The most common tip you hear to be better with women and men is “just be yourself”. Jump in a forum, blog, or conversation where people discuss the secrets of making friends or attracting the opposite sex and you’ll hear the unanimous piece of advice echoed like ancient wisdom. I’ve received many emails and comments on articles like What Women Want in Men saying, “Forget everything. Just be yourself.” I manage to withhold from clicking reply and sending an angry response.

Being yourself is as useless advice as being told to “be confident”. How do you just be confident? You can’t just do it. Unless the word triggers what you need to do like “express your feelings” or “stand up straight”, being yourself is not helpful advice.

It’s time you understood this cliché and what you can do to be the best real you.

Why You’re Told to Be Yourself

It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.Aeschylus, ancient Greek playwright and father of tragedy

Understand the reasons people say to be yourself and you begin breaking down the belief it’s useful advice.

The majority don’t know how to attract women, get a guy, or make friends. Asking the average person how to keep a conversation going is like questioning a poor man for the secrets to be rich. If you ask your well-intentioned mother how you can get that cute girl at school, she’ll tell you to be yourself because she knows no better. Few have studied what makes one good with people.

The second reason someone tells you to “just be yourself” is to reassure you that as a person you’re fine. To change something about you implies something is wrong and flawed. Those who care for you want to preserve your self-esteem.

Asking the average person how to keep a conversation going is like questioning a poor man for the secrets to be rich.

The third reason someone tells you to “just be yourself” is that’s what most of us have heard about social skills our entire lives. Popularity creates familiarity and belief.

Mention these three weapons to counter the folly advice and you’ll be told “okay, then just be patient” and “it’s not meant to be if it doesn’t work out”. The reasons someone tells you to be yourself also explain this pathetic advice.

Talk to these people about conversational strategies, body language, or NLP and you’ll see a blank look flush over their face. It’s like getting a layman to explain how a bulb is switched on. Most lack understanding and consciousness of everyday systems we take for granted.

The Dangers of Being Yourself

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.Mike Murdock, televangelist.

One of the main differences between happy, successful people and their opposite is an attitude of responsibility towards creation. The common miserable man believes he’s a victim of the world. “There’s no point learning how to speak on stage because I’m bad at it.” A belief that being yourself is the way to go creates victimization and laziness to get what you want.

“Just be yourself” excuses you from leaving your comfort zone. It grants you permission to surf the Internet all day, not approach someone you want to talk to, or avoid that class you want to attend. Such thinking is like: “This feels uncomfortable so it’s unnatural. I better stop.”

An unchallenged body does not know itself. Talk to someone who’s been through severe adversity and you’ll hear someone who knows what matters to them. “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience,” said Martin Luther King, Jr. “but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

An unchallenged body does not know itself.

The risk in being yourself and not leaving your comfort zone is stagnation towards achieving your goals. You get your current results in life for a reason. If you’re fat, I guarantee you eat and think different to models on TV or bodybuilders. If you’re lonely, I guarantee you move and think different to someone popular. If you’re shy, I guarantee you talk and think different to a confident person. In this lies the problem of being yourself: you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got and be what you’ve always been.

The Case for Being Yourself

You never find yourself until you face the truth.Pearl Bailey, American actress and singer

If you’re fuming about what you’ve read, I’ve just undermined your belief system of what to do to be good with people. To get what you want, you have to evolve. If you keep your daily habits, your future will be the same if not worse.

Pete Sampras, Wade Gretzky, or Jack Nicklaus didn’t give up after a lost match, missed shot, or lost tournament. They certainly did not think being themselves was the secret to sporting success. Each of them practiced something everyday that wasn’t “them”.

Your true self is not your habitual self. You do what you do now for many reasons. Influences of what you do include friends, family, culture, and general experience in the world. A woman can be a rape victim fearful of intimacy or she can be a loving wife. Experience shapes who you are but it doesn’t define you. You define yourself.

“Just be yourself” has too broad of a meaning to be useful. Getting more focused, there are certain situations where it is good to be yourself depending on context and meaning.

Being yourself is good advice when its understood as not comparing yourself to others. When you compare yourself to the billionaire or the guy who gets a hot new woman every week, you’ll feel worthless. You’re better off doing what I call a “self-to-self comparison” where you juxtapose your present self to your past self. Your past is too different from others to compare yourself with them. Stop putting people on pedestals.

It’s not about being someone you’re not. Authenticity is saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

Being yourself is also good advice for authentic conversation. “When one is pretending, the entire body revolts,” wrote French author Anais Nin. What you feel shows in your body language. Psychologist Paul Ekman gave the term “microexpressions” to describe how the face gives off subtle signals of one’s true feelings. You can say you’re fine about a friend going to a movie without you, but your narrowed lips and eyebrows close together give the person an intuitive signal you’re angry.

Fake a smile in the mirror to sense the weirdness of being unauthentic. Begin to imagine how hiding yourself damages relationships. It just feels wrong. Most of my teenage years were spent with a mask on covering my true feelings with family because of shame. Your emotional health and relationships eventually suffer when you’re not yourself.

Why then do we act “fake” in relationships? You most likely do it because you fear rejection and not being loved for who you are. It is deep stuff.If someone dislikes your mask, that’s only your mask and not you.

To be what I call “the real you” entails vulnerability. The real you entails equal effort, fear, and risk. If this scares you, know that a challenge will cause evolution. The best real you is saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and doing what you can to be trustworthy, reliable, and responsible.

The path to the best you is ****en hard if you’ve been unauthentic most of your life. People judge and treat you a certain way based on the image they expect you to uphold. Heck, you have an image of you called a self-image that regulates what you do.

The question is: what’s your self-image at the moment and what do you want it to be? As you answer and think about that question throughout the week, keep in mind what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”

The next time you hear “just be yourself”, email or post the link of this article to your advice-giver.

It’s hard to socialize if your voice is unclear, jagged, and plain boring – common vocal traits of shy people. A charming voice is sexy. It makes people listen to you.

This is a guest article from Carol, a friend of mine for two years. Carol runs her speech company out of San Francisco. She is the best voice coach I know. Read and most importantly practice what she has to teach in this article to develop a charming voice…

Does this sound familiar?

People have trouble hearing my voice when there’s any kind of noise.

When I try to talk louder, I end up with a sore throat.

I sound raspy and flat on my voice-mail.

I need to be able to project when I give oral reports, so people don’t interrupt with, “Can’t hear you!” or “Speak up!”

I want to have a voice people call rich, resonant, and, well, OK – sexy.

I have worked with voice improvement for many years and know there is single golden road to your gorgeous voice: you have to think “Singing“.

Wait! Don’t go! That first step to a charming voice is understanding there really are learnable skills that make a huge difference in the attractiveness of your voice. Yes, you can do something about it.

Singing is a matter of a sustained vocal tone with maximal resonance. In practice, what this means for your speaking is the vowels are more prominent when you talk and you allow chest resonance to build and color your words.

Why Your Voice Isn’t Golden

Reason 1: The problem you are probably up against is that you barely open your mouth when you talk – you retract your voice to the back of your throat and constrict the sound so there is little opportunity for resonance to build.

Reason 2: Most of your speech energy goes into your consonants and not your vowels. Big mistake! While speech sounds are clearly important to intelligibility, vowels are equally vital PLUS supplying a physical, musical element can be attractive and charming to the opposite sex.

Here’s a sentence that uses a lot of noise, just to give you the idea: “Stacie can’t scratch the itch.” Compare all those noise elements to the vocal flow of “Many men will wonder.” in the following exercise.

Reason 3: You spurt your voice inside each syllable instead of providing a steady flow of sound to carry your voice out with a continuous tone underlying all your speaking.

Those who have used my CDs, The Sound of Your Voice or have my book, It’s the Way You Say It, will recognize the concepts of Tonal Support and Linking. (Josh: See my review of The Sound of Your Voice.)

If you use the concept of singing to guide your speaking, you are more likely to allow melodic variation into your speaking.

Did you see the movie, The King’s Speech? The stuttering king produced his best, most fluent speech when he used the continuous flow of voice, with one word linked to the next, to connect his speech.

Place your hand firmly on your throat and say, very slowly, “Many men will wonder”. You should have felt a continuous flow of voice as you moved from one word to the next. This flowing of the voice helped the King speak fluently and will help you sound more resonant.

Reason 4: That constricted throat you habitually use will produce a monotone not yummy.

If you use the concept of singing to guide your speaking, you are more likely to allow melodic variation into your speaking. Listen to the intonation of the famous “homeless” guy with the “golden voice” in the news recently. Notice how musical his speaking is. It is a constant song and people are enraptured by it. Crooning rhymes with spooning, doesn’t it?

If the first step to a charming and irresistible voice is knowing what to do, the second step is actually doing it. To go from “knowing” to “doing”, you need some help. Here are five steps to help you get the most out of your voice.

Practical Steps to Develop a Charming Voice

1. If you can, get yourself some singing instruction from someone who knows how to guide you in learning a new voice. You’ll probably pay for this. It will be worth every cent.
2. Join a church or community choir that provides some instruction in voice production. Just being in a group may give you the confidence to open up and try new behaviors you would never do by yourself.
3. Use my book, It’s the Way You Say It for exact instructions on these techniques and you can use my CDs The Sound of Your Voice to give you the auditory guidance to supplement the book.
4. Experiment with your new voice with people who wait on you in restaurants or the dentist’s office. You can develop more skill and comfort using a changed voice with people who are not emotionally important to you.
5. It is a good idea to learn appropriate poetry so you practice and memorize it in your resonant voice. The poetry could come in handy.

All is fair in love and war, they say. And a sexy voice simply cannot be beat. Use this to develop a charming voice

Here is an interview of me where you learn more tips to make your voice charming:

Whether you’re the girl at the bar yelling to her friends “Oh my I have to pee SO BAD!” or the guy whose voice cracks over his first words, it’s hard to erase a first impression from someone’s brain. As said in Big Talk, where there’s a whole chapter on ways to make a good first impression, “A first impression isn’t a last impression; it’s an influential impression.”

A good impression at first sight is what I call “the lazy man’s way to make people like you”. Princeton University research shows our snap judgments remain consistent over time. If someone judges you as “attractive”, “friendly”, and “open” within 100 milliseconds, they’re likely to think you’re all that by the end of the conversation. The study found one thing changes as the conversation continues: a person’s confidence in the accuracy of their first impression.

Call it bias or unfairness. I call it human psychology. Work with it if you want to be seen as awesome. Learn how to impress people at first sight. Here are 40 ways to make a great first impression.

1. Know the importance of body language. Before you open your mouth, people judge a lot about you by the way you walk, hold yourself, and move. These types of nonverbal communication are detected before you mutter a word. It’s a myth nonverbal communication gives 93% of all communication, but body language must be statistically high as part of a first impression.

Knowing the value of body language and unspoken social dynamics in a good first impression encourages you to focus on it. You’ll be more concerned with smiling, speaking louder and clearer, and appearing calm, which will impress others more than a great conversation starter.

2. Open your body language. Open body language invites and impresses while closed body language shows ignorance and insolence. Here’s a snippet of a table from the Big Talk course explaining the difference between the two types of body language:

Imagine two people. You’re one of them. The weirdo has all the traits of closed body language while you or me – each an amazingly cool person – has all the traits of open body language. You get the vibe the other person is a creep while we’re charming.

3. Social proof yourself. Social proof is a principle of social psychology that says we look to others during obscure social situations to determine how we should behave. There are hundreds of unknown people in public social events so we observe how people treat each other to measure how we should treat someone.

If you see everyone looking towards a guy, you’ll look towards him to calculate what’s going on. If a guy seated alone for an hour approaches you for conversation, you’ll dislike him before he opens his mouth. You’ll look for information to validate why he is alone and unpopular.

If every time someone spots you laughing with a group of new people, you’ve made a better first impression than anything else possible.

Everyone knows you can manipulate your words and tell a verbal lie, but we believe what we see. Social proof is a great way to make a good first impression. Make friends before you enter a venue. Be seen chatting with the bouncer or waiter or a group of friends you just met. If someone spots you every time laughing with a group of new people, you’ve made a better first impression than anything else possible with cool body language or witty first words.

4. Put yourself at ease. Did you know if you’re tense talking with someone, the mirror neurons in another person’s brain forces them to become tense? Their body literally duplicates your tension. The strain or message that relates to it, like you’re an uptight angry jerk, is then stored in the person’s hippocampus, the memory center of the brain. Not a good way to make friends.

