Discontent with all of that, he is also a founding father of the U.S.A. – often hailed as “The First American” for his campaigns towards colonial unity. He served as the governor of Pennsylvania and the U.S. Ambassador to France. A pretty full life don’t you say?

On top of it all, Franklin was well-liked for his wit, charming to men and women, high in his diplomatic ability, and constantly working on a kind personality. A man who greatly impacted politics knew how to get people on his side. Franklin was friends with Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Samuel Adams, James Madison, William Keith (the governor of Pennsylvania) and some important European thinkers like Hume and Priestley. He was known to make friends wherever he went, and to keep those friends.

So what can we learn from Benjamin Franklin about making friends? From the age of 20, Franklin set himself 13 virtues to follow, covering many aspects of life. Some of these virtues give good suggestions on how to improve your social life, but his pearls of wisdom don’t stop there. Through his life, Franklin dropped many tips to make friends.

Tip 1: Speak good of people

Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know of everybody.

If you think the U.S.A. was founded purely on intelligent, friendly debate, think again. Setting the foundations for a great nation was no easy task. The founding fathers allegedly argued like nobody’s business! John Adams in particular was no big fan of Franklin, commenting, “That I have no friendship for Franklin I avow. That I am incapable of having any with a man of his moral sentiments I avow.”

Franklin, on the other hand, vowed to see the good in people and avoided talking badly about them. He said of John Adams, “He means well for his country, is always an honest man, often a wise one…”

When you disagree with someone, it’s tempting to complain about him behind his back. When you hate someone, it’s even more tempting. People filled with venom and spite rarely attract nice friends. The next time you want to drop a negative comment about someone, stop yourself then find something positive to say about them. You’ll be surprised at how people warm to you when they know others would respond with bitterness.

Tip 2: Be nice to enemies

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.

As a young man, Franklin was quite tactless. With effort, he became so good at handling people that he became a founding father, and even an Ambassador to France. He didn’t do it without ruffling a few feathers – when he started campaigning for American independence, many of his English friends and even his own son turned their backs on him.

Despite this, Franklin remained in contact with “enemies” across the ocean and continued to be sociable whenever possible. His biographer, Isaacson, said, “His most notable trait was a personal magnetism; he attracted people who wanted to help him. Never shy, and always eager to win friends and patrons, he gregariously exploited this charm.” Although he pulled himself up from poverty, he didn’t leave his old friends behind when he made his wealth.

You are bound to meet people you don’t get on with or you dislike. Franklin’s tip to make friends is to be pleasant and polite to everybody. By being a generally nice person, you draw more people to you than if you go around making enemies. Treat everybody with respect, even those who you don’t agree with; you never know what might turn into a friendship.

Tip 3: Honor honesty

Honesty is the best policy.

Franklin printed this quote in his Almanack. When his printing career evolved from apprenticeship to producing the Pennsylvania Gazette and the Poor Richard’s Almanack, Franklin could have done whatever possible to sell papers. Although the temptation loomed, Franklin held a strict policy of not printing any libel or insulting views of foreign governments.

Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools.

Honesty was an important virtue to him because of his Puritan upbringing and the social benefits it could deliver. He is also quoted as saying, “Let honesty and industry be thy constant companions” and “Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don’t have brains enough to be honest.”

When your thoughts line with your actions and words, you are honest. You don’t have to tell everybody exactly what you think of them, but many people appreciate honesty if you present it in a diplomatic way. Men, I’ve found women appreciate it when you call them out on their dodgy behavior rather than being dishonest through silence.

People can spot fakers. If potential friends find out you’ve lied about something, they distrust you over even frivolous things like repaying a movie ticket that affect your relationship.

Tip 4: Add value to a conversation then employ silence to empower what you say

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

Franklin knew how to negotiate. What mattered was the benefits to the parties involved. You could ramble on about a lot of things yet it’d be distilled back to how it affects you and others making the decision.

A second part of this quote suggests minimizing noise. Silence is one of the thirteen virtues Franklin wrote at the age of 20, and swore to live by. Imagine what life was like in his time – the evenings would be quiet without electronic entertainment to fill the silence. With few distractions, important topics could be discussed such as Franklin’s favorite subjects of politics, philosophy, and science.

Maybe some of his acquaintances were fonder of filling the silence with worthless conversation. Franklin was not referring to being completely silent or to avoid all small talk, but to useless, uneducated nonsense rather than adding value to a conversation. In this day and age, the art of quality conversation seems to be fading; we would rather absorb ourselves in our cell phones and laptops than really talk to each other.

Employ the virtue of silence in terms of being fully present in every conversation. Don’t play on your phone or answer text messages when someone else is talking to you – it’s poor social etiquette. Treat every conversation as important, and devote your mind to it. If you want to make friends, develop your conversation topics.

Tip 5: Do not gossip and instead think well of others

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

Another of Franklin’s 13 virtues is sincerity. You already know Franklin was a big fan of honesty, and sincerity is a big part of that. When Franklin was unhappy with somebody, he did not go behind their backs but told them directly. On reading a manuscript for Thomas Paine’s The Age of Reason, Franklin was upfront about his feelings: “…You strike at the foundations of all religion… I would advise you… not to attempt unchaining the tiger, but to burn this piece before it is seen by any other person.”

When you disapprove of someone’s behavior or opinion, it is tempting to smile and pretend to agree, then later whisper about them behind their back. Being sincere means being honest, meaning what you say, and not gossiping about people behind their backs. Franklin even suggests we think innocently – if you don’t have bitter or judgmental thoughts about someone, you’re less likely to gossip. If you find yourself judging someone’s behavior, see the possibilities from their point of view to build compassion.

Tip 6: Respond positively to criticism

Critics are our friends, they show us our faults.

When John Adams quipped, “His whole life has been one continued insult to good manners and to decency”, Franklin could have responded with anger and defensiveness. Instead, he pointed out the good qualities in Adams (see #1) and quipped that critics should be loved because they show our faults.

When somebody criticizes you, the natural reaction is to get defensive, become angry, and retaliate. You easily find yourself in an argument. Instead, listen to what they’re saying and imagine it’s about a third-party.

It’s hard to remove the sting, but sometimes the other person tells you something to help you. Look for the lesson in their message; if someone tells you you’re too quiet, instead of getting angry, think about ways to deal with that knowledge (such as speaking louder, contributing to conversation more, or finding people who appreciate it).

Tip 7: Keep your tranquility over trivial incidents

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Whether dealing with an angry Englishman, finding a beer spilled over him in a bustling tavern, or being held up by a delay; Franklin had plenty of reasons to lose his cool. Whether he did or not is not clear, but another of his 13 virtues was tranquility. He saw plenty of others losing their temper over trivial incidents and decided he would not waste his energy.

