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5 Truths About Fear: What Fear Doesn’t Want You To Know

We fear being alone; we fear being crowded. We fear the doctor; we fear bad health. We fear the opposite sex; we fear not knowing the opposite sex. We fear making decisions; we fear not making an impact. We fear problems; we fear opportunities. We fear failure; we fear success. We fear job interviews; we fear unemployment. We fear asserting ourselves; we fear not being heard. We fear being pushed; we fear being pulled. We fear breaking up a relationship; we fear staying in the relationship. We fear meeting someone; we fear meeting no one.

Wow! Talk about an amazing list of contrasting fears! The truth about fears is they seem stupid and irrational. What fears do you have that drive you crazy?

You can fear one side of the story and the other at the same time. It is possible to simultaneously fear talking to someone new and not meeting new people because fear hides the truth. I will reveal the truth about fear to you in this article.

Fear creates an experience through a smoke screen. It makes you uncertain of what is ahead. The acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear does not want you to know the truth about itself and yourself.

Fear can immobilize your body. You can want something, but fear sends what seems like a massive electromagnetic pulse through your body to shut down your ability to function. Unless you suffer from poor health, this is a facade, a survival mechanism to protect you from something that will not hurt you.

According to Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, there are five truths about fear. Whatever you fear, provided the fear is not physically dangerous like the taking of drugs, the following five truths apply:

Truth #1

The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.

It is far more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to live paralyzed by fear.

Fear is a survival mechanism hardwired into the human mind that makes you think danger and pain resides in the darkness of the unknown. Our ancestors feared when they ventured into new lands because the environments were unfamiliar and potentially life-endangering. Fear will continue to protect you as long as you grow emotionally and mentally. Do not want a fearless life if you desire to grow. As Thomas Leonard, a personal coach, so bluntly put it: “Fear is natural. Be with it.”

Once you explore territory unknown to you, new fears arise. I know it is uncomfortable to hear that, but I am hear to tell you the truth that fear does not want you to know. It is more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to be paralyzed by fear. Be excited to know that fear will exist if you live a life worth living.

Truth #2

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.

Truth number two sounds contradictory to truth number one. Both truths are still truths. You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation. “Fear comes from uncertainty,” said 17th century English playwright William Congreve. “When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear.”

Fear will always exist in your life. The only cure to fear and social anxiety is to accept it and do it. When you do the thing you fear, whether it was a facade or not, you build confidence in your ability to handle the situation. Personal development expert Anthony Robbins said, “Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Action will conquer fear any day. By acting in the face of fear, you transform the uncertain into the certain as the unknown becomes known.

Truth #3

The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.

When ridden with fear, we reason that we will take action once we feel better about ourselves. “When I’m ready, I’ll…” “If I can… then I’ll…” “I’ll wait till I’m…”

You will not feel like a better person or build more self-belief in your ability until you do what you fear. Stop waiting for whatever it is you want to change! Change your ability to take action.

While self-esteem boosts you ability to take action, go the quicker and more direct route: take action to boost your self-esteem. Confidence builds on itself like a good financial investment leading to more positive feelings about yourself. You feel good about yourself when you dive into action. Stop wanting to be a fearless public speaker before speaking in public. Do public speaking to be a fearless public speaker.

Truth #4

Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.

You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation.

It is comforting to hear this truth. Every public speaker and writer I know suffered or currently suffers from fears and insecurities over the judgments of other people. These are strong, powerful people who do not let their fears stop them from reaching their life’s mission.

Feel the Reality of Fear

Fear is not a tumor to be cut from your body. You avoid what you’re afraid of as long as you reject fear and try to not feel it. Accept fear is your human response to the unknown.

To discover more about how you can overcome shyness and social fear in conversations, checkout my Big Talk course. It is a groundbreaking course that teaches you the only way to deal with fear in conversations is to accept it.

Fear wants you to think it is a unique psychological problem, but it really is an educational problem. Those around you and those you envy also experience (or once experienced) what you fear. The insecurities you feel are unique, unites you with everyone.

Truth #5

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Fear encompasses uncertainty, but it is scarier to have the certainty of living a fear-controlled life. The fear of being ill is scarier than seeing a doctor. The fear of having a divorce is scarier than addressing a tough relationship problem. The fear of having no friends is scarier than approaching someone.

When you have a purpose greater than fear, you become courageous. “Courage is not the absence of fear,” said Ambrose Redmoon, “but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Create a life mission more important than fear to compel yourself to face things you previously were scared to confront.

Repeat each of these truths at least 20 times every morning and night. When you continually affirm the truth, you will accept it as truth. You will no longer be tricked by fear.

I am excited to finally reveal how fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Follow the five truths in this article and you will see the light fear hides from your eyes. Live a fear-filled life!

UPDATE: As a follow up to conquer shyness and your fear of talking with people, read The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom.

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Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"

Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to https://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/

Comments

Babatunde
Reply

Hi Joshua,
This write up on the truth about fears is marvelous and inspiring. There are many who leave in fear in doing that which the society will accept without criticism but the truth is that you can never never be 100% accepted by the public. Some will be impressed while others will not.
The truth when known shall definitely set you free.
Thanks.

