Each of these unique individuals have impacted my life in some way through what they teach. I’m excited for them to reveal their best tips right here.

Notice similar answers because what is shared clearly matters. Notice different answers because you learn from various perspectives. Then change your behavior otherwise what you learned is not learned.

Leil Lowndes

About: Leil is an internationally recognized expert on dating and conversation skills. She’s written many books on these topics including How to Talk to Anyone, How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, and How to Instantly Connect with Anyone. Larry King with Leil’s advice said, “You’ll not only break the ice, you’ll melt it away with your new skills.” I love what she teaches because it’s simple, practical, and effective – it’s what I used to become more sociable.

Follow @Leil_Lowndes

Q1. I see a pandemic developing in the past 20 years where children struggle to develop social skills through activities and role models. Young people lack solid friendships because connections are formed based on what is liked and commented on. Intimacy is easily avoided as conversation is substituted for connection. Quantity of relationships is favored over quality. This carries through to teenage years, employment, intimate relationships, and into young adult lives. It’s not all doom as forums, groups, and amazing guides exist at the finger tips of anyone who wants to learn how to build good relationships. What do you think about modern social skills development?

You’ve asked an important and multifaceted question, Joshua. I am afraid that, thanks to Facebook and other social media sites, the word “friend” has taken on a new connotation. Unfortunately, other than words which suggest a romantic connection, no word seems to be replacing what people, of my generation at least, think of as a “friend” — someone you know well and who knows you, someone you’ve spent a good amount of time with, someone you would help in time of need and someone that you could depend on. Younger people have much less time to establish these relationships because they primarily know that person in two dimensions – literally (on the computer screen.)

Having grown up with these two dimensional relationships, they are inexperienced at forming deep friendships and don’t quite know how to go about it. Lack of real face-to-face human contact seems to be, in my experience, one of the causes of social anxiety.

I agree, there are forums, groups, and guides to help. But reading something on a website is not the same as experiencing it. And “friendship groups” and seminars which are intended specifically for that purpose are also not “real life.”

Q2. Is it acceptable to approach people in public for conversation? If so, what’s the easiest way to do it?

ABSOLUTELY! It is often difficult but it is a crucial skill and, seriously, so easy once you get the hang of it. At gatherings, I make it a habit to look for someone standing alone, approach them, and say simply “Hi, my name is Leil. And yours?” Then follow up with an open-ended question, something like “what brings you here?” Or “how do you know the host?”

So simple, but it works almost every time.

Q3. What’s a common misconception about making friends?

I would love to hear you your answer on this one Joshua. What misconceptions do you feel exist?

Josh: That you have to be this iconic, interesting, and impressive person to befriend others. Such expectations put what you think your imagined self needs to be to make friends, on an elusive pedestal, which makes you anxious. Yes, you should learn how to be interesting and impress others because there’s a skill set to make friends. Friendship has existed since the beginning of time with people who had no knowledge of complex social skills (useful for fine-tuning relationships).

There’s an “effective minimal dose” of abilities you need to make friends. The best one coming from a question: “How can I be friend right now to this person?”

Q4. What’s the single biggest thing someone can do to get out of depression and loneliness to high self-esteem and a happy social life?

…every time you avoid a social situation successfully, you get a short lived ‘high’ that can be addictive. So avoid avoiding.

For those of us who have suffered clinical depression (I have,) “depression” is a horrific mental condition which needs counseling and medication. Feeling in the dumps and lonely is also excruciating and I think that’s what you’re talking about.

My two answers to this are “force yourself to get out there and mingle.” And “fake it till you make it.” As I said in my book “Goodbye to Shy, “every time you avoid a social situation successfully, you get a short lived “high” that can be addictive. So avoid avoiding!

Q5. What’s the simplest body language adjustment someone can make to become better with people?

When talking with someone, keep things out of your hands so that you can have “open body language” with nothing between you. I liken it to the Chinese feng shui which means arranging a room so people come into it comfortably. With open body language, people can approach it more comfortably.

You can also stand a tad closer to someone because we stand closer to people like and farther from those we don’t. However, if he/she steps back, don’t move in. That means you have arrived at their comfortable body space.

And we both deeply know how crucial good eye contact is. (In Asian societies, as you know, it differs.)

Q6. What’s a piece of wisdom you discovered to help with a struggle in your social life that you wish someone told you earlier? (If you’re willing, share your struggle.)

Wow, I guess the short answer is, again, “fake it till you make it.”

The reason I am so passionate about helping you become a more confident and charismatic communicator is because I know the anguish of not being one. I first became obsessed with communicating when I entered first grade. I was so shy that I clammed up whenever I talked with teachers or other children. My severe shyness, or “social anxiety disorder,” lasted through college and beyond. (Attending an all girl’s high school and university didn’t help much especially when it came to talking to guys!)

About the time I graduated, my mother had a stroke so I came home to care for her and became an elementary school English teacher. I loved the kids but didn’t do much communicating with people over the age of 14! Sadly, my love-life was non-existent.

When Mama died six years later, I decided that at the end of the school year, I was going to leave teaching and, to cure myself of shyness, only work in jobs which put me in constant touch with a wide variety of individuals.

My first job after teaching was extreme immersion in interacting with people! I became a flight attendant for the now defunct Pan American World Airways. Traveling around the world meeting people from every country was a great help, and fabulous fun. I credit airplanes full of people for giving me a lot of the “people skills” I had so desperately craved. But it wasn’t a job I wanted to do forever.

Still craving to be a better communicator, I decided to try something very scary—performing in front of people. Much to my total amazement, I landed a starring role in a Broadway show! But it totally bombed due to my lame performance.

After that, I’d had enough of acting and, craving more travel and connection with people, I became a Cruise Director. Making the same stupid jokes for hundreds of new passengers every week on a cruise ship was the final cure! I could officially say my shyness was a thing of the past.

I then became substitute host on New York’s #1 late night talk show and wrote my first book on communication skills. That led to my second current profession and passion, sharing my techniques with the public as a professional speaker.

Now, every time my audience applauds, a poignant image of that shy little girl floods me.

Every day we can thank whatever God we worship for living in a country and in the times when anything is possible for anyone with a passion.

Q7. Have a favorite quote about social skills and personality development? What is it?

Well, you’ve heard the first one twice now. And the second, I alluded to earlier:

Avoid avoiding at all costs.Leil Lowndes

Nick Savoy

About: Nick is President and Program Leader of Love Systems. He’s been on Dr Phil and The Tyra Banks show. I first discovered Nick after he rebuilt the primary company mentioned in New York Bestseller The Game. A lot of what he teaches took me away from being unable to talk to women.

Follow @nicksavoy

Q1. I see a pandemic developing in the past 20 years where children struggle to develop social skills through activities and role models. Young people lack solid friendships because connections are formed based on what is liked and commented on. Intimacy is easily avoided as conversation is substituted for connection. Quantity of relationships is favored over quality. This carries through to teenage years, employment, intimate relationships, and into young adult lives. It’s not all doom as forums, groups, and amazing guides exist at the finger tips of anyone who wants to learn how to build good relationships. What do you think about modern social skills development?

Clearly there’s a problem. If it were very easy for everyone to have the social life and dating life that they wanted, then there would be no need for Love Systems. But clearly there is, and every day we turn guys who are unhappy or frustrated or settling into men who have the dating and social life that they deserve.

As for the WHY our world is so screwed up – that’s probably a much longer conversation. Every generation complains about the one after them. I think there’s something more fundamental going on here – that our instincts, biology, and deep-rooted culture are not designed for the modern world.

Human biology has not changed much in the last 5000 years, but human society has changed a lot. Our instincts about how to connect with people and how to date are designed for a world where we live in tribes and no one we deal with on a day-to-day basis is a stranger. I wrote about this mismatch in my book Magic Bullets, and why men need to ignore their instincts sometimes if they want to date quality women.

Q2. Is it acceptable to approach people in public for conversation? If so, what’s the easiest way to do it?

Of course. Many Love Systems clients have gotten married to women they approached in public during or after one of our programs. The easiest way to do it is have a default go-to “opener”, understand the secrets of body language (as it affects attraction), and to know where to go next. Usually within the first hour of a Love Systems bootcamp, we have men approaching women successfully.

(Nick opted to not answer the third question.)

Q4. What’s the single biggest thing someone can do to get out of depression and loneliness to high self-esteem and a happy social life?

Taking action, no matter how small, builds momentum… do something.

Remember Lao Tzu “Every journey begins with a single step”. Taking action, no matter how small, builds momentum. The worst thing you can do is let negative thoughts bounce around in your head without addressing them. Get a gym membership, sign up for a Love Systems program, or call some old friends – do something. Action is valuable in itself.

Q5. What’s the simplest body language adjustment someone can make to become better with people?

That depends on what your body language is like now. There’s no one-size-fits all model – when we got two of the world’s biggest experts in body language and social dynamics together, the end result filled 5 DVDs (update: no longer available).

The Beyond Words DVD course has a ton of insights. One that comes immediately to mind is when Derek Cajun said to “move like you’re moving underwater”. It’s amazing what slowing things down does to your presence.

Q6. What’s a piece of wisdom you discovered to help with a struggle in your social life that you wish someone told you earlier? (If you’re willing, share your struggle.)

To stop making excuses and to start taking action. I wasted five years messing around before I got on the right track.

Q7. Have a favorite quote about social skills and personality development? What is it?

I gave you some Lao Tzu earlier, and his stuff is full of great insight. But I’ll go in the other direction for this one, to the Rocky Horror Picture Show:

Don’t dream it; be it.

Henrik Edberg

About: Henrik lives on the West-coast of Sweden and for the past 7 years he has written about improving social skills and happiness on The Positivity Blog. He teaches how to improve your people skills in the Smart Social Skills Course. Check out his post on 10 conversation mistakes for a sample of his solid advice.

Follow @positivityblog

Q1. I see a pandemic developing in the past 20 years where children struggle to develop social skills through activities and role models. Young people lack solid friendships because connections are formed based on what is liked and commented on. Intimacy is easily avoided as conversation is substituted for connection. Quantity of relationships is favored over quality. This carries through to teenage years, employment, intimate relationships, and into young adult lives. It’s not all doom as forums, groups, and amazing guides exist at the finger tips of anyone who wants to learn how to build good relationships. What do you think about modern social skills development?

I haven’t done any research into how social skills development has changed over the past decade or two. But one big thing that has happened since I was a teenager (I’m 33 now) is:

It has become easier today than ever before to not confront your own comfort zone…

How much more people interact from a distance. Like online and via cell phones. This does on one hand give people the opportunity to get to know people far away in the world or more easily find others with the same perhaps narrow passion that they have. And the internet does of course make it very easy to find really helpful information quickly that someone in the 1980s might have had a very hard time to get a hold of.

But on the other hand I think that communicating in this distant way and how easy it has become to do so can have a negative impact on people’s social improvement. It has become easier today than ever before to not confront your own comfort zone when it comes to shyness and social skills for example. And that can have a negative impact.

Q2. Is it acceptable to approach people in public for conversation? If so, what’s the easiest way to do it?

Sure, I think so. One way to do that is to simply comment on something in the environment.

Like what kind of cake he or she recommends if you are trying to pick something out in a café.

Q3. What’s a common misconception about making friends?

That you should try to impress them and be as interesting or cool as possible.

Being genuinely interested in them instead tends to work better in my experience and if there is a good connection then they will reciprocate and get interested in you too.

Q4. What’s the single biggest thing someone can do to get out of depression and loneliness to high self-esteem and a happy social life?

To take one small step after another and to not take failure or a stumble too harshly and as a sign that the world is ending. But to get up on your feet again and keep going, step by small step.

By taking action in this way on improving your conversational skills, listening skills and self-esteem you can over time make a huge positive change in your own relationships and life.

Q5. What’s the simplest body language adjustment someone can make to become better with people?

To smile more. A simple smile will relax you and help you to reconnect with positive feelings.

And by doing so the person you are talking to will be more relaxed too and positive towards you from the first minute you meet.

Q6. What’s a piece of wisdom you discovered to help with a struggle in your social life that you wish someone told you earlier? (If you’re willing, share your struggle.)

I used to be quite self-conscious about what to say and well, about just anything in a conversation. I spent too much time in my own head over-analyzing what I should say, what someone said, how I looked, what might happen next and so on.

A great tip and habit I learned that helped me with this was to be more mindful. To be in the present moment fully instead of off somewhere in my head while in a conversation.

A good way to apply mindfulness practically in social situations is to slow down and to focus on your breathing before you step into a meeting or a date.