When someone cuts past you in line, you stub your toe, or your phone messes up, you might find yourself boiling with anger. But what do people around you think if you swear and curse? Flashes of anger are scary, and potential friends will find it hard to trust someone who gets mad so easily.

Pay no attention to the incident when someone accidentally spits on you when talking, says a rude comment about you, or profusely sneezes. When you feel anger bubble, breathe deeply and count to ten. Ask yourself whether it is worth getting angry at things that happen to everyone or at things beyond your control.

Tip 8: People remember how you make them feel

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

In his youth, Franklin was quite tactless. He admitted a fondness for starting arguments for arguments’ sake. During heated political discussions with former English friends, and while arguing with other founding fathers, he learned the hard way that you can’t take back something you say in the heat of the moment.

Leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Franklin also said, “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” With his razor-sharp wit, he learned to hold back his clever quips. In the heat of an argument, you might think of the perfect put-down. Stop and think about it. While saying what’s on your mind might make you feel better for a moment, people will remember it so think before you speak.

Tip 9: Asking for a favor can build friendship (the Ben Franklin Effect)

He that has once done you a Kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.

Franklin in his autobiography explains how he won a rival legislator onto his side in an unusual way – he asked him for a favor. After Franklin thanked the legislator for his compliance by lending Franklin a rare book, he found the guy was suddenly friendly and willing to do more favors for him. They became great friends. This line of thinking was so unique it is dubbed the “Ben Franklin effect”.

We usually think doing favors for others will win them over to us, but Franklin’s advice is to do the opposite. Convince someone to do you a small favor like borrowing their phone to make a call or borrowing a good book they have. Express your gratitude, and from then they’ll be open to doing other favors for you. If you treat this right (i.e. don’t treat them like a servant) you could gain a great friendship.

Tip 10: Let your best friendships develop over time

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.

Franklin was known for being friendly, or at least civil, to everybody (#2). We know even after achieving fame and wealth, Franklin didn’t turn his back on his old friends – he still considered himself a printer at heart. You can find tons of letters online that go to show how much effort he put into keeping friendships, but how many people did he consider true, close friends?

When you’re lonely, it’s easy to grab onto the first nice person and try turning them into your best friend. It doesn’t always work that way. You’ll find some people are nice on the surface but no good at being close friends; your best friends will take time to find. It’s also tempting to act like somebody you’re not to get close to someone. Eventually they work out you’re different from the persona you put on.

Tip 11: You must earn a kind word

If you would reap praise you must sow the seeds, gentle words and useful deeds.

Another quote from the Poor Richard’s Almanack; Franklin didn’t expect to be spoken of highly for no reason. As well as his numerous scientific and political achievements, he was a kind and honest friend to many, and it was the combination of personality and achievements that brought him much praise in his time, and continues to do so today.

You can’t expect people to speak highly of you if there’s nothing to compliment. Be nice to people, do “useful” things – not only favors for others, but in your personal life. If people can see you are kind, ambitious, interesting, or fun, they will want to get to know you more. Don’t sit around waiting for people to automatically like you. Work on becoming a great person in your own right, be nice to others, and people will gravitate toward you.

For more tips to make friends, read this free simple guide to make friends and build a social life.

There is a step-by-step method revealed in this guide to easily make friends. People “naturally” great at making friends unknowingly follow it. The difference between you and them is their parents, their teachers, their way of living early in life created these habits. You just have to learn these ways to make friends.

It can be frustrating now, but it no longer has to be hard to make friends. Shy and lonely people have learned how using the below guide. Follow these 5 simple steps and I guarantee within 2 weeks you’ll make new friends.

Step 1. The Effortless Place to Make Friends (How to Easily Make Friends)

A man practices the art of adventure when he breaks the chain of routine and renews his life through reading new books, traveling to new places, making new friends, taking up new hobbies and adopting new viewpoints.Wilfred Peterson, author of the 1949 The Art of Getting Along

Draw from two groups of people to make friends:

1. people you already know
2. people you are yet to meet

The first place out of habit we look at when making friends are people we don’t know. That’s a mistake because you’ll discover how to easily make friends with people you see, don’t talk to, or avoid.

List everyone you currently know who could be a friend that you want to befriend. It’s not about getting people to like you, but getting to know people you like.

These people could be classmates, work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, friends of people you know, or friends with whom you lost contact. Cousins or friends of siblings are candidates. This is your first list of potential friends. It’s important you write down their names or where you see them (if you don’t know their names) so you can use the advice in this guide.

Next we look at people you’re yet to meet. If you move to a new place and don’t know anyone, your challenge is having no people you know. You need to meet new people.

If you’re lonely, your daily routine stops you meeting new people. You eat breakfast by yourself, go to work to see nobody new, then come home to hangout with yourself. To meet new friends, you have to change your routine. Do you understand? Friends won’t fall from the sky – you have to get out there then make the effort to meet them.

It’s not about getting people to like you, but getting to know people you like.

Meeting new people can be scary yet there are ways to do it. As bonus motivation for you, I’ve found from coaching shy guys, when they use this guide, they often get new exciting work, do activities they’ve wanted for years, and enjoy life more.

What do you mostly do during the day? Do you go to school, have a job, or play a sport? Look at these groups for potential friends.

My favorite method to find potential friends is through hobbies and interests. When I review my life, three quarters of my friends came through this way. Activities like cricket or interest groups like bronies (men who love ponies) are instant sources of friends because of the chat and enjoyment you get from a fun gathering.

What are your hobbies or interests? Also what regular activity would you like to try? Add these interests as reservoirs for friends.

Look for groups in your city. Check out websites like meetup.com, couchsurfing.com or local Facebook groups.

You can also use these free sites to discover what is happening in your area. Events that snag your interest are great places to meet people. Events in your major city cater to new people who want to make friends, meet for a coffee, and chat – that’s easier if you lack the confidence than putting your foot in an existing social circle.

Some people default to bars at night to make new friends. The confidence and friendliness that comes from alcohol often disappears the next day, and you realize your new friend is not who you hoped. Unless you make friends with someone at a bar while each of you are not drunk, the relationship is unlikely to grow. Another problem when making friends at some bars is the loud music that stops good conversation. I don’t recommend bars for new sources of friends.

Step 2. How to Start a Conversation with Common Ground and Already Feel Like Friends

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’C.S. Lewis, Novelist

When you’re shy meeting someone new, it’s hard to think of what to say. Once you discover an interest or experience you have in common, conversation flows a lot easier instead of awkward small-talk. Friends have commonalities whether it be the same school, a fun hobby, or the love of a sport.

