Making Someone Fall in Love with You Over the Phone
Whether the person you want to talk to over the phone is a potential partner, client, or friend, and you’ve just met the person or have known them your entire life, there are a series of effective phone skills you can use to increase love and liking to build any relationship. Like any communication skill, there are tips you can follow over the phone to speed up the relationship-building process.
The telephone is a different medium to traditional face-to-face communication. What does this mean to you? Rules change and tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship. What does not change is the fundamental human psychology of the two individuals at either end of the phone.
Human psychology is about fulfilling needs and wants. You go to the grocery store to buy food to fulfill your need to eat. You buy an expensive shirt because you want to look good. You communicate with others to fulfill your social and identity needs. Attraction, intimacy, and friendship work on human psychological wants and needs. Because of this, you will see how these phone skills I am about to share with you can be adapted to your everyday conversations. Learning how to make someone fall in love with you is therefore neither manipulative nor deceptive as it is a matter of you fulfilling the person’s needs and wants through communication.
If you want others to literally fall in love with you and not just like you more, you must understand attraction. These tips are about building likability over a different type of communication medium – the phone – and do not act as a substitute for attraction. The tips I am about to give you to make someone fall in love with you over the phone, when applied with techniques to build attraction in women and men, can make the opposite attracted to you.
Learning these phone skills is a sure-fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new client wanting a business relationship, a friend staying connected with you, or a new acquaintance loving you. A stupid word of warning: do not begin avoiding people face-to-face once you realize the power of these phone skills!
They Need to Be Receptive
The first rule you must obey is checking the person you are talking to over the phone is receptive to you. Regardless of anything wonderful you say, nothing will matter if the person does not pay attention.
If the person has a young child howling louder than a wolf, you will be ignored. The person will hear, but not listen. Your messages will go no further than the other end of the phone line as the person’s mind is elsewhere, preoccupied with the distraction. When we do not have the time to talk, a distraction arises, or we need to do a task, the only thoughts running through our mind are similar to: “How long will it be until this damn person shuts up? I’ve got something to do!”
The first rule of receptivity over the the phone is to make it a habit of checking if the person can talk with you. Ask upfront if the person has time to talk. After the greetings, simply say, “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?” This makes you courteous and unobtrusive on the person’s space.
The first rule of receptivity ensures the person is receptive at the start of the call and the second rule will make sure the person is receptive during the call. While talking on the phone, interruptions arise. Some can be undetectable, yet others can be heard over the phone. When you hear a baby howling, a door bell ring, or a loud bang, don’t ignore it! Say what sound you heard then ask if the person needs to attend it. The empathy you communicate by acknowledging potential interruptions will increase your likability and ensure the person is tuned in to what you say.
It’s You!
You’re going through a routine day walking down the street. The world is boring, people are getting through their day, and everything appears it would be the same without your presence. What happens though, if at the other end of the street you see a best friend you have not met for five years?
You see your best friend and your energy amplifies a gazillion times! Many memories, experiences, and feelings gush back to you in an intense emotional rush. You run up to the person. “It’s you! I can’t believe it!” Your ecstatic to stumble upon your friend!
The lesson you can learn from this is what I call the “It’s You!” technique. When you ring the person or the person rings you, say your normal greeting in an average mood. Once the person introduces himself, you become surprised, or rather energized, to talk with the person. Wait for the person’s introduction then amp up your energy as if you were talking to that old friend you saw on the street. This makes the person pleasantly thrilled to talk to you.
If you always talk energetically over the phone, your energy with the “It’s You!” technique will not have the sincerity and pleasant thrill because the high energy is normal for you. Only when you authentically convey happiness to be talking to the person more than you would with normal people does this technique work. The feelings of importance the person receives makes it a great technique to help them fall in love with you over the phone.
(In an article on how to be interesting without saying a word, I applied this escalating technique on smiling by gradually increasing your smile when you meet someone; instead of walking around smiling or instantly giving off a big smile. These two “escalation techniques” bring sincerity and warmth to your personality.)