So a few minutes before you go into this situation slow down. Walk slower to the meeting place. Move slower. Even stop for a minute if you like and stand still.

Then breathe. Take a little deeper breaths than usual and make sure you breathe with your belly. Not with your chest (a common problem when people get anxious).

Focus on just your slow in-and-out breaths for a minute or two. This will calm you down, make it easier to think normally and that singular focus can draw you back into this moment again and what is happening outside of your own head.

Q7. Have a favorite quote about social skills and personality development? What is it?

I love this one by Mark Twain and think it can be applied to anything you may dream of, including better social skills:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.Mark Twain

Barrie Davenport

About: Barrie is creator of the Simple Self-Confidence course and blogger at Live Bold and Bloom. Her passion is in helping others find their passion after she felt unfulfilled in a PR career of 20 years. I particularly like the angle of her words on topics like how to be beautiful and curing a victim mentality that contribute to self-confidence and a great social life.

Follow @CoachBarrie

Q1. I see a pandemic developing in the past 20 years where children struggle to develop social skills through activities and role models. Young people lack solid friendships because connections are formed based on what is liked and commented on. Intimacy is easily avoided as conversation is substituted for connection. Quantity of relationships is favored over quality. This carries through to teenage years, employment, intimate relationships, and into young adult lives. It’s not all doom as forums, groups, and amazing guides exist at the finger tips of anyone who wants to learn how to build good relationships. What do you think about modern social skills development?

I have mixed feelings about it as you outlined in the question. In my work as an online entrepreneur, the ability to connect with people all of the world through my blogs (Live Bold and Bloom and BarrieDavenport.com) and with social media has been amazing. Not only has it helped my business, but also I’ve made some real friends whom I’ve met in person and remained connected with. It is so much easier to share information, find clients, and create partnerships than it ever was prior to the explosion of the internet.

That said, many of the social skills I learned as a young person seem to be lost or irrelevant to the generations behind me. I had to pick up a phone, get in my car, or write a letter if I wanted to interact with someone. Socializing was a face-to-face activity. And conversation was a skill you had to develop in order to build friendships and survive in the business world. I guess every generation feels wistful about the loss of the “old ways” of doing things.

I think the horse is out of the gate in terms of modern social skills. The internet and smartphones are defining a new way of socializing, whether we like it or not. So the question is, how can we maximize this technology in a way that fosters real relationships? And how can we redefine social etiquette and manners using technology? I think this will evolve in the same way people in the early 20th century had to acclimate to the telephone. Change is inevitable, and we must adapt.

Q2. Is it acceptable to approach people in public for conversation? If so, what’s the easiest way to do it?

Yes it is absolutely acceptable in the right circumstances. You don’t want to interrupt someone who is in conversation or clearly focused on something else. And if you’re good at reading body language, you can generally tell when someone doesn’t want to be approached. But the ability to strike up a conversation with strangers is a sign of self-confidence and sociability.

I think the easiest way to begin always is to start with a smile. It’s the universal icebreaker. And then you can open a conversation with a comment about the event, the weather, a question, or an observation. Or you can simply say, “Hi, I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Barrie. It’s very nice to meet you.” Most people are responsive and open to someone who reaches out and makes conversation. I recently wrote a post on this very topic called 30 Conversation Topics to Kickstart Your Speaking Confidence.

Q3. What’s a common misconception about making friends?

I’d say the most common misconception is that all friendships happen spontaneously. Sometimes this is the case, especially when you’re in a situation where you’re around the same people day in and day out (like school or work). But quite often you have to seek out friends and work on building relationships. For a lot of people, this can be intimidating.

Friendships are like gardens. You have to plant the seeds, water them regularly, and pull the weeds before you really enjoy the fruits of a lasting friendship.

Friends don’t fall out of the sky. So if you don’t want to be isolated and lonely, you need to put yourself in situations where you meet new people. You need to strike up conversations, ask questions about the person, and find common interests. You need to reach out to new friends to build rapport and trust. And you need to be an initiator, rather than waiting for the other person to always take the lead in getting together or planning events. Friendships are like gardens. You have to plant the seeds, water them regularly, and pull the weeds before you really enjoy the fruits of a lasting friendship.

Q4. What’s the single biggest thing someone can do to get out of depression and loneliness to high self-esteem and a happy social life?

If someone is clinically depressed, the most important thing they can do first is seek proper treatment with a doctor or therapist. Depression isn’t something to take lightly, and you certainly can’t build self-esteem when you’re depressed. However, if you are simply feeling blue and lonely and somewhat down on yourself, the very best thing to do is take action. Don’t sit around ruminating on how lonely you are or what a bad social life you have. Do something about it. Join a club. Invite people over for a party. Get involved in a volunteer activity. Initiate social interactions and reach out to people. Not only will this improve your social life, but also you will feel more in control of your circumstances which improves self-esteem.

Q5. What’s the simplest body language adjustment someone can make to become better with people?

Look them in the eye. Be truly engaged with them so they feel you are actively listening and interacting. Also, notice when you have weak or defensive body language like crossing your arms, looking away or at your feet, or slumping your shoulders. Body language is the first clue to others about how you are feeling on the inside.

Q6. What’s a piece of wisdom you discovered to help with a struggle in your social life that you wish someone told you earlier? (If you’re willing, share your struggle.)

Don’t use sarcasm when you first meet people. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that some people appreciate and others find off-putting. I’ve learned through experience that using sarcasm with the wrong people can end the relationship before it gets off the ground. Always begin a relationship being straightforward, open, and kind. Save sarcasm for later with those you know enjoy this kind of banter and don’t take offense.

Q7. Have a favorite quote about social skills and personality development? What is it?

You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one.Dale Carnegie

Josh: Share in the comments below your answer to one of the questions. We’d all love to hear what you have to say.

A well-oiled list of conversation topics ready to roll out is only one part of what matters to have a good conversation – it isn’t your complete solution to make friends and influence people. You can have fun talking about paper to a friend because good conversation is more than topics. Work on listening, positive body language, and your personality seen below (as well as other skills not listed):

Use the conversation subjects you’re about to discover with other conversation skills for the best results! If you’re over the standard enquirying about someone’s weekend, commenting on the weather, and asking “How are you?”, here’s my top list of conversation topics to keep a good conversation going. Some are deep, some are light, and all are real topics you can use that help you come up with your own.

Business Conversation Topics

1. Current News Stories

Eye the latest news stories relating to your industry. Signup to an RSS reader, visit your industry’s best blogs, then add their RSS feed to your reader. You instantly get updated with new articles and can scan topics useful for conversation.

In your RSS reader, you can even setup separate categories to easily monitor sites covering fun topics, international issues (amazing tip for when you’re about to travel overseas!), and client industry news. When it comes to talking about these topics, you impress people as an expert if you reference where the news came from.

2. The Economy

The economy affects business, for good or for bad. Professionals often discuss how the economy is affecting their company. Be careful not to turn the conversation to personal finance; discussing your own money is crude. Read up on stock markets, interest rates, and other factual information.

3. Ask for Advice

Anything from “Can you show me how to use the photocopier?” to “Can you give me some tips on managing the finance department?” gives a co-worker pride. Few resist the call for help. Show you genuinely appreciate their advice by listening, nodding, and thanking. Conversation will flow.

4. Industry Trends

Has your company changed something it does? Companies update their technology, modify a policy, or introduce new fun days at work (well, the lucky ones do). Discuss the pros and cons – comparing to other businesses, e.g. “I don’t like our new company policy on food at desks. What’s your opinion?” “What do you think of parallax web design?” “I developed an app for the new Mozilla platform the other day. It’s surprisingly simple.”

Few resist the call for help.

5. Professional Development

Those who want to develop themselves may read books and attend events to help get ahead. Asking “What are the most influential business/motivational books you’ve ever read?” could lead into a discussion of self-help, famous motivational speakers, and cool habits to develop.

6. Personal History and Goals

It’s the past and present of one’s life. If you want to know someone outside the business setting, ask “How did you get started in the industry?” You learn more about people this way, and get to discussing ambitions, goals, and the person’s past. Prepare to share your story. Giving is as important as taking to keep a good conversation going.

Dinner Conversation Topics

7. The Latest Movies or Books

Nearly everybody watches movies, is into a TV show, or reads books. Ask people for their favorite and what they’re currently into. If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book they mention, ask about it with interest!

8. Travel

Whether you talk to a world traveler or someone who doesn’t have a passport, everyone loves traveling. Ask about their most memorable holiday, compare where you’ve been, tell a funny experience with foreigners, or share where you’d like to go.

9. The Pros/Cons of Their Jobs

Most people can talk about their jobs for hours. Some may tell you how wonderful their current workplace. Even if someone hates their job, they’re usually happy to let off steam about their annoying boss. Start with “What do you like most about your job?” or “How did you get into it?”

When sharing stuff about your job, describe it in a way the person will understand by relating it to their experience. “When I get a call from XYZ supplier, I know it’s not going to be good. They’re like a grumpy customer you see that you want to avoid.”

10. “If the world was about to end…”

A question like “What would you do if the world was going to end in 24 hours?” can bring up some interesting answers. Try it with a large group of people. A less morbid example is: “If you could do anything you wanted for one day, with no consequences, what would you do?”

11. The Celebrity Guest List

A classic question: “If you could invite anyone, alive or dead, to your dinner party, who would it be and why?” This leads to discussions about various people in the public eye; great if you don’t have any mutual friends or interests…yet!

12. Food!

At a dinner party, food is on everyone’s mind. Ask what recipes people like to cook, which cuisines they’ve tried, and what restaurants they recommend. Just don’t unfavorably compare the host’s dinner to something else! It’s good social etiquette.

13. The Olden Days…

Share games you use to play as kids, which TV shows you liked, and the adventures you had. It’s great conversation fuel for people over 20 years old. If someone is hesitant to participate, they may have had a bad childhood so don’t force their input. You can also discuss how different things are now from when you were a child, e.g. “Imagine what it would have been like if we’d all had cell phones! When my mom wanted to find me, she’d…”

Funny Conversation Topics

14. Embarrassing Stories

If you’re with a group of friends, sharing embarrassing stories can cause a lot of laughs. You can compare moments of embarrassment in public, drunken blunders, or dating encounters that went wrong. You can also share stories you’ve heard from other people.

15. The People Around You

Look at the people walking by (great if you’re in public) and try guessing facts about them. You can even say that the person with the most interesting interpretation “wins”, e.g. “Look at that guy run! He’s just remembered his girlfriend left her hair clip on his bed, and his wife’s nearly home!” “I think he left the waffle iron on. Everyone loves waffles.”

16. Crazy Comments by Kids

If you’re with a group of friends who have kids (or you’re all teachers), exchange stories about the funny things your kids say and do. There’s probably always something weird, funny, or scarily smart to share.

17. Worst Dates

Ask your friends about the worst date they’ve ever been on. Make sure you have a couple of funny stories of your own to share (without naming anyone). For more ideas, think of awkward situations to be in, but are now funny. These are great to talk about.

18. “What kind of old person would you like to be?”

An interesting question, bound to bring a smile to people’s faces (it’s unexpected). Although many won’t have thought about it before, they’re sure to have an opinion.

19. Jokes

Yes, you can sit around exchanging the funniest jokes you’ve heard. If you’re into comedy, you can discuss the best comedies or stand-up comedians you’ve seen. Try to learn a couple of their jokes to share.

20. Weird Comparisons

For example – “If you were any animal, which animal would you be?” It sounds childish, but can work with anyone. Get people to explain their choice. In a big group of friends, your friends can tell you which animal you’d be, before switching to the next person.

21. Truth and Lies

More of an ice-breaking game. The idea is that everyone gives three statements about themselves – one is true, and two are lies. The other people have to work out which is true. The more interesting or funny the statements, the better.

Conversation Topics for Dates

22. Their Goals and Dreams

Many people enjoy talking about themselves. Try questions like “What job would you really love to do?” to let your date open up. If you get your date opening up about their dreams and ambitions, while being encouraging and supportive, they will feel relaxed around you and value you as a great listener.

23. The Movie You Just Saw

Works after a cinema date or DVD. Ask what they thought of the movie, compare to similar movies, and ask what kind of movies they normally like.

24. All-time Favorites

“What’s your all-time favorite movie/song/book/food?” This gets your date to open up and feel you are interested. It can also lead to suggestions of follow up dates, e.g. “What, you haven’t seen Grease? I’ll have to show it to you sometime!”

25. Funny Things

Laughter is a sign things are going well (unless it’s at you… even then). Try “What kinds of things really make you laugh?” to find out more and turn the topic to funny things. Goofy questions like “Which creature would you most like to be for the day?” can break the ice with some dates.