Imagine you’ve been invited to a mutual friend’s party, and you don’t know how to start talking to other people. Ask how they know the host or “What brought you to the party?” can work as conversation starters.

Situations where the surroundings naturally break the ice are good for starting conversations when you know nothing about the person. For example, at an art exhibition assume people have opinions about the art, and that your views are something to share. Ask what they think of a certain painting.

Orientation sessions for a new job, training sessions, courses, or parties where others have come alone are all good places to find common ground. You already share being at the event.

Look for little signs of someone’s personality; a shirt with a band name, a wristband for a certain cause, a book in their bag. You might locate a commonality.

Groups and events related an interest or hobby of yours are good to find people who share things with you. You gather for a mutual love whether it be a hobby, writer, political stance, or type of music. You know what you have in common. Ask how long they’ve been a fan or what is their favorite Pokemon card (…Pokemon is cool, man!)

Sometimes you need to talk with the person for a few minutes before you discover what you have in common. A good introduction by a third party should connect you two with a commonality. If nobody is around, touch on various topics until you find something you share. Talk about what you suspect the person is interested in from your observations or intuition – you might have similar jobs, be from the same place, or share an opinion on an important topic.

If nothing strikes you as an obvious conversation starter in a situation where conversation normally flows, bring that to light. Laughing and admitting you can’t think of a thing to say and that you’re awful at small-talk makes for conversation. Your self-deprecating humor is confidence and endearing. Some people will be relieved then admit they feel the same. Your openness alone breaks ice to get another person talking.

Here’s a similar tactic. Not knowing anybody is itself something to talk about, “I don’t know anyone here so I thought I’d come chat.” There’s always something to start a conversation. Always.

For more conversation starters you could ever need, do this exercise I reveal in a video to come up with your own conversation starters and see my massive list of 101 conversation starters.

Step 3. How to Confidently Meet People You Don’t Know

One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying.Morris West, Australian author of The Clowns of God

Do you think you cannot make friends until you “overcome” anxiety, become confident, and develop an extroverted personality? You don’t need this belief.

Social anxiety is about yourself – you thinking how you come across to others instead of getting involved in the conversation. Try a new perception the next time you meet someone: focus on people you meet (something external). Devote to learning all about another person’s career or background. Not only will your social anxiety just “be” instead of you fighting it, people will warm to you when you show interest.

Let go that you need to be ‘cured’ of anxiety before you can make friends.

Therapists are realizing that labeling social anxiety as a problem then battling it intensifies anxiety. Your effort spent fighting anxiety puts more focus onto it, leading you further into despair.

Feel anxiety without judging it as good or bad. Let go that you need to be “cured” of anxiety before you can make friends. Read the “cure” for social anxiety disorder to learn more about this strategy.

One therapeutic method to help with fear and anxiety is exposure therapy. This process slowly introduces the thing you’re anxious about into your life. Inner confidence comes from competence, so proving to yourself you are capable of talking to people lets you live with anxiety.

Someone with a fear of snakes can start by thinking of a snake for a few seconds before building to looking at a picture of one. Over time, this might bump up to watching a video then looking at a live snake in a zoo. Small steps is reassuring progress.

If you’re anxious about meeting new people, set yourself small actions to follow. Your first step could be to sit in a place full of people, to say hello to your neighbor, or to make eye contact with someone in your class. Day two can be harder; ask a shop assistant how she’s doing, let a salesperson at the mall talk to you. Write a list of goals. Gently push yourself to higher limits.

One technique to help you accept anxiety is to re-name what you fear. Instead of thinking “Oh, no, that’s my social anxiety”, name it something else. Think of it not as a debilitating thing, but as your “fuel” or your “internal Anthony Robbins” that pushes you to do more.

Step 4. Simple Ways to Follow Up – Starting to Build a Social Life

It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.Jim Rohn, motivational expert

Unless you contact your new friend, your friendship will die. Your weak friendship is capped by the frequency you run into each other. You need a plan to get contact details then see each other in the near future. Once you talk outside the usual situation, you grow friendship.

If your request to follow up goes like, “We should hang out again sometime. What’s your number?” you’ll get the number then struggle to meet again. After testing particularly with women, I discovered you need a valuable reason to see the person and make a plan then. Everyone loves a fun justification to meetup like a game, festival, or sporting event to hang out. The shared plan gives you reason to get contact details then follow up.

Another “excuse” to see each other again is providing value. Friends give value to one another. Value is distributed in a variety of ways with knowledge, connections, and good times. Read, observe, talk, and teach to build knowledge. Follow this guide and Big Talk to quickly and effortlessly expand your social circle so you can connect friends or play matchmaker. Know how to make others feel happy and yourself feel great.

Look for opportunities, hints, or desires in conversation to meet again. Whiff at the reason to meetup soon, “I’d love to go see that movie.” By the end of the conversation, you can ask, “I want to see the movie. When would you like to see it?”… “Give me your phone number and we can sort out a time.”

Once you talk outside the usual situation, you grow your friendship.

Imagine you’re at a social group for new people in your city. This is a perfect opportunity to keep in contact. Other people are as lonely as you. Ask if they’ve found an interesting restaurant, park, or bar. If so, ask if they’d show you sometime. Be ready to mention an interesting place you’ve heard of and ask them to check it out with you sometime.

You learned how to know of events and groups in your area. Whenever you meet somebody who might be interested, ask if they’ve heard of it. People appreciate being told about what’s going on, and “Have you heard about the zombie walk happening next week? Oh, give me your number, I’ll send you the details when I know!” is an easy way to get in contact.

A phone number exchange is the best way to follow up. It can be scary asking for a person’s phone number, but the worst that could happen is they say no.

Aside from exchanging numbers in conversation, a generic full-back is if you talk about any good books or websites, promise to send them a link to it. Another way to keep in touch today is adding colleagues and classmates on Facebook. Browse their profile for possible conversation topics, send them a private message to spark their interest, and show you’re a person worth meeting before inviting them to an event. Friendships frozen to Facebook die without attention.

Even when you exchange details, you plan a get-together, and the person flakes, try again. Who knows the true reason they flaked. People commit to things without thinking through whether they can make it. Other times a flake can be from the person not feeling comfortable enough with you in conversation before you made the plan. Try steps 1-4 on someone else.

Step 5. How to Grow Your Social Circle

Marge: Are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?
Homer: Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life.