If you’re like most ToP readers, your body is tense right now. Heck, even I just realized I’m tense writing about tension! To see your tension and remove it, relax your forehead. Loosen your jaw. Let your face droop downwards as the tension dissipates. You can tighten a muscle for three seconds then release it to enter relaxation. Do this throughout your body whenever you think of it. Tension is unconscious, but relaxation conscious.

5. Get into shape. Light travels faster than sound, so your physical appearance is noticed before your voice or introductory comment is heard. Looks aren’t everything, but they’re important and quickly noticed.

Get your physical game together whatever that maybe. Exercise to stay in shape. Drop that greasy packet of chips in the bin. Everyone notices a guy with biceps bulging out of his sleeves or a woman with a curvacious figure. We’re impressed by people with good physiques.

6. Dress stylish within the decade. I understand if your bright green neon stilettos appear “timeless” to you. However, nobody else does. When in doubt, wear black or gray. These colors are timeless and even if a dress or tie was purchased 10 years ago, it’ll come across as stylish because it’s not a shocking, bright, or ridiculous color.

Dress nice and stylish, but comfortable. You want to look your best, yet many times we tend to think dressing sharp, stylish, and sexy is more important than being comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable and constantly tugging or pulling at your shirt or dress, you’ll feel distracted and probably self-conscious. Don’t compromise comfort for style. Feel good in what you wear.

This is no fashion school, yet I must say one last thing on this topic. Not only is it important to dress for comfort, it’s important to dress for your body type as well. Ladies, don’t squeeze into a revealing, slinky dress because you hear it’s the latest style, even though your chest is popping out and you can see your underwear lines through it. Men, don’t wear a fitted Slipknot t-shirt if your gut sticks out beneath it. You need tip number five if that’s the case!

The difference between a good impression and bad one may just be how you interpret it.

7. Think positive before going in. Imagine the positive mark you’ll make on people instead of visualizing how that attractive lady will laugh at you when you approach her asking, “Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?” (I wouldn’t blame you if you’re thinking negatively using that pick-up line). See the interaction going incredibly awesome. Believe the person you’re about to talk to is friendly. You’ll go in looking a happier, more impressionable person.

If you’re a pessimist so you never get disappointed, read my review of Mind-Lines, a great book on reframing to think in healthy ways. The difference between a good impression and bad one may just be how you interpret it.

8. Get into a positive state. Make people’s mirror neurons work for your benefit. Put yourself into a positive state so a person’s brain makes them emotionally high in your presence.

I believe it’s unhealthy to always seek happiness and “positive emotions” because you block yourself from authenticity and a full experience of life, but there are lessons in Big Talk you can follow to boost your mood and impress people:

1. Firstly, know that energy is a choice. You can make yourself feel good at will.
2. You may get in a good mood by psyching yourself up or down. Figure out what works for you.
3. Talk with anyone or anything. If you feel great and can have a smooth conversation with your cat, I like your odds at impressing people in a conversation.
4. Take a practice dive socializing. Dive in and allow yourself to belly flop. E-motion is energy in emotion. Action is necessary to feel alive.

9. Be present. The distinguishing factor between anxious, lonely persons and those with charisma is their energetic focus. Loners are drawn into themselves. They think about past mistakes or anticipate how others may respond. I use to think of me freezing in past conversations or about what others would think if I said something. Yeah, it’s messy.

People know when you’re not fully in the moment and are repulsed by it. Children hate when a parent pretends to listen when all they do is hear.

Just before you approach someone or at anytime during a conversation, focus on the now. The best way I’ve found to do this is by taking deep and slow belly-breathes for 30 seconds. You can also observe a person’s body language. These techniques will make you more present and people will be impressed.

10. Impress the right person. Would you leave your hand print on a rock or in clay? Some people are easier to impress than others while some are worth impressing more than others.

If you have a hard-time impressing people, pick low-hanging fruit. Talk to the person alone or listen to the person looking sad. The social proof and emotional momentum will help you impress those higher up the tree. It’s a sneaky way to make a good first impression.

11. Approach people from a 45-degree angle. It’s alarming to have someone approach you head on. In the caves thousands of years ago we’d kill anything aggressively nearing us. Having said that, don’t sneak up on someone like they’re your best friend. It’s not cute. In the caves thousands of years ago we’d kill anything that tried to surprise us from behind (okay, maybe your ancestors didn’t give you my schizophrenic genes, but you get the point.)

What’s the right way to walk up to people? Approach from a 45-degree angle. You can keep your geometry set in your school bag. Just use the principle as a reminder that we’re comfortable being approached by strangers at a visible indirect angle.

12. Make eye contact. The eyes give your interactions emotional meaning. If you look at any object or person as if you had ADHD, you’ll appear anxious or disinterested. Certainly you’ve heard this a million times, but giving someone a good look in the eyes right as you meet them shows you’re interested in them. Your pupils dilate and they instinctively catch on, causing automatic attraction.

13. Cast an illuminating smile. A cold turkey smile switches on in an instant. An illuminating smile turns on gradually. Make eye contact with someone then go from a blank face to a full warm smile in two seconds. Read my article “How to Be Interesting Without Saying a Word” for more help with this technique and a couple of extra tricks to impress people through your body language.

14. Don’t stare and smile like a hungry wolf. Or a hungry vampire. Eye contact is one thing, looking like someone staring at their bait is another.

Temporarily break eye contact by shifting your eyes downwards for two seconds. It’s a sign of friendliness and safety probably experienced by cave men who killed beasts that glared in their eyes (again, that’s probably my schizophrenic genes). Sharing your eye contact with the floor makes you safe and likable in the eyes of those you chat with giving them a good impression of you.

15. Remember your acquaintances name and use it. A “nice to meet you, Sarah” or “Me too Bob, I totally get that” shows you’re interested in speaking to them and are having more than just an empty conversation. If you have the memory of a goldfish, check out a post of mine for social skills resources to help remember names.

16. Shake hands well. There’s more to a handshake than a firm one. Lean forward at the hips to show interest. Ensure your hand and theirs go web-to-web. Yes, grip firmly. A strong, firm handshake shows confidence in anyone. Same for you, ladies. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to stick out your fingers like a delicate tulip. My last tip for a good handshake is to give two up-and-down shakes. Do these and you may just impress people with your hand skills.

17. Speak with a resonant voice. I’ve mentioned body language for a good impression, but the voice is another part of nonverbal communication that can impress people. A squelching voice will leave your listeners with plugs in their ears while a soothing, clear voice will have people hang on to your every word.

There’s diverse problems in vocalics from talking too loud, fast, soft, raspy, high, indecisively, breathy, and the list goes on. To cure all these problems and improve your voice, I recommend you learn from Carol Fleming, creator of The Sound of Your Voice audio program, and her new book It’s the Way You Say It. Her book is the best resource I’ve come across to improve your voice and nonverbal communication.

18. Make the conversation about others. We think we need to impress others by drawing attention to ourselves. The opposite is true. I once saw a man wearing a shirt that said, “Oh yea, that reminds me of something that allows me to talk about myself.” For many people, this couldn’t be more true. The last person you want to be is the one who starts telling a story about themselves as soon as they hear someone mention a related topic. You make friends easily when the conversation is on their passions, their problems, their perceptions.

19. Show interest in what they have to say. If someone talks about the awesome day they had or the recent achievement they accomplished at work, it’s worth the recognition and respect that comes along with you intently listening. Did he land a new job? Shut up about your 10 million dollar deal and be happy for him. Lean forward, ask questions, have your mouth slightly open, and be in awe.

20. Talk about yourself. Yeah, that will impress people when done right. You see, fans of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People are so adamant on making the conversation about others and being interested in people. This makes a good impression on people – without it, you’re sure to be the person everyone wishes would be gagged for silence. However, if you really want to impress a guy or girl and make them into a friend, you need to talk about yourself.

We feel close to those we understand. Without that understanding of someone’s identity, we have our shields up. If someone talks about their hot air balloon experience, ask them questions, listen to them gas, then share how you’ve never done it before and would love to do it. They may just invite you to fly away some day after you impress them.

21. Show how great you are rather than telling. If you’re awesome and you want someone to know it, don’t tell them. Your actions, mannerisms, and attention must show you’re a killer person. A guy who talks about his Lamborghini before you go on a drive is an idiot, while a guy who takes you into his Lamborghini without a mention of it is impressive. You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.

22. Throw them a genuine compliment. Showering someone with compliments is sucking up. If you absolutely love someone’s hairstyle or outfit, make a point to tell them. You impress by complimenting a person on something they put effort into and hoped someone would notice.

You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.

23. Accept compliments with grace. A whine fits in here as well. People find it difficult to accept a compliment. A good response to “I like your outfit” is a simple “Thank you” rather than “Ugh, the color makes me look pale.” It’s okay to be praised and admired. Now is not the time to feel guilt.

24. Make them feel great. I’ve given a couple tips on what to say to impress people because a great impression is about the feelings you create in other people. “They may forget what you said,” said Frederick Buechner, author of over 20 books on deep humanity, “but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

You get in a positive mood, dress stylishly, smile, shake hands well, make eye contact, and compliment – not for your own ego – but for the positive feelings you create in other people. I want you to go from asking, “Am I impressing the person?” to “How am I making the person feel?” Do what you can to make people feel great to leave a long-lasting emotional imprint.

25. Cut negativity. You leave a bad emotional imprint with drama, depression, gossip, complaints, and criticism. If you complain about your uncomfortable outfit, your bad hair day, or “how faaaaat you look,” you come across as a negative person. If you go on and on about a health problem, you create in them a mental problem of a bad impression.

26. Respect social rules. There is no need to stand out or risk breaking social rules. If you say something really off the wall or perverted, it will be remembered. The first time you meet someone, don’t mention your bladder leak on an airplane. There’s no excuse for that.

If you’re completely douched in cologne or perfume, it will be remembered. Subtle scents are fine and often attractive to others. But if you’re the guy that smells like an Old Spice commercial halfway across the bar, women will not woo you for attention.

27. Be cautious about your alcohol consumption. If there is booze around, you probably want a drink or two to loosen up and get in the mood. Drinking to the point of being belligerently drunk and annihilated will screw your chances of being impressionable in a positive way.

28. Follow the rules of etiquette. Each of your behaviors say something about you. If you have a potty mouth that unleashes foul language, you are seen as raw, rough, and rude. On the other hand, if you follow the rules of etiquette, you impress people with your punctuality and politeness.

Some basic rules of etiquette follow. Abstain from swearing. Open doors for others and keep them open. Arrive and leave events at the right time. Write thank you notes. If you eat or chew gum, don’t chew like a cow. Feed your stomach with a closed mouth. I have a follow up article teaching you 89 social etiquette tips.

29. Get touchy. Socially acceptable touching is the most underused form of nonverbal communication. Appropriate touching connects people faster than words. Tap your target on the elbow during your approach to get their attention then shake hands. Touch people to emphasize a point in a story. Everyone loves a celebratory high-five.

30. Get in sync. This means you nonverbally match someone you’re talking with. Alter your voice, posture, stance, gestures, and movements to mirror theirs. If they stand and move around the room, stand then walk with them. Once you’re in sync, they’ll feel you’re a typical friend just like them. It’s an effective way to make a good first impression.

31. Pull everyone into the conversation. You can impress more than one person by baiting uninvolved group members into the conversation. A loudmouth guy may hog the spotlight, leaving others in the dark. You should talk to the whole group. Shift the attention onto the dormant conversationalists by asking questions like, “What’s your experience with that?” “What’s your opinion on this?” and “What do you think?” If you’re asked a question like “How do you spend your time during the day?”, turn the same question onto them. People will be impressed with your social intelligence.

32. You can be wrong. It’s okay to not have someone admit you’re right even when you know the truth. Righteously blind people irritate. If you cannot prove to a nut head the Earth is not the center of the universe, others in the group will admire your need to not be all knowing and wonder how your verbal combatant’s genes survived this long.

33. Be unique. If you feel there’s nothing special about you, create something. Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere. We remember Elvis created a unique style of music. FedEx became known for the “overnight delivery” then hurt itself by competing with DHL for “worldwide”. When all mouth wash companies tried to make their product pleasurable in the mouth, Listerine came in and went the opposite way.

Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere.

Find something unique about you that can receive more attention. That one thing will stick in people’s mind. You will become the “pink hair girl”, “the funny coffee man”, or “the tall guy”.

