So you want to be successful in life? Is that what you want? Then you better stop failing and become aware of these 10 ways to fail in life.

You see, I’ve been asked many times how to achieve success and weird enough, it seems like nobody takes the advice seriously. Then I realized one thing – most people are ALREADY failing before they even got started!

The article I wrote below is slightly controversy compare to the normal goodie-type personal development advice because this is the TRUTH. If I want to keep everyone happy and write about the colorful rainbow, birds chirping, flowers blooming, etc., then I should just open up a nursery home and take care of children. I want to tell you the truth straight to your face because I’ve been there and heard the garbage lies thrown everywhere.

Avoid these and you’ll automatically be on the right track (provided you want to be successful):

1. Mixing With Losers

It’s a guaranteed way to fail in life with this. Whatever you like to do, losers will just tell you it won’t work and after some time, you will also become a loser. High five, welcome to the losers’ club. Something about losers you should know: they like to “recruit” new people and are very comfortable in their shoes. They don’t welcome changes. So when you see someone with any of these two characteristics, you know what you should do.

2. Don’t Know What You Want

The most common goal I hear all of the time is, “I want to be rich”. I mean it’s fine with that generic goal but the problem is, how rich do you want to be? Or how rich is rich? Put it this way – the methods used to make a million and $3,000 are different. No wonder some people couldn’t experience breakthroughs in life because they are playing small for big goals. If you want to make a million, you better put in that level of commitment, bucko.

3. You Want Everything

It’s nice to have a lot of things but if you go chasing everything, you get nothing. Let me tell you why – you only have 24 hours a day and you’ve got to focus on your priorities. I know, I know, you can hire others and so on but the fact is, you’ve got to want “something” first to lead to another “something”, then to everything. Make sense?

4. Watching the “Secrets” Way Too Much

I’m not here to criticize Law Of Attractions (LOA) and don’t want to receive hate emails. As a matter of fact, I do believe in it and have friends who appeared in the Secrets. But it’s a surefire way to fail if you keep on watching the “Secrets” and doing attraction work by sitting down on your floor manifesting 3 hours a day. In my point of view, scientifically, the Law of Attraction runs on the concept of believing. When you believe your goal is achievable, you will take action to achieve it. If you don’t understand this basic element and think LOA is some sort of miracle remedy, oh boy, you’re in for a big surprise of failure.

5. You Don’t Truly Know Why You Want Success

Wanting everything is bad enough – but it gets worse if you don’t even know the reason why you’re trying to achieve your goal. What’s the deal? Without a solid reason, a compelling reason, where are you going to find the motivation and encouragement for you to overcome obstacles? You think it’s going to be fun ride to success? Then you haven’t been traveling – it’s a rocky road, my friend. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they never complete the journey – they give up halfway (or at the beginning) because they cannot see the worth of accomplishments.

6. You Don’t Remember Your Roots

…if you go chasing everything, you get nothing.

The thing I get most irritated about is people who achieved success and never felt gratitude towards those who helped them. Is it very hard to say, “Thank you”? The law of reciprocity is simple – you return favors to those who helped you in the past. And maybe, they’ll help you again in the future. Remember this: it takes more than just you to achieve success. Don’t be a jerk.

7. You Think You’re Smart

The day you stop learning is the day you stop improving yourself. If you don’t want to fail in life, make sure you stop acting as though you already know everything. The fact is, all successful people are people who continuously learn to be even more successful. They don’t stop. Let me put it in this perspective: you don’t know what you don’t know, you know?

8. You Listen To The Wrong People

I watched this funny movie called, “He Is Just Not That Into You” and it reaffirmed what I’m about to tell you. At the beginning of the movie, it shows a clip of a boy pushing a girl in the playground because he somehow doesn’t like her. He thinks she smells like dog poo. She cried and asked her mum why did the boy do that to her. And her mum replied, “It’s because boys do that to girls when they like you.” Do yourself a favor, don’t get wrong advice. It’ll stick in your brain and lead you to make stupid interpretations in life.

9. You Think Short Term

You’ll often hear this happening in many “successful” people’s stories: they make a lot of money to lose it all. This is probably because they became too comfortable and the other thing is, once you achieve success, you should ride on the wave when the momentum is there. When you think short term, you’re only going after the instant pleasure. You must learn to delay gratification to enjoy today’s labor.