The final step of how to easily make friends is to strengthen the relationship. To make a friendship grow, you need to see the person or talk to them every month. Falling out of contact for long periods of time only works in well-established friendships.

Small talk does not cut it for friendship. The conversation needs to move to something deeper, something more meaningful to either of you if you want to connect. Talk about your feelings, opinions, past experiences, and even problems. Ask about theirs too.

Your social circle can grow with a couple of regular friends. Get your friends to invite friends you haven’t met to events. Chances are their friends are similar in personality and interests so you’re more likely to make friends with them compared to others you don’t know.

Some friendships take a year to grow, while others develop in a week. It depends on compatibility. The more people you meet and talk to, the more likely you are to find people you get on with well.

I hope you found this guide to make friends and build a social life helpful. Please share the guide by clicking your favorite social media button below.

I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

My video review of the book along with tonnes of special tips and samples you won’t get anywhere else. Be sure to turn up your volume to at least half.

Why You Need to Download it Now

I’ve been shy and lonely like Paul, and know the journey to transformation is scary but Get the Friends You Want makes it fun and effective.

In the caveman days you needed your tribe to hunt animals, kill predators, and protect your family. You could not do all this at once without friends. Today you can live from your computer safe inside an apartment. Does this mean friends are pointless today? You and I know, that is a miserable life.

You need to make friends if you want a great life. Without connections, your opinions get ignored. You are passed up for job promotions. A lack of friends means you miss social activities, solutions to problems from information-sharing, and chances to date someone attractive. Of course, if you have good friends, you have more fun. It may feel unfair and it’s reality.

One common lesson in the book is the irrationality of people when we socialize. We hang out with some people and not others because of survival, replication, status, thrills, approval, and love. We judge others within seconds because there is not enough time to “understand” 7 billion people on Earth. You can complain about this and get nowhere.

Paul says you are rejected or accepted relative to the value you give or fail to give. You can give high value by being popular (allowing friends to make friends), having status (to lift their status), and through other means like creating good emotions in others (where you are fun, ambitious, and positive). Everything you learn in Get the Friends You Want teaches you how to overcome shyness, be fun, and make conversation so you are more valuable than ever.

…you are rejected or accepted relative to the value you give or fail to give.

You are not shown superficial ways to make friends. From reading the book I learned that physical isolation is being alone while social isolation is being lonely. That is why you can feel lonely at work. Social and emotional connection makes loneliness disappear. You learn how to really connect with people without shallowness or manipulation taught in pick-up ebooks or most conversation courses.

That’s why I encourage you to download your copy of the book by clicking here.

Part 1: Overcoming Loneliness, Shyness, and Social Anxiety

It is a weird journey transforming your social life. Fortunately for you, Paul has been there. He was lonely until he transformed then put everything he knew about making amazing friends into the book. You are taken by the hand shown how to safely handle all the change you are about to encounter to create the social life you want.

Once you learn how handle beat loneliness and shyness you’re given step-by-step techniques like “how to use beliefs to unwire shyness from your brain”. Whenever you think of a harmful belief like “People don’t like me”, say it in the voice of a duck. The belief weakens. Say an empowering belief like “People who get to know me, love me” in a deep voice of someone you idolize. This strengthens the belief. Pretty cool trick. You get four “brain toys” that are fun ways to make you feel confident and social.

I loved the tip to handle a party invitation when you’re anxious: accept the invite, but say you can only stay 30 minutes for a reason. This encourages you to attend the party, makes you more comfortable, and allows you to leave if things get too much.

Part 2: Conversation and Social Skills

This part reveals how to master conversation and social skills. You learn how to find common ground, discover conversational hooks you want to talk about, and keep a conversation going. The two lessons about saying what’s on your mind and talking about yourself are powerful. Many other easy-to-use techniques exist so you forever keep a good conversation going.

There’s 6 rules of a cool person, ways to be funny, guidelines to talk with passion, and 44 socially awkward behaviors to avoid. I contacted Paul, the author, and he let me share some with you:

1. Being too different. Be unique, yes. But, if you act and look way too different, people won’t be able to relate to you.

2. Not making eye contact. It’s like you’re hiding something. You should make eye contact often.

3. Standing too close or too far. Too close means you don’t respect others’ physical space. Too far means you want to put a distance between you and the people you’re talking to.

4. Sharing too much personal information, too soon. That should be shared gradually as the friendship deepens.

5…

44. Taking the victim role. Never victimize yourself to get attention. Leave that for the social skills amateurs. If you have a conflict, just say that you don’t get along with the person. Don’t flame them.

Part 3: Making Friends and Building a Social Circle

The final part teaches you how make friends and build a social circle. By the time you finish reading this third section, you will know exactly what to complete each week to meet new people. This section is jammed with practical ways to build a social circle.

I followed the easy advice of how to use Meetup.com and Facebook to meet nice people without wasting time online and already made new friends. That was good, but the tip I liked more is when you set plans with people you know little about, pick a place that:

1. Allows you to talk
2. Alleviates the pressure of conversation through music or some entertainment

This makes it easy to have good conversation even if you are bad at talking with strangers.

Is this book for you? It is if you are shy, lonely, or struggle to make conversation with people you don’t know. As you just saw, you’ll be a more confident and social person by the time you finished reading.

If you’re lucky and really smart, you probably could figure it out all on your own with about 15 years of testing and frustrations. You have no time for that though.

No other course teaches you what you learn in Get the Friends You Want. You get a complete system to build a social life. The book is unavailable in stores, but you can download it and be reading it within 5 minutes from now. I highly encourage you to order the book now by clicking here.

Whether you’re the girl at the bar yelling to her friends “Oh my I have to pee SO BAD!” or the guy whose voice cracks over his first words, it’s hard to erase a first impression from someone’s brain. As said in Big Talk, where there’s a whole chapter on ways to make a good first impression, “A first impression isn’t a last impression; it’s an influential impression.”

A good impression at first sight is what I call “the lazy man’s way to make people like you”. Princeton University research shows our snap judgments remain consistent over time. If someone judges you as “attractive”, “friendly”, and “open” within 100 milliseconds, they’re likely to think you’re all that by the end of the conversation. The study found one thing changes as the conversation continues: a person’s confidence in the accuracy of their first impression.

Call it bias or unfairness. I call it human psychology. Work with it if you want to be seen as awesome. Learn how to impress people at first sight. Here are 40 ways to make a great first impression.

1. Know the importance of body language. Before you open your mouth, people judge a lot about you by the way you walk, hold yourself, and move. These types of nonverbal communication are detected before you mutter a word. It’s a myth nonverbal communication gives 93% of all communication, but body language must be statistically high as part of a first impression.