34. Show your sense of humor. If you’re witty, sarcastic, or dark with humor, it’s your personality and you want to show it. However, if you find yourself wanting to joke like, “A blonde walks into a bar. Ouch!” reconsider sharing it. Whatever you do, don’t try to start off with a funny opening line such as “So Helen Keller walks into a bar…” Talk to someone for a few minutes before determining whether or not your humor will be appreciated. Conversational humor develops throughout the interaction anyway.

35. Let little troubles float by you. This is a lesson from my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. People with little power pick on little things. A couple walks down the street when one of them stumbles and the other replies, “Oh, watch your step.” A group of mates have a beer when one tips over his drink to which a mate jokes, “That was smart.” A boyfriend tries to empathize with his girlfriend when she sneezes by saying, “Oh, that was a nasty one.” Pointing out the obvious does not impress people. It makes you insensitive.

Famed painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso said, “The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.” Powerful people with prestige impress others by ignoring unimportant noise. They don’t point out the obvious because it’s emotionally unintelligent. They continue whatever they were doing. If they talk about a family problem at a restaurant when a waiter gives them a wrong order, they solve the hiccup and move on, instead of getting snared in drama. Poise and composure give people safety and certainty, both attractive qualities to create.

36. Give people a second-chance. Based on the Princeton University research mentioned earlier, you know our first impressions of someone tend to remain throughout the conversation with them. What changes is our increased confidence that our quick judgments were spot on. People will give you a bad first impression. You may think a new co-worker is a cow, a guy at a party should jump off the balcony, or a girl is a drama queen. Give people another chance to impress you to become more friendly, impressing people.

If you had a mind-blank at the start of a conversation with a stranger, you’d feel they’re pretty amazing if they came up to you later and said, “Never mind about our ‘conversation’ before. I get mind-blanks all the time. What’s your name?” What a caring and impressive person!

37. Stop over-thinking. “My hair looks bad.” “I forgot to iron this shirt.” “What if everyone hates me?” “What if I have a zit?” Stop it. Insecurities are the greatest turn off according to author Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction.

You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do.

You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do. Nobody’s going home saying, “Ugh, did you see his hair? It was combed slightly too far to the left.”

38. Remain calm. Don’t freak out if things go unplanned. Since you’re now thinking positive thoughts, keep your pants clean should things go haywire. If you trip, if you choke on your food, if you just don’t get along with someone you thought you’d click with, no worries. People’s actions do not matter; your reactions do.

39. Make a good last impression. We learned from the Princeton University study that people look for information to validate their first impression of someone. Leaving a conversation on a positive note gives people further proof their initial judgment is right – that you’re a great person.

Masters like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods know how to finish strong. Become a conversation master by skipping the Houdini stunt of vanishing from the conversation. Use the “high returns” technique from Big Talk:

Appreciate something specific about the person by reflecting one thing the person talked about. Examples include: “I need to go now, but it has been great to receive your expertise on…” “Thank you for the great time together.” “I’m off to hunt down a friend, but it has been a pleasure to hear about your overseas journeys.” The person will leave the conversation on a high and love you for it.

40. Snare the chance to repair. What do you do if someone kindly approaches you and you give them the cold shoulder because you just lost your job? You can kick yourself for screwing up an impression or you can work with what’s happened by repairing your dirty ditch. Get the person aside then correctly apologize by admitting your mistake. Show your guilt, let the person respond, then move on. Use the other tips to make a better impression: put yourself at ease, let the trouble float by you, and make the conversation about them.

If all 40 ways to make a good first impression overwhelm you, they have a counterproductive effect. Take a few deep breathes. Let the tips fall back into your mind. You will unconsciously act out what you learned. When the day is over, you will be impressed by the people you impressed.

For more tips and techniques to socialize and make friends, get Big Talk by clicking here.

You are already swimming in the wake of those who courted their way ahead in a career or relationship with charm. Charming people get more affection from the opposite sex, get respected by strangers, and get the raise they want at work. Charming people have an easier, more enjoyable life.

In medieval times (and still to this day) magic had charm because of its mysteries. It had unknown traits that left outsiders dumbfounded. When you charm men and women, they wonder what magic you wield to make people respect and like you.

The good news is if you have as much charm as a backyard rock, you too can transform into a captivating diamond. If you feel you can never outshine the one always topping you with a cooler line, relax then follow some of the best tips showing how to be charming to men and women.

Be Sociable

I was going to put “be nice”, but that can be interpreted as some of the worst advice. If on a date, be nice to the valet people, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, and other service workers by smiling and saying, “G’day”. Ask them with genuine interest how their day is going. If you be a snotty snob, you look worse by the second. People around you wonder how your hair strategically hides your horns.

It’s charming to show friendliness to everyone. Being sociable in everyday “micro-interactions” makes you charismatic.

Show Confidence

You want to know “how to be charming to men and women”? Confidence has been undeniably taught for centuries as a method to charm. If you enter a social situation feeling good about yourself and looking your best, you do better than feeling like trash and looking like so. Any situation you enter with your tail between your legs causes you to stuff up. That’s all I’m going to say about confidence here as nobody can quickly tell you how to be confident.

Remember Arrogance is not Charm

Charm is not where you become Ron Burgundy, walk up to someone, then talk about how awesome you are. If two minutes into the conversation you brag about your recent humanitarian efforts in Haiti and rattle off the titles of leather bound books in your office, you’re not a charmer; you’re an arrogant a-hole. Please stop talking. Real charm comes from receiving by doing things like being genuinely interested and not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Be Lively, Not Obnoxious

Real charm comes from receiving… not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Whether you are at a bar, restaurant, or event in the park and you are the loudmouth everyone can hear, they’ll want to punch you in the face. It’s not cute and it’s not charming to be the loud, obnoxious person.

Be Positive

I know I’m drowning you in cliches. Too many people I’ve talked to don’t understand how to be charming to men and women because of simple mistakes. Nobody wants to hang around Negative Nancy.

Being sarcastic and cynical is one thing, though it’s difficult to show that part of you in a non-negative way. I like to think of being positively sarcastic as a type of art form. It’s difficult to achieve, but you’re golden if you can properly execute it in a sparing manner.

Avoid discussing how much you hate your job, how bad your health is, how tasteless the music being played is, and how you’re having the worst hair day ever (even though you were just complimented on it). Steer clear of topics like death and suffering, but when they are brought up and others want to discuss them, you can talk about tough topics with a soothing calmness.

Complimenting people is one great way to be positive. I’ll briefly teach you how to compliment soon. When someone compliments you, avoid responding with, “Ugh, you think so? I don’t like it.” Graciously say thank you and leave it at that.

Steve Pavilanis from A Life Less Anxious has a simple way to be more positive around people and with yourself:

Show Interest

Many of us are inclined to start talking about ourselves once someone mentions their hobby, as in, “Oh you like traveling? I just got back from Guatemala. I was helping to pave that giant hole in the earth. Did you hear about that?”

Instead, ask about their travels first, otherwise you look desperate to woo them with your God-like Earth-paving abilities and you will be made fun of when you leave. Always ask at least one question when someone mentions their career or a hobby.

Pure presence is intimately mind-warping.

Questioning itself does not charm people. It’s how you lean forward, widen your eyes, and focus on the person’s every word that charms men and women. Pure presence is intimately mind-warping. You’ve got to experience it to know what I’m talking about. There’s a whole chapter on this in Big Talk that makes it easy to charm anyone.

As a rule of thumb, whenever someone shows interest in a topic, respond with equal interest or positive curiosity. Listen to what they say with genuine interest. Minutes will fly-by as they think you’re a great conversationalist. After being heard, they will be keen to hear the stories of your travels. Only then is it okay to brag about your Earth-healing adventure.

Keep in Mind Silence is Golden

Silence at the right time is charming. A silent look into someone’s eyes with a warming smile can say much more than hours of speech.

If you’re awful at moments of silence, practice showing interest in people and work on your listening skills. People have untapped knowledge deep listening digs up. If a guy talks about a problem, listening intently helps him solve his own problems and it makes you look good! By actively listening you honor the talker’s thoughts and feelings and accept people for who they are which they will love.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Withhold Advice

Active listening means you withhold advice until the person is done talking. Keep your unwelcome or unnecessary opinions to yourself. If a woman goes on about how her family never listens to her, don’t respond with “It’s no wonder” nor should you give her your elite suggestions to solve the situation. (Feel free, though, to talk about me and refer her to TowerOfPower.com.au!)

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Advice is 1 of 12 communication killers revealed in the Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. You think you help people with advice, but there’s four reasons solutions hurt relationships.

Show Your Sense of Humor

Men and women love a sense of humor. Whether you’re the equivalent of a stand-up comedian, sarcastic, sharp with your wit, dry or dark, don’t be afraid to let it show. Inhibition is the greatest barrier to being funny.

You likely abstain from humor in fear that it’ll make people laugh at you. Bad humor repels people more than not being funny so let your humor-radar carefully guide you through the social waters. If your sense of humor has you walk up to a woman to say, “I like my women like the preparation of a good coffee: ground up and in the freezer,” don’t count on getting far.

There’s hope for you to become funnier because humor is learned. Get Comedy Writing Secrets to learn how humor is structured.

Also, an unusual way to improve your sense of humor is to laugh. Laughter is after all, the other side of a sense of humor. Laughing gets you in a good mood and trains you to take yourself lightly. We like people who laugh at our conversational humor. If you’re talking to someone of the opposite sex and spill your drink or twist up your words, laugh at yourself and relax about it. You can even playfully accuse the person for your accident: “Look what you did!”

Ease your way into humor by learning what works and what’s socially acceptable. You can charm people with laughter and not be a comedian.

Give Authentic, True, and Genuine Compliments

Everyone loves a compliment because it feels good to be admired, attractive, and appreciated (the triple A). Men particularly love them because we naturally crave respect and honor. Love to a woman is like respect to a man. An effective compliment, nonetheless, charms any person.

Sincerity in a compliment is not enough to make someone feel “the triple A”. Timing is also important. Showering someone with sweet words every hour is not attractive and takes away from the authenticity of everything else you say. A simple “you look great in that dress” or “you have beautiful eyes” is perfectly acceptable in small doses.

The last and most important factor to consider to give a killer compliment is figuring out what the person wants to be admired for. There’s no point praising a person on his shirt if he picked it with no care. If the person wears a shirt with the slogan “Help save African children from aids” because he worked in Africa for a few months fighting the disease, then the emotional connection he has with his shirt powers your compliment.

Charisma expert Wayne Elise has some extra advice on how to compliment.

Talk About Your Interests with Passion

Passion is infectious. If the person you talk to or are interested in hears you speak with passion and enthusiasm about what you do, they will become more intrigued with you. If you drone on about your job or how the last few vacations you took were a drag, you come across as Debbie Downer or Derek Depressor no one wants to travel with (or talk to).

Balance Your Work and Social Life

Charming people have the time to charm people! You’re not going to win men and women over by sitting in your office cubicle or playing World of Warcraft to six in the morning. You have got to get out to better socialize with these 14 amazing social skills resources.

We’ve all used the “I can’t, I have to…” excuse on someone we’re disinterested in, and have probably had it used on us. After awhile people are conditioned to think anyone who says no or says they have another commitment is blowing them off because they’re disinterested. I’m not saying you have to cancel plans every time someone you’re interested in wants to spend time with you, but have a flexible schedule.

Few persons want to date or be friends with someone who always runs off to work. Do you think a charming person values work over his or her friends?

Be Ambitious

If you have some direction in your life and goals regarding where you see yourself in 10 years – whether your goal is purchasing a home, helping the homeless in your city get off the street, or getting a raise at your job – show something. You do not look good when you come across as completely clueless with no goals or desires for your future.

For more tips with what you can do physically to improve your charm, a few key body language ideas follow.

Stand with Good Posture

An upright posture with your spine straight, shoulders back, and neck straight gives the added impression of self-confidence. Many people avoid standing this way because they feel uncomfortable or overpowering, but standing with this good posture after awhile feels natural and looks better.

Relax Your Facial Muscles

A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm.

As you read this, your brow is likely to be a little furrowed, eyes squinted, and lips pursed. Maybe not all these, but some, right? Why are you doing this? Can you see the monitor just fine? Probably. Chances are you do some of these things when you are in public as well.

Tension is unconscious, but relaxation is conscious. A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm. Relax the muscles on your face to the point where you cannot detect tension. You may even want to make this a routine right before you enter a room to socialize.

