5 Truths About Fear: What Fear Doesn’t Want You To Know
We fear being alone; we fear being crowded. We fear the doctor; we fear bad health. We fear the opposite sex; we fear not knowing the opposite sex. We fear making decisions; we fear not making an impact. We fear problems; we fear opportunities. We fear failure; we fear success. We fear job interviews; we fear unemployment. We fear asserting ourselves; we fear not being heard. We fear being pushed; we fear being pulled. We fear breaking up a relationship; we fear staying in the relationship. We fear meeting someone; we fear meeting no one.
Wow! Talk about an amazing list of contrasting fears! The truth about fears is they seem stupid and irrational. What fears do you have that drive you crazy?
You can fear one side of the story and the other at the same time. It is possible to simultaneously fear talking to someone new and not meeting new people because fear hides the truth. I will reveal the truth about fear to you in this article.
Fear creates an experience through a smoke screen. It makes you uncertain of what is ahead. The acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear does not want you to know the truth about itself and yourself.
Fear can immobilize your body. You can want something, but fear sends what seems like a massive electromagnetic pulse through your body to shut down your ability to function. Unless you suffer from poor health, this is a facade, a survival mechanism to protect you from something that will not hurt you.
According to Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, there are five truths about fear. Whatever you fear, provided the fear is not physically dangerous like the taking of drugs, the following five truths apply:
The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
It is far more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to live paralyzed by fear.
Fear is a survival mechanism hardwired into the human mind that makes you think danger and pain resides in the darkness of the unknown. Our ancestors feared when they ventured into new lands because the environments were unfamiliar and potentially life-endangering. Fear will continue to protect you as long as you grow emotionally and mentally. Do not want a fearless life if you desire to grow. As Thomas Leonard, a personal coach, so bluntly put it: “Fear is natural. Be with it.”
Once you explore territory unknown to you, new fears arise. I know it is uncomfortable to hear that, but I am hear to tell you the truth that fear does not want you to know. It is more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to be paralyzed by fear. Be excited to know that fear will exist if you live a life worth living.
The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
Truth number two sounds contradictory to truth number one. Both truths are still truths. You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation. “Fear comes from uncertainty,” said 17th century English playwright William Congreve. “When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear.”
Fear will always exist in your life. The only cure to fear and social anxiety is to accept it and do it. When you do the thing you fear, whether it was a facade or not, you build confidence in your ability to handle the situation. Personal development expert Anthony Robbins said, “Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Action will conquer fear any day. By acting in the face of fear, you transform the uncertain into the certain as the unknown becomes known.
The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.
When ridden with fear, we reason that we will take action once we feel better about ourselves. “When I’m ready, I’ll…” “If I can… then I’ll…” “I’ll wait till I’m…”
You will not feel like a better person or build more self-belief in your ability until you do what you fear. Stop waiting for whatever it is you want to change! Change your ability to take action.
While self-esteem boosts you ability to take action, go the quicker and more direct route: take action to boost your self-esteem. Confidence builds on itself like a good financial investment leading to more positive feelings about yourself. You feel good about yourself when you dive into action. Stop wanting to be a fearless public speaker before speaking in public. Do public speaking to be a fearless public speaker.
Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation.
It is comforting to hear this truth. Every public speaker and writer I know suffered or currently suffers from fears and insecurities over the judgments of other people. These are strong, powerful people who do not let their fears stop them from reaching their life’s mission.
Feel the Reality of Fear
Fear is not a tumor to be cut from your body. You avoid what you’re afraid of as long as you reject fear and try to not feel it. Accept fear is your human response to the unknown.
To discover more about how you can overcome shyness and social fear in conversations, checkout my Big Talk course. It is a groundbreaking course that teaches you the only way to deal with fear in conversations is to accept it.
Fear wants you to think it is a unique psychological problem, but it really is an educational problem. Those around you and those you envy also experience (or once experienced) what you fear. The insecurities you feel are unique, unites you with everyone.
Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.
Fear encompasses uncertainty, but it is scarier to have the certainty of living a fear-controlled life. The fear of being ill is scarier than seeing a doctor. The fear of having a divorce is scarier than addressing a tough relationship problem. The fear of having no friends is scarier than approaching someone.
When you have a purpose greater than fear, you become courageous. “Courage is not the absence of fear,” said Ambrose Redmoon, “but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Create a life mission more important than fear to compel yourself to face things you previously were scared to confront.
Repeat each of these truths at least 20 times every morning and night. When you continually affirm the truth, you will accept it as truth. You will no longer be tricked by fear.
I am excited to finally reveal how fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Follow the five truths in this article and you will see the light fear hides from your eyes. Live a fear-filled life!
UPDATE: As a follow up to conquer shyness and your fear of talking with people, read The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom.
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Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"
Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to https://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/