Knowing the value of body language and unspoken social dynamics in a good first impression encourages you to focus on it. You’ll be more concerned with smiling, speaking louder and clearer, and appearing calm, which will impress others more than a great conversation starter.

2. Open your body language. Open body language invites and impresses while closed body language shows ignorance and insolence. Here’s a snippet of a table from the Big Talk course explaining the difference between the two types of body language:

Imagine two people. You’re one of them. The weirdo has all the traits of closed body language while you or me – each an amazingly cool person – has all the traits of open body language. You get the vibe the other person is a creep while we’re charming.

3. Social proof yourself. Social proof is a principle of social psychology that says we look to others during obscure social situations to determine how we should behave. There are hundreds of unknown people in public social events so we observe how people treat each other to measure how we should treat someone.

If you see everyone looking towards a guy, you’ll look towards him to calculate what’s going on. If a guy seated alone for an hour approaches you for conversation, you’ll dislike him before he opens his mouth. You’ll look for information to validate why he is alone and unpopular.

If every time someone spots you laughing with a group of new people, you’ve made a better first impression than anything else possible.

Everyone knows you can manipulate your words and tell a verbal lie, but we believe what we see. Social proof is a great way to make a good first impression. Make friends before you enter a venue. Be seen chatting with the bouncer or waiter or a group of friends you just met. If someone spots you every time laughing with a group of new people, you’ve made a better first impression than anything else possible with cool body language or witty first words.

4. Put yourself at ease. Did you know if you’re tense talking with someone, the mirror neurons in another person’s brain forces them to become tense? Their body literally duplicates your tension. The strain or message that relates to it, like you’re an uptight angry jerk, is then stored in the person’s hippocampus, the memory center of the brain. Not a good way to make friends.

If you’re like most ToP readers, your body is tense right now. Heck, even I just realized I’m tense writing about tension! To see your tension and remove it, relax your forehead. Loosen your jaw. Let your face droop downwards as the tension dissipates. You can tighten a muscle for three seconds then release it to enter relaxation. Do this throughout your body whenever you think of it. Tension is unconscious, but relaxation conscious.

5. Get into shape. Light travels faster than sound, so your physical appearance is noticed before your voice or introductory comment is heard. Looks aren’t everything, but they’re important and quickly noticed.

Get your physical game together whatever that maybe. Exercise to stay in shape. Drop that greasy packet of chips in the bin. Everyone notices a guy with biceps bulging out of his sleeves or a woman with a curvacious figure. We’re impressed by people with good physiques.

6. Dress stylish within the decade. I understand if your bright green neon stilettos appear “timeless” to you. However, nobody else does. When in doubt, wear black or gray. These colors are timeless and even if a dress or tie was purchased 10 years ago, it’ll come across as stylish because it’s not a shocking, bright, or ridiculous color.

Dress nice and stylish, but comfortable. You want to look your best, yet many times we tend to think dressing sharp, stylish, and sexy is more important than being comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable and constantly tugging or pulling at your shirt or dress, you’ll feel distracted and probably self-conscious. Don’t compromise comfort for style. Feel good in what you wear.

This is no fashion school, yet I must say one last thing on this topic. Not only is it important to dress for comfort, it’s important to dress for your body type as well. Ladies, don’t squeeze into a revealing, slinky dress because you hear it’s the latest style, even though your chest is popping out and you can see your underwear lines through it. Men, don’t wear a fitted Slipknot t-shirt if your gut sticks out beneath it. You need tip number five if that’s the case!

The difference between a good impression and bad one may just be how you interpret it.

7. Think positive before going in. Imagine the positive mark you’ll make on people instead of visualizing how that attractive lady will laugh at you when you approach her asking, “Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?” (I wouldn’t blame you if you’re thinking negatively using that pick-up line). See the interaction going incredibly awesome. Believe the person you’re about to talk to is friendly. You’ll go in looking a happier, more impressionable person.

If you’re a pessimist so you never get disappointed, read my review of Mind-Lines, a great book on reframing to think in healthy ways. The difference between a good impression and bad one may just be how you interpret it.

8. Get into a positive state. Make people’s mirror neurons work for your benefit. Put yourself into a positive state so a person’s brain makes them emotionally high in your presence.

I believe it’s unhealthy to always seek happiness and “positive emotions” because you block yourself from authenticity and a full experience of life, but there are lessons in Big Talk you can follow to boost your mood and impress people:

1. Firstly, know that energy is a choice. You can make yourself feel good at will.
2. You may get in a good mood by psyching yourself up or down. Figure out what works for you.
3. Talk with anyone or anything. If you feel great and can have a smooth conversation with your cat, I like your odds at impressing people in a conversation.
4. Take a practice dive socializing. Dive in and allow yourself to belly flop. E-motion is energy in emotion. Action is necessary to feel alive.

9. Be present. The distinguishing factor between anxious, lonely persons and those with charisma is their energetic focus. Loners are drawn into themselves. They think about past mistakes or anticipate how others may respond. I use to think of me freezing in past conversations or about what others would think if I said something. Yeah, it’s messy.

People know when you’re not fully in the moment and are repulsed by it. Children hate when a parent pretends to listen when all they do is hear.

Just before you approach someone or at anytime during a conversation, focus on the now. The best way I’ve found to do this is by taking deep and slow belly-breathes for 30 seconds. You can also observe a person’s body language. These techniques will make you more present and people will be impressed.

10. Impress the right person. Would you leave your hand print on a rock or in clay? Some people are easier to impress than others while some are worth impressing more than others.

If you have a hard-time impressing people, pick low-hanging fruit. Talk to the person alone or listen to the person looking sad. The social proof and emotional momentum will help you impress those higher up the tree. It’s a sneaky way to make a good first impression.

11. Approach people from a 45-degree angle. It’s alarming to have someone approach you head on. In the caves thousands of years ago we’d kill anything aggressively nearing us. Having said that, don’t sneak up on someone like they’re your best friend. It’s not cute. In the caves thousands of years ago we’d kill anything that tried to surprise us from behind (okay, maybe your ancestors didn’t give you my schizophrenic genes, but you get the point.)

What’s the right way to walk up to people? Approach from a 45-degree angle. You can keep your geometry set in your school bag. Just use the principle as a reminder that we’re comfortable being approached by strangers at a visible indirect angle.

12. Make eye contact. The eyes give your interactions emotional meaning. If you look at any object or person as if you had ADHD, you’ll appear anxious or disinterested. Certainly you’ve heard this a million times, but giving someone a good look in the eyes right as you meet them shows you’re interested in them. Your pupils dilate and they instinctively catch on, causing automatic attraction.