Smile with Your Teeth

A smile that shows teeth is more appealing and more attractive than a smile with lips together. The later is not as natural and charming. Even if you hate your teeth, research proves showing them when you smile is more authentic. An authentic smile shows you’re enjoying yourself, which is a charming trait. Watch this video for extra tips on how to smile:

Dress Comfortably

You may have worn an outfit that was “hot” or “appealing” or “fashionable,” but didn’t feel completely “yourself” in it. You feel wrong wearing something not you. You spend time adjusting, looking in the mirror, and worrying you look ridiculous. It distracts too much of your brain.

The principle is this: get comfortable in what you wear or don’t wear it. Don’t go out of your way to wear something just because you heard it appeals to someone of the opposite sex. You look more like a weirdo tugging at your outfit the whole night than if you wore your trustworthy outfit yet to fail you for years.

Authentic Charm – How to Be Charming

If you have yet to notice, charm is the art of having a good personality. And a “good personality” in this context is how good you are with people. Again, charm is good people skills.

Good looks is a part of charm, but even that forms your first impression with people so it relates to people skills. If you look good and you know it (and not in a cocky way), it will come through in your personality and you’re more likely to act your most “charming.” I’m quiet and flirty and work with that.

No matter what you do or no matter how hard you “try” to be charming, you will think someone is doing a better job than you, looks better than you, or seems to ease into conversation better than you. Overlook another person’s antics. Let them be them and you be you. Comparing yourself to others devours too much energy better spent on talking and listening to an awesome person and charming their face off. Focus on doing that instead of mental mutilation.

Self-consciousness hurts your ability to build friends. A charming person, after all, knows charm is held in the eye of another man or woman.

For hundreds more tips on how to be charming, make conversation, and win friends, check out the Big Talk Training Course.

That is your first problem stopping you from discovering what men want in women when dating and in relationships. As long as you try understand men through your female experiences and understandings, you will remain confused.

Men differ from women. Before you give me a Nobel Prize for that remarkable statement, understand that you tend to operate from your limiting beliefs in dating and relationships. You apply your reality of chemistry and connection to a man’s reality, forgetting a male’s emotional psychology is completely different to your own.

If you cook, clean, and shop for a man in hope he likes you, you’ll be ineffective at triggering attraction and other important responses men want to feel around women. You wouldn’t feel attracted to a guy who only sat around watching football drinking beer so don’t become the female equivalent.

To figure out what men want in women, put aside your preconceived notions about dating and relationships then listen. Men also benefit from reading this article because it helps you, if you’re a guy, better understand your desires so you can build better relationships with quality women.

Men Want Only Sex

Too many women believe the only thing a man wants in a woman is sex. Men want so much more. Remember what I said earlier about judging from your experiences and perspective?

A man may only desire sex from you because you focus on physical qualities. When your attractiveness depends on dressing sexy for him and sexual comments, you’re seen as a friend with benefits. You invoke a caveman response from him. This satisfies some women some of the time, but you might want more.

Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.

Many men (or should I say boys?) have yet to evolve on an emotional level. They seek only physical attraction because their emotions are blocked. They don’t know how to connect at an emotional level. Imagine putting on a pair of green glasses. It doesn’t matter what colors exist, everything is seen green. A guy’s lack of emotional development blinds him from being able to deeper connect.

Physical involvement is unequal to a relationship. A man can be physically involved with a woman and want nothing more. I believe this is what forms the belief that men only want sex. The problem with this belief is it overlooks other areas of attraction men want in women. Physical attraction is simply one part of a relationship men want.

Nearly all men want a fulfilling relationship with one woman. A guy may not want this now or in the near future, but ultimately that is what he desires. If he says otherwise, he is either emotionally immature or yet to meet a great woman.

What Men Want in Women: The Secret is Attraction

Every man wants to feel significant, important, desired, and sexy. There’s a broad array of characteristics great men want in women that lead to one experience. The secret feeling a man wants to have around you is one of attraction.

You may think of attraction as “chemistry”. It’s the energetic charge between two people that evokes an animalistic urge. When you become what men want in women, men feel attracted to you.

Attraction can be temporary, but when you understand its principles and continually refine them (by re-reading this article and purchasing books on the subject), you make attraction long-term that leads to commitment and a satisfying relationship!

You probably know a few women who seem to effortlessly pull men towards them. They easily attract men through their looks or personality. These women understand attraction, even though they probably didn’t learn it from a source like this article.

Three Types of Attraction to Get the Man You Want

Men can be attracted to you in three primary areas. We crave for all three in a partner.

As I mentioned earlier, there is physical attraction. Men are turned on more than women by visuals. It’s important to dress well, get your hair beautiful, be slightly tanned, show off your figure, and exercise.

Are you not that beautiful? You can still improve it by learning from other women. You may also have an advantage over attractive women!

Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself.

Beautiful women tend to identify with their looks and become insecure. Feeling insecure about your looks is a bigger turn off than looks itself. Attractive women, in general, go through life easier than less attractive women so they have yet to develop the two other areas of attraction that lead to satisfying relationships

Guys tend to want women who are attractive, but lack personality, for the short-term. You cannot have a relationship with a body part. Looks is only one piece of the attraction puzzle.

The second type of attraction is intellectual. Intellectual attraction comes from more rational, logical means controllable through words and actions. Think of the bimbo blonde who has a peanut for her brain – that’s the opposite to an intellectually attractive woman. It’s a pain to live with someone unintelligent. An attractive man wants a woman who holds a conversation with almost anyone, talks about his interests, regularly reads books, and teaches him valuable lessons.

The third type of attraction is emotional. If a guy suddenly becomes disinterested in you, a lack of emotional attraction is the problem. A real relationship fails to develop in the absence of emotional attraction. Ways to attract men emotionally involve high-status behavior, teasing, playfulness, mystery, and unpredictability.

Deficiency in an area of attraction decreases a man’s interest in you. Intensify all three forms of attraction to hypnotize any man.

Since you can go elsewhere for advice to improve your physical looks, what I’ll teach you in this article on what men want in women builds your intellectual and emotional attraction to start a great relationship and keep it that way. You are discovering the secrets men wish you knew that society will not tell you.

The #1 Female Mistake in Relationships with Men

It’s good to have a normal conversation with a man, analyze what’s going on, and work from there. The number one mistake woman make with men, however, is they engage their logical mind too much. You cannot reason someone into attraction. You cannot bore someone into loving you. Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.

Get out of your head thinking about the right things to say and do based on his responses. Stop critiquing every behavior of his because over-analysis makes you insecure – and insecurity is the last thing a man wants in a woman. Is he looking at you instead of approaching you? He may be interested, but just nervous. Is he not calling you? He could of had a tiring day at work.

Analysis is paralysis. It makes you act out insecure thinking as you become clingy and ask needy questions. Men go crazy by a woman’s search for meaning in an interaction. It is what leads to the dreaded word all men hate: drama.

Attraction is unconsciously experienced, not decided.

Men don’t want to instantly connect with you at a deep emotional level – not yet anyway. What a man wants in a woman is to chill then enjoy whatever occurs in the moment. Men usually want to spend time with a woman doing fun activities. To a woman, a great date is filled with deep conversation. To a man, a great date can be racing go karts where few words are exchanged!

You will not hear a man talk about emotional fulfillment. Guys do not sit around drinking a beer discussing emotional contentment in their relationship with a woman. What you will hear, however, whether it be through verbal or nonverbal communication, is his emotional state around a woman. If she is what he wants, he’ll tell his mates, “She’s cool.” Whether his feelings around her are great or not determines if he remains with the woman.

Does this frustrate you? If it does, you are still trying to understand men from a female point of view. Gender differences does not make you more right than the opposite sex. Expecting another person to mirror your wants signals emotional immaturity. Being angry at someone for having wants different to you displays further immaturity. Do not wish either gender were a certain way. Hear the truth about what men what in women.

The Freedom-Attention Dilemma – A Catch-22?

Men joke around when their friend has a woman who takes away his freedom. He is tied to a leash. She has his balls in her bag.

He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these.

I’ve seen men frustrated with their partners disallowing them to play golf on Saturday, go to a party, or watch the football. While these men are probably pussies in other areas of life – and there’s many potential reasons women issue such orders – men hate when their freedom is stolen by a woman.

In dating, one of the greatest things a man dreads is his loss of freedom. Will I have to see her every weekend? Should I call several times a week? Must I sacrifice my interests to spend enough time with her?

A man wants to spend time with a lady he feels great around, but he wants it to be on his own terms. If he is not committed to you or being around you, he does not have a problem. He most likely does not feel attraction.

Christian Carter, author of Catch Him and Keep Him, says a man wants to be needed to feel power and masculine. This does not mean a man wants to be called up every hour to help a vulnerable princess stuck in a castle. It means he loves a women who values his opinion, help, and presence yet maintains her strength. He wants an independent women so he can uphold his freedom.

No man wants to feel isolated on a throne. He wants attention, to feel important, and powerful, but does not want to be viewed as requiring these. He wants an independent woman not needing him every moment of her day.

Seductive women know how to make a man feel free and powerful. The secret there is for him to feel it. No catch-22 exists when you understand the freedom-attention dilemma.

What Men Don’t Want in Women

It helps to become the woman men want by defining what men don’t want in women. Though the list can potentially total hundreds of qualities, here are the most important traits to monitor and avoid in your behavior that emotionally and intellectually unattractive women fail to understand:

Do not make him your world. Contrary to what floats around in musical lyrics, a man you just met does not want you to do anything anytime for him. Seriously, get a life. Find passions that take up your time. A woman with passion is more seductive than one with few interests outside the relationship. I found myself attracted to one woman simply because she drew great art. I thought it was weird, but could not control it.

Do not regress to the past. Avoid raving on about ex-boyfriends or bad situations you share with the man in your presence. Do not bring up the topic about him not asking you out to dinner one month ago. Such issues hint at emotional baggage that weighs down a relationship. Work through a situation as soon as possible or move on girl! Live in the present moment.

Always take into account how your communication could be received.

Do not bury what you want or feel. Similar to the point above, this second piece of advice to avoid is a killer because of resentment. Don’t say you’re fine with him playing 18 holes of golf Sunday afternoon if you hate him for it. Express what you want or feel without attachment to an outcome. Always take into account how your communication could be received. An open, honest feminine energy is attractive!

Do not criticize. Men hate being criticized. It shows a lack of respect. No matter who you criticize, it is poor communication. Guys like to figure out what’s good or follow what feels right. There are ways to tell him what you want or need without complaining. Say what you like. Drop in a few tips. He’ll feel he figured you out himself. You can learn more about criticism and other communication barriers that kill relationships in my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program.

Do not bitch about other women or anything for that matter. Complaints bring negative energy into the conversation. If he experiences negative energy around you, he’ll stop wanting to be with you. Habitual whining also makes you look insecure and powerless. Practice talking positively about everyone and everything.

Do not be a drama queen. Did a customer make you go head over heels at work and leave without saying thanks? Did a friend say something that upset you? Did your car breakdown this week? Never turn a simple problem or everyday occurrence into a plot fit for a drama movie. Carter advises you to share what happened, but free it from emotional exaggeration that annoys men. If you cannot solve a simple problem at work, what does he feels about you handling an inevitable relationship problem?

10 Universal Characteristics Showing What Men Want in Women

If you follow the advice shared so far, you’ll be ahead of many women. Here are the top 10 additional traits men desire in women you can develop to become the ultimate fantasy girl:

Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want.

1. Sense of humor. Study after study prove humor is a universally attractive trait men and women want. Make a man laugh and you’ll make him feel great! A good sense of humor means you make people chuckle and often chuckle yourself. The good news is when a man says, “She has a great sense of humor”, it often means she laughs at his jokes. You can have a great sense of humor according to him by laughing. To be funnier, notice how most conversational humor has nothing to do with jokes. Observe what people laugh at then model their success. Also check out Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer.

2. Adventurous. Men come to love women who do activities with them. You often feel deeply connected to a guy after intimate conversation. A guy almost feels the same way with you after a fun, thrilling, even atypical activity. It’s how our minds work. Research shows the brain associates excitement with pleasure and attraction. Explore the world!

3. Passion. What are you passionate about? Passions make you feel great, which makes others feel great. A passion lets a man know you have other areas of interest – an attractive trait to great men. Guys, similar to women, don’t want to feel they are everything to their partner.

4. Control what you can control. Carter says a man wants a woman in control of her emotions, conversations, and other situations. This doesn’t mean a woman must repress her inner world or dictate everything – both are unhealthy. Seductive control is an assertive influence over one’s inner and outer worlds. A seductively in-control woman takes responsibility for what occurs around her. If she has a need, she expresses it to get it met. If she doesn’t know anyone at a party, she starts conversations. If someone breaches her boundaries, she asserts herself to get them to stop.

