Discontent with all of that, he is also a founding father of the U.S.A. – often hailed as “The First American” for his campaigns towards colonial unity. He served as the governor of Pennsylvania and the U.S. Ambassador to France. A pretty full life don’t you say?

On top of it all, Franklin was well-liked for his wit, charming to men and women, high in his diplomatic ability, and constantly working on a kind personality. A man who greatly impacted politics knew how to get people on his side. Franklin was friends with Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Samuel Adams, James Madison, William Keith (the governor of Pennsylvania) and some important European thinkers like Hume and Priestley. He was known to make friends wherever he went, and to keep those friends.

So what can we learn from Benjamin Franklin about making friends? From the age of 20, Franklin set himself 13 virtues to follow, covering many aspects of life. Some of these virtues give good suggestions on how to improve your social life, but his pearls of wisdom don’t stop there. Through his life, Franklin dropped many tips to make friends.

Tip 1: Speak good of people

Speak ill of no man, but speak all the good you know of everybody.

If you think the U.S.A. was founded purely on intelligent, friendly debate, think again