26. Passions

“What are you really passionate about?” When people discuss their passions, you see who they really are. This gives you a good idea about your date. They will also be impressed when you talk about your own passions, as this is something you talk about easily that lights you up in an attractive way.

27. Travel Bucket List

“Which five places do you most want to visit?” Great for travelers. Comparing places you’ve been and want to go can spark a lot of conversation, and travel stories can be very attractive – especially if you’ve done something fascinating and you’re a good storyteller.

28. What You’re Looking For

Be careful with this one. If you can charmingly ask your date to describe what they’re looking for in a man/woman, it can go one of two ways. You might realize they’re not right for you, or you might get an insight into what to do. This can also lead to funny stories about bad dates.

Dating tip: This is a time to get to know each other, but it’s best to avoid controversial topics where you might disagree. Keep topics light and fun, but throw some unusual questions in there, as many dates involve the same questions over and over. Take things they mention about their lives and expand on them, e.g. “Oh, you mentioned you went to school in Chicago – what did you study?” This could lead to a discussion about universities, the subject is particular, or the city. Relate their experiences back to yourself, but remember this isn’t all about you looking interesting – people like to feel valued. Be interested in your date’s passions, hobbies, and experiences.

Conversation Topics with Women

29. Hobbies

Ask a woman what her hobbies are to get a better idea of good conversation topics. Let her tell you about a hobby she’s really into, and ask questions about it.

30. Advice

Many women love giving advice and solving problems, although spilling your problems is better on a potential friend rather than a date. Mention an interesting problem a friend has been having – nothing too serious. Annoying bosses, co-workers, or dating disasters are good topics.

31. Hopes and Aspirations

A lot of women have big ambitions these days, and sharing them with supportive friends can make them feel great. Ask your female friends where she sees herself in five years time, or what her ideal life would look like.

32. Cooking

It sounds sexist, a lot of women genuinely love cooking. If you find a woman who does, talk about recipes, chefs, and her favorite things to make at home. Then get her to cook for me!

33. Men

Revolutionary fact: women love to gossip about men – comparing good and bad experiences, lusting after attractive men, and generally talking about them. You can start with a celebrity example “Would you rather be stuck on a dessert island with Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt?” or, for extra giggles, people you both know.

34. Gossip

It’s no secret many women love to gossip – usually about people they know, either at work or socially. It isn’t very nice, but “Have you heard that Sandra from finance is pregnant?” (use actual gossip, don’t invent stories) can start a very excited conversation. Gossip can be fine as long as you don’t talk poorly of people.

35. Spirituality

Many women are in touch with their intuitive “spiritual side”, and like to discuss alternative therapies, meditation, dreams, and their soul. It’s hard to broach the topic if you don’t know the woman well. Try playfully asking “Ever had a dream that actually happened?” or “Have you tried yoga?” to enter the waters.

Conversation Topics with Men

36. Movies and Entertainment

For men who enjoy movies and TV, discuss which movies they’ve seen lately, their favorite movie of all time, the best action scene etc. These conversations can go on for a while.

37. Technology

Gadgets and the latest developments, e.g. “Have you seen those Google glasses?” Share opinions, compare crazy inventions you’ve heard of, and come up with ideas somebody should invent.

38. Recent Sports Matches

Most of us men love sports. “Did you see the game last night?” is a typical conversation opener. At least understand the sport to join in!

39. Dream Teams

Does your office have a fantasy football league? It’s fun to discuss your dream sports team, comparing which players you’d recruit. You could also do this with movies or concerts – who’d be the actors in your dream movie?

40. Women

We usually don’t gossip about women like women do about men. Some men compare women they find attractive. A conversation can go along the lines of “Would you?” for various celebrity or known women.

41. Health and Fitness

From the wealth of men’s magazines, it’s clear men prioritize health and fitness. Chat about workout techniques, which gyms are good, what food to eat or avoid. Some guys might not be comfortable discussing it, but if you openly ask their advice they might be happy to.

Deep and Meaningful Conversation Topics

42. The Meaning of Life

Most people have thought about it at some point. Start with “Why are we here (in this existence)?” or “Are we here for a reason, or did we just happen?” A gateway into debating God, destiny, and free will.

43. Subjective Experience

“Is there an objective reality?” Topics ranging from visual illusions to widely different opinions on the same thing can open the topic of how everybody’s reality is constructed from their brains, and therefore different. How do you know the colors you see are the same that everyone else sees?

44. Contribution to Society

Doing good deeds is increasingly popular, yet we’re aware of our society’s impact on the environment and poorer countries. Discuss what you do to make the world a better place, or how you could improve your contribution and minimize your impact.

45. Politics

Although arguments can arise, a healthy political debate is a good thinking exercise. Discuss various points and current political events, as well as the very concept of democracy – “Do the masses really know what’s good for them?”

46. Life on Other Planets

“Do aliens exist? Are they already here? What would they think of us as a race?” Think about what life might be like in the future if humanity were to spread to the stars. This can bring up a lot of interesting ideas.

47. Human Nature

What is human nature? Are we born with our personalities or do we develop them from our upbringing? Share examples of how you think your environment shaped your being, think about twins who are different, and debate whether human nature is intrinsically good or bad.

Other Rules and Tips to Come Up With Your Own Conversation Topics

48. Talk About the Person

On any topic you can ask someone’s opinion or experience.

49. Find That Hot Experience

We usually have something hot in our life at any moment that we’d love to share. Find out what is hot for the person by asking, “What’s big in your life at the moment?” (Thanks to Don Gabor for this question.)

50. List 10 Topics You Love

Then think about how you can talk about them. This prepares you to take a conversation down many routes. Make these topics as diverse as possible so you can connect with a variety of people. Saying you love “League of Legends”, “Skyrim”, and “Battlefield 4” won’t do. You’ll only keep a conversation going in this case if someone else (like me!) loves video games.

51. Avoid Edgy Topics

Skip topics like health ailments, family problems, and money. You can talk about these but it’s just risky for most people. By all means, if you’re confident experiment with these topics. Because they are edgy, they may get certain people yapping away.

52. Conversation Starters

Review my list of 101 conversation starters for great ideas to get talking with people you don’t know.

All conversation topics are like herbs in a recipe. If you only use herbs or concern yourself with what to say, the end result will be weird. When used with other ingredients, they’re an essential part of the whole.

As you get better with all your conversation skills, you only need one or two topics to get going as the conversation carries itself through a variety of topics you could not conceive earlier. The effortless discussion may come from a weird fact, a story, or someone’s opinion about the initial topic. These are the best conversation topics.

For everything you need to develop people skills for a great life, even if you’re shy, I suggest you get my Big Talk course.

What then is social etiquette and why must you learn these hidden tips your parents never taught you?

I believe society developed social etiquette rules over time to ensure its smooth functioning and pleasure of people. Etiquette matters to you because it is core to get work, make friends, and well, fit in. Children need it for the same reasons. Anyone with poor social etiquette creates awkward moments with people shrieking at each other wishing the rule-breaker to vanish. Even when you gain nothing, good etiquette is virtuous. It makes the world a better place.

Rules of social etiquette stem from two qualities: respect and empathy. Smile at someone you meet (respect). Apologize for knocking into a stranger to show displeasure with yourself (empathy). Introduce unmet friends to one another so they are not left alone (respect and empathy). Check with the public transport passenger beside you if your music is too loud (respect and empathy).

When you find yourself lost at restaurant, meeting someone new, or feeling out of your league in a wealthy environment, do that which entails respect and empathy. You will be sensitive to the feelings of others to charm men and women.

Specific guidance helps so I have a monstrous list of 89 tips for you in a variety of situations from meeting people to etiquette in business and public transport. A lot of the social etiquette rules shared below are in Emily Post’s Etiquette. It is a 900-page authority resource on general etiquette I read and encourage you to get if etiquette interests you.

Onwards to the 89 social etiquette rules and tips you may have never learned from your parents:

When Meeting People

1. Acknowledge people you know. Whether it is a head nod, wave, or “Hello”. The fundamental of good social manners when meeting people is responding to their presence.
2. Hold your drink and other objects in your left-hand to keep your right-hand free for handshakes.
3. Stand when you greet someone. Especially obey this etiquette rule when meeting someone for the first time. Don’t stress if it’s difficult to stand like when a baby is in your lap. When you are unable to stand, leaning forward can be a substitute to show interest.
4. Once you stand to meet someone, smile and offer your hand to the person for a handshake. It’s a simple way to make a good first impression.
5. When meeting close friends and family of the opposite sex, you can kiss them on their right cheek. Move straight-in and kiss on their right-side to stop head bumps. Whether a kiss is acceptable or not may change across cultures.
6. Greet a family member and anyone staying in your home when you see them for the first time in the day. A simply acknowledgment like “Hey” and “Good morning” can make the home a more pleasant place to live.
7. Introduce two people to each other if they have not met. Letting your girlfriend stand awkwardly smiling amongst your friends will have her leave you in no time.
8. If you are introducing two people to each other, look at the person you are introducing someone to. So if you are introducing Jane to Dad, look at Dad when saying, “Dad, I’d like you to meet Jane.”
9. When groups of people are involved in an introduction, share attention. Look equally at those you introduce and talk about each person as much as the other. Ranting on about Jane in her introduction then saying, “Oh, this is Tara” is not cool. This etiquette rule is especially true for couples when you habitually ignore the person you know less about.
10. Start a conversation when introducing people. Add information so the couple can start chatting without your presence. “Dad, Jane loves coffee maybe as much you.” “Tom’s brother actually lives in the area.” “Steve just moved from north of us and started working here.”
11. When you are introduced to others, listen carefully for their names. If you forget, be courteous by saying, “I’m sorry, I forgot your name. What was it again?”
12. For self-introductions, share your name first rather than ask for their name. People will share their name after you say yours. Disclosure in conversations is often reciprocated.
13. Use people’s names how they were shared in the introduction. Don’t call Alexander “Tony”, “bud”, or “honey”.
14. If you do not know how to pronounce someone’s name, ask them or someone who knows before you need to say it. If it’s too late, apologize for your mispronunciation then practice to correct yourself.
15. Do not break eye contact from the group in an introduction. Looking in the distance tells the person you are meeting that you prefer to be with someone else. As the conversation continues, you’re allowed to break more eye contact. Too much broken eye contact at anytime shows disinterest – a common relationship mistake.
16. For every arrival, there is a departure. Make your departure more gracious than a “bye”. Wind down the conversation. You can sum up a key point of the conversation (“I’ll make sure to get the report to you by Monday to prevent further hassle”), reference a private joke from the conversation (“Next time we meet, I hope you’ve figured out how to use the mower!”), or appreciate the person and the conversation (“Well, Andrea, I’ve got to get going but I’ve enjoyed talking with you”). For a complete guide to leave a lasting impression on people, discover the five ways to make a great last impression in Big Talk.

Conversation Etiquette

Do your conversations build relationships and make others enjoy being with you? Or do people want to run when faced by conversation with you? Good conversation etiquette with the following tips will have others happy to be in your presence.

Rules of social etiquette stem from respect and empathy.

17. Adjust your language, stories, jokes, and opinions to who you talk with. You are a cool guy to your friends, but telling your boss, “see ya dude”, will make him feel disrespected. The best socialites understand different people need different conversations. If you can get along with kids, the elderly, the homeless, and the wealthy, you are great with this conversational etiquette rule.
18. Be gracious when someone could feel embarrassed. Graciousness is the art of being kind and gentle. The best way I’ve found to be gracious is placing the burden on myself. Did someone forget your name? “Don’t worry. I’ve forgotten half the people’s names in this room already. My name is Josh.” Did the person trip over a cable? “Uh, hope you’re okay. I should really have covered that up so an accident doesn’t happen.” Graciousness will make you an angel to those in your presence.
19. Do not hold the conversation on yourself or what only matters to you. Talking about the health care system to a doctor is not your chance to seek a 10-minute health consultation for an ailment. Good conversationalists talk about their experiences and share their opinions, but they also ask questions about the person, expand on what others share, and show interest in what people say.
20. Share the speaking spotlight. If you have talked for a couple minutes without comments or input from others, you are hogging attention. Your conversational partner wants you to be quiet for a moment.
21. Let people finish what they want to say. This is the traditional conversation etiquette rule of “do not interrupt”.
22. When in a group, talk to everyone. Do not talk only to the hot girl you want to impress. It also means making the subject of conversation suitable for everyone. Telling a group about your latest Spiderman figurine that only your mate cares about is not socially suave.
23. Learn how to say no to politely decline requests and invitations. Refrain from a courteous no when you want to say no to create false expectations, persistent requests, or even conflict.
24. Do not participate in gossip or criticism. When someone gossips, Emily Post advises you to say, “But, Jim, Amanda says such nice things about you.” If the person ignores your attempt to steer the conversation away from gossip, say, “Let’s get off that subject.” If the rudeness continues, leave.
25. Researchers advise to keep a minimum distance of 60 cm (24 in) from conversational partners to stay out of their personal space. Even a kind word said one-foot away can be offensive.