10. You’re Blinded With What Is Important In Life

I believe there are only two things that are important in your life – control of time and experiencing happiness. Money, love, big cars, diamonds, etc., are the things that contribute to these two benchmarks of success. For instance, if you have money, you don’t need to work so you can have more time to do the things you like. It’s not the money that you’re trying to get, but what the money CAN DO FOR YOU. I know this topic is bigger than one sentence explanation, but I guess you get the point. You’re a smart fella.

So now you know the 10 ways to fail in life. Question is, are you doing any of these? I’ll be BS’ng you if I said I don’t. I’m human dude, flesh and blood – I do mistakes too.

But I was fortunate to experience my fair share of success today because I learn powerful lessons from other successful people…

It’s okay to fail and you should fail as many times as you can. That is how you learn but more importantly, you should never give up – each time you get dirt kicked in your face, wash your face and ‘fight’ back. Don’t go crying like a sissy because Mum’s not going to come cleaning your face.

Are you ready? Go get your goals.

Wow! Talk about an amazing list of contrasting fears! The truth about fears is they seem stupid and irrational. What fears do you have that drive you crazy?

You can fear one side of the story and the other at the same time. It is possible to simultaneously fear talking to someone new and not meeting new people because fear hides the truth. I will reveal the truth about fear to you in this article.

Fear creates an experience through a smoke screen. It makes you uncertain of what is ahead. The acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear does not want you to know the truth about itself and yourself.

Fear can immobilize your body. You can want something, but fear sends what seems like a massive electromagnetic pulse through your body to shut down your ability to function. Unless you suffer from poor health, this is a facade, a survival mechanism to protect you from something that will not hurt you.

According to Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, there are five truths about fear. Whatever you fear, provided the fear is not physically dangerous like the taking of drugs, the following five truths apply:

Truth #1

The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.

It is far more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to live paralyzed by fear.

Fear is a survival mechanism hardwired into the human mind that makes you think danger and pain resides in the darkness of the unknown. Our ancestors feared when they ventured into new lands because the environments were unfamiliar and potentially life-endangering. Fear will continue to protect you as long as you grow emotionally and mentally. Do not want a fearless life if you desire to grow. As Thomas Leonard, a personal coach, so bluntly put it: “Fear is natural. Be with it.”

Once you explore territory unknown to you, new fears arise. I know it is uncomfortable to hear that, but I am hear to tell you the truth that fear does not want you to know. It is more comforting and exciting to experience growth and live in fear than to be paralyzed by fear. Be excited to know that fear will exist if you live a life worth living.

Truth #2

The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.

Truth number two sounds contradictory to truth number one. Both truths are still truths. You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation. “Fear comes from uncertainty,” said 17th century English playwright William Congreve. “When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear.”

Fear will always exist in your life. The only cure to fear and social anxiety is to accept it and do it. When you do the thing you fear, whether it was a facade or not, you build confidence in your ability to handle the situation. Personal development expert Anthony Robbins said, “Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain.” Action will conquer fear any day. By acting in the face of fear, you transform the uncertain into the certain as the unknown becomes known.

Truth #3

The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.

When ridden with fear, we reason that we will take action once we feel better about ourselves. “When I’m ready, I’ll…” “If I can… then I’ll…” “I’ll wait till I’m…”

You will not feel like a better person or build more self-belief in your ability until you do what you fear. Stop waiting for whatever it is you want to change! Change your ability to take action.

While self-esteem boosts you ability to take action, go the quicker and more direct route: take action to boost your self-esteem. Confidence builds on itself like a good financial investment leading to more positive feelings about yourself. You feel good about yourself when you dive into action. Stop wanting to be a fearless public speaker before speaking in public. Do public speaking to be a fearless public speaker.

Truth #4

Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.

You fear because uncertainty looms over your ability to handle the situation.

It is comforting to hear this truth. Every public speaker and writer I know suffered or currently suffers from fears and insecurities over the judgments of other people. These are strong, powerful people who do not let their fears stop them from reaching their life’s mission.

Fear wants you to think it is a unique psychological problem, but it really is an educational problem. Those around you and those you envy also experience (or once experienced) what you fear. The insecurities you feel are unique, unites you with everyone.

Truth #5

Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Fear encompasses uncertainty, but it is scarier to have the certainty of living a fear-controlled life. The fear of being ill is scarier than seeing a doctor. The fear of having a divorce is scarier than addressing a tough relationship problem. The fear of having no friends is scarier than approaching someone.

When you have a purpose greater than fear, you become courageous. “Courage is not the absence of fear,” said Ambrose Redmoon, “but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” Create a life mission more important than fear to compel yourself to face things you previously were scared to confront.