Repeat Their Name
The fourth tip I recommend you whack into your new phone skills bag of tricks is mentioning the person’s name more often. As Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People writes, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build any relationship.
You need to know one warning about this technique. If you mention someone’s name too often, you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate person – much like a poor salesman.
If you are like most people, you can comfortably increase the frequency you say the person’s name. You can get away with mentioning their name more often than in a face-to-face conversation because the phone is a different medium. The phone inhibits intimacy.
If the person begins to mentally drift away from you, hearing their name will reinvigorate their interest. The person can subliminally fall in love with you.
How to Make Up for No Body Language With Your Voice
Another difference you can take advantage of over the phone to enhance your relationships and make the person fall in love with you is countering the inability to communicate with body language. Our nonverbal communication is a large tower from where we broadcast strong signals. A simple message like “you’re funny” can be strengthened many times through body language. Some attraction experts even claim body language alone is enough to make someone fall in love with you.
Your nonverbal communication helps others understand you. Without the visual option to see one another over the phone, yours and their inability to read body language can hurt understanding, connection, likability, and attraction. Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone, making it a powerful medium of communication.
You can improve your phone skills despite the lack of connection built through body language by communicating extra energy through your voice. I estimate varying your vocal tonality and energy an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying, “That is awesome! Congratulations!” If you are sad, lose 30% of energy in your voice by saying, “I’m… I’m sorry to hear that…” The change of energy communicated through your vocalics establishes empathy to build a connection with your partner. The person will have a feeling of being next to you, which will enhance your relationship fast.
Build Rapport
Press Their Hot Buttons
There are certain personality traits we love. You can develop these hot buttons in your conversations over the phone:
- Humor – Everyone loves a laugh. It helps to make the person laugh quickly to lock in a phone conversation with them.
- Curiosity – Be interested in a person’s life. If you find a conversation dying over the phone and you want to enliven it, ask a question to inject life back into the conversation then authentically listen with interest.
- Positiveness – Don’t bicker and complain over the phone. We hate whiners. Talk well of others and enjoy yourself to make rapport quicker.
Rapport is being in sync with the person. It is the hidden key to make people feel connected to you. Establishing rapport ties in with mentioning the person’s name more often and compensating for a lack of body language via your voice because the two techniques build a connection that help the two of you get in sync.
Learning to build rapport over the phone is necessary if you want to build a strong relationship fast. Unfortunately, a complete guide to building rapport is far too complex to discuss in this article, yet the premise of it involves being like the person in as many ways as possible.
One particular characteristic of the person I highly advise you to match is their mood. Mood-matching helps you rapidly build a strong relationship and make someone fall in love with you.
To understand mood-matching, think back to a time when you were feeling unhappy and someone bounding with joy tried to cheer you up with their happiness. How did you feel afterwards? Most likely more annoyed! Their happiness did not relate to you because the two of you were at polarized emotional levels. The person was happy and you were sad.
You can better relate to people and build this “connection” I have been talking about when the two of you are communicating similar moods to one another. Mood is one of many communication factors you can match when talking to someone over the phone.
Rapport is slightly more difficult to create over the phone than in person because body language cannot be comprehended. You can, however, try to compensate for this with a 30% extra variance of energy in your voice.
When you combine all these tips to build a strong relationship over the phone with the ways to build attraction, you have the phone skills to make someone fall in love with you! Even better, these phone techniques are not limited to intimate love. You can apply these skills to potential clients, family members, and those annoying customers. The phone breaks geographic boundaries, but now you can break emotional boundaries.
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Update: What are your favorite songs to hype you up for pumping iron? For me, anything by King Tiesto.
Hi Joshua!
A very interesting post!… As I was reading, I realized I am a natural at building relationships over the phone… But I had never thought of it…
I’m sure many people can use your tips!
Hey Joshua
Great tips, i always find it really hard to talk to just about anyone on the phone and the conversation usually ends in a few minutes at the most. I gave these a go and managed to get an extra 20min first try, very usefull.
Keep up the good work and thanks