Want a complete system to talk and make friends with anyone? You need more than etiquette tips when you are shy and have no idea what to say. I suggest you check out my full step-by-step guide called the Big Talk Training Course.

Everyday Circumstances

Whether you walk the streets or browse the shops, there is a right way to behave in everyday circumstances. These social etiquette tips mostly help you blend-in.

26. Prepare to behave differently than normal. Many etiquette articles advise you to be yourself, but I think “just be yourself” is bad advice. The people with the best social etiquette adapt to situations and people by understanding the rules of social etiquette shared in this article. What feels natural may not reflect social etiquette.
27. Keep your voice down. If someone has a loud voice, talk quietly to them – even whisper – and they will clue in then lower their voice.
28. Do not swear. If you must, find a PG-rated alternative on Thesaurus.com for your favorite four-letter word.
29. Arrive to parties and other events on time. Being late regardless of an excuse hints that you care little about those you meet.
30. Hold doors for people behind you. Let go when someone else holds the door. Always say “thanks” when a person holds a door for you. Appreciation takes no time and shows you liked their simple gesture.
31. If a door to a room is closed, knock then wait a few seconds. When no one responds, slowly open the door.
32. Here are my elevator rules. Hold elevator doors open for someone if they try to make it before the doors close. If the elevator is crowded or the door has been held multiple times, respect passengers by not delaying them any further. Should you be on the unlucky end of missing an elevator or it is crowded, stand back to let passengers know you are okay for them to go up or down. Other rules include move to the back, face the door, keep chat to a minimum, and avoid disturbances like phone calls or loud headphone music.
33. Walk on the right-side of sidewalks and shopping isles. Especially move over if you are slow. You can’t expect everyone to do this. An aircraft falling into your backyard right now is more likely than society walking on the right-side so walking etiquette is more about maneuvering yourself. Prepare to dodge and weave like Ali, keep objects like bags close to you, and give a quick apology when you bump someone.
34. Take your hat off at appropriate times. It’s not as simple as you think when considering the type of hat and the situation. Learn the etiquette of wearing a hat.
35. Give service staff and others you talk with your full attention. Get off the phone and take off headphones when paying for goods. It is rude and frustrating for someone like a McDonald’s worker to serve you when you talk to someone else. If you struggle to get off your phone, think of poor North Koreans. When an important politician dies, mobile phone use for a 100-day period is a “war crime” punishable with death.
36. Avoid these 16 email etiquette mistakes.
37. Leave a group or room to answer a phone call then keep the call as short as possible. Answer your phone at the dinner table to see the full effects of breaking this social etiquette rule. The rule is in place because nearby people deserve more attention than those who are distant.
38. When answering the phone, unless you know both of you have each other’s caller ID stored, greet the person followed by your name, “Hey, this is Josh.” If someone fails to introduce their name, it is polite to ask, “May I ask who is calling?”

Social Business Etiquette Principles

…nearby people deserve more attention than those who are distant.

Office gossip, loud employees, or time-wasting coworkers. Business can be filled with bad etiquette. With good business etiquette like most social skills, you create a better work environment and set yourself for a promotion. The same rules of everyday etiquette apply to social business etiquette with a few extra tips specific to what you encounter.

39. Greet coworkers when you see them for the first time in the day. Small talk is unexpected and can be frowned upon, but acknowledgment through a comment like “Good morning Jon” or a smile and a head nod beats out a cold look or avoidance.
40. Stand from your seat when your boss or someone of senior rank comes near your workspace. Also stand when you meet someone you haven’t seen for awhile. It’s a sign of respect. Stay seated if someone comes by daily. Stand when your secretary walks by your desk every 30-minutes will have her scratching her head and you getting no work complete.
41. Before you enter someone’s cubicle or office – even if the door is open or there is no door – knock on a wall or door then ask, “May I come in?”
42. Unless you are an international visitor from a company, the company’s owner, or a key leader to the meeting taking place, do not sit in the middle seats or at the table’s end. Even more so avoid the middle and end seats that face the door. These are for the big kahuna.
43. Sincerely praise a coworker for a project he or she worked hard on. “Diana, you put a lot of effort into this project and got good results. Nice work.” You will make them feel good and come across as a thoughtful person.
44. Focus on the face. Whether you give a presentation or wait on a phone call, avoid looking at devices that detract from your attention and someone’s feeling that you care about them. Look into people’s eyes to at least make them feel you are present.
45. Whenever you make small talk in the office, gauge the person’s attention to you. Leave if they seem occupied. Don’t let chat interfere with business. When you get interrupted, politely respond, “Unfortunately it’s a bad moment for me right now. Can we catch up after this report is complete?”

Etiquette Tips for Men with Women

You can have good etiquette without behaving like a gentleman in the Victorian era when a man took of his hat to greet a lady each time they crossed paths. Women notice a man who is considerate and respectful of others.

46. “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength,” said Eric Hoffer, a 20th-century American that loved to write about social issues. There is nothing manly about being rude to others. A gentleman disagrees without bitterness or anger. If an agreement cannot be reached, agree to disagree and focus on any neutral ground.
47. Walk in-front of a woman in tough crowds and on slippery surfaces. Hold her hand for safety.
48. Walk on the curb-side of footpaths. It’s a tradition of safety when a wayward buggy or horse would pose a hazard. Be a man by taking a wayward fast car to the face for your woman.
49. Allow women to enter doors and other devices for travel like escalators and cars before you. The exception is when a woman needs help. For a slippery set of stairs you walk down a step in-front of her, look her in the eyes, ask if you can be of help, then offer your arm.
50. Offer your arm the correct way in the right situation. The correct way to offer your arm is at a right-angle from the elbow with a small gap between the body and a straight wrist. The right-arm is traditionally what you offer but it matters little. Be ready to tighten your arm in case the lady slips if you are not already flexing your bicep for her (and your ego). Common situations to offer your arm are to help an elderly woman, walk with your partner to a formal event, or assist a lady cross ground she may trip over.

Etiquette Tips for Women with Men

Corsets and tea-sipping with a raised pinky is old. What follows are powerful etiquette tips women can use to be more appealing to men. It’s what men want in women.

51. When taking a man’s arm, place your hand with fingers together around his bicep then walk close with him.
52. Be positive about everyone. If someone is less fortunate than you, have pity. If your man does something you hate, keep silent and tell him in private. A lady gives her heart and treasures to those around her to make others feel loved and respected.
53. Do not groom in public. This applies to men and women. No make up, flossing, and hair adjustments unless in a private area like a restroom.
54. To be a “Victorian Lady” in the 19th-century, the dressing room was your sanctuary. You admired and beautified yourself so when you left the room, your beauty seemed effortless to the man you aimed to please.
55. Expose yourself to elegant women you admire. Note their habits and simple movements to learn how you can be like them.

Social Etiquette for Children: Tips for Parents and Those Wanting to Help Children

Good etiquette in children helps them make friends and be appreciated by adults. You get to enjoy dinners at restaurants or shop together without onlookers gasping like they saw a horror movie.

Everyday life offers situations to practice consideration.

56. If you think children are ruder now than ever, it is because of adults. “The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any,” said Broadway dancer Fred Astaire. Children and teens will be most considerate when adults model good behaviors. If you expect your child to do something, check to see if you do it. A good model, for example, can teach a child listening skills (a core part of social etiquette) by listening.
57. Everyday life offers situations to practice consideration. “Please do not run in the house because of the noise.” “We say ‘hi’ to guests in our home.” “Please take your plate to the sink to share the dinner workload.”
58. Have conversations with the child like you would with an adult. There is nothing awkward about conversing with a child. Through conversations you build a relationship and teach the child how to converse.
59. When the child talks with you, get him or her to look you in the eyes. Eye contact is key for communication and friendship.
60. Reinforce use of the two magical words: “please” and “thank you”. “Please” when asking and “thank you” when receiving.
61. Give little adjustments at the right time when talking with a child you care for. Correct pronunciation of a word or point out an unsocial habit. Regardless of your adjustment, never interrupt or embarrass the child otherwise you display poor social etiquette. Always be a role model.

Table Manners

Society is built around meals. In Eastern and Western cultures, it is a way to develop relationships, share good times, or extend thanks. What you do at the table (your table manners) affect how people nearby perceive you.

62. Order at a restaurant by firstly checking if everyone at your table is ready to order. Decide what you want now to not waste the waiter’s time. Close the menu to signal the waiter you are ready. If you cannot get the waiter’s attention and she is serving no one, it is good etiquette to ask a polite question (“Waiter?”) just loud enough followed by your hand raised to chin level.
63. When you are invited to someone’s home for a meal, offer to help prepare the meal. If they decline your offer, offer to help in other ways, “What other ways can I help?”
64. Take what you will eat. Never more. Edge on the safe-side of leaving more food than necessary for others to serve themselves. It sucks to get to the potato salad only to discover it’s all gone!
65. Observe your host when you are unsure what to do. Eat when your host does and observe what utensils to use.
66. Eat with your mouth closed and do not talk with food in your mouth. Did I really need to share that?
67. Use “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me”. Such simple words make you a welcome guest at the table.
68. Sit up straight. Why is this a social etiquette rule? It shows you are engaged and makes table guests more likely to converse with you. To eat, move a utensil to your face instead of hunching.
69. Elbows on the table can be fine – even good – when you do not hold utensils. Leaning forward with elbows on the table makes you appear more interested to who you listen. Table guests can also hear you more easily when you speak in noisy restaurants.
70. At the end of a restaurant meal, who pays? On first dates the person who invites should pay. Split the bill whenever you are confused. Splitting does not have to be awkward. One person can pay while the other after dinner buys drinks in a pub or movie tickets. Keep suitable amounts of cash on hand for your share. Offer to cover yourself whenever someone wants to pay. If they decline your offer, thank them and leave it at that. The best piece of advice on “who pays” is to figure it out before the occasion to prevent ruining a nice time.

Transport

Whether you are in a cart pulled by a horse or on the dirty subway, transport etiquette ensures a smooth ride for fellow passengers.

71. Give up your seat to an elderly person, a disabled person, a pregnant women, and even a parent with a young child. Win an extra brownie point with your passengers by donating your seat to a person so he or she can sit near friends. Too bad if you had a rough day and wanted to sit. Most people will dislike taking a seat from you so stand up before making your offer with a smile.
72. Sit in a seat near no one before sitting near someone.
73. Keep your bag and other objects off the seat beside you. Get a car if you want privacy.
74. Carpooling is about consideration of passengers. Ask before opening windows, avoid repetitive habits like tapping, and sought out compensation for fuel.

How to Handle Tough Situations You Have Not Thought Of

Maybe you have thought of the tough situations below, but had no idea what to do. Boost your confidence by knowing how to deal with situations that make people squirm.