Repeat each of these truths at least 20 times every morning and night. When you continually affirm the truth, you will accept it as truth. You will no longer be tricked by fear.

I am excited to finally reveal how fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Follow the five truths in this article and you will see the light fear hides from your eyes. Live a fear-filled life!

UPDATE: As a follow up to conquer shyness and your fear of talking with people, read The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom.

Most who set goals have little-to-no understanding of goal-setting – and so fail to become or get what they want. We frequently hear of people’s goals (I should say “hopes”) to find a perfect partner, lose weight, or help people in need. Many have hopes yet few achieve them. Why is this and what can you do to get what you want unlike the 95+% of people who fail to achieve their ambitions?

Being an expert in setting and achieving personal goals is the greatest skill to master. It allows you to create more in your life and in the lives of others you touch. By setting and achieving personal goals you can: communicate effectively, have the partner you want, have the friends and relationship with your family you want, look your best, feel great about yourself, no longer have self-imposed limitations such as poor confidence, and generally become the person you want to be. A personal goal constructs a pathway for self development, but doing it correctly builds a superhighway to success.

6 Reasons People Do Not Set Goals and Fail

You would think that if goal-setting was the ultimate secret to success, everyone would develop goals and learn to achieve them. The world is imperfect.

I know with certainty that everyone will experience a more successful and enjoyable life if they learned to effectively communicate. Anthony Robbins, who in my opinion is the greatest modern day personal development coach, said, “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” Effective communication determines the quality of your life with others while self development determines the quality of life with yourself. Self development forms your inner communication and progresses you towards building interpersonal relationships. There are several reasons people fail and do not set goals that are similar to why people do not learn effective communication.

The first reason people do not set goals is they fail to see its importance. Like people that avoid developing their communication, they see little point in taking the time to set goals. I have met people unbelievably resistant to developing their communication. They were actually insulted to hear their communication can improve! We all can communicate more effectively no matter how good we are.

The second reason people do not set goals is they fear criticism. People criticize for many reasons. In the first chapter on criticism in Communication Secrets of Powerful People, you learn the most common reason for criticism is a desire to improve people. Other reasons include a habitual perception of faults in people, anger, a belief that greatness cannot be achieved, and a hidden agenda to hold people back from reaching their goals.

A person can fear setting goals because each time they have set goals in the past, others have criticized them for dreaming big. Others impose their self-limiting beliefs through criticism instilling fear within the person. The remarks of criticism buried within the person’s memory controls them from achieving anything remarkable. Average people do not want others to go beyond average.

To overcome the fear of criticism, put bluntly, screw what people think. Do not allow people to destroy your life with their beliefs. You would not tie a one tonne boulder to your leg when swimming so stop tying people’s limiting words to your mind. If you want something, get it by setting and achieving personal goals with the directions given in this article.

Average people do not want others to go beyond average.

The third reason people do not set goals is a fear of failure. This category of people might think success is the absence of failure. The opposite is true. Success comes from failing a lot and failing fast. “I haven’t failed,” said famous inventor Thomas Edison. “I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Being an inventor, Edison knew that failure was the nuts and bolts that constructed his success.

To be powerful, remove the traditional meaning of failure from your reality by altering its meaning. You do this by breaking down what failure means to you. How do you know that what you feel is failure? You are most probably frustrated with not getting what you want. You mistake frustration for failure.

A failed attempt shows you took action. You overcame stagnation by stepping towards your goal. Knowing this helps you enjoy failure. That’s right! Enjoy failure!

The fourth reason people do not set goals is a fear of success. People who fear success believe success is bad. The fear is common in wealth and wanting an attractive partner because the fearful individual is afraid of negative results if one gets what he or she wants. Wealth becomes evil or a certain type of partner is categorized as unfaithful. The fear does not let them achieve what they want.

The fifth reason people do not set goals is they do not know how. This reason relates to a fear of failure where the person has set goals in the past, but has not achieved them. The failure discourages further attempts. These people become disheartened from failure and think failure is imminent. They do not learn from past mistakes and move towards personal growth.

The classic example of this is weight loss as a New Year’s resolution. A temporary motivation inspires the person to lose weight in January, but no further progression is made with the goal. They bounce back to their initial state as their behavior follows the path of least resistance. If you do not set and work towards a goal now, what makes you think you will achieve it as a New Year’s resolution? There are techniques such as SMART goal-setting, which I will discuss below, that you can use to set and achieve goals rather than wishing a result based on temporary motivation too common around New Years.