5. Personal growth. Get your life together. Hate your parents? Learn how to heal that relationship. Dread your job? Find work you love. Over-weight? Make exercise and eating healthy your lifestyle. Do drugs? Discover how to quit. Each improvement in your life automatically boosts your attractiveness to quality men you want.

6. Selective. A woman who takes any man that comes her way has low value. Make it known what you do not want in a man. Make it known what you love in a man. Let these be your boundaries. It may appear you are decreasing your chances of finding good men, but a decent man is attracted by a woman who carefully selects the men she dates.

7. Playful. I think many women have playfulness at heart, but not all are proactive about it. Maintain a playful attitude, instead of waiting for a guy to be playful with you. An attractive woman talks about many topics, jokes, and shows normal, relaxed behavior. To build your playfulness further, blend a little bitchiness with humor. Think of puppies fighting. It may look serious on the outside, but there’s a caring, fun energy exchanged.

8. Unpredictable. I definitely do not mean drama! Men hate drama. Unpredictability involves various actions and words often contradictory to the past that create intrigue. Go for a spontaneous country drive. Kiss then end it quickly. Aggressively want him then show distance. Become a little mysterious. Boredom kills human interest.

9. Good body language. Physical attractiveness is enhanced through better nonverbal communication. I love a woman who understands her posture, curves, and gestures! Patty Contenta is a former dancer and great body language teacher who shows women how to use their body with class to be attractive. Her techniques are simple, practical, and take seconds to learn. I highly recommend her book Sensuality Secrets to improve your feminine body language. It really is what men want in women.

10. Void of insecurities. Nothing turns a man off faster than an insecurity according to Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction. Severe insecurities like indecisiveness, bitchiness over attractive women or past boyfriends, feelings of inferiority, and poor belief in one’s seductiveness is the kryptonite of attraction. Insecurities originate from low self-esteem, a massive indication of low-status. Show confidence in what you want with authoritative actions. This is when aggression attracts men.

It is unnecessary to become everything taught in this article. Think of the outline given as the personification of traits to build in your life. The more you take on, the more you grow your seductive prowess. Follow this advice that few women know and you’ll be a woman men want.

What to Do Next

Here’s three resources to further help you not only understand what men want in women, but to help you get a great man:

1. Read what women want in men, which spurred me to write what men want in women. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and men.
2. I reviewed a book called Catch Him and Keep Him mentioned in this article that’s great for you to attract and keep Mr Right.
3. I recommend you also get Patty Contenta’s Sensuality Secrets to build seductive body language.

Christian Carter begins Catch Him and Keep Him with two apparently simple questions: what is a man and how does a man differ from you as a woman? If you think about them, the answer to these questions contains the secrets to attract a man and make him committed.

Like most women reading this, you want a real man; not a childish boy. Carter says a woman can attract the wrong man for many reasons, but a major reason is she doesn’t understand the principles of attraction. Books on love and relationships can fill libraries, yet Catch Him and Keep Him covers those subjects and more by also helping women in the initial stages of a relationship when man and woman are strangers to each other. This is where I believe the book is most powerful – that and learning what it takes to keep a man interested.

What he calls “selfish love”, Carter says women fall into a form of vanity believing a man wants the same as she. He teaches women of all ages both single and in a relationship to give a man what he wants by seeking to understand than be understood through three simple steps:

1. Grounding stage
2. Understanding stage
3. Feeling stage

You are taken step-by-step from any emotional immaturity then transformed into a woman who has her psychology and emotional life together. This is to naturally attract men.

You are taken step-by-step from any emotional immaturity then transformed into a woman who has her psychology and emotional life together to naturally attract men.

After this, you discover advice on how to qualify men. You learn to be the selectee instead of the selected. Carter shows you how to regain the power in a relationship, feel in control, and avoid dangerous relationships. No unattractiveness forms from this, however. Men who see a woman exude these in-control qualities view her as someone to spend time with in the future. You’re shown how to spot a player, how men want more than physical qualities, and what you must do to be seen as “relationship material”.

Rarely will you know Mr Right is seated on the other side of the room. A spiritual force is unlikely to make you feel he is the one. Such perceptual awareness requires intense judgment, leaving you vulnerable to misinterpretation and mistaking a feeling of chemistry for a great guy.

Put judgments and blame aside. Start fresh and grow. Carter makes the most important point of self-improvement to get the relationship you want and become the woman men desire. A lot of what he shares helps women develop their emotional and logical lives. To me, growth and personal development to become more than you were yesterday, instead of blame and victimization, is extremely attractive.

Coming to the seventh chapter of the ebook’s nine chapters, I think this will most interest you! Here’s a sample of what’s in the chapter:

• Thirteen personality traits that attract men
• How to naturally attract men
• The curse of physically attractive women
• Six behaviors to avoid like the plague or men will avoid you
• Body language tips and nonverbal habits that repel men
• How to trigger a deeper level of attraction in men to make a guy stick around
• Art of being unique and unpredictable (two seductive qualities that attract men)
• …and more

The ebook is designed to help you attract men even if you’re not beautiful. Men want women in the long-term who give them pleasurable feelings associated with non-physical attraction. Catch Him and Keep Him teaches the logical and emotional methods of attraction vital for happy, ongoing relationships any woman can learn. These methods to attract men are key for all stages of a happy relationship.

Watch this video as Christian Carter reveals a few simple techniques you can use even if men don’t talk to you:

A lesson Carter teaches in Catch Him and Keep Him that is more applicable to keeping Mr Right that I liked is to avoid criticism, having “the talk”, and divulging how you feel about a man. Such logical arguments create resistance in men to repel them fast! You cannot convince men to love and attend to you. Attraction, love, and commitment occur at a level deeper than conversation. It’s an internal decision men make in response to their feelings – even if they cannot describe it that way.

Attraction, love, and commitment occur at a level deeper than conversation.

One major problem that needs emphasis in this review is that women sooner than later cannot get a man to open up according to Carter. Due to society, men fail to articulate the state of the relationship and how they feel with statements like “Umm… I’m not sure”. It becomes unmanly to express emotions. Women can learn from Catch Him and Keep Him to express their beliefs and feelings in an open, rare pressure-free way that connects to a man who reciprocates her open intimacy. Yes, we’re not rocks. I’ve seen that it is possible!

Catch Him And Keep Him is a must for any woman who is single or frustrated with her current relationship. It’s written in easy-to-understand language you can use in your life. It’s the number one book I recommend to a woman who wants to attract and keep a quality man.

Sign up to Christian’s eLetter by clicking here. Once you sign up, you will be taken to a page where you can download his ebook Catch Him And Keep Him: A Woman’s Guide To Finding Mr. Right… And Keeping Him Hooked For Good!. (If you already signed up to his newsletter, just enter a fake name and email to get to the next step so you can claim your copy of this amazing ebook.)

For men, this means you can cultivate and maintain happy friendships and intimate relationships with women. If you are already in a relationship, this is what your woman wish you already knew. Anytime you can get a woman feeling attraction, whether it be over the phone, in a business deal, or placing an order at a restaurant, you will get more out of the situation – not necessarily at the expense of her.

If you are a woman, the mysteries revealed could mean many things. You will gain a clearer understanding of what drives you as a woman in your relationships, why past relationships have failed, and even how to select a real, authentic man that is Mr Right.

3 Sources That Trick You to Believe What Women Want

I’ve read dozens of books, subscribed to attraction newsletters, talked to attraction experts, talked to women about what they want in a man, tested techniques, and have observed many scenarios comparing and contrasting variables men display in their interaction with women to create a set of complete, holistic characteristics women want in men. In my search, I came across my first dilemma: experts gave contradictory advice – more so in the diverse stages of a relationship.

At the start of a relationship, dating experts attempt to describe what women want. There are pick-up artists and attraction experts that tell men to neg (a gentle, teasing insult), take advantage of a woman’s insecurities, and advance the relationship as fast as possible. Such people praise themselves as pioneers in defining what women want, but in reality nearly all of them cannot keep a long-term relationship. They excuse themselves as having the power to be selective, instead of dating and keeping any woman that comes their way, though their denial is a facade for deficiencies in their personality.

…long-term relationship advisers transform men into sensitive, new age, wuss-bag, girly men.

At the later stages of relationships are marriage experts, psychologists, romanticists, and communication trainers that teach men to listen to women. According to such experts, women want to be heard, understood, and made to feel special. These teachers do not tell you the skills and personality characteristics that create animalistic urges in women because the principles are counter-intuitive to “good relationship communication”. Pick-up artists and those that teach men how to succeed in dating, bash marriage trainers and the like over their teachings because the dating coaches feel long-term relationship advice transform men into sensitive, new age, wuss-bag, girly men – and I agree… to an extent.

Most men that learn communication skills from me fall into the trap of applying interpersonal relationship advice at the start of a relationship. It is not so much what they do as it is how they do it. The men become needy, have low self-esteem, and fail to communicate strength. Women don’t want to feel understood, listened to, worried about, and comforted at the early stages of a relationship – such “nice boy” characteristics send them running. Women want to feel indescribable urges that arise from bad boy qualities.

Culture and society creates the second dilemma: society infuses disempowering beliefs and limiting norms into men. I don’t blame guys for their limiting beliefs about what women want, but I do blame them for holding onto the beliefs when the truth is revealed. We are lead to believe women only want tall, handsome, wealthy men. Such advice drives men to feel insecure about themselves then validates their initial belief. They may get rejected on an approach, dumped by a girlfriend, or divorced from a long-term relationship, and reason through their perceptual filters that their shortness, ugly looks, or poor wealth did it to them.

If most experts and society don’t know what women want, surely women know? What better way to get the answer, then from the source itself, right? No. Most women don’t even know what they want – and therein lies the third and last dilemma.

Women preach to guys the characteristics they feel attracted to. They reason, “I’m a woman so I know what I and other women want.” This causes confusion.

Malcolm Gladwell in Blink says attraction is one topic of many when our rapid judgments and feelings are unconsciously processed. When our conscious, analytical mind enters the fray, errors occur. Gladwell says we label what we think attracts us to what really attracts us. Few people are aware of what lurks beneath the conscious mind. We succumb to personal qualities that leave us feeling out of control and bewildered.

If these three sources of information create dilemmas in defining what women want in men, what is the source of truth? What I’m going to teach will probably shock you, but put your preconceived notions about this topic aside so you can learn. “Empty your cup” as Bruce Lee would say.

Why Women Are Confusing

Women say one thing and mean another thing. A woman says she wants you to spend more time with her, but according to David Deida, author of The Way of The Superior Man, if you give her that in certain circumstances, your compliance disappoints her. If a woman sees she can upset you by calling you ugly, she will weed you out of being a potential mate – not because of your looks, but because your weak self-esteem let her easily destroy you.

When women say what they want, it isn’t really what they want – it’s an attempt to rationalize something abstract to them.

When women say what they want, it isn’t really what they want – it’s an attempt to rationalize something abstract to them. The surface is not a description of the depths. Attraction is a confusing subject to intellectually understand and experience. Often guys and women cannot explain why they are attracted to someone because attraction isn’t a logical decision (“I keep dating the wrong type of person”). Attraction isn’t decided. Attraction certainly isn’t a choice.

Women say they want nice guys, so men be nice, but a woman does not make the logical decision to be with a guy because he is nice to her with compliments, presents, and gifts. Both genders make emotional decisions on their relationships. If a man compliments a lady, gives her gifts, buys her flowers, and earns her affection, the techniques may work for a while, but he is just being used. Such behaviors are fake, manipulative, needy, and undesirable.

Another confusing characteristic men adapt that women say they want is humor, one of the most universally attractive qualities women want in men. Being funny is not the whole story. A good sense of humor isn’t what they entirely want. Women aren’t crawling over comedians. What they want is a guy who is cocky, has a sense of humor, can tease, and doesn’t constantly degrade himself. Unstoppable confidence combined with humor attracts nearly every woman – even the psychotic type so be careful. (Here’s a good guide on humor to attract women.)

Do Physical Looks Matter?

One of the strongest beliefs I need to destroy is that women must have a physically attractive man. Society overemphasizes physical appearance as it pries off male insecurities. Physical attractiveness in women is important for men, but guys get into relationship-trouble projecting their desires onto women.

A guy’s attractiveness towards women comes more from his personality than physical looks. I’ve heard countless stories of guys over 40 years old, bald, short, and even over 300 pounds, who date and keep very attractive women. On the contrary, I know plenty of wealthy, young, good looking men who initially attract a woman, but they don’t keep her because these guys do not have the complete package described to you in this article.