75. Ask for the owner’s permission as courtesy to pat, feed, or talk with their pet animal. Such behaviors with service dogs is dangerous because it distracts them from duties.
76. When translators are used, do not talk to the translator. Look at the person who speaks the foreign language when he or she talks and when you talk.
77. Address people appropriately with the right name and title. You have Doctors, Professors, Bishops, and Ambassadors, and Judges. I thought it was simple until discovering the hundreds of titles in Emily Post’s Etiquette. I cannot remember how to address a Senator so my advice is to prepare for the right way to address someone when you anticipate a meeting. Eventually you will learn how to address a Mayor (“The Honorable Bill Smith”) like you do with a Doctor (“Dr Smith”).
78. You were invited to the White House? Lucky you. Respond within the day. There are few accepted reasons to decline such an invite so be ready to go. Why would you decline anyway, I have no idea. Arrive a few minutes early because it is a cardinal sin to have the President walk in ready to meet you without your presence. Once you arrive and are escorted by guards to an appropriate room, if you are in a small group the President and First Lady greet you. Remain standing. In a large group the guests form a line passing by the President. Address him as “Mr President”. The use of “Sir” in conversation is also appropriate.
79. Flag rules. Only use a flag in good condition replacing it when damaged or discolored. When a flag is handled, keep it off objects. Never hang a flag upside down unless to signal distress. Never use a flag as clothing, but flag-designs of clothing is permissible.
80. Treat people who do work for you, such as a maid, as equals. When you think like this, you do not order them around or take advantage of their services.
81. When someone is about to leave after staying at your place, be a good host by showing the guest to the door then stand outside until the guest is no longer seen. This signals you have enjoyed the guest’s company and are not rushed to return to daily duties (even if you are).
82. Follow the dress code for invitations. Codes confuse. They vary from black tie to white tie and formal to casual. Learn more about dress codes.
83. A bad date is rarely one person’s fault. Never make the other feel uncomfortable because you are dissatisfied. Be realistic about perfection. Treat the person as an individual. No “all men are jerks” comments or thoughts.
84. Bad news like death and divorce is difficult to share. It is okay to gradually spread the news. The person suffering can tell close friends and family. They then can share the bad news with others over time. A person responsible for sharing the news should be given the responsibility only if he or she can keep composure.
85. When someone goes through a tough time, never say, “I know how you feel.” It’s condescending and about you. Nor should you say, “Call me if you need help.” It’s too vague. Instead say, “Please know I am thinking of you.” and “May I cook for you this Sunday night?”
86. When you hear bad news, a simple, “I’m so sorry to hear” or “I wish you the best” is sufficient. Never try to make lemonade out of their lemon with comments like, “Be thankful her suffering is over.”
87. Adoption is none of your business. Do not ask about biological parents, reasons, or anything else to do with adoption. Drop the thought that adoptive parents are saints because it places a burden on them and guilt on the child. Let the parents or child raise the topic when they want.

88. Rudeness happens. It is a complex issue that cannot be fully covered here. My quick tips to deal with rudeness are to consider ignoring the issue, acknowledge your contribution to the problem, and never give the rude person anything to build on like raising your voice or reciprocating rudeness. Know how to deal with difficult people and you will manage their rudeness.
89. You now know more than most about social etiquette so be careful about being a grouch at those who disobey social etiquette. Be tolerant and friendly. Do not be the old crank at the golf club who yells at non-members for wearing a baseball cap inside the clubhouse. Rudeness is bad etiquette no matter the situation. When you respect the flaws of others, you give them the chance to respect you.

How will you use these social etiquette rules? When will you show etiquette to others? Will you treat others with respect when they are respectful to you? Will you take the high road only when you gain something like a promotion at work or admiration from onlookers? Your character is defined by what you do to people who cannot do anything to you.

You are already swimming in the wake of those who courted their way ahead in a career or relationship with charm. Charming people get more affection from the opposite sex, get respected by strangers, and get the raise they want at work. Charming people have an easier, more enjoyable life.

In medieval times (and still to this day) magic had charm because of its mysteries. It had unknown traits that left outsiders dumbfounded. When you charm men and women, they wonder what magic you wield to make people respect and like you.

The good news is if you have as much charm as a backyard rock, you too can transform into a captivating diamond. If you feel you can never outshine the one always topping you with a cooler line, relax then follow some of the best tips showing how to be charming to men and women.

Be Sociable

I was going to put “be nice”, but that can be interpreted as some of the worst advice. If on a date, be nice to the valet people, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, and other service workers by smiling and saying, “G’day”. Ask them with genuine interest how their day is going. If you be a snotty snob, you look worse by the second. People around you wonder how your hair strategically hides your horns.

It’s charming to show friendliness to everyone. Being sociable in everyday “micro-interactions” makes you charismatic.

Show Confidence

You want to know “how to be charming to men and women”? Confidence has been undeniably taught for centuries as a method to charm. If you enter a social situation feeling good about yourself and looking your best, you do better than feeling like trash and looking like so. Any situation you enter with your tail between your legs causes you to stuff up. That’s all I’m going to say about confidence here as nobody can quickly tell you how to be confident.

Remember Arrogance is not Charm

Charm is not where you become Ron Burgundy, walk up to someone, then talk about how awesome you are. If two minutes into the conversation you brag about your recent humanitarian efforts in Haiti and rattle off the titles of leather bound books in your office, you’re not a charmer; you’re an arrogant a-hole. Please stop talking. Real charm comes from receiving by doing things like being genuinely interested and not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Be Lively, Not Obnoxious

Real charm comes from receiving… not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Whether you are at a bar, restaurant, or event in the park and you are the loudmouth everyone can hear, they’ll want to punch you in the face. It’s not cute and it’s not charming to be the loud, obnoxious person.

Be Positive

I know I’m drowning you in cliches. Too many people I’ve talked to don’t understand how to be charming to men and women because of simple mistakes. Nobody wants to hang around Negative Nancy.

Being sarcastic and cynical is one thing, though it’s difficult to show that part of you in a non-negative way. I like to think of being positively sarcastic as a type of art form. It’s difficult to achieve, but you’re golden if you can properly execute it in a sparing manner.

Avoid discussing how much you hate your job, how bad your health is, how tasteless the music being played is, and how you’re having the worst hair day ever (even though you were just complimented on it). Steer clear of topics like death and suffering, but when they are brought up and others want to discuss them, you can talk about tough topics with a soothing calmness.

Complimenting people is one great way to be positive. I’ll briefly teach you how to compliment soon. When someone compliments you, avoid responding with, “Ugh, you think so? I don’t like it.” Graciously say thank you and leave it at that.

Steve Pavilanis from A Life Less Anxious has a simple way to be more positive around people and with yourself:

Show Interest

Many of us are inclined to start talking about ourselves once someone mentions their hobby, as in, “Oh you like traveling? I just got back from Guatemala. I was helping to pave that giant hole in the earth. Did you hear about that?”

Instead, ask about their travels first, otherwise you look desperate to woo them with your God-like Earth-paving abilities and you will be made fun of when you leave. Always ask at least one question when someone mentions their career or a hobby.

Pure presence is intimately mind-warping.

Questioning itself does not charm people. It’s how you lean forward, widen your eyes, and focus on the person’s every word that charms men and women. Pure presence is intimately mind-warping. You’ve got to experience it to know what I’m talking about. There’s a whole chapter on this in Big Talk that makes it easy to charm anyone.

As a rule of thumb, whenever someone shows interest in a topic, respond with equal interest or positive curiosity. Listen to what they say with genuine interest. Minutes will fly-by as they think you’re a great conversationalist. After being heard, they will be keen to hear the stories of your travels. Only then is it okay to brag about your Earth-healing adventure.

Keep in Mind Silence is Golden

Silence at the right time is charming. A silent look into someone’s eyes with a warming smile can say much more than hours of speech.

If you’re awful at moments of silence, practice showing interest in people and work on your listening skills. People have untapped knowledge deep listening digs up. If a guy talks about a problem, listening intently helps him solve his own problems and it makes you look good! By actively listening you honor the talker’s thoughts and feelings and accept people for who they are which they will love.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Withhold Advice

Active listening means you withhold advice until the person is done talking. Keep your unwelcome or unnecessary opinions to yourself. If a woman goes on about how her family never listens to her, don’t respond with “It’s no wonder” nor should you give her your elite suggestions to solve the situation. (Feel free, though, to talk about me and refer her to TowerOfPower.com.au!)

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Advice is 1 of 12 communication killers revealed in the Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. You think you help people with advice, but there’s four reasons solutions hurt relationships.

Show Your Sense of Humor

Men and women love a sense of humor. Whether you’re the equivalent of a stand-up comedian, sarcastic, sharp with your wit, dry or dark, don’t be afraid to let it show. Inhibition is the greatest barrier to being funny.

You likely abstain from humor in fear that it’ll make people laugh at you. Bad humor repels people more than not being funny so let your humor-radar carefully guide you through the social waters. If your sense of humor has you walk up to a woman to say, “I like my women like the preparation of a good coffee: ground up and in the freezer,” don’t count on getting far.

There’s hope for you to become funnier because humor is learned. Get Comedy Writing Secrets to learn how humor is structured.

Also, an unusual way to improve your sense of humor is to laugh. Laughter is after all, the other side of a sense of humor. Laughing gets you in a good mood and trains you to take yourself lightly. We like people who laugh at our conversational humor. If you’re talking to someone of the opposite sex and spill your drink or twist up your words, laugh at yourself and relax about it. You can even playfully accuse the person for your accident: “Look what you did!”

Ease your way into humor by learning what works and what’s socially acceptable. You can charm people with laughter and not be a comedian.

Give Authentic, True, and Genuine Compliments

Everyone loves a compliment because it feels good to be admired, attractive, and appreciated (the triple A). Men particularly love them because we naturally crave respect and honor. Love to a woman is like respect to a man. An effective compliment, nonetheless, charms any person.

Sincerity in a compliment is not enough to make someone feel “the triple A”. Timing is also important. Showering someone with sweet words every hour is not attractive and takes away from the authenticity of everything else you say. A simple “you look great in that dress” or “you have beautiful eyes” is perfectly acceptable in small doses.

The last and most important factor to consider to give a killer compliment is figuring out what the person wants to be admired for. There’s no point praising a person on his shirt if he picked it with no care. If the person wears a shirt with the slogan “Help save African children from aids” because he worked in Africa for a few months fighting the disease, then the emotional connection he has with his shirt powers your compliment.

Charisma expert Wayne Elise has some extra advice on how to compliment.

Talk About Your Interests with Passion

Passion is infectious. If the person you talk to or are interested in hears you speak with passion and enthusiasm about what you do, they will become more intrigued with you. If you drone on about your job or how the last few vacations you took were a drag, you come across as Debbie Downer or Derek Depressor no one wants to travel with (or talk to).

Balance Your Work and Social Life

Charming people have the time to charm people! You’re not going to win men and women over by sitting in your office cubicle or playing World of Warcraft to six in the morning. You have got to get out to better socialize with these 14 amazing social skills resources.

We’ve all used the “I can’t, I have to…” excuse on someone we’re disinterested in, and have probably had it used on us. After awhile people are conditioned to think anyone who says no or says they have another commitment is blowing them off because they’re disinterested. I’m not saying you have to cancel plans every time someone you’re interested in wants to spend time with you, but have a flexible schedule.

Few persons want to date or be friends with someone who always runs off to work. Do you think a charming person values work over his or her friends?

Be Ambitious

If you have some direction in your life and goals regarding where you see yourself in 10 years – whether your goal is purchasing a home, helping the homeless in your city get off the street, or getting a raise at your job – show something. You do not look good when you come across as completely clueless with no goals or desires for your future.

For more tips with what you can do physically to improve your charm, a few key body language ideas follow.

Stand with Good Posture

An upright posture with your spine straight, shoulders back, and neck straight gives the added impression of self-confidence. Many people avoid standing this way because they feel uncomfortable or overpowering, but standing with this good posture after awhile feels natural and looks better.

Relax Your Facial Muscles

A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm.

As you read this, your brow is likely to be a little furrowed, eyes squinted, and lips pursed. Maybe not all these, but some, right? Why are you doing this? Can you see the monitor just fine? Probably. Chances are you do some of these things when you are in public as well.

Tension is unconscious, but relaxation is conscious. A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm. Relax the muscles on your face to the point where you cannot detect tension. You may even want to make this a routine right before you enter a room to socialize.

Smile with Your Teeth

A smile that shows teeth is more appealing and more attractive than a smile with lips together. The later is not as natural and charming. Even if you hate your teeth, research proves showing them when you smile is more authentic. An authentic smile shows you’re enjoying yourself, which is a charming trait. Watch this video for extra tips on how to smile:

Dress Comfortably

You may have worn an outfit that was “hot” or “appealing” or “fashionable,” but didn’t feel completely “yourself” in it. You feel wrong wearing something not you. You spend time adjusting, looking in the mirror, and worrying you look ridiculous. It distracts too much of your brain.

The principle is this: get comfortable in what you wear or don’t wear it. Don’t go out of your way to wear something just because you heard it appeals to someone of the opposite sex. You look more like a weirdo tugging at your outfit the whole night than if you wore your trustworthy outfit yet to fail you for years.

Authentic Charm – How to Be Charming

If you have yet to notice, charm is the art of having a good personality. And a “good personality” in this context is how good you are with people. Again, charm is good people skills.

Good looks is a part of charm, but even that forms your first impression with people so it relates to people skills. If you look good and you know it (and not in a cocky way), it will come through in your personality and you’re more likely to act your most “charming.” I’m quiet and flirty and work with that.

No matter what you do or no matter how hard you “try” to be charming, you will think someone is doing a better job than you, looks better than you, or seems to ease into conversation better than you. Overlook another person’s antics. Let them be them and you be you. Comparing yourself to others devours too much energy better spent on talking and listening to an awesome person and charming their face off. Focus on doing that instead of mental mutilation.