You mistake frustration for failure.

The sixth reason people do not set goals is they lack deep desire to want something greater than their present circumstances. For them, the ordinary or even sub-ordinary is sufficient. If you are in this category, you have been tricked to believe you are an ordinary person who should expect ordinary things. A lack of desire can also be aroused by failure, criticism, and other reasons that explain why people do not set goals.

4 Most Common Goal-Setting Mistakes – And How to Overcome Them

Once you have identified any common reasons you fail to set goals, you need to identify common problems in setting goals. There are four common problems people make in goal-setting. These mistakes are dangerous enough to prevent you from accomplishing what you set out to achieve:

#1 The goal is too vague. A vague goal is general. It contains uncertainties. Set a specific goal. The more specific a goal, the more likely you will achieve it. What exactly do you want to achieve? Maybe it is an intimate relationship with your partner. Saying, “My goal is to have more intimacy with my partner” is too vague. Convert it to a specific goal such as: “In 30 days, I will able to come home from work then talk and cuddle with my partner for 30 minutes everyday”. This is a great goal as it is specific and measurable. You need to be specific and define exactly what you want. (I’ve written a complete article I recommend you read to truly define what you want.)

#2 The goal is impersonal. A great leader knows he must inspire his team to take on an organization’s goals as if the goals were the team’s own. This is easy to achieve if the team has goals congruent with the organization. You are more likely to reach a goal that is personal instead of it being someone else’s desire.

#3 The goal is too hard or too easy. If a goal is too hard, you will not achieve it. If it is too easy, the goal is unchallenging, your journey to success will be slow, and you will lack a significant feeling of accomplishment. The correct level of difficulty is one that is challenging yet achievable. It energizes you because you know it is reachable. Alter your goals until you feel this state.

#4 The goal is made public. You can avoid several reasons people do not set goals by keeping your goals publicly hidden. While it can be good to let others know of your goals, if they may knock you off your pedestal through criticism, keep your goal quiet. Let a coworker know you aim to double your income within one year, and your goal could be shot down with criticism about the company, the lack of opportunity in society, or the impossibility of increasing your income. Only let a supportive person know of your goal to help you stay motivated. If you aim to build more intimacy with your partner, tell your partner the goal and work towards it together. The right person can redirect you on the path of success.

SMART Goal-Setting

“The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, learn about them, or even seriously consider them as believable or achievable,” said motivational speaker and productivity expert Denis Waitley. “Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.”

There are several techniques to set and achieve goals that complement each other so you can use multiple techniques to increase the likelihood of achieving your goal. One goal-setting technique that has been effective for me is SMART goals. SMART is an acronym with minor variations:

Specific. As discussed earlier, a good goal is specific. Make a goal as specific as possible so expectations are developed, clarity is formed, and the path towards success is evident. A specific goal gives you excellent awareness and understanding of the requirements to achieve it. Develop an exact long-term goal, then break it down into goals for one year, one month, one week, and day-to-day activities.

Measurable. Another common problem discussed earlier is people do not set measurable goals. How can your progress be tracked so you achieve the goal in a set time period? Do your best to quantify your goal. Let’s say your goal is to overcome shyness. Set a measurable goal where you aim to meet and briefly converse with 10 new people next week. The number “10” within 1 week makes this goal measurable and specific. This makes it easy for you to track your progress in becoming a socially confident person.

Attainable. An attainable goal is one that you have or can develop the necessary skills to achieve. You have no doubt heard the saying: “You can achieve anything you want if you set your mind to it.” In other words, if you align your attitude, ability, thoughts, and emotions towards your goal, then it is attainable. An attainable goal is within your potential.

Realistic. A realistic goal is one you believe is reachable. It is related to “Attainable”. An example of a realistic goal is one reached by someone. It is realistic if you have the time and chances to gather the resources to achieve it. (Do not underestimate your ability to gather required resources.) Realism will lead to belief, motivation, and action.

Tangible. Too often goals stay in our minds. Create many tangible forms of your goal then witness an amazing affect as your goal manifest. Write your goals on paper to create tangibility. Hear, see, feel, taste, or smell your goal. Use your five senses to stir a powerful, inner desire to hunt down your goals. Your emotions will intensify with tangible goals. Track your progress not based on an uncertain feeling of development, but on tangible changes. Look for solid evidence that you are progressing towards your goals.

When you set a SMART goal, you create a map for success. You give yourself a challenging yet achievable goal. Master SMART goal-setting and you will have the ultimate skill to get what you want.