Getting Over a Relationship Break Up

*note: For a full guide to completely get over your break up and reset your relationship with the person you love, I highly recommend guys get this and girls get this.

Your relationships often determine the sweetness or bitterness of your life. When your relationships are great, life feels great. When you go through a break up like you are right now, life feels like crap.

The lessons in this article will be hard to accept. If you are after tips like “go see a movie with friends” to avoid the dark, deep secrets of working through emotional pain, go read the hundreds of trash articles about this topic over the Internet. The lessons in this article are hardcore. You will learn true mental and emotional strategies to get over your break up so you are ready for whatever you want your future to be.

What to Do About Your Special Situation

Not every break up is the same. Some create intense emotions of sadness, depression, and anger, while others are complete relief. I categorize relationship break ups into three groups:

  1. You initiate the break up. This type of break up is the easiest. It will give you fewest troubles. Often the decision makes you happier than being in the relationship.
  2. They initiate the break up. This is the hardest type of break up to manage. It is the main focus of this article.
  3. Mutual break up. The rarest type of break up where both individuals often care how the other person feels about the decision. The two of you talk the process through and conclude splitting up is the best option. Reasoning, openness, and future plans are common.

When your ex decides to end the relationship, it feels like a loved one passing away. Psychologists concur that a relationship break up is like experiencing grief. If we contrast grieving with a break up, in both cases you lose someone you loved and you’re unwilling to psychologically let them go.

Deaths are inevitable. Break ups are inevitable. The first step to healing is to acknowledge relationships end. As simple as that statement appears, do not mistake simplicity for power. Your ego blows personal problems out of perspective causing you to think what is common in the world is unique for you.

You may think an ending relationship is the end of you. If you talk to a friend about getting over his or her relationship break up, you will not have this ego problem. You will see from a healthy perspective that break ups happen. This strategy is similar to disassociation where you look at your difficulty from an observer perspective. It is the first technique you can use to get over your ex.

You would be unable to experience the wonderful feelings you had with your recent ex if you stayed with your “ex ex”. The same can be said for your future partner. You cannot experience the wonderful times with them if you do not get over your broken relationship. It is as simple as that.

Deciding to get over a break up is often not that clear-cut. Sometimes you undergo a painful recurrent uncertainty when splitting up as you wonder if the two of you are actually apart. This leads us to the golden rule to get over your ex.

The Golden Rule of Moving On From Your Ex

Once you truly realize break ups happen and more importantly – that they will happen to you – tell yourself the golden rule of getting over a break up. Affirm and reaffirm to yourself that you want to get over your ex. Why is this a golden rule?

How often have you seen someone want to get over a break up yet they are resistant to actually breaking up with the person? It happens too often. You see them caught in the emotional turmoil, a tug-of-war game they can only lose.

What is even worse than being resistant to getting over the person, yet wanting to not get over them, is not being aware of the mental tug-of-war game. The internal conflict leaves you frustrated. You may think you have some weird psychological problem. You will be uncertain about getting back together as you unwilling move on and fail to enjoy life. When you want both lifestyles, you achieve neither. Commit to a decision.

If you have a choice to fly to Paris or Sydney, and you hesitate because you want to visit both cities, you will miss both cities. There is a Russian proverb that says, “If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.” By not being 100% clear with what you want (this goes for every other goal in life), you achieve little and remain frustrated. You become uncertain of yourself because you never critically think and investigate your feelings and thoughts to know your true desire.

Follow the golden rule. Ask yourself questions and be fully aware of what is making you resistant to emotionally releasing yourself from the person. You can ask yourself questions like, “What makes me still attracted to the person?” “Is my ex actually good to me?” and “Am I just afraid of loneliness?”

Discover the cause of your emotional pain. I cannot emphasize that enough. People are unconscious of their emotional awareness in a break up and never know why they experience pain. Conduct an “investigation” making it your goal to discover as much about yourself as possible. Gather as much information about yourself from self-talk and other people to solve “the crime”.

