keep helping me always. Can’t wait to read part 2.

Tade
Reply

Hmmmm. Now I Know I want what you want – Fulfilment! 😆

Cherilyn
Reply

Hey,
that really helped me realize what I really want or not, really looking forward to part 2 =D

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"
Reply

Glad to read all your comments. Part 2 has been written for nearly a week now. I simply forgot to update the links in this first part. You can read part 2 here.

Getting Over a Relationship Break Up
Reply

[…] proverb that says, “If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.” By not being 100% clear with what you want (this goes for every other goal in life), you will achieve nothing and remain frustrated. You […]

Steven
Reply

Thank you very much Josh each time i read your articles i see no body else but me with my character being define in your article.

truly most of the time i want to do what i want i cannot do it for fear and other things that kept me from doing what i want.
I really enjoy your articles.

Bye Merry Xmass

Rekha
Reply

Hi Joshua,

I am reading the book by Rhonda-The secrets and guess what it works. Well, I wanted to pass my car driving test and I did. FYI-Passing a drivers test in Belgium is tougher than running for US presidency 😉

Thanks for your blogs, It makes sense most of the times.

Rekha

Everlyne
Reply

Josh, great stuff this is! Please keep up the good work.

gisso
Reply

Josh! I got my answer!! I wonder how deep you are!!!good for you.

Review of Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo
Reply

[…] passion, persistence, and determination. Women attract to men that work aggressively towards their passionate goals. It communicates energy, protection, security, and a future outlook, which ties in with the traits […]

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
Reply

[…] tasks get overlooked makes you: do less enjoyable activities, agitated towards loved ones from your repressed passions, feel unfilled and unproductive, and develop a low self-esteem from the […]

ujjwal
Reply

very inspiring and detailed….appreciate your work….

Review of The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
Reply

[…] you want to learn how to charm people or to achieve your goals, there is so much to learn from the history in The 48 Laws of Power. The historical research within […]

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