13. Cast an illuminating smile. A cold turkey smile switches on in an instant. An illuminating smile turns on gradually. Make eye contact with someone then go from a blank face to a full warm smile in two seconds. Read my article “How to Be Interesting Without Saying a Word” for more help with this technique and a couple of extra tricks to impress people through your body language.

14. Don’t stare and smile like a hungry wolf. Or a hungry vampire. Eye contact is one thing, looking like someone staring at their bait is another.

Temporarily break eye contact by shifting your eyes downwards for two seconds. It’s a sign of friendliness and safety probably experienced by cave men who killed beasts that glared in their eyes (again, that’s probably my schizophrenic genes). Sharing your eye contact with the floor makes you safe and likable in the eyes of those you chat with giving them a good impression of you.

15. Remember your acquaintances name and use it. A “nice to meet you, Sarah” or “Me too Bob, I totally get that” shows you’re interested in speaking to them and are having more than just an empty conversation. If you have the memory of a goldfish, check out a post of mine for social skills resources to help remember names.

16. Shake hands well. There’s more to a handshake than a firm one. Lean forward at the hips to show interest. Ensure your hand and theirs go web-to-web. Yes, grip firmly. A strong, firm handshake shows confidence in anyone. Same for you, ladies. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you have to stick out your fingers like a delicate tulip. My last tip for a good handshake is to give two up-and-down shakes. Do these and you may just impress people with your hand skills.

17. Speak with a resonant voice. I’ve mentioned body language for a good impression, but the voice is another part of nonverbal communication that can impress people. A squelching voice will leave your listeners with plugs in their ears while a soothing, clear voice will have people hang on to your every word.

There’s diverse problems in vocalics from talking too loud, fast, soft, raspy, high, indecisively, breathy, and the list goes on. To cure all these problems and improve your voice, I recommend you learn from Carol Fleming, creator of The Sound of Your Voice audio program, and her new book It’s the Way You Say It. Her book is the best resource I’ve come across to improve your voice and nonverbal communication.

18. Make the conversation about others. We think we need to impress others by drawing attention to ourselves. The opposite is true. I once saw a man wearing a shirt that said, “Oh yea, that reminds me of something that allows me to talk about myself.” For many people, this couldn’t be more true. The last person you want to be is the one who starts telling a story about themselves as soon as they hear someone mention a related topic. You make friends easily when the conversation is on their passions, their problems, their perceptions.

19. Show interest in what they have to say. If someone talks about the awesome day they had or the recent achievement they accomplished at work, it’s worth the recognition and respect that comes along with you intently listening. Did he land a new job? Shut up about your 10 million dollar deal and be happy for him. Lean forward, ask questions, have your mouth slightly open, and be in awe.

20. Talk about yourself. Yeah, that will impress people when done right. You see, fans of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People are so adamant on making the conversation about others and being interested in people. This makes a good impression on people – without it, you’re sure to be the person everyone wishes would be gagged for silence. However, if you really want to impress a guy or girl and make them into a friend, you need to talk about yourself.

We feel close to those we understand. Without that understanding of someone’s identity, we have our shields up. If someone talks about their hot air balloon experience, ask them questions, listen to them gas, then share how you’ve never done it before and would love to do it. They may just invite you to fly away some day after you impress them.

21. Show how great you are rather than telling. If you’re awesome and you want someone to know it, don’t tell them. Your actions, mannerisms, and attention must show you’re a killer person. A guy who talks about his Lamborghini before you go on a drive is an idiot, while a guy who takes you into his Lamborghini without a mention of it is impressive. You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.

22. Throw them a genuine compliment. Showering someone with compliments is sucking up. If you absolutely love someone’s hairstyle or outfit, make a point to tell them. You impress by complimenting a person on something they put effort into and hoped someone would notice.

You amaze people when they discover cool things about you on their own.

23. Accept compliments with grace. A whine fits in here as well. People find it difficult to accept a compliment. A good response to “I like your outfit” is a simple “Thank you” rather than “Ugh, the color makes me look pale.” It’s okay to be praised and admired. Now is not the time to feel guilt.

24. Make them feel great. I’ve given a couple tips on what to say to impress people because a great impression is about the feelings you create in other people. “They may forget what you said,” said Frederick Buechner, author of over 20 books on deep humanity, “but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

You get in a positive mood, dress stylishly, smile, shake hands well, make eye contact, and compliment – not for your own ego – but for the positive feelings you create in other people. I want you to go from asking, “Am I impressing the person?” to “How am I making the person feel?” Do what you can to make people feel great to leave a long-lasting emotional imprint.

25. Cut negativity. You leave a bad emotional imprint with drama, depression, gossip, complaints, and criticism. If you complain about your uncomfortable outfit, your bad hair day, or “how faaaaat you look,” you come across as a negative person. If you go on and on about a health problem, you create in them a mental problem of a bad impression.

26. Respect social rules. There is no need to stand out or risk breaking social rules. If you say something really off the wall or perverted, it will be remembered. The first time you meet someone, don’t mention your bladder leak on an airplane. There’s no excuse for that.

If you’re completely douched in cologne or perfume, it will be remembered. Subtle scents are fine and often attractive to others. But if you’re the guy that smells like an Old Spice commercial halfway across the bar, women will not woo you for attention.

27. Be cautious about your alcohol consumption. If there is booze around, you probably want a drink or two to loosen up and get in the mood. Drinking to the point of being belligerently drunk and annihilated will screw your chances of being impressionable in a positive way.

28. Follow the rules of etiquette. Each of your behaviors say something about you. If you have a potty mouth that unleashes foul language, you are seen as raw, rough, and rude. On the other hand, if you follow the rules of etiquette, you impress people with your punctuality and politeness.

Some basic rules of etiquette follow. Abstain from swearing. Open doors for others and keep them open. Arrive and leave events at the right time. Write thank you notes. If you eat or chew gum, don’t chew like a cow. Feed your stomach with a closed mouth. I have a follow up article teaching you 89 social etiquette tips.

29. Get touchy. Socially acceptable touching is the most underused form of nonverbal communication. Appropriate touching connects people faster than words. Tap your target on the elbow during your approach to get their attention then shake hands. Touch people to emphasize a point in a story. Everyone loves a celebratory high-five.

30. Get in sync. This means you nonverbally match someone you’re talking with. Alter your voice, posture, stance, gestures, and movements to mirror theirs. If they stand and move around the room, stand then walk with them. Once you’re in sync, they’ll feel you’re a typical friend just like them. It’s an effective way to make a good first impression.