9 Signs You Should Break Up or Stick Together

You are still unsure if you should break up. There are simple actions you can take to see whether a break up is the better option.

There is no need to attend university for a degree in psychology to understand when you are in a bad relationship. There are signs you may be aware of that hint your relationship is more like a lemon than lemonade. Ask yourself these practical questions:

  • Are you and the other person feeling the same emotions as you were at the start of your relationship?
  • Do the two of you share the same important values like religious beliefs?
  • How often do you communicate with one another?
  • When you do communicate, what things do you talk about?
  • Do you enjoy being together?
  • Do you perceive being single in a better light than being in a relationship?
  • What causes the two of you to fight? Little things that show hostility or big problems like an affair?
  • Do you have a fear of hurting the person? Why are you putting yourself through misery in not wanting to hurt the person?
  • Are you in the relationship because of guilt or love?

Ask other people what they see and think about your relationship with the person. Take their opinions into account. Do not base your decision solely on what they think because the most important factor is how you feel.

Many women in bad relationships remain in them because they would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone. They feel comforted in awful relationships. They see married couples and envy their relationship. They are overwhelmed at the thought of having to find another guy.

Another common reason for remaining in a bad relationship is love. Are you using the excuse that your feeling of “love” is keeping you from breaking up? Love is an intoxicating emotion. It is blinding. Even if you think you still love the person, ask yourself the many questions above. The questions act as objective judges to the situation; contrasted to your subjective emotion of love that intoxicates your understanding of the situation.

Love is an intoxicating emotion. It is blinding… It is not a relationship. It is an emotion.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) teaches that you often fail to distinguish between various emotions. For example, excitement can be misunderstood as fear. How do you know that you feel love? Does your answers to the above questions sound like love to you? What specific events let you know you are in love? What physical responses do you have that let you know there is no love? Asking yourself these questions make it clear whether you experience love.

Even if you are sure you love the other person, love alone is a poor indicator of a good relationship. Love is not a relationship; it is an emotion. Without other aspects like time, happiness, and communication, what you feel is love does not comprehend a healthy relationship. Free yourself from the intoxication of affection, attraction, or love.

Relationships can be repaired even if things are sour at the moment. If you still have a relationship with this person where you can communicate, talk things over with your partner in a safe environment. If the relationship is over, ask yourself the list of above questions to reinforce your thoughts to fight away “what ifs” and “maybes” that may surface in getting back with your ex.

How to Handle Emotional Baggage

Emotional baggage occurs when you carry emotions from one relationship to another much like you carry a backpack when you travel from one destination to another. It is easy to carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the next because you fail to let go or you fear reliving emotional pain.

People protect themselves all the time in new relationships by withholding themselves from the relationship. They say things like, “I don’t want to get hurt again”, “I’m still hurting”, or “I’m not over it.”

You forgo the risk of being hurt again when you protect yourself, but you also miss out on happiness with your partner.

There is no denying you can be damaged when you place trust in someone, yet holding yourself back makes you miss the joyful rewards of an intimate relationship. You reduce the risk of being hurt when you protect yourself, but you also miss full happiness with your partner.

You do not have to quickly “dive into” a relationship. Solid relationships build over time. You can “dip your toes” into the relationship and gradually, but surely, immerse yourself. Gradually drop your emotional baggage onto the ground. Doing so ensures you experience full intimacy that otherwise was unachievable with emotional baggage.

What to Do About Your Ugly Past

I firmly believe every person can learn a lesson from every person and situation. A relationship break up is no exception. You can experience personal growth instead of personal decay from any past challenge.

Your main goal in relationships is finding your perfect partner, someone with whom you can share love and feel connected. Emotional baggage limits this goal. It makes perfect sense to learn from a break up. I know you want to progress forward and find your ultimate partner; instead of remaining stuck in an old relationship where you waste time, intense emotions, and energy.