Regards,

Babatunde

UncleCnn
Reply

Research shows that most of our fears are on things that don’t really exist. This kind of publication could save one from the dangers emanating from mr. fear. I am just learning to conquer fear, and this is of great need to me. Thanks Joshua.

Diana Kamau
Reply

🙂 Hey joshua. I don’t think that i would ever regret joining your website. It has been so helpful in personal and office life. I had some fears of speaking in public and being myself, but your articles have been very helpful and I wish you could do more of them because it affects a lot of people. I spoke to a couple of my friends on this article and it’s amazing the response they gave. Most of them literally walk up to people they wouldn’t and face situations. Thank you.

bhavyata
Reply

Hi Joshua.
Another brilliant piece of work from you.
This is the first article where I really had to sit back and think and rethink over and over again to finally absorb and retain all that is said. Being a little timid myself, this article could not have been more apt. I am always at the threshold of deciding whether it’s fear that holds me back or is it the external frame of mind that I have influence my decisions. I have often been in difficult and tricky situations and felt the gigantic task of taking the right decision. I’m sure your article will influence my thinking process and help me with the clarity needed to make meaningful decisions. Thanks and keep going. Best regards.
bhavyata

Harvey
Reply

Joshua,
This is really inspiring. I really appreciate the article.
I believe in the Bible, and in the Genesis account of when sin came into the world through disobedience, the very first response that Adam gave to God when God asked “Adam where art thou?” Adam responded: “I heard you calling but I was afraid”
Point: Man’s first response to God was with and in fear. A negative emotional response.
Thanks again.

Gamloz
Reply

Fear is a necessary part of our lives in that it draws our attention to the interactive parts of of life. We wouldn’t desire to live if it wasn’t for fear of death, to be successful if it wasn’t for fear of failure. What is important is to learn to handle fear. I agree with the point of living a fear-filled life rather than a fearless one because we continuously need to focus on the risky parts of our lives in order to come up with something meaningful.

Dee
Reply

Thanks Joshua,

As Joyce Meyer always says, “Do it afraid.” Truth #3

I appreciate you not being afraid to share your thoughts as they have blessed me and others.

Blessings,

Dee

Driss
Reply

Fear is natural but it also results from some education taught since an earlier age. AS CHILD If you do this or that you’ll… We can inherit fear from other people’s failures, too. Fear has also to do with personalities. How strong is your personality. Why do some people feel fearless under the effect of alcohol or some drugs? and why can they confront any danger? Darkness in mind can be the main cause of fear. Some blind people can lead themselves through different situations without any fear and there is no secret for that because they just not have any picture of the obstacles they run into. Our imagination increases the consequences and we suffer more than if we face the reality. It was said that the wise man knows what he does not know and the prudent man respects what he doesn’t understand. Endless thanks for your article Joshua. KEEP ON.

Jaak
Reply

Good article – I use it to introduce dealing with fear for people in direct sales.

There is an ancient Indian meditation technique called Vipassana that deals with all of the impurities of the mind (including fears) in a very practical manner. I have practiced it for about 2 years now and it has changed my perspectives and attitudes tremendously.

I took the first course because I like the non-sectarianism of this technique and that there is no money making involved (funds come from donations from people who have taken at least one course).

It basically teaches one how to explore everything by oneself and not believing things just because someone said it to be so. It gives one tools for exploring the depths of the mind and facing all of the negativities with equanimity.
Without reacting there is a chance that one starts understanding things from an objective perspective and starts seeing things as they really are and not as we want them to be or imagine them to be. It trains one’s mind to be balanced and aware of what actually is going on (we actually react to sensations on the body and never directly to outside objects).

The mind acts as if everything is everlasting – constant craving/aversion to situations, people and so on. The truth is that nothing is eternal. Our minds are quite ignorant and delusional. Always living in the past or future and not knowing how to live in the moment. There is no fear or any other negativities if one lives in the moment.

Do not believe anything I said right now – go and experience it yourself. Only then one will understand.

Like someone said earlier, the reactive mind influence the thought processes and outcomes of analysis (very often influenced by different fears) and these results/standpoints are imaginary until one has personally/physically experienced what it really is like to be in one situation or do something.
Every idea/concept before personally experiencing it, is just a delusion, a dream that has no practical value.

That is why often we are surprised when we do something and the actual experience is different from what we thought it would be.

So go out there and try out things yourself and don’t judge based on what others are saying.
Being afraid of making mistakes is one of the biggest obstacles to personal growth and living a worry free life. The funny thing is that we learn the most by making mistakes.

So go out there and make mistakes until you master whatever it is you want to master.

Anyway 🙂

The official homepage of Vipassana in the tradition of S.N. Goenka is here: http://www.dhamma.org

Good luck with everything 🙂

[…] Any lesson on fear, anxiety, growth, and human evolution teaches you to expand your comfort zone. I like to use my feelings of discomfort as a flag of growth. Do the same. Know that by stepping outside your zone as you become uncomfortable, you will not be the same. Get good insight into fear by reading the 5 truths of fear. […]

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