Self-consciousness hurts your ability to build friends. A charming person, after all, knows charm is held in the eye of another man or woman.

For hundreds more tips on how to be charming, make conversation, and win friends, check out the Big Talk Training Course.

Over the past year I’ve collected some great social skills resources I’d like to share with you now. Some are from friends of mine, myself, and just others who’ve given good insight into a topic.

From improving your social skills, overcoming anxiety, and starting a conversation, all the way to ongoing conversation, being charismatic, and making people laugh, here are some great resources I recommend you read even if they take you a while to get through (each of these great resources will open in a new window so you keep track of this page):

1. How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years

Henrik Edberg has some good social skills insight to share. A lot of what he discusses builds on from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read some of his other posts on communication and socializing if you have the time.

2. The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom

If you’ve suffered from social anxiety disorder having tried to treat it for years, it is maintaining your problem. Your infatuation with anxiety and curing it go hand-in-hand. I’ve written all you need to “cure” your social anxiety disorder here.

3. 101 Conversation Starters People Love

A goldmine from none other than yours truly. Get all the conversation starters you could ever need with anyone.

4. 40 Ways to Make a Good First Impression

According to research, if someone judges you as “attractive”, “friendly”, and “open” within 100 milliseconds, they’re likely to think you’re all that by the end of the conversation. In this killer article of mine, you’re given 40 tips on body language, conversation techniques, and mind strategies to quickly and permanently impress people. Get all the ways to make a good first impression.

5. 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name

End the embarrassment of forgetting someone’s name by using seven neat mind-tricks. Charismatic persons like Richard Branson are masters at remembering people’s names. You may not become a billionaire by knowing John is John, yet people will feel special, you won’t feel awkward, and your relationships will be richer.

6. How to Keep a Conversation Going

There’s a lot of garbage advice out there on how to keep a conversation going. Most people just don’t know what they do to continually talk to anyone. Paul reveals to you the secret to keep a conversation going is unlocking your inhibition.

7. 10 Tips: How to Be Funny

Onto some cool skills now that make you a better socializer. Even if you’re a serious type of person, you can lighten and learn how to be funny. Your ability to make people laugh will win you many friends, business deals, and glances from the opposite sex that make you glee in delight.

8. 50 Body Language Secrets You Need to Succeed In Life

Though the start of the article mentions a major communication myth, you get 50 great little tricks to improve your often overlooked nonverbal communication. You can say all the right things when socializing, yet ignore your nonverbal communication and you may look like a weirdo. Get your body language down pat to be cool.

9. 10 Ways to Instant Charisma

You’ll notice this post on charisma summarizes points in other resources mentioned here. Read the social skills resource if you want to become more likable and win the respect of people you don’t yet know.

10. The 10 Principles of Listening

Listening is another topic of many where “experts” give ordinary advice like “maintain eye contact”. Like you didn’t know that already. There’s more to socializing, rapport, and friendship than the surface aspects of communication. Listening most times is at least 50% of a conversation so make sure you master this skill if you want to be popular and make cool friends. Also see this listening article written by a therapist to more deeply connect to people.

11. Presence in Conversation

You may be surprised to see presence mentioned here. Someone “present” is in the Now. They are fully absorbed in the present moment. Presence is a secret skill in Big Talk. When you’re present in conversations, you deeply connect to people. You get the feeling of being in the zone as time and worry banishes.

12. How to Make Friends and Get a Social Life

Author Chris use to be a shy, awkward loser. I can call him that because I used to be as well and I’m linking to his article! If you’re not good at making friends and have a social life of stalking others on Facebook, you’ll get a lot of practical tips and theories in this useful resource.

13. How to Network with Busy People

This 12-part series written by Steve Pavlina, a leading self-help blogger, shows how to get in contact then build relationships with hard to reach people so you dominate life. Should you become a successful networker, life becomes easy because you have resourceful and trustworthy connections.

14. More Social Skills Resources: Your Suggestion

Have something amazing to share with other readers? Contact me or comment below. If I feel it’s a one-of-a-kind helpful resource, it may appear in this list!

I hope you enjoyed these social skills resources. If you’d like more and want the best free resources on other topics like behavior and being a bad ass, follow me on Twitter and like Tower of Power on Facebook.

The 101 great conversation openers are simple and effective. Do not be fooled. The most important point to remember when using any conversation starter is they aim to start the conversation. “Ice-breakers” break the ice; they don’t heat up the planet and make mother nature flourish. (Tweet this.)

Conversation openers are not intended to make people laugh or get people to like you. Guys, you can make a woman think you’re a primal beast to be locked in her room later in the conversation. When you attempt to impress someone with your first words, you get nervous, discouraging you from starting a conversation. It also makes you look like a try hard in need of approval.

What Makes a Great Conversation Starter?

Watch this video for an amazing exercise you can do with me to create over 30 conversation starters that work for you

The best conversation starters are situation-specific. Most openers given by dating experts, communication trainers, and bloggers are limiting because there is little chance they would work in your situation. Try asking someone, “Have you ever been snorkeling?” or “Who’s your favorite Star Wars character?” and the conversation may end as soon as it began (unless you’re in a diving class or at a nerd function… I’m mean, Star Wars convention.)

‘Ice-breakers’ break the ice; they don’t heat up the planet and make mother nature flourish.

While generic openers and stock material can be used in many situations, use proven formulas like opinion openers to construct your own ice-breakers for situations you find yourself in throughout the week.

Here’s an exercise to help you develop excellent openers. Think of the top three situations you find yourself in like at the gym, supermarket, or a bench near work. Now think of 10 things to say in each situation.

Having done that, you already have 30 amazing conversation starters. Do that exercise to always know what to say to anyone. I encourage you to go over the massive list of openers revealed in this article applying the simple exercise you just did.

Before we get started, “Hey” or “Hi” is left out from the 101 starters because it is redundant. You often want to say such a simple greeting first. Also keep in mind some openers placed under one category like “Funny Conversation Starters” can be used in situations filed under other categories like “Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls”.

Let’s get talking and working through this gigantic list of ways to start a conversation based off the Big Talk Training Course – the ultimate guide if you’re shy to talk to anyone and make friends. We start basic because that is enough most times:

Conversation Starters Anyone can Use in Any Situation

1. “I’m [your first name].” Most people reciprocate an exchange of information. Give them your name, they’ll give you theirs.
2. “How are ya doing right now?” “How’s ya day been so far?” Slightly vary the question, “How are you?” No one answers that trite question or gives it any thought.
3. “How’s your [the day of the week] been?” “What’s happened for you today?” “How was your trip?” “How’d you sleep last night?” We’re happy to talk about simple events when they’ve recently occurred. We love to blabber about our delayed flight, the traffic jam, or the sunburn on our arm within a day or so of it happening.
4. “Hey.” Smile then walk away. Repeat each time you meet the person and build towards a casual conversation. Say it in an environment like a gym when you meet someone over and over. Eventually you’ll feel like friends and have something good to talk about. When you have something else to say, have the confidence to say it.
5. “What do you think of that book?” “Looks like a great drink. What is it?” “I love this place because it’s got great energy.” These examples are situational openers – the most common type of conversation starter. Simply comment on your surroundings.
6. “Where are you from?” This is best if you think the person is not from the area or the location is something like a seminar, convention, or university where people from diverse towns come together. Let the conversation spread from their as you talk about the city’s sporting teams, cultural icons, and famous landmarks.
7. “This might seem a little weird, but I like your posture. It makes you stand out nicely.” “Nice shirt. Where did you get it?” “I love your style!” These examples are compliment openers.
8. “It’s so hot today.” “The great sun is burning this afternoon.” “It’s freezing! Do you know the temperature?” Talk about the weather. “Don’t knock the weather,” said American cartoonist Kin Hubbard, “nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.”
9. “I don’t know anyone around here so I thought I’d come talk to you.” “I’m a little nervous talking with strangers, but I just had to come say hi.” “I know no one here so I thought I’d introduce myself to you.” These examples are what I call the “vulnerable introduction”. Make your opener reveal your anxiety to endear people.
10. “I’m out meeting new, interesting people tonight. Mind if we chat for a minute?” “You guys look like you’re having fun. That’s so cool that I just had to come talk to you.” “I had to come talk to you because your shirt made me laugh.” Reveal your reason for approaching the person or group.
11. “What about the game last night!” “Yankees aren’t doing so well this season.” “Your flowers are looking lovely.” Talk about something you know the person is interested in.
12. “I was just listening to the radio on my way here and can’t believe what happened in Africa. Have you heard about the flying frozen fish?” Study the news before an event to learn what’s hot.
13. “Normally people start a conversation by talking about what’s in the news, but I haven’t been paying any attention. What’s been going on? Is the President dead?” If you’re like me and never consume the daily news (it’s mental pollution from corporations wanting readership), ask about the news. Use humor whenever possible to release tension.
14. “I believe we saw each other at James’ party.” “I think we ran into each other at the trade event last month.” “Did we meet last year at Church?” Start by talking about previous brief interactions.
15. “How’s your Christmas preparations going?” “How’d the New Year go for you?” “Spring Break has been crazy. What’s happened to you at Spring Break so far?” Talk about holiday preparations, experiences, and fun times. The person is guaranteed to do something for holidays like Christmas making it a good opener.
16. Wear a big talk people-magnet. As described in my Big Talk book, big talk people-magnets are items people will approach you to talk about. Such items include earrings, jewelery, tattoos, an unusual hair cut or color, a pinned item on your shirt or top, or a slogan t-shirt. People want to talk to you so help put words in their mouth.

Cold-Read Conversation Starters to Use on Anyone

17. “You look like a [teacher/fashion designer/entrepreneur/some noble profession].” The person will feel appreciated and always ask why you guessed that particular profession.
18. “You seem like a [kind/hard working/problem solving/positive personality trait] person. I like that.” Use this opener when the person displays an admirable trait. The compliment makes the person feel great and can lead the conversation to many directions.
19. “You look like a [outgoing/talkative/friendly/people-magnetic trait] person.”
20. “I’m curious. Would your friends say you’re an [outgoing/understanding/open/positive personality trait] person?”
21. “I like your [necklace/shirt/hair/personal trait or item]. I bet that says a lot about your personality.” No one hates a compliment or someone interested in one’s personality.
22. “You guys know each from work?” “You guys look like you’ve been friends since school.” “You guys spending the night out together?” This one is good for groups. Predict their relationship with one another.
23. “I’m practicing a new skill called ‘cold-reading’ on people I don’t yet know. Let me quickly try it on you. It’ll be fun.” Confidently assert you will cold-read; don’t ask for permission.

Grab my free magical conversation starter for more great advice on coming up with your own cold-reads in conversation to instantly make people like you.

Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls

24. “I need a girl’s opinion about something I was just discussing with a friend who broke up with his girlfriend. He made out with another woman straight after his relationship break up. Is he a jerk?” Get a female opinion.
25. “I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.” “You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!” “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?” Tease cheesy pick-up lines. Make sure you say the pick-up line in a joking manner.
26. “Who lies more: men or women?” “Is it wrong to break up with a text message?” Ask a controversial question to a group of women then watch their eyes open wide and hear the chatter break out.
27. “I want a woman’s perspective on this. I was just talking to a friend who broke up. His girlfriend keeps calling. Why does she do it?” Ask a question about someone’s relationship. Women love to share their opinion on relationships.
28. “You caught my attention because you’re cute so I had to come talk to you.”
29. “Nice boots. Do you have your horse parked outside?” “Nice shoes. They look comfortable.” “Nice top. My grandma has one.” Say it playfully. Lightly tease the woman about something she’ll giggle over. Be prepared for banter otherwise you could be eaten alive by a witty woman.
30. “Can I help you?” Ask this in a shop. Playfully pretend to be an employee.
31. “Hmm, are you friendly?” Say it with a suspicious and playful look. Most women will not say no. “Good, I’ll talk to you.” If she does say no, you can overlook it, use it as banter material, or take it as a warning sign to leave the grump alone. This opener is more suited to entertainment venues.