It is too easy to find the negative to strengthen negative beliefs instead of looking for the positive in a break up. This mindset is damaging as it causes a chain reaction of negative building on negative until you are emotionally unavailable. The negative reinforcement prevents you from becoming smarter and stronger for future relationships.

To learn from your experience, I recommend you take responsibility for what occurred. In many break ups, each person blames the other. Rarely is one person mutually agreed to have caused the split. Take responsibility and do not play the blame-game.

I can almost guarantee you did something seriously wrong in the relationship, which contributed to the break up – you just may be unaware of your contribution due to a lack of knowledge. Maybe you do not know how attraction works, how to effectively listen to your partner, or how to assert yourself to address a problem that concerns you. Can you see the role you played in the break up?

It is important to know that getting over a break up is more than moving on; it involves learning from your past for a better future by accepting responsibility for what occurred. Look at the situation as a experience to learn from in your journey towards finding your ultimate partner. What a powerful perspective.

The Quickest Way to Get Over a Relationship

There are many things you can do to get over a relationship break up, but the most important is to have a support group. This is the quickest way to get over a relationship because you explore what is inside of you and share the burden of a break up with someone who cares for you.

For most girls this is easy. You can communicate to your closest friends and talk to your parents or brothers and sisters.

For guys, it may be more difficult because we think we are not masculine if we talk about our emotions. Chances are you will not want to talk to your guy friends about the break up. Remember that if it’s not expressed, it’s repressed. You need to have a support group or at least a support person. You will find that accepting your emotions and expressing them allows you to heal. If there’s no one to talk to, try a friendly therapist. If you find a good therapist, trust me, it will be your best investment of the year.

If it’s not expressed, it’s repressed.

The most important thing with anyone you talk with to get over your relationship break up is to explain you simply want to be heard. Let the person know you are only after a listening ear to avoid having them turn into an amateur psychologist (a term I use in my communication secrets program to describe a person’s inclination to judge and project solutions). By letting them know you only want them to listen, they will be more willing to “absorb” the pain you feel. You do not want advice but to be able to express yourself and feel your emotions.

How to Move on From Pain: An Exercise to Heal You Now

Naomi Eisenberger, a University of California neuroscientist, discovered that the feeling of rejection in a break up switches on the same part of the brain as physical pain. The anterior cingulate receives an intense boost in activity. This is why a break up can be very painful. A punch in the nose is as threatening, according to your brain, as rejection in a break up.

A punch in the nose is as threatening, according to your brain, as rejection in a break up.

Physical pain can be cured by a doctor. However, does a doctor actually heal your wounds? No. The doctor helps your body get into a state of healing so it can heal itself.

The pain you experience from the past is irreversible. There is nothing you can do about it. You need to put your mind and body into a state that allows it to heal itself. One way to achieve this is time, but I am sure you do not want to waste ten years of your life in pain.

Another option is seeing a therapist. Should you choose a therapist? It is up to you. There is no shame in therapy. All therapy works for different people in different situations. Even no therapy is therapy because time itself is therapeutic.

Before you decide to spend thousands of dollars on someone who will listen to your problems, I want you to do this exercise. The exercise I am about to share with you is powerful because it does not change the content of your experience. Your experience has happened. You cannot change it. What the exercise does change is the process. The exercise changes the attributions you make to the past and future.

Think of a pleasant experience or imagine a pleasant experience you would like to have in the future. See the image. As you see the image, make it larger. Make the image bigger, brighter, and clearer. Take your time as you see the image increase in size. Step into the image as if you were living it from a first-person view. As the image changes, notice how you feel. Give yourself one-minute. Just sit there.

Next, move the image in the opposite direction. Take your time. Gradually make the pleasant image smaller, dimer, unclear, and distant from you. Step out of the image as you observe yourself in the situation. Again, as the image changes, notice how you feel.

Once you complete that little exercise, how did you feel when the image is bright and large? How did you feel when the image was small, dim, and far from you? Most people experience intense emotions when they see a bright, large image in first-person. They experience little emotion when seeing a small, dim, distant image.