Physical looks grabs a woman’s initial interest, but it fails to maintain any strong relationship. (Remember, this a holistic approach to what women want in men.) If that’s the case, why do tall, good looking, rich guys attract and keep beautiful women? Such men have other characteristics that attract women. They emit confidence, are challenging, and show other alpha male qualities.

If you still do not believe a man’s personality, communication, and other non-physical aspects attract women more powerfully than tangibles, you are a “theorist”. You theorize on what you think works and does not work based on limiting beliefs. Put your limiting beliefs aside to discover the truth.

How you communicate to a lady, and not your physical looks, determines how attracted she is to you in the short-term and long-term. Non-physical qualities are more important in the long-run because they determine the condition of a relationship.

How you communicate to a lady, and not your physical looks, determines how attracted she is to you in the short-term and long-term.

Of course, there are women who only accept a man based on his looks. These women probably make up 2% of females. Don’t worry about these few women! In fact, avoid them like the plague! Their shallow personality is created from low self-esteem and other self-related problems that make them a pain to be around.

Though the characteristics described throughout this article is attractive to even shallow woman, do not avoid such women because they may dislike you. Avoid superficial people because they are unhealthy to be around. If a potential partner adds no value to your life, and you only want them because they are attractive, then you are the one with a shallow personality seeking to cover a void only you can fill.

With that said, the importance of a guy’s looks for a woman is more about looking good rather than being good looking. Women get repelled by a man’s looks when he has poor hygiene, awful attire, and annoying nervous habits. These negative physical qualities hold any man back from success with women.

Rather than worry aimlessly over your looks, focus on looking good. Firstly, to make better use of your looks, get some good clothes. Ask your friends what they think you could change to improve your physical attractiveness. Even better, ask a female friend what she thinks you could change. Most women will be more than happy to fix you up. If price worries you, good clothes need not be expensive. You can jump on eBay and search Google for online clothing stores to pick up bargains.

Oral hygiene is another physical aspect that must work for you instead of against you. Brush your teeth in the morning and night. Remember to brush the roof of your mouth and tongue to remove bacteria that makes your breathe smell like an unemptied disposal unit. Floss at least once a week to remove food stuck in between your teeth. Furthermore, you can rinse your mouth regularly with water, gargle salt water, and use a mouth rinse. Do what you can to prevent the build up of bacteria that creates smelly breath.

Another physical quality any guy can improve to become more desirable to women is his health. I encourage you to workout at the gym at least three times a week to improve your strength and aerobic fitness. Hit the weights and do cardiovascular workouts to improve your vitality. The sessions will develop your endurance throughout the day, better your happiness, improve self-perceptions, and help you maintain an energetic personality.

Working out gives you psychological benefits beyond characteristics favored by women. You can overcome personal insecurities and live a happier life with regular workouts. You will emit confidence, dominance, boost your self-esteem, and improve your wellbeing – all characteristics women desperately want in a man. Anything that improves your life makes you more desirable to women.

Why Women Hate Nice Guys

Women do not want what attraction expert David DeAngelo terms a “wussy” or “nice guy”. A wussy is an omega male. He is not confident, has no power, and is too compensatory with women. He is dominated by females and other males.

A high percentage of males are wussies because society conditions everyone to be nice to strangers. It is an area where most communication coaches fail. Good communication is being nice to people, though this doesn’t cut it for the holistic approach we’re after to describe what women want. It is counter-intuitive to traditional communication skills that teach “be nice and people will like you in return”. Many marriages fail because the man stops being a man – he transforms into a nice wussy.

Nice guys are too boring, submissive, easy, predictable, anxious, indecisive, agreeable, clingy, and insecure.

A nice guy runs after women. He is willing to dedicate his life to a woman, forever begging like a puppy for attention. He desperately wants a woman, any woman that gives him the attention to make his lonely life worthwhile. Because he is chasing and crying for approval, he is not being chased and is disproved by women – further hurting his low self-esteem.

The nice guy versus jerk argument of who women like more is confused by what is “nice”. Being a nice guy in the sense that you smile all the time, listen to a woman’s problems, compliment women, and be ultra sensitive to not offend a woman, is not what women want.

Geoffrey Urbaniak and Peter Kilmann, two researchers from the University of South Carolina, in 2006 had 20 women analyze 191 male college student’s answers to a questionnaire designed to measure their niceness. Now, niceness in this study was defined by agreeableness, which brings up this problem of defining a nice guy. “Proponents of the nice guy stereotype argue that women often say they wish to date kind, sensitive men,” write Urbaniak and Kilmann, “but, in reality, still choose to date macho men over nice guys, especially if the macho men are more physically attractive.” The researchers found nice (agreeable) guys had no real advantage in short-term and long-term relationships.

Ask any lady who is frequently approached by guys. She will tell you she hates nice guys because they are too boring, submissive, easy, predictable, anxious, indecisive, agreeable, clingy, and insecure.

A nice guy tries to buy a woman’s attraction instead of creating it through his communication and personality. He cannot keep a woman interested through himself so he does it with gifts and dinners to make her like him. He has the disease to please, suppressing his own needs and emotions in favor of giving women what they say they want. Women are too happy to receive gifts, but only to fulfill material needs. They view such a guy as a provider; not someone they want. A woman’s attraction cannot be brought.

What You Can Learn From Animals

In the animal kingdom, an alpha male is followed by its specie within a given geographical location. It is the dominant animal of the group. An animal that possesses an alpha status breeds abundantly.

An alpha animal has responsibilities. Males often try to take down the alpha male. The dominant creature must successfully fight challengers to keep its alpha status otherwise it will become an outcast and possibly die.

In the human world, alpha males get what they want with humor, confidence, composure, and a lack of need for people’s approval without domineering behavior. They overrule fearful males in possession of low self-esteem. While jerks are not very different to nice guys deep down because they are easily intimidated, show insecurity, and put on a false front, nice guys lose out altogether in sucking up to women and collapsing in any situation. Jerks pummel invaders beyond necessary means while nice guys run away scared.

Like the animal kingdom, alpha males are challenged by other males in pursuit of alpha status. Fortunately, death isn’t associated with these challenges. Being challenged can make or break you, however. Women don’t want jerks who try to physically take down any guy that threatens the relationship. (You’ve probably seen these jealous, overprotective boyfriends try to dominate.) A true alpha male can walk-away from ego-headed jerks who pick a fight and come out of the situation stronger than before because of his confidence and humor.

Women don’t necessarily want alpha males, but they do want a man with alpha qualities.

Alpha males are territorial. If a threatening person invades their space, they defend themselves or leave the location. An alpha male is protective. He does not fight to prove his toughness, because he is tough in his own right, but he does protect people he cares for.

A strong male takes lead when a couple goes out to a movie or dinner. He chooses a movie or place to have dinner with his woman’s preference in consideration. He does not say, “I’m happy with whatever you want” or “I don’t care where we go”. He takes control without being controlling.

What I recommend you learn from this is to set a goal of developing alpha male qualities. You don’t need to be the macho leader of a group; rather, work on building qualities seen in alpha males. An alpha male has confidence, strong self-beliefs, and power in the relationships. He is assertive, takes the lead, knows what he wants, and isn’t afraid to get what he wants with integrity and honor. Women don’t necessarily want alpha males, but they do want a man with alpha qualities.

5 More Hidden Qualities Women Love in Men

A man women love gets through any situation. When a situation fights him, he comes out stronger. When a woman treats him poorly, he challenges her thoughts and behaviors to bring out the best in her. He does not require people’s approval. He never degrades his values. Other qualities I feel need emphasis follow:

Leadership and Status. A man’s status to a woman is a woman’s looks to a man. Higher status means the man is more able to obtain the necessary resources for surviving and thriving. The high school quarterback, the company CEO, and manager of a nightclub are positions traditionally attractive to women.

Fortunately, there are situations and skills outside of your career that will increase your status. Become more social. Make friends easier. Learn to speak in public. Make great female and male friends. These are few of the many ways to increase your leadership and status.

Cocky and Funny. The attractive man balances cockiness with humor. He teases women like playful puppies. It may appear serious to outsiders, but participants know its fun and enjoy it. He is confident enough to play with people. Studies show that two people comfortable enough to playfully tease one another share a stronger relationship.

The attractive man balances cockiness with humor.

One example of cocky and funny can be noticing something unusual about a woman then busting her for it. Let’s say a woman is going out to a party you were not invited to and she has a large bag (it doesn’t have to be really large). You can bust on her by smiling and saying, “That bag is huge! Do you have a bomb in there? Are you going to blow up the party? Glad I’m not going *smile*.” This example is funny and shows no need for her approval.

The other day a woman complimented me on how good I looked. (I’m not actually that good looking. It’s just that I was teasing her and the only response she knew to feeling attraction is to be nice). A wuss would have reciprocated the compliment and let the situation fizzle down. I knew this was an opportunity to keep building the tension. I looked at her in a calm manner, said, “Thank you”, and made my eyes trace down her body. I saw her shoes, which were these strappy things with small heels. I then teased her by asking, “Did you make those shoes this morning with strings and some bamboo?” She laughed, loved it, and I loved it. It was confident, appropriate, cocky, and funny.

Ambition and Passion. Women want men that know their life purpose. Women want men to passionately pursue their life’s passion no matter what. Even when the woman complains about her man’s passion, deep down she wants him to not succumb to her complaint. A man willing to forgo his life purpose to pursue a woman is not what women want.

Truth. Women, like men, want someone authentic. Incongruent communication and behavior turns off anyone. Avoid dishonesty. Being truthful does not mean you approach a woman you like and tell her, “I want to get to know you because you’re beautiful” (that violates other qualities that women want, though it can work in some situations). It does mean being authentic to people and true to yourself. The truth will come out later regardless of your choice to be truthful so make it a virtue instead of a limitation. Truth and honesty is a core theory of my Big Talk training course that lets you quickly build relationships with anyone. (You can learn about my course so you can effortlessly talk to women – even if you’re scared of them – here.)

Chivalry. Chivalrous behavior defines courteous gestures towards women. It is another confusing topic for men. Chivalry has never been, and never will be, dead. Here are examples of chivalry:

• Opening doors for women.
• Walking on the footpath closest to the road.
• Pulling out a chair for a woman to sit on.
• Buying a woman dinner – not to impress her or to take her out, but because you are eating there in the first place regardless of her accepting your invitation.

The context of chivalry determines its effectiveness. Chivalry behavior can be negative when the chivalrous man does not take a holistic approach to what women want. Women like chivalrous men when they have other qualities mentioned in this article.

If you ever get confused with what to do, avoid being the desperate nice guy. Keep your power in the relationship. Take the journey of personal development so you become a better person day-by-day. Use all the advice share here and you could even make women attached, needy, and wanting your approval.

Any man can improve his success with women by following the holistic advice. You may not want to attract women in dating, yet qualities women want in men help any relationship, whether it be with a spouse, friend, or business associate. Communicate what women want and they will give you what you want on a silver platter.

(To learn more about women in dating and relationships, I recommend you learn from David DeAngelo. Also check out a follow-up article on what men want in women.)

Your relationships often determine the sweetness or bitterness of your life. When your relationships are great, life feels great. When you go through a break up like you are right now, life feels like crap.

The lessons in this article will be hard to accept. If you are after tips like “go see a movie with friends” to avoid the dark, deep secrets of working through emotional pain, go read the hundreds of trash articles about this topic over the Internet. The lessons in this article are hardcore. You will learn true mental and emotional strategies to get over your break up so you are ready for whatever you want your future to be.

What to Do About Your Special Situation

Not every break up is the same. Some create intense emotions of sadness, depression, and anger, while others are complete relief. I categorize relationship break ups into three groups:

1. You initiate the break up. This type of break up is the easiest. It will give you fewest troubles. Often the decision makes you happier than being in the relationship.
2. They initiate the break up. This is the hardest type of break up to manage. It is the main focus of this article.
3. Mutual break up. The rarest type of break up where both individuals often care how the other person feels about the decision. The two of you talk the process through and conclude splitting up is the best option. Reasoning, openness, and future plans are common.

When your ex decides to end the relationship, it feels like a loved one passing away. Psychologists concur that a relationship break up is like experiencing grief. If we contrast grieving with a break up, in both cases you lose someone you loved and you’re unwilling to psychologically let them go.

Deaths are inevitable. Break ups are inevitable. The first step to healing is to acknowledge relationships end. As simple as that statement appears, do not mistake simplicity for power. Your ego blows personal problems out of perspective causing you to think what is common in the world is unique for you.