Conversation Starters for Girls with Guys

32. “I need a guy’s opinion on something that just happened with a friend. Would you read your girlfriend’s email if you thought she was cheating on you?” Get a male opinion.
33. “Where can I find a good coffee shop around here?” “I need help rubbing sunscreen on my back. I’m unfortunately not double-jointed. Can you help put it on?” “What’s a great country to visit?” Ask for his help. Guys love to give advice (as if you didn’t know that.)
34. “I’ll do a trade with you. You give me that burger and I’ll give you this awful coffee.” Make a playful trade. You can make up anything based on something each of you have at the time.
35. “Can you take a photo for me to send a friend?” Get him to join in the photo.
36. “Can you reserve my seat for me?” “Can you look after these books until I get back?” Ask him to watch something for you – just don’t leave your bag behind for him. You are opening a conversation for when you return, not putting the country at threat or testing if he would be an honest husband.
37. “Nice [shoes/shirt/bag/material item]. I’ve been thinking of getting one for a friend. Where can I get one?” Question something you complimented.
38. “Oh! Sorry for bumping into you.” “Oh no! I’m sorry for spilling my drink on you.” The accident opener isn’t the best because its subtly may mean you have to spill a drink on the guy three times for him to pick up your interest in starting a conversation. I’ve heard of some women using this conversation starter by burning men with cigarettes! Don’t be talking to me b****! Create an accident if you are absolutely lost for words. Just be careful you do no damage.
39. “You should come talk to me.” Smile over your shoulder as you walk away without giving him a chance to respond. Mystery is sexy.
40. Shoo away your friends for a moment to be alone. Many guys talk to women in bars and clubs when the woman’s friends get a drink or go to toilet – it’s the guy’s chance to attack the lonely gazelle.

Conversation Starters for Families or Friends

41. “Where’s [Uncle Terry/New York crew/missing family or friend] today?”
42. “Are you going to Jim’s wedding?” “What celebrations are coming up in your family?” Weddings, births, and birthdays are all memorable events family members and friends can talk about. Divorces are memorable, but depressing.
43. “How have you been this past year?” “Great to see you. What’s changed in your life since the last time we met?” (Recall the last time you met to get bonus points). Catch up on the person’s life – my favorite opener to use with family and friends.
44. Bring up a memorable moment or anecdote your family or friends remember, such as a funny story, an embarrassing mishap, or a trip everyone enjoyed. This starter initiates multiple conversations about similar moments.
45. “What do you have planned for the weekend?” “What’s happening for you Friday?” “What’s on your calendar this week?”
46. “What’s one thing you’re really thankful for?”
47. “What’s something I don’t know about you that you think I should know? Like… are you a stalker?” “What’s one thing that’s new in your life?” “What’s recently changed in your life?”

Conversation Starters for Couples

Most of these are useful when the couple are already in rapport and chatting:

48. “What do you most admire about our [family/home/relationship/something with positive qualities]?”
49. “What’s one thing you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?”
50. “I like how you smile when I come home from work.” Compliments replenish the energy in relationships often drained from criticism. A compliment often leads to a great conversation.
51. “In your dream house, what one room must you have?”
52. “What’s a memory between us that stands out for you?”
53. “What does this [flower/meal/atmosphere/something in the environment] remind you of?” Make sure the object you’re commenting on has history in your relationship.
54. “What three values do you most want our children to carry on throughout life?” “What principles do you want our children to live by?” “How do you want our children to best live life?”
55. “If you happen to leave Earth before I do, how would you like me to remember you?” You’ll discover the ideal image of your partner, which you can use to increase understanding and intimacy.

First Date Conversation Starters

56. “How am I doing so far?” Say it sarcastically once the date starts (you’re making fun of someone needy.)
57. “What’s one defining moment of your life so far?”
58. “What’s one thing you most want to do?” Gather information for a later date to blow their mind away.
59. “What three words best describe you?”
60. “What’s something your friends don’t even know about you?”
61. “Ignoring your criminal history, what’s the baddest thing you’ve done?” You set the frame your partner is the problematic one. It also gives you call-back humor to brighten a dying conversation.
62. “What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?”
63. Talk about a funny, embarrassing moment you had with a member of the opposite sex to ease tension.

Do not make the first date or any conversation a needy interview. Question sparingly.

Party Conversation Starters

64. “Do you know [the host’s name]?” If they don’t, it doesn’t matter. You’re finding out how they fit into the party, an easy ice-breaker allowing for more conversation about the party and its people.
65. “What’d you get up to earlier today?”
66. “I love this party. People are just having fun. Are you having fun?” “This is an awesome night. How’s your night been?” “The people here are great and add to the fun. Having fun here?” You get the idea.
67. “You better win. I’ve got a bet going with a friend.” Apply this to a game of pool, darts, drinking competition – whatever game you see at a party. If the person loses or wins, you’ve got good call-back humor to bring repeat laughs for the rest of the night: “You’re doing well tonight”, “I think you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”, “My house is on you winning this game of poker. If you win, we can go retire in Las Vegas then blow all our money.”
68. “I’m trying to settle a bet with a friend. How many oceans are there in the world?” Mention the bet then ask any piece of trivia.
69. “Can you help me open this bottle?” Good for the ladies to make a guy feel macho. Just make sure it isn’t a plastic screw lid on a soft-drink bottle. If you game like a ditsy blonde, cool by me.
70. If you host the party, get a conversation starter kit with questions on cards to break the ice. Table Topics are a company that make such cards for many occasions like parties, teens, couples, and the dinner table. You can buy them here.

Conversation Starters at the Gym

People serious about working out (yes, the hot ones) don’t like to talk at the gym. You may want to precede all the following gym conversation starters with, “I’ll quickly let you get back to working out, but…” Use the following openers to keep your chat short, leaving your conversation partner feeling respected:

71. “You look like you know what you’re doing. What’s a good exercise to target my lower abs?”
72. “Can you spot me?”
73. “How’s your workout going?” This is good to ask at the watercooler or when both of you are resting between sets.
74. “Can you check my form for this set and give me any feedback?”
75. If you’re female, ask a guy for help moving heavy weights. Let him catch your eye on his arms. He’ll love it. Every gym-going guy wants to flaunt his strength to women. Call it ego, but I opt for a primal endeavor to create attraction by displaying one’s fitness for survival.

Funny Conversation Starters

76. “What was the best thing before sliced bread?” “In an emergency, why do you have to break glass to get a hammer to break glass?” “Can crop circles be square?” Pick a few stock ironic questions to ask anyone. Ask a question with a clueless, serious look then switch your body language over to “I’m playing around”.
77. “You know what they say about people who [run in the morning/drink espressos/talk to themselves/anything the person is doing]?” They’ll say, “No. What?” Giggle and leave the mystery open or say, “Nothing. I’m just messing with ya.”
78. “Why shouldn’t you take a Pokemon into the bathroom? He might Pikachu.” Tell a simple joke. Few people tell a joke to someone they don’t know – it’s never happened to me.
79. “What’s your biggest pet peeve?” People will usually giggle over their pet peeves because we know how silly little annoyances can be.
80. “My mum said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look scary.” “My grandmother said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look like you’d kidnap me.” People with a sense of humor will usually role play being scary or a kidnapper after such a playful opener.
81. “Look at that fighting couple. I’ve never seen so much love before.” This comedic technique is exaggeration. Observe something then exaggerate it to a humorous level.
82. Tell a funny story that relates to the situation.

Deep, Meaningful Conversation Starters

83. “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?” This question allows both of you to reflect on childhood hopes and dreams.
84. “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?”
85. “I’ve been asking a few people this and want your opinion because you seem like an intelligent person: is it more important to be respected or loved?”
86. “What do you like about this [music/event/holiday/almost anything].” Exploring people’s opinions instead of talking about objective facts makes the conversation personal.
87. “How does this [music/event/holiday/almost anything] make you feel?” Understand the affect something has on the person.
88. “What were the highs and lows of your day, today?” Don’t ask unless you really want to know.
89. “What’s something you regret?” “What one thing would you change in your life at the moment?” “If you could go back in time, what one thing would you change?”
90. “What gives you the greatest joy in life?” “What makes you the happiest?” “If you’re about to die, what do you need to have done to be fulfilled?”

The effectiveness of these openers like many others depend on who you chat with. Ask a teenage dude, “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?” and he’ll roll his eyes thinking you are a weirdo.

There is more to selecting the right topic for a meaningful conversation, however. In fact, what you talk about has little to do with a deep conversation. A meaningful conversation is about connection created from deep rapport. If you want to forge a deep connection with others, grab my Big Talk book.

Conversation Starters that Get People Talking

While most starters up to this point have been your first few words, the following are good sticks to stir a conversational fire. Think of them as “conversation starters that keep the conversation going”.

If any seem awkward, it is a matter of bridging them with a relevant topic. Preface the following statements or questions with something related to avoid looking like you have ADD:

91. “What’s hot in your life at the moment?” Hear about the big event in the person’s life.
92. “What hobbies are taking up your time?” Much more interesting than talking about work again.
93. “What do you do for fun?”
94. “What have you been doing in your time off recently?”
95. “What’s the first thing you notice about a person?” “In your opinion, what makes a good first impression?” “Jill has such a great personality. I wonder why.” Talk about what relates to building friends and influencing people. Ask interesting questions most people never hear.
96. “What countries have you been to?” People love to travel. If they haven’t been overseas, ask, “Where would you like to go?”
97. “If you wrote a book, what would it be about?” “What would you do if [he/the US President/Angelina Jolie/a known person] showed up right now?” “I wonder what your DJ name would be?” Make up an endless array of hypothetical scenarios.
98. “Have you ever [been to Australia/seen a monkey acting human/something unusually interesting]?” One off experiences start a good conversation.
99. “What’s the last thing you purchased online?” Online purchases aren’t a social experience so they can make an interesting conversation.
100. “What movies have you seen lately?” “What’s on your music playlist at the moment?” “Watched any good shows or DVDs recently?” “What book are you currently reading?”
101. “Last time we talked, you were… What happened?” “How’s your new job coming along?” “Who won the game of golf you said you were about to play the last time we talked?” Recall something from a past conversation.

Phew! I hope you enjoyed this whopper list. Never again can you excuse yourself from approaching people.

If these conversation starters fail to elicit much information from the person to get the conversation going, answer your own question and talk about yourself. The “rapid big talk model” I developed states that self-disclosure regulates the speed and degree two persons know each other. If you want someone to answer in-depth the question, “What hobbies are taking up your time?” describe your hobby for a minute. They will become socially compelled to give more than a one-word answer.

You now have plenty of material to start a conversation with anyone anywhere. For all you need to go from shy and quiet to confidently talking to anyone, check out my Big Talk Training Course. It’s the ultimate one-of-a-kind course to overcome shyness, stop feeling lonely, and always know what to say to make friends with anyone. Get it today.

May you enjoy meeting new people!

I purchased Miller’s ebook. Upon opening it, I was surprised to see it was only 95 pages. I got a little angry, expecting more, because so many ebooks on persuasion, conversations, and communication- related subjects are small and contain little value. After finishing the ebook, however, I had received more techniques than some 300-page books I’ve read. Do not judge Miller’s book by its size like I did because you will get many mind control techniques to improve your conversations.

The Elite Social Control system shifts self-focused individuals to their conversational partner to improve the connection. This means the system will specifically help you if you suffer from self-consciousness, nervousness, or generally want people to like you more in conversations for better negotiations, dating, and general social situations.

It is not all mystical mumbo-jumbo. There are mind control techniques you can use that make better use of verbal and nonverbal messages. Your nonverbal communication influences people in the most unusual ways, which Elite Social Control will show you to dominate.

I particularly liked the eight secrets of magnetic statements. Miller teaches you how to make your words hook people into having a great conversation with you. His 13 pieces of advice to avoid repelling statements is just as good. You will learn good conversation etiquette many people ignore, which I have not read elsewhere. Also, the advice he offers to relax your body language, change your voice, and improve your general image will help you become confident, comfortable, and likable.

…a controversial ebook that teaches ethical mind control techniques for better conversations.

While there are many conversation techniques I liked and never knew about, there was the occasional technique I hated because it leads into psychic material. Some people will like this, though I don’t. Regardless of your attitude towards such material, most of the book focuses on proven mind techniques and communication tricks. Many other techniques in the ebook are valuable tools to win people to your way of thinking, have positive conversations, and build solid rapport.

Hamilton also provides 10 magnetic moves and a few nonverbal tricks. As is true for most of the book, you’re given quick-fire techniques that attract people in conversations. “The Non-Analytical Look”, “Elite Gaze”, and “Four Steps to Chain Rapport” are solid tricks to help you in any conversation.

Though it is short, it is concise and powerful. Its size is even beneficial because you can read it within 2-3 hours and quickly refer to it when you need to. If you are interested Hamilton Miller’s Elite Social Control to improve your conversations – for whatever reason – you can download your copy right now and be reading it within minutes by clicking here.

Basic Rules to Make Someone Love You

The phone changes a few rules used in normal face-to-face communication, but not much else differs. The psychology of the two individuals at either end of the phone remain the same. Tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship.