If you make unpleasant images large, bright, and up close, while making pleasant images small, dim, and distant, you will be an expert at feeling miserable! On the other hand, if you make pleasant images large, bright, and up close, while making unpleasant images small, dim, and distant, you will be an expert at feeling happy!

Apply this concept to your relationships. If you want to move on from from an ex, make the images you have with him or her dim, gray, and distant like a dodgy old movie. See the images move away from you. To feel better being single, think of someone you love like a parent or role model. Make the image bright, vivid, and large.

Constantly see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the images in your mind. See yourself and others in your scene. Hear the sounds in your scene. What are you touching, tasting, and smelling? You will get over your relationship fast by intensely imagining your desired five senses.

The Last and Most Fun Step to Get Over a Break Up

At the start you read how life is sweet when your relationships are sweet. When relationships are bitter, life feels bitter. When you are single, life probably feels awful. It is a dependency trap.

You may desperately want a partner. You think the person will solve personal problems like boredom, unhappiness, and feeling unattractive. This neediness deteriorates a relationship. If you go into a relationship like this, you destroy it.

My Life List

You probably had things you wanted to do when you were in the relationship, but you were unable to do them. Now you are single, do what you wanted to help healing and enjoy life again.

Grab a piece of paper, put a heading of “My Life List”, and draw two columns. In the first column, write down 20 things you want to do. In the second column, beside each item write down the first step to begin it. Do one of those first steps right now to begin a life you love.

Single life can be great – if not better than a relationship – when you look after yourself.

I question whether you should be in a relationship if you do not have a great single life where you wonder how to fit in a relationship. Become your own energy source. Be comforted, happy, and emotionally secure while you are single. This view is the opposite perspective to a time-consuming, miserable, codependent relationship.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make a big change in your life right now. You could work harder to get a promotion, exercise, read self-help books, take a new course, socialize more often, or go out with friends. Create a single life where you are happily active – and even do not want a relationship with someone you like because you are so busy loving what you do. Such a great single life will attract a future partner for you.

A break up can be one of the greatest things to happen to you if you are aware of the potential held in the moment. Learn from the break up. If splitting up encourages you to undergo a lot of self-help, the change can excite you.

When life throws you a lemon with a bad relationship, do not try and divulge the lemon. Look at the lemon from a different perspective to see you can make lemonade. You may feel bitter right now, but follow the advice in this article and you will look at a break up from an empowering perspective. Soon you may even wonder why you were in a relationship because single life can be so great.

(If you are reading this article, single because of your recent break up, feeling a sense of depression, and still want to get back with your ex, pay attention to what I’m about to share with you before your ex finds someone else. For a full course to get back with the person you love, I highly recommend guys get this course and girls get this course.)

Enjoyed this article?
Never miss a tip
Instantly get new articles and bonus tips for free (about once a month) by signing up to the TowerOfPower.com.au newsletter:

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to http://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/

Comments

The Greatest 15 Myths of Communication
Reply

[...] the more emphasis we place on communication. Eventually, we come to believe that any argument, relationship break-up, or person who does not like us comes from poor [...]

Kris
Reply

I’m having a very difficult time with a breakup…can’t seem to get a handle. I know it is for the best but I am having a hard time excepting it. This is an excellent article. I do have a BA in psychology and can’t help myself to know what to do. Thanks…my ex and I still talk (fight) almost daily…a big no-no

Afra
Reply

I must say this article is spot on.
I have just recently broke off with my ex, we both came to the decision mutually.
It was good to know there are people out there who understand the dynamics of break up.
You have affirmed my decision on that.
Thank you, you don’t know how much it means to me.