You may think an ending relationship is the end of you. If you talk to a friend about getting over his or her relationship break up, you will not have this ego problem. You will see from a healthy perspective that break ups happen. This strategy is similar to disassociation where you look at your difficulty from an observer perspective. It is the first technique you can use to get over your ex.

You would be unable to experience the wonderful feelings you had with your recent ex if you stayed with your “ex ex”. The same can be said for your future partner. You cannot experience the wonderful times with them if you do not get over your broken relationship. It is as simple as that.

Deciding to get over a break up is often not that clear-cut. Sometimes you undergo a painful recurrent uncertainty when splitting up as you wonder if the two of you are actually apart. This leads us to the golden rule to get over your ex.

The Golden Rule of Moving On From Your Ex

Once you truly realize break ups happen and more importantly – that they will happen to you – tell yourself the golden rule of getting over a break up. Affirm and reaffirm to yourself that you want to get over your ex. Why is this a golden rule?

How often have you seen someone want to get over a break up yet they are resistant to actually breaking up with the person? It happens too often. You see them caught in the emotional turmoil, a tug-of-war game they can only lose.

What is even worse than being resistant to getting over the person, yet wanting to not get over them, is not being aware of the mental tug-of-war game. The internal conflict leaves you frustrated. You may think you have some weird psychological problem. You will be uncertain about getting back together as you unwilling move on and fail to enjoy life. When you want both lifestyles, you achieve neither. Commit to a decision.

If you have a choice to fly to Paris or Sydney, and you hesitate because you want to visit both cities, you will miss both cities. There is a Russian proverb that says, “If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.” By not being 100% clear with what you want (this goes for every other goal in life), you achieve little and remain frustrated. You become uncertain of yourself because you never critically think and investigate your feelings and thoughts to know your true desire.

Follow the golden rule. Ask yourself questions and be fully aware of what is making you resistant to emotionally releasing yourself from the person. You can ask yourself questions like, “What makes me still attracted to the person?” “Is my ex actually good to me?” and “Am I just afraid of loneliness?”

Discover the cause of your emotional pain. I cannot emphasize that enough. People are unconscious of their emotional awareness in a break up and never know why they experience pain. Conduct an “investigation” making it your goal to discover as much about yourself as possible. Gather as much information about yourself from self-talk and other people to solve “the crime”.

9 Signs You Should Break Up or Stick Together

You are still unsure if you should break up. There are simple actions you can take to see whether a break up is the better option.

There is no need to attend university for a degree in psychology to understand when you are in a bad relationship. There are signs you may be aware of that hint your relationship is more like a lemon than lemonade. Ask yourself these practical questions:

• Are you and the other person feeling the same emotions as you were at the start of your relationship?
• Do the two of you share the same important values like religious beliefs?
• How often do you communicate with one another?
• When you do communicate, what things do you talk about?
• Do you enjoy being together?
• Do you perceive being single in a better light than being in a relationship?
• What causes the two of you to fight? Little things that show hostility or big problems like an affair?
• Do you have a fear of hurting the person? Why are you putting yourself through misery in not wanting to hurt the person?
• Are you in the relationship because of guilt or love?

Ask other people what they see and think about your relationship with the person. Take their opinions into account. Do not base your decision solely on what they think because the most important factor is how you feel.

Many women in bad relationships remain in them because they would rather be in a bad relationship than be alone. They feel comforted in awful relationships. They see married couples and envy their relationship. They are overwhelmed at the thought of having to find another guy.

Another common reason for remaining in a bad relationship is love. Are you using the excuse that your feeling of “love” is keeping you from breaking up? Love is an intoxicating emotion. It is blinding. Even if you think you still love the person, ask yourself the many questions above. The questions act as objective judges to the situation; contrasted to your subjective emotion of love that intoxicates your understanding of the situation.

Love is an intoxicating emotion. It is blinding… It is not a relationship. It is an emotion.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) teaches that you often fail to distinguish between various emotions. For example, excitement can be misunderstood as fear. How do you know that you feel love? Does your answers to the above questions sound like love to you? What specific events let you know you are in love? What physical responses do you have that let you know there is no love? Asking yourself these questions make it clear whether you experience love.

Even if you are sure you love the other person, love alone is a poor indicator of a good relationship. Love is not a relationship; it is an emotion. Without other aspects like time, happiness, and communication, what you feel is love does not comprehend a healthy relationship. Free yourself from the intoxication of affection, attraction, or love.

Relationships can be repaired even if things are sour at the moment. If you still have a relationship with this person where you can communicate, talk things over with your partner in a safe environment. If the relationship is over, ask yourself the list of above questions to reinforce your thoughts to fight away “what ifs” and “maybes” that may surface in getting back with your ex.

How to Handle Emotional Baggage

Emotional baggage occurs when you carry emotions from one relationship to another much like you carry a backpack when you travel from one destination to another. It is easy to carry emotional baggage from one relationship to the next because you fail to let go or you fear reliving emotional pain.

People protect themselves all the time in new relationships by withholding themselves from the relationship. They say things like, “I don’t want to get hurt again”, “I’m still hurting”, or “I’m not over it.”

You forgo the risk of being hurt again when you protect yourself, but you also miss out on happiness with your partner.

There is no denying you can be damaged when you place trust in someone, yet holding yourself back makes you miss the joyful rewards of an intimate relationship. You reduce the risk of being hurt when you protect yourself, but you also miss full happiness with your partner.

You do not have to quickly “dive into” a relationship. Solid relationships build over time. You can “dip your toes” into the relationship and gradually, but surely, immerse yourself. Gradually drop your emotional baggage onto the ground. Doing so ensures you experience full intimacy that otherwise was unachievable with emotional baggage.

What to Do About Your Ugly Past

I firmly believe every person can learn a lesson from every person and situation. A relationship break up is no exception. You can experience personal growth instead of personal decay from any past challenge.

Your main goal in relationships is finding your perfect partner, someone with whom you can share love and feel connected. Emotional baggage limits this goal. It makes perfect sense to learn from a break up. I know you want to progress forward and find your ultimate partner; instead of remaining stuck in an old relationship where you waste time, intense emotions, and energy.

It is too easy to find the negative to strengthen negative beliefs instead of looking for the positive in a break up. This mindset is damaging as it causes a chain reaction of negative building on negative until you are emotionally unavailable. The negative reinforcement prevents you from becoming smarter and stronger for future relationships.

To learn from your experience, I recommend you take responsibility for what occurred. In many break ups, each person blames the other. Rarely is one person mutually agreed to have caused the split. Take responsibility and do not play the blame-game.

I can almost guarantee you did something seriously wrong in the relationship, which contributed to the break up – you just may be unaware of your contribution due to a lack of knowledge. Maybe you do not know how attraction works, how to effectively listen to your partner, or how to assert yourself to address a problem that concerns you. Can you see the role you played in the break up?

It is important to know that getting over a break up is more than moving on; it involves learning from your past for a better future by accepting responsibility for what occurred. Look at the situation as a experience to learn from in your journey towards finding your ultimate partner. What a powerful perspective.

The Quickest Way to Get Over a Relationship

There are many things you can do to get over a relationship break up, but the most important is to have a support group. This is the quickest way to get over a relationship because you explore what is inside of you and share the burden of a break up with someone who cares for you.

For most girls this is easy. You can communicate to your closest friends and talk to your parents or brothers and sisters.

For guys, it may be more difficult because we think we are not masculine if we talk about our emotions. Chances are you will not want to talk to your guy friends about the break up. Remember that if it’s not expressed, it’s repressed. You need to have a support group or at least a support person. You will find that accepting your emotions and expressing them allows you to heal. If there’s no one to talk to, try a friendly therapist. If you find a good therapist, trust me, it will be your best investment of the year.

If it’s not expressed, it’s repressed.

The most important thing with anyone you talk with to get over your relationship break up is to explain you simply want to be heard. Let the person know you are only after a listening ear to avoid having them turn into an amateur psychologist (a term I use in my communication secrets program to describe a person’s inclination to judge and project solutions). By letting them know you only want them to listen, they will be more willing to “absorb” the pain you feel. You do not want advice but to be able to express yourself and feel your emotions.

How to Move on From Pain: An Exercise to Heal You Now

Naomi Eisenberger, a University of California neuroscientist, discovered that the feeling of rejection in a break up switches on the same part of the brain as physical pain. The anterior cingulate receives an intense boost in activity. This is why a break up can be very painful. A punch in the nose is as threatening, according to your brain, as rejection in a break up.

A punch in the nose is as threatening, according to your brain, as rejection in a break up.

Physical pain can be cured by a doctor. However, does a doctor actually heal your wounds? No. The doctor helps your body get into a state of healing so it can heal itself.

The pain you experience from the past is irreversible. There is nothing you can do about it. You need to put your mind and body into a state that allows it to heal itself. One way to achieve this is time, but I am sure you do not want to waste ten years of your life in pain.

Another option is seeing a therapist. Should you choose a therapist? It is up to you. There is no shame in therapy. All therapy works for different people in different situations. Even no therapy is therapy because time itself is therapeutic.

Before you decide to spend thousands of dollars on someone who will listen to your problems, I want you to do this exercise. The exercise I am about to share with you is powerful because it does not change the content of your experience. Your experience has happened. You cannot change it. What the exercise does change is the process. The exercise changes the attributions you make to the past and future.

Think of a pleasant experience or imagine a pleasant experience you would like to have in the future. See the image. As you see the image, make it larger. Make the image bigger, brighter, and clearer. Take your time as you see the image increase in size. Step into the image as if you were living it from a first-person view. As the image changes, notice how you feel. Give yourself one-minute. Just sit there.

Next, move the image in the opposite direction. Take your time. Gradually make the pleasant image smaller, dimer, unclear, and distant from you. Step out of the image as you observe yourself in the situation. Again, as the image changes, notice how you feel.

Once you complete that little exercise, how did you feel when the image is bright and large? How did you feel when the image was small, dim, and far from you? Most people experience intense emotions when they see a bright, large image in first-person. They experience little emotion when seeing a small, dim, distant image.

If you make unpleasant images large, bright, and up close, while making pleasant images small, dim, and distant, you will be an expert at feeling miserable! On the other hand, if you make pleasant images large, bright, and up close, while making unpleasant images small, dim, and distant, you will be an expert at feeling happy!

Apply this concept to your relationships. If you want to move on from from an ex, make the images you have with him or her dim, gray, and distant like a dodgy old movie. See the images move away from you. To feel better being single, think of someone you love like a parent or role model. Make the image bright, vivid, and large.

Constantly see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the images in your mind. See yourself and others in your scene. Hear the sounds in your scene. What are you touching, tasting, and smelling? You will get over your relationship fast by intensely imagining your desired five senses.

The Last and Most Fun Step to Get Over a Break Up

At the start you read how life is sweet when your relationships are sweet. When relationships are bitter, life feels bitter. When you are single, life probably feels awful. It is a dependency trap.

You may desperately want a partner. You think the person will solve personal problems like boredom, unhappiness, and feeling unattractive. This neediness deteriorates a relationship. If you go into a relationship like this, you destroy it.

I question whether you should be in a relationship if you do not have a great single life where you wonder how to fit in a relationship. Become your own energy source. Be comforted, happy, and emotionally secure while you are single. This view is the opposite perspective to a time-consuming, miserable, codependent relationship.

I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to make a big change in your life right now. You could work harder to get a promotion, exercise, read self-help books, take a new course, socialize more often, or go out with friends. Create a single life where you are happily active – and even do not want a relationship with someone you like because you are so busy loving what you do. Such a great single life will attract a future partner for you.

A break up can be one of the greatest things to happen to you if you are aware of the potential held in the moment. Learn from the break up. If splitting up encourages you to undergo a lot of self-help, the change can excite you.

When life throws you a lemon with a bad relationship, do not try and divulge the lemon. Look at the lemon from a different perspective to see you can make lemonade. You may feel bitter right now, but follow the advice in this article and you will look at a break up from an empowering perspective. Soon you may even wonder why you were in a relationship because single life can be so great.

(If you are reading this article, single because of your recent break up, feeling a sense of depression, and still want to get back with your ex, pay attention to what I’m about to share with you before your ex finds someone else. For a full course to get back with the person you love, I highly recommend guys get this course and girls get this course.)

Basic Rules to Make Someone Love You

The phone changes a few rules used in normal face-to-face communication, but not much else differs. The psychology of the two individuals at either end of the phone remain the same. Tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship.