Human psychology is about fulfilling needs and wants. You go to the grocery store to buy food to fulfill your need to eat. You buy an expensive shirt because you want to look good. You talk with others to fulfill your social and identity needs. Attraction, intimacy, and friendship work on human psychological wants and needs. Because of this, you will see how these phone skills I am about to share with you can be adapted to your everyday conversations. Learning how to make someone fall in love with you is therefore neither manipulative nor deceptive as it is a matter of you fulfilling the person’s needs and wants through communication.

The phone changes a few rules used in normal face-to-face communication, but not much else differs.

If you want others to literally fall in love with you and not just like you more, you must understand attraction. The tips shared here build likability over the phone and do not substitute for attraction. The tips when applied with techniques to build attraction in women and men makes someone fall in love with you over the phone.

Learning these phone skills is a sure-fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new client wanting a business relationship, a friend staying connected with you, or a cute chick liking you. A stupid word of warning: do not avoid people face-to-face once you realize the power of these phone skills!

How to Grab Attention Over the Phone

The first rule you must obey is checking the person you are talking to over the phone is receptive to you. Regardless of anything wonderful you say, nothing will matter if the person does not pay attention.

If the person has a young child howling louder than a wolf, you will be ignored. The person will hear but not listen. What you say will go no further than the phone line as they are preoccupied with distraction. When we lack the time to talk, a distraction arises, or we need to do something else, the only thoughts running through our mind are similar to: “How long will it be until this damn person shuts up? I’ve got something to do!”

The first rule of receptivity over the the phone is to make it a habit of checking if the person can talk with you. Ask upfront if the person has time to talk. After the greetings, simply say, “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?” This makes you courteous and unobtrusive on the person’s space.

When you grab attention over the phone, you ensure the person is receptive at the start of the call. The second rule will make sure the person loves to hear you during the call.

While talking on the phone, interruptions arise. Some can be undetectable, yet others can be heard over the phone. When you hear a baby howling, a door bell ring, or a loud bang, do not ignore it! Say what sound you heard then ask if the person needs to attend it. The empathy you communicate by acknowledging potential interruptions will increase your likability and ensure the person is tuned in to what you say.

A Simple Trick to Make the Person Be Like an Old Friend

You go through a routine day while walking down the street. The world is boring, people are getting through their day, and everything appears it would be the same without you. What do you do if at the other end of the street you see a best friend you have not met for five years?

You see your best friend and your energy amplifies a gazillion times! Memories and feelings gush to you in an intense emotional rush. You run up to the person. “It’s you! I can’t believe it!” You are ecstatic to stumble upon your friend!

The lesson you can learn from this is what I call the “It’s You!” technique. When you call a person or answer the phone, say your normal greeting in an average mood. Once the person introduces himself, you become surprised, or rather energized, to talk with the person. Wait for the person’s introduction then amp up your energy as if you were talking to that old friend you saw on the street. This makes the person pleasantly thrilled to talk to you.

If you always talk energetically over the phone, your energy with the “It’s You!” technique will not have the sincerity and pleasant thrill. The high energy is normal for you. Only when you authentically convey happiness to be talking to the person more than you would with normal people does this technique work. The feelings of importance the person receives makes it a great technique to help them fall in love with you over the phone.

(In an article on how to be interesting without saying a word, I applied this escalating technique on smiling by gradually increasing your smile when you meet someone; instead of walking around smiling or instantly giving off a big smile. These two “escalation techniques” bring sincerity and warmth to your personality.)

An Age-Old Technique to Be Liked More

The fourth tip I recommend you whack into your new bag of tricks over the phone is mentioning the person’s name more often. As Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People writes, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build any relationship.

You need to know one warning about this technique. If you mention someone’s name too often, you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate person – much like a poor salesman.

If you are like most people, you can comfortably increase the frequency you say the person’s name. You can get away with mentioning their name more often than in a face-to-face conversation because the phone is a different medium. The phone inhibits intimacy.

If the person begins to mentally drift away from you, hearing their name will reinvigorate their interest. The person can subliminally fall in love with you.

How to Make Up for No Body Language With Your Voice

Another difference you can take advantage of over the phone to enhance your relationships and make the person fall in love with you is countering the inability to communicate with body language. Our nonverbal communication is a large tower from where we broadcast strong signals. A simple message like “you’re funny” can be strengthened many times through body language. Some attraction experts even claim body language alone is enough to make someone fall in love with you.

Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone making it a booster or destroyer to friendship.

Your nonverbal communication helps others understand you. Without the visual option to see one another over the phone, yours and their inability to read body language can hurt understanding, connection, likability, and attraction. Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone making it a booster or destroyer to friendship.

Improve your phone skills despite the lack of connection built through body language by communicating extra energy with your voice. I estimate varying your vocal tonality and energy an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying, “That is awesome! Congratulations!” If you are sad, lose 30% of energy in your voice by saying, “I’m… I’m sorry to hear that…” The change of energy communicated through your voice establishes empathy to build a connection with your partner and enhance your relationship fast. The person will have a feeling of being next to you.

The Only Way to Build Rapport Over the Phone

Rapport is being in sync with the person. It is the hidden key to make people feel connected to you. Establishing rapport ties in with mentioning the person’s name more often and compensating for a lack of body language via your voice because the two techniques build a connection that help the two of you get in sync.

Learning to build rapport over the phone is necessary if you want to build a strong relationship fast. Unfortunately, a complete guide to building rapport is far too complex to discuss in this article, yet the premise of it involves being like the person in as many ways as possible.

One particular characteristic of the person I highly advise you to match is their mood. Mood-matching helps you rapidly build a strong relationship and make someone fall in love with you.

To understand mood-matching, think back to a time you were feeling unhappy and someone bounding with joy tried to cheer you up with their happiness. How did you feel afterward? Most likely more annoyed! Their happiness did not relate to you because the two of you were at polarized emotional levels. The person was happy and you were sad.

You can better relate to people and build this “connection” when you communicate a mood similar to the person. If someone greets you with an energetic “Hi Josh!” meet them at their energy level or higher, “Hi Sue!” If the person tells you a funny story, let them hear your mood, “That’s crazy!” then laugh.

Compensate for the lack of body language over the phone with a 30% extra variance of energy in your voice. Mood is one of many communication factors you can match when talking to someone over the phone to build rapport.

When you combine all these tips to build a strong relationship over the phone with the ways to build attraction, you have the phone skills to make someone fall in love with you! Even better, these phone techniques are not limited to love. Apply these skills to potential clients, family members, and those annoying customers. The phone breaks geographic boundaries, but now you can break emotional boundaries.

Author Leil Lowndes gives 92 tricks to become a better conversationalist and improve your social relationships. From body language tricks and words to say, to telephone techniques and social tactics, it’s all in Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone.

The 92 tips are spread throughout the following 9 parts:

1. How to intrigue everyone without saying a word: You only have ten seconds to show you’re a somebody
2. How to know what you say after “Hi”
3. How to talk like a VIP
4. How to be an insider in any crowd: What are they all talking about?
5. How to sound like you’re a peas in a pod: “Why, we’re just alike!”
6. How to differentiate the power of praise from the folly of flattery
7. How to direct dial their hearts
8. How to work a party like a politician works a room: The politician’s six-point party checklist
9. How to break the most treacherous glass ceiling of all: Sometimes people are tigers

As you can tell from the nine parts above, the book is pretty irresistible. Of course, a few of the 92 tricks won’t revolutionize your life, but even if you are a great conversationalist, you are bound to discover a few techniques to throw in your communication bag of tricks. Little techniques like the “big baby pivot”, “little strokes”, and “swiveling spotlight” add up to make you a conversationalist who can talk to anyone. If you don’t know what to say in a conversation or you generally struggle to talk to strangers, How to Talk to Anyone is bound to save you from drowning in conversations.

Part four titled “How to be an insider in any crowd” was the best part of the book for me. Some great tips were given on the topic of how to dial up a stranger’s hot buttons by talking about their topics of interest (Hint: It’s not asking them what they’re into). The advice strongly applies to all types of conversations. Whether talking to a celebrity or a stranger of the opposite sex, the gems shared in this part will be your go-to guide.

You will finish the book in no time and be talking to anyone.

In each tip, Lowndes shares a story of her own or a friend’s story to demonstrate how the tip can be applied in real conversations. This makes the book a quick and practical read. The gray box at the end of each tip summarizes what you need to know. It makes for a quick reviser to easily remember the flood of tips given to you.

Leil Lowndes has an amazing ability to write in an interesting manner as she paints images with picturesque words. You will finish the book in no time and be talking to anyone. I’ve talked with Leil after reading the book and she is as nice in person as her beautiful writing style.

How to Talk to Anyone is really a book to better your conversation skills and not a relationship skills book. The relationship aspect of this book is about having the skills to start a conversation and keep a conversation going. There is, however, some good tips for maintaining strong relationships that can also be applied to improving your conversations.

To begin improving your conversation skills with 92 killer tips and never be left in the cold during a conversation, get your copy of How to Talk to Anyone from Amazon right now by clicking here today.

UPDATE: Leil has released a new book titled How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, which contains even more little tricks to talk and make friends with people. I’ve read the book and it’s great like How to Talk to Anyone! All tips are unique. I encourage you to get both books.

Mel Helitzer is a professor at the Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. Though a humorous professor seems to be an oxymoron, he has been described as the “funniest professor in the country” by Rolling Stone magazine. After reading this great book, I can see why because I found myself laughing on many occasions. The material he teaches works!

I purchased this book because I heard great things about it and wanted to teach others how they can be more humorous in conversations. The book’s title doesn’t do it justice as it isn’t just good for writing funny. It is also a good door stop. (That was my attempt at the understatement technique.)

Seriously, it is a great book to become a funnier person. If you’d like to be able to write a few funny jokes for your speeches, have funny conversations, cheer up your spouse, or make your team at work laugh, you are bound to find this book a great read.

Some people will be skeptical of this book and any book that teaches you how to be funny. People say things like, “You can’t teach people to be funny” and “You’re either naturally funny or not”. If humor can’t be learned, it would be impossible for comedians to improve their acts as they wouldn’t be able to become funnier. Humor is a communication skill that can be learned like any other. It is also valuable like any other.

Comedy Writing Secrets starts by addressing these issues people have with comedy and humor in the first section plus a few other issues commonly related to humor, like uncovering why we laugh. The reader is given many techniques in the second section to be funny like understatements, exaggerations, play on words, paired elements, triples, and realism to name a few. The third and last section deals with creating humor for specific situations like speeches, cartoons, cards, salesperson, radio, television, newspaper columns, sitcoms, and stand-up comedy. People uninterested in comedy writing can skip the third section of the book. The meat and potatoes of learning how to be funny is in the powerful second section.

…you will understand why humor works while getting plenty of laughs.

It is said to be the number one book on learning to write funny. It is a quality book that focuses on the content of humor. There a few tips on how to deliver humor, such as not giving away the surprise part of your joke away with your body language and using silence to build tension, but Comedy Writing Secrets mostly teaches you how to construct the right words to be funny.

The book is filled with hundreds and hundreds of classic examples from comedians like Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, and Chris Rock, plus many lesser known persons. The examples are well fitted with techniques described by the author so you will understand why humor works while getting plenty of laughs.

The power behind this book is in the exercises you do at the end of each chapter. The exercises provide a step-by-step guide to write funny jokes. If you do the given exercises, which can take anywhere from 1 to 30 minutes per exercise, I guarantee you can develop original jokes. Keep in mind that the book isn’t just about developing jokes, but learning how to construct humor so you become natural at it. Once you do the exercises, you’ll find yourself naturally using the techniques in conversations.

For your laughter, or lack of it, here’s one I made myself in an exercise from an early chapter:

My wife always complains about the two of us not having luxurious meals. We sit down at the dinner table and she’ll nag me about wanting to have a nice meal in a restaurant. One angry night she told me, “Come on! Take me out!” I finally had enough of her nagging so I agreed and took her out… with a shotgun.

Like all humor, some people will find it hilarious while others will think it’s stupid. I have never made a joke before and cannot even remember more than 10 jokes so you are more than capable of doing what I did or doing it better.

Overall, I was impressed by the book. This is my first book I’ve read on becoming funny. Now I understand why things are funny and how to be funnier. It is a great book I recommend you get if you’d like to have a laugh, feel good, and become a funnier person. You can grab your copy of Comedy Writing Secrets from Amazon by clicking here today.

(If you want to be funnier around friends and in general conversations with people, get my Big Talk program. Once you download the course, you’ll have a rare one-time opportunity unavailable anywhere else to download a report that’ll show you how to make people laugh without telling jokes or being a clown.)