Elly
Reply

You are a real gift to me. I am now relieved. I can now see brighter future becoming bigger and bigger while my past, nasty experience becoming smaller and smaller. Why? I was happily married with with lady for 12 years. God had blessed us with 5 children and the 5th child is questionable. The mother of children started an affair with another man! Time came when the situation was unbearable because I would always find them holding each other! When I would ask her about the all issue, she would shout at me and would always want to fight me! She would go and stay a night outside and come in the morning. One time she packed all her belongings and left me with children. After 4 months she came back. I was frustrated and felt I was nothing in the world! Time came and I reported the matter to family protection unit at the police, who advised me to separate in court. The court agreed to separate us. I was depressed, became emancipated because of thoughts but I after I read your article I am now relieved. I can now face tomorrow. Thanks Joshua, God bless you!

Asha
Reply

Josh it will be great if you can provide an article on how to get back his/her girlfriend/boyfriend!!! This will defintely help many of us…. :cry:

Lisalisa
Reply

Going through the aftermath of the end of a 10 year relationship. Low self esteem on my part was a big factor. I have many regrets and miss him terribly. I know I am learning from this slowly. It all feels so overwhelming though, that I have so much to learn about myself, about love, about developing my self esteem and a happy single life. This is the man I was with for 10 years. I was overfunctioning, he was barely in it. Not a good way to be. And here I am devastated.

Ways to Resolve Conflict When Others Avoid It
Reply

[...] with conflict are likely the most painful moments of your life. Maybe conflict made you divorce, break up with your partner, quit work. It may even have lead to death because someone couldn’t handle a problem any [...]

101 Conversation Starters People Love
Reply

[...] with a friend who broke up with his girlfriend. He made out with another woman straight after his relationship break up. Is he a jerk?” Get a female [...]

broken heart
Reply

:sad: After asking him to let me go for a couple of years now he finally has. I felt like I was going to die. I still feel like death is upon me. I never appreciated nothing he did after cheating on me so many times. He claimed to have loved me but I never believed him because he wronged me and too many other females. Almost 4 years and this is what’s left. Joshua your article hit home, I believe I will be ok now. Why does love hurt so much? He claims he has been feeling this way for years but I don’t know what to believe. He doesn’t want to be hurt by me anymore but I had old baggage and was trying to protect myself. I would dog him out when I believed he was cheating, he would get caught in all kinds of lies but I would forget and forgive. Then I would relive it and hate him all over again. Im so drained now and my family doesn’t want to listen to me anymore nor my friends so i’m hurting alone. I am taking the blame also because he showed me that he was a player and I belived my love would change him but I messed up in so many other ways. Instead of him saying I won’t put up with this and leave to be with who he was cheated on me with but no he didn’t want another man to have me and allow me to be happy.I will never love never ever love again.

Anon
Reply

This article really hit home. My relationship came to an end 3 days ago. My partner cheated (although he claims not to have) with his new “best friend”(they were primary school friends but only reconnected about for 4 months ago). Although we mutually decided that its best to break it off our 7 year long relationship, its not really something I wanted. The breakup was prompted by me discovering his best friend sending an email to my partner’s sister, apologising for their behaviour and claiming to be in love with him. When I confronted both of them they said that nothing physical happened but that they do have very strong feelings for each other. His best friend is also involved.

When we broke up, my partner said that he still loves me and never stopped loving me but that he is in love with his best friend. His best friend’s partner knows about the feelings they share but has decided to stay in he relationship. I however could not stay in a relationship knowing my partner is “in love” with someone else. He has cheated on me before and two years ago he did the same thing by asking for a “break” just to ask for another chance 3 weeks later because he realised that he “couldn’t live without me”. I forgave him everytime this happened. I fear that this is another phase that he is going through. I however decided, I do not want him back and hope that I am strong enough to stick to my decision should he ever ask for another chance. Deep down I know this is the best thing that could ever happen to me (I am finally strong enough to walk away) and that I deserve better than him.