31. Pull everyone into the conversation. You can impress more than one person by baiting uninvolved group members into the conversation. A loudmouth guy may hog the spotlight, leaving others in the dark. You should talk to the whole group. Shift the attention onto the dormant conversationalists by asking questions like, “What’s your experience with that?” “What’s your opinion on this?” and “What do you think?” If you’re asked a question like “How do you spend your time during the day?”, turn the same question onto them. People will be impressed with your social intelligence.

32. You can be wrong. It’s okay to not have someone admit you’re right even when you know the truth. Righteously blind people irritate. If you cannot prove to a nut head the Earth is not the center of the universe, others in the group will admire your need to not be all knowing and wonder how your verbal combatant’s genes survived this long.

33. Be unique. If you feel there’s nothing special about you, create something. Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere. We remember Elvis created a unique style of music. FedEx became known for the “overnight delivery” then hurt itself by competing with DHL for “worldwide”. When all mouth wash companies tried to make their product pleasurable in the mouth, Listerine came in and went the opposite way.

Rarity is memorable and valued everywhere.

Find something unique about you that can receive more attention. That one thing will stick in people’s mind. You will become the “pink hair girl”, “the funny coffee man”, or “the tall guy”.

34. Show your sense of humor. If you’re witty, sarcastic, or dark with humor, it’s your personality and you want to show it. However, if you find yourself wanting to joke like, “A blonde walks into a bar. Ouch!” reconsider sharing it. Whatever you do, don’t try to start off with a funny opening line such as “So Helen Keller walks into a bar…” Talk to someone for a few minutes before determining whether or not your humor will be appreciated. Conversational humor develops throughout the interaction anyway.

35. Let little troubles float by you. This is a lesson from my Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. People with little power pick on little things. A couple walks down the street when one of them stumbles and the other replies, “Oh, watch your step.” A group of mates have a beer when one tips over his drink to which a mate jokes, “That was smart.” A boyfriend tries to empathize with his girlfriend when she sneezes by saying, “Oh, that was a nasty one.” Pointing out the obvious does not impress people. It makes you insensitive.

Famed painter and sculptor Pablo Picasso said, “The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.” Powerful people with prestige impress others by ignoring unimportant noise. They don’t point out the obvious because it’s emotionally unintelligent. They continue whatever they were doing. If they talk about a family problem at a restaurant when a waiter gives them a wrong order, they solve the hiccup and move on, instead of getting snared in drama. Poise and composure give people safety and certainty, both attractive qualities to create.

36. Give people a second-chance. Based on the Princeton University research mentioned earlier, you know our first impressions of someone tend to remain throughout the conversation with them. What changes is our increased confidence that our quick judgments were spot on. People will give you a bad first impression. You may think a new co-worker is a cow, a guy at a party should jump off the balcony, or a girl is a drama queen. Give people another chance to impress you to become more friendly, impressing people.

If you had a mind-blank at the start of a conversation with a stranger, you’d feel they’re pretty amazing if they came up to you later and said, “Never mind about our ‘conversation’ before. I get mind-blanks all the time. What’s your name?” What a caring and impressive person!

37. Stop over-thinking. “My hair looks bad.” “I forgot to iron this shirt.” “What if everyone hates me?” “What if I have a zit?” Stop it. Insecurities are the greatest turn off according to author Robert Greene in The Art of Seduction.

You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do.

You’d worry less about what people thought of you if you knew how little they do. Nobody’s going home saying, “Ugh, did you see his hair? It was combed slightly too far to the left.”

38. Remain calm. Don’t freak out if things go unplanned. Since you’re now thinking positive thoughts, keep your pants clean should things go haywire. If you trip, if you choke on your food, if you just don’t get along with someone you thought you’d click with, no worries. People’s actions do not matter; your reactions do.

39. Make a good last impression. We learned from the Princeton University study that people look for information to validate their first impression of someone. Leaving a conversation on a positive note gives people further proof their initial judgment is right – that you’re a great person.

Masters like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods know how to finish strong. Become a conversation master by skipping the Houdini stunt of vanishing from the conversation. Use the “high returns” technique from Big Talk:

Appreciate something specific about the person by reflecting one thing the person talked about. Examples include: “I need to go now, but it has been great to receive your expertise on…” “Thank you for the great time together.” “I’m off to hunt down a friend, but it has been a pleasure to hear about your overseas journeys.” The person will leave the conversation on a high and love you for it.

40. Snare the chance to repair. What do you do if someone kindly approaches you and you give them the cold shoulder because you just lost your job? You can kick yourself for screwing up an impression or you can work with what’s happened by repairing your dirty ditch. Get the person aside then correctly apologize by admitting your mistake. Show your guilt, let the person respond, then move on. Use the other tips to make a better impression: put yourself at ease, let the trouble float by you, and make the conversation about them.

If all 40 ways to make a good first impression overwhelm you, they have a counterproductive effect. Take a few deep breathes. Let the tips fall back into your mind. You will unconsciously act out what you learned. When the day is over, you will be impressed by the people you impressed.

For more tips and techniques to socialize and make friends, get Big Talk by clicking here.

Over the past year I’ve collected some great social skills resources I’d like to share with you now. Some are from friends of mine, myself, and just others who’ve given good insight into a topic.

From improving your social skills, overcoming anxiety, and starting a conversation, all the way to ongoing conversation, being charismatic, and making people laugh, here are some great resources I recommend you read even if they take you a while to get through (each of these great resources will open in a new window so you keep track of this page):

1. How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years

Henrik Edberg has some good social skills insight to share. A lot of what he discusses builds on from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read some of his other posts on communication and socializing if you have the time.

2. The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom

If you’ve suffered from social anxiety disorder having tried to treat it for years, it is maintaining your problem. Your infatuation with anxiety and curing it go hand-in-hand. I’ve written all you need to “cure” your social anxiety disorder here.

3. 101 Conversation Starters People Love

A goldmine from none other than yours truly. Get all the conversation starters you could ever need with anyone.

4. 40 Ways to Make a Good First Impression

According to research, if someone judges you as “attractive”, “friendly”, and “open” within 100 milliseconds, they’re likely to think you’re all that by the end of the conversation. In this killer article of mine, you’re given 40 tips on body language, conversation techniques, and mind strategies to quickly and permanently impress people. Get all the ways to make a good first impression.

5. 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name

End the embarrassment of forgetting someone’s name by using seven neat mind-tricks. Charismatic persons like Richard Branson are masters at remembering people’s names. You may not become a billionaire by knowing John is John, yet people will feel special, you won’t feel awkward, and your relationships will be richer.