Human psychology is about fulfilling needs and wants. You go to the grocery store to buy food to fulfill your need to eat. You buy an expensive shirt because you want to look good. You talk with others to fulfill your social and identity needs. Attraction, intimacy, and friendship work on human psychological wants and needs. Because of this, you will see how these phone skills I am about to share with you can be adapted to your everyday conversations. Learning how to make someone fall in love with you is therefore neither manipulative nor deceptive as it is a matter of you fulfilling the person’s needs and wants through communication.

The phone changes a few rules used in normal face-to-face communication, but not much else differs.

If you want others to literally fall in love with you and not just like you more, you must understand attraction. The tips shared here build likability over the phone and do not substitute for attraction. The tips when applied with techniques to build attraction in women and men makes someone fall in love with you over the phone.

Learning these phone skills is a sure-fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new client wanting a business relationship, a friend staying connected with you, or a cute chick liking you. A stupid word of warning: do not avoid people face-to-face once you realize the power of these phone skills!

How to Grab Attention Over the Phone

The first rule you must obey is checking the person you are talking to over the phone is receptive to you. Regardless of anything wonderful you say, nothing will matter if the person does not pay attention.

If the person has a young child howling louder than a wolf, you will be ignored. The person will hear but not listen. What you say will go no further than the phone line as they are preoccupied with distraction. When we lack the time to talk, a distraction arises, or we need to do something else, the only thoughts running through our mind are similar to: “How long will it be until this damn person shuts up? I’ve got something to do!”

The first rule of receptivity over the the phone is to make it a habit of checking if the person can talk with you. Ask upfront if the person has time to talk. After the greetings, simply say, “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?” This makes you courteous and unobtrusive on the person’s space.

When you grab attention over the phone, you ensure the person is receptive at the start of the call. The second rule will make sure the person loves to hear you during the call.

While talking on the phone, interruptions arise. Some can be undetectable, yet others can be heard over the phone. When you hear a baby howling, a door bell ring, or a loud bang, do not ignore it! Say what sound you heard then ask if the person needs to attend it. The empathy you communicate by acknowledging potential interruptions will increase your likability and ensure the person is tuned in to what you say.

A Simple Trick to Make the Person Be Like an Old Friend

You go through a routine day while walking down the street. The world is boring, people are getting through their day, and everything appears it would be the same without you. What do you do if at the other end of the street you see a best friend you have not met for five years?

You see your best friend and your energy amplifies a gazillion times! Memories and feelings gush to you in an intense emotional rush. You run up to the person. “It’s you! I can’t believe it!” You are ecstatic to stumble upon your friend!

The lesson you can learn from this is what I call the “It’s You!” technique. When you call a person or answer the phone, say your normal greeting in an average mood. Once the person introduces himself, you become surprised, or rather energized, to talk with the person. Wait for the person’s introduction then amp up your energy as if you were talking to that old friend you saw on the street. This makes the person pleasantly thrilled to talk to you.

If you always talk energetically over the phone, your energy with the “It’s You!” technique will not have the sincerity and pleasant thrill. The high energy is normal for you. Only when you authentically convey happiness to be talking to the person more than you would with normal people does this technique work. The feelings of importance the person receives makes it a great technique to help them fall in love with you over the phone.

(In an article on how to be interesting without saying a word, I applied this escalating technique on smiling by gradually increasing your smile when you meet someone; instead of walking around smiling or instantly giving off a big smile. These two “escalation techniques” bring sincerity and warmth to your personality.)

An Age-Old Technique to Be Liked More

The fourth tip I recommend you whack into your new bag of tricks over the phone is mentioning the person’s name more often. As Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People writes, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build any relationship.

You need to know one warning about this technique. If you mention someone’s name too often, you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate person – much like a poor salesman.

If you are like most people, you can comfortably increase the frequency you say the person’s name. You can get away with mentioning their name more often than in a face-to-face conversation because the phone is a different medium. The phone inhibits intimacy.

If the person begins to mentally drift away from you, hearing their name will reinvigorate their interest. The person can subliminally fall in love with you.

How to Make Up for No Body Language With Your Voice

Another difference you can take advantage of over the phone to enhance your relationships and make the person fall in love with you is countering the inability to communicate with body language. Our nonverbal communication is a large tower from where we broadcast strong signals. A simple message like “you’re funny” can be strengthened many times through body language. Some attraction experts even claim body language alone is enough to make someone fall in love with you.

Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone making it a booster or destroyer to friendship.

Your nonverbal communication helps others understand you. Without the visual option to see one another over the phone, yours and their inability to read body language can hurt understanding, connection, likability, and attraction. Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone making it a booster or destroyer to friendship.

Improve your phone skills despite the lack of connection built through body language by communicating extra energy with your voice. I estimate varying your vocal tonality and energy an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying, “That is awesome! Congratulations!” If you are sad, lose 30% of energy in your voice by saying, “I’m… I’m sorry to hear that…” The change of energy communicated through your voice establishes empathy to build a connection with your partner and enhance your relationship fast. The person will have a feeling of being next to you.

The Only Way to Build Rapport Over the Phone

Rapport is being in sync with the person. It is the hidden key to make people feel connected to you. Establishing rapport ties in with mentioning the person’s name more often and compensating for a lack of body language via your voice because the two techniques build a connection that help the two of you get in sync.

Learning to build rapport over the phone is necessary if you want to build a strong relationship fast. Unfortunately, a complete guide to building rapport is far too complex to discuss in this article, yet the premise of it involves being like the person in as many ways as possible.

One particular characteristic of the person I highly advise you to match is their mood. Mood-matching helps you rapidly build a strong relationship and make someone fall in love with you.

To understand mood-matching, think back to a time you were feeling unhappy and someone bounding with joy tried to cheer you up with their happiness. How did you feel afterward? Most likely more annoyed! Their happiness did not relate to you because the two of you were at polarized emotional levels. The person was happy and you were sad.

You can better relate to people and build this “connection” when you communicate a mood similar to the person. If someone greets you with an energetic “Hi Josh!” meet them at their energy level or higher, “Hi Sue!” If the person tells you a funny story, let them hear your mood, “That’s crazy!” then laugh.

Compensate for the lack of body language over the phone with a 30% extra variance of energy in your voice. Mood is one of many communication factors you can match when talking to someone over the phone to build rapport.

When you combine all these tips to build a strong relationship over the phone with the ways to build attraction, you have the phone skills to make someone fall in love with you! Even better, these phone techniques are not limited to love. Apply these skills to potential clients, family members, and those annoying customers. The phone breaks geographic boundaries, but now you can break emotional boundaries.

David DeAngelo starts by letting you know his Double Your Dating ebook is not an encyclopedia, but a reference to being successful with women. It is not intended to be a complete resource on how men can attract women. It is a mighty fine start. You get strong foundations any guy must know in order to become successful with women and dating.

The History of Double Your Dating and DeAngelo

After a decade’s experience in learning how to attract women, DeAngelo knows how guys approach the subject of learning how to be successful with women. Too often he has seen guys take a mental standpoint where they mistake themselves for knowing the information while they don’t put the skills to use. He mentions the need for guys to go out and practice the attraction skills he teaches. Many guys seeking advice from him are intelligent, but smart can be dumb. The skills he teaches, like any other, require practice. No great skill or canned pick-up lines will make a guy succeed with women and dating if they are not practiced, adapted, and understood.

There are many canned lines given in the ebook, which give you a strong frame of reference for creating your own lines. “What to say” is not the basis of the ebook. The ebook is not filled with lines – it is a holistic reference to become successful with women. The given lines act like the framework for tough situations, such as the complete guide on what to do and say to get a woman’s phone number. The ebook is a powerful reference to create the whole mindset you must have to start dating physically and emotionally attractive women.

DeAngelo has slashed through the loads of dating and psychology advice for men, most of which is useless or harmful.

This touches on another topic where guys follow the age-old dating myth of “just be yourself”. Most guys have no idea how to attract women because their natural self is bottled inside of fear, anxiety, and placing women on a pedestal. Once you practice and internalize the information, you then have the privilege to behave in whatever way is natural to you. Being yourself is an earned privilege and not a right.

DeAngelo’s teachings come from his own experience, and years of studying experts. He has slashed through the loads of dating and psychology advice for men, most of which is useless or harmful, so you can be certain his guidance and tips work. I heard him describe his learning experience from the loads of information as walking through a jungle with a machete slashing through the crap that gets in the way of men being successful with women.

The Theory of Attraction and Dating Women

In traditional DeAngelo fashion, he begins Double Your Dating with theory. He briefly goes back a few thousand years to identify the psychological factors of women that remain unchanged to this day. There are inherit differences between the way women and men think, feel, and behave. By taking advantage of these differences – instead of letting them confuse you, like most guys who are unaware of gender differences in dating and attraction – you become more successful with women.

Men new to attraction and the whole “pick-up scene” make the mistake of assuming women are only interested in handsome, tall, wealthy, and powerful men. These guys also mistake women as wanting similar characteristics in men that guys want in women.

You learn that women are naturally attracted to handsome, tall, wealthy, or powerful men. Though these characteristics instinctively trigger a woman’s natural feelings of attractiveness towards a guy, a man who develops his confidence, social skills, and attraction triggers can elicit more powerful sexual feelings from within her. What matters most is how a man makes a woman feel through his personality and communication. There are plenty of wealthy, tall, good-looking men who get women’s attention, but cannot keep it because they disobey the principles in Double Your Dating.

How This Will Help You Transform

Two general principles I loved, which stood out from Double Your Dating, is the mindset you must have to become good at something and the need to constantly improve yourself. Though the ebook provides quick, short-term tips to be successful with women, the guys who make the commitment and effort to practice the advice get greater success with women than the guys after quick canned lines. A commitment to yourself with persistent effort is a sure way to get the most out of any goal you desire. The second principle of constantly improving yourself will do all guys a miracle in becoming more emotionally and physically attractive.

You learn many skills in the ebook that I recommend to improve your social skills and feelings about yourself. You discover how to adjust your attitude, change negative beliefs to empowering beliefs, boost your self-esteem, become a man women know is sexually attractive, and general psychological betterment. The exercises he provides improves many areas of anyone’s life – they are not limited to helping guys become more successful with women.

Become a True Man That Naturally Attracts Women

One point I think you will love most in the ebook are the strategies and exercises to overcome your a fear of approaching women. Too many guys let their fear of approaching stop them from success with women. I felt DeAngelo was speaking directly to me with my past fears of going up to girl and getting rejected.

Another interesting point worth noting is “ass kissing” behavior like buying a woman’s affection is to be avoided at all times. In any situation where the motive behind complimenting is manipulative, you can expect a poor response. The basis of the ebook transforms these natural tendencies guys have into challenging behaviors (she buys you a drink). A guy in control of his life who can playfully tease women communicates sexually attractive qualities.

…a reference to being successful with women.

The personality styles that turn women on is, by itself, enough reason to check out the ebook. These personality styles go beyond personalities that women love – they are an entire life-changing mindset. One particular personality style of many I’ll share with you to demonstrate what I’m talking about is the “aggressive” personality. This personality is not about beating up women or being a jerk; it refers to pursuing a goal with passion, persistence, and determination. Women attract to men that work aggressively towards their passionate goals. It communicates energy, protection, security, and a future outlook. These are instinctively attractive traits to women.

Possibly the greatest thing about Double Your Dating was added in the second edition: the action exercises after every chapter. I cannot stress enough the need to practice any skill. Practicing is especially important in the dating world because fear unnecessarily prevents you from dating success. A lot of people develop their fears from thinking too much. The action exercises are little steps to get you where you want to be in the dating world. These steps backed by a lot of real-world advice means the ebook can help you go from not even being able to approach a girl, to having a great long-term relationship.

Overall, I was very pleased with the ebook. David DeAngelo’s style of writing was casual. I’ve observed his company and products for over five years. It is great to see thousands of men around the world in diverse cultures succeed from Double Your Dating.

Readers have more than doubled their dating – they have gone from never having a girlfriend to dating ten women a month. It’s crazy how much success some men now have with women after reading the ebook. These men are now the selectee instead of the selected.

If you wonder how you can be more successful with women, DeAngelo’s ebook shows you how. I believe all men if they practice hard, can “mold with their hands” the kind of success with women they want. If only every man could read it, they would not experience years of frustration, loneliness, and fear that controls their lives.

Double Your Dating has my recommendations behind it! Sign up to David’s newsletter by clicking here. Once you sign up, you will be taken to a page where you can download his ebook Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women (Second Edition). (If you already receive his newsletter, just enter a fake name and email to continue to the next step so you can get your copy of this amazing ebook.)