The problem that I have though is that I am still so confused. we do not live together and on the day that we broke up he still told me (via text msg) that he loves me when he opened his Christmas gift at his place and when he came through later the eve. Although I started seeing a change in his behaviour when me met this friend and partner, I never felt that in our own relationship there was a disconnect. Everytime we were together (even in their company) I still felt my boyfriend was committed to me and loved me. I got text msgs and calls everyday were he told me he loves me. I never felt that the other couple were not in love either. I did however sense that me partner was starting to develop feelings for this new friend. I never thought that the feelings would go as deep as calling it as being “in love”.

My problem is that although I consciously do not want him back, I cannot help but be torn up by the relationship. One moment I’m okay and the very next moment It feels like I cannot breath, eat or sleep. I am really struggling with it. I suspected something like this could but never in my wildest dreams thought it would him me as hard as it has. I think what makes it worse is that everyone is telling me its another phase he is gong through and the feelings are not real or this person. Also, the fact that I never felt disconnected from him whilst we were together has created alot of confusion in me. How do you just after 7years suddenly decide that you want to end a relationship which seems perfectly healthy and happy.

Everytime I confronted him about his feelings for his friend, he denied it and said I’m the only person he wants to be with (even up until I found that email). When I asked him why he never asked to get out of the relationship before he said that until I found the email he did not want to face his feelings and hurt me. He is also happy walking away from the relationship, knowing that he cannot be with his “best friend”. This morning I still felt like things were not going to be okay and questioned all the different emotions going through me but this article has really helped me to put things into perspective. I’m not struggling with the pain due to wanting him back, I’m hurting because of the memories we shared over the 7 years and I’m hurting, knowing that he could just throw 7 years away for something he doesn’t even know is going to work and that our relationship never meant enough to him to fight for it. At the moment I am just trying to cope with the pain when it goes and I’m trying to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel…This article will go along way in helping me deal with my grief.

Anon
Reply

Hey, I left a post on 30 December 2010. 3days after my breakup. I just read my own post and can’t believe hoe far I’ve come since leaving that post. When I left that post I was still so torn up by the relationship coming to an end. I couldn’t breath, eat, sleep, and was constantly crying and in pain. Not knowing how but you just live to survive another second in the day, every minute going through a different emotion. (different levels of pain)

Now 3months later, I’m still standing. Stronger than ever!! I did not get back with my ex. Infact, I have consciously decided not to have anymore contact with him. Looking back, I don’t know how, but somehow I’ve survived and I’m still surviving and getting stronger everyday.

I’m under no disillusions that I’m over the breakup, because I’m not and know that I still have a long road to walk until I can say that I’m over him. I know that I still love him and sometime I still miss him and I experience the pain of the loss again. But it is not a constant pain anymore. Not like when we had just broken up.

I still often refer to this article and have shared it with quite a few friends going through a breakup. What has really helped me THIS time. I have not forgotten the Golden Rule. I keep on reminding myself of the Golden Rule when I get lonely and want him back. Unlike the previous times we broke up and I still wanted him back (and took him back). This time is different, this time I know I do not want him back!! When the loneliness and miss sets in, that picture can become faint but then I remind myself that I do not want him back and the reasons why I can never go back to him again. I feel this had been the big difference from the ohter times we broke up.

Point being, I’ve taken this article and out it into practise. It has really been my saving grace. And time!! Only time can heal…I still take it one day at a time. I allow myself for miss & love him and to feel the hurt and pain!! Then I have a good cry and I move on from it. Everytime I allow myself to go through the bad emotions, I find that as painful as it is at that moment, it subsides and only makes me stronger.

I’m not fully healed yet, but I’m not just surviving day by day either anymore. I’m actually finally starting to live my life again. So I want to encourage all those going through a breakup. In the beginning it might not look like it, and you don’t know how you will make it through the next hour let alone the day. Just know that somehow, some way you will find the strength within to survive slowly but surely the pain will become less and easier to deal with. And eventually all the pain will be gone and you would have survived!! It will all get better in time.

Rachna
Reply

am going through a breakup. this is one of the better articles i have come across on this issue.

brenda
Reply

Very good information there. Now I really need the book on getting your ex back by Jenna but I just realized I could not order because my country Kenya is not in the list of countries. Could you assist please? Thanks. :lol:

Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"
Reply

Looked at the order page and Kenya isn’t currently accepted. Do you have a friend overseas who can order it for you? A second idea is to select another country, enter one of their zip codes (search Google), and pay as usual. Hope this helps.

Still hurting
Reply

My 14 yr marriage ended 2 and a half yrs ago. I tried every way to get my ex to sit and talk to me, but he down right refused. To this day I do not know why he left me and our child, and I never will.
I blame the fact we lost our home and rental property due to his bankruptcy.
He now has a new partner and recently had a child. Why can’t I get over this feeling I have for him. I never caused him any pain or malace, but ok for him to attack me verbally, physically and mentally. He called me selfish, demented, physchotic, schizophrenic and that I really needed to see a porfessional. I have in time found out that it was him who had a personality disorder. NPD.
I read you article and feel that I need to read the book. I feel only then will I begin my life again. Thank you

rita
Reply

Hey this is great help thanks I’ve just been dumped as apparently
he can’t do it anymore after 5 years I feel scared
lonely and I am dreading every day. I don’t want him
to move on from me I love him and want me back however he felt I wasn’t
ready for the next step. We have different religions my parents
and family are strict Catholics and he is Muslim. He felt upset coz my parents don’t approve
and never will, he was fed up and broke it off. I feel I don’t
have anything to look foward to.

How and When to End a Long-Term Relationship
Reply

[...] State your reasons without rambling. If the person wants more detail, they’ll ask for it. When you clearly give reason as to why you’ve ended the relationship, you help the two of you move on. Not understanding the justification for splitting up is possibly the number one reason someone fails to get over a relationship break up. [...]

Daisy Rutledge
Reply

Here’s my story… I met this guy in high school, I was a freshmen… He had a girlfriend yet he would always look for me. He ended up breaking up with her and came to me, I accepted him. Throughout the time we were together he went back to her more than once.. and I would ALWAYS forgive him.. and take him back of course because my feelings for him were very strong.. one day I found out once again he had been talking to her and I told him I didn’t want him anymore. He came to me and said he was sorry, he wouldn’t let me go and that’s when I would think to myself “He must love me.” Well I was wrong. I took him back and things got way better.. we did many things together, went to many places, even traveled together and I was happy… but after a while texting him became boring.. and there was not much to talk about. I wouldn’t see him as much. I trusted him with all my heart, just to find out he had cheated on me again even when he said I “meant the world” to him… I’m a senior now, I finally made a choice and decided to let him go. Us girls need to understand that if he cheats on you, he DOESN’T love you. It’s hard to let go of something you’ve had for more than three years, trust me. But see here’s the thing, you either take the risk and leave to find and experience better, or stay and have the same story played over and over. There is great things out there waiting. Beautiful things. Everything happens for a reason. Be strong and never look back, instead be happy it happened and make sure you learn form it. Next time you will know better. This is what I think: God won’t put you through anything that you can’t handle. Move on and accept what has happened. You can’t change it anymore and nothing can be done, but learn from it.

Polly-Nicole
Reply

:grin: Yep, I was one to troll through numerous sites looking for that one answer to stop all the hurt. There is no other site than this writeup by Joshua Uebergang I found helped me realign my thoughts.

Amazing, I’ll stop trolling information now and start to improve my current emotional outcome from an ex of 6 years. I’m feeling better already after reading this. Amazing what the higher brain can do when you have control of it. I can see some people have trouble seeing what really is and just feel their way through it which sometimes their feelings may not be correct.

Thanks Joshua, I can’t go past this advice.

Best wishes from Australia, P.

Leave a comment. Please read this page before commenting.

name

email (not published)

website

:mrgreen: :neutral: :twisted: :shock: :smile: :???: :cool: :evil: :grin: :oops: :razz: :roll: :wink: :cry: :eek: :lol: :mad: :sad:

Close