6. How to Keep a Conversation Going

There’s a lot of garbage advice out there on how to keep a conversation going. Most people just don’t know what they do to continually talk to anyone. Paul reveals to you the secret to keep a conversation going is unlocking your inhibition.

7. 10 Tips: How to Be Funny

Onto some cool skills now that make you a better socializer. Even if you’re a serious type of person, you can lighten and learn how to be funny. Your ability to make people laugh will win you many friends, business deals, and glances from the opposite sex that make you glee in delight.

8. 50 Body Language Secrets You Need to Succeed In Life

Though the start of the article mentions a major communication myth, you get 50 great little tricks to improve your often overlooked nonverbal communication. You can say all the right things when socializing, yet ignore your nonverbal communication and you may look like a weirdo. Get your body language down pat to be cool.

9. 10 Ways to Instant Charisma

You’ll notice this post on charisma summarizes points in other resources mentioned here. Read the social skills resource if you want to become more likable and win the respect of people you don’t yet know.

10. The 10 Principles of Listening

Listening is another topic of many where “experts” give ordinary advice like “maintain eye contact”. Like you didn’t know that already. There’s more to socializing, rapport, and friendship than the surface aspects of communication. Listening most times is at least 50% of a conversation so make sure you master this skill if you want to be popular and make cool friends. Also see this listening article written by a therapist to more deeply connect to people.

11. Presence in Conversation

You may be surprised to see presence mentioned here. Someone “present” is in the Now. They are fully absorbed in the present moment. Presence is a secret skill in Big Talk. When you’re present in conversations, you deeply connect to people. You get the feeling of being in the zone as time and worry banishes.

12. How to Make Friends and Get a Social Life

Author Chris use to be a shy, awkward loser. I can call him that because I used to be as well and I’m linking to his article! If you’re not good at making friends and have a social life of stalking others on Facebook, you’ll get a lot of practical tips and theories in this useful resource.

13. How to Network with Busy People

This 12-part series written by Steve Pavlina, a leading self-help blogger, shows how to get in contact then build relationships with hard to reach people so you dominate life. Should you become a successful networker, life becomes easy because you have resourceful and trustworthy connections.

14. More Social Skills Resources: Your Suggestion

Have something amazing to share with other readers? Contact me or comment below. If I feel it’s a one-of-a-kind helpful resource, it may appear in this list!

I hope you enjoyed these social skills resources. If you’d like more and want the best free resources on other topics like behavior and being a bad ass, follow me on Twitter and like Tower of Power on Facebook.

The original version of this book was written in 1937 with 5,000 copies available. Word quickly spread the globe about the lessons in the book and now there is over 16 million copies in print. Business owners, salespersons, and generally people who are interested in better relating to their fellow human being, have constantly referred to How to Win Friends and Influence People over the years as the best book you can read on the subject.

Classic Literature

In every subject there are usually one or two books people categorize as “must-read” if you are to succeed in the subject. In the wealth world there is Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich and Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich. In the advertising world there is Claude Hopkins’ Scientific Advertising. In the self-help world there is Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics or The New Psycho-Cybernetics. While in the human relationships and communication skills world, the number one book to read is How to Win Friends and Influence People. A substantial number of experts in their respective industries refer to these books as the best ones you can read. (Read these classic books as they are original sources of most self-help information taught today.)

Most of these classical books date back to 1920. They are pioneers in their respective industry. Books that discuss the psychology of financial success to this day use the same principles mentioned in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. The same goes for other self-help classics like James Allen’s As A Man Thinketh. How to Win Friends and Influence People is no exception. Nearly any communication skills book today mentions a principle originating from the book, whether it be to show interest in people or to avoid criticism. It is the authority book in human relations.

If you are unfamiliar with self-help classics, you may wonder how the heck these books written in the early-to-mid 1900s are useful today? Surely humanity has made superior discoveries that exceed this “old school” material?

In the human relationships and communication skills world, the number one book to read is How to Win Friends and Influence People.

I use to think books today were superior to self-help classics. I heard hundreds of people praise How to Win Friends and Influence People. I thought the book was most people’s introduction to communication skills. I thought, “Sure, the book is great because it’s your first experience in learning the amazing benefits of good communication.”

There is something to do with learning a subject from its original pioneers that makes the information powerful.

What I later found, which is what many people experience, is that by reading the book one time every year you encounter new realizations. Life-changing insights are also frequently experienced by many people upon re-reading Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. I believe this is because your awareness and experience in the present is not enough to completely grasp the principles in these classic books.

Fundamental People Skills

The book has four parts that deal with techniques to handle people, ways to make people like you, winning people to your way of thinking, and being a successful leader. Each are fundamental skills of human relations. I consistently refer to these principles in my articles and other teachings. The important point I want to distinguish is that fundamentals are not basic skills. Fundamentals in any area form a framework for further skill development.

An athlete cannot become good at his sport without fundamentals. Sport coaches will tell you that an athlete who does not have the right fundamentals is tough to coach because every skill builds from the foundations laid by fundamental skills. Professional athletes always fine tune their fundamental skills because they know the profound affect such skills have on their professional abilities. Advanced techniques are only useful when the person knows the fundamentals. Also, having good fundamentals produces an exponential effect that puts you ahead of 95% of people, while advanced techniques in any area produces a slight improvement that gives you an edge over the 5% who also have sound fundamentals.

Tiger Woods still improves his fundamentals, but he can afford to work on perfecting his 2-iron stinger where he hits the ball with a very low trajectory. The average golfer is better off focusing on fundamentals like a better grip, stance, and pre-shot routine. The skills taught in How to Win Friends and Influence People need to be revisited and constantly worked on regardless of how good you think you are in communication.

More Specifics of the Book

At the start of each chapter, Carnegie discusses the chapter’s principle. He then provides an example of how someone, mostly students from his speaking course, have applied the principle in their business or family life. The stories themselves can be a revelation at times as you become aware of how and in what situations the principles can be applied.

The majority of the book discusses concepts instead of word-for-word techniques. One principle is making the other person feel important. Carnegie doesn’t tell you to say exactly this and that. He provides the “what”, which is the concept, with a little bit of the “how”.

The table of contents is below:

The principles of each part are nicely summarized at its end so you can easily review and memorize them. Each principle may seem simple, but don’t let simple deceive you from power. These are strong principles still changing the lives of those who read the book five or more times.

If you don’t already have a copy of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, you need to go grab your copy now from Amazon by clicking here.

Video

Warren Buffett on BBC talks about how he changed his life with Dale Carnegie’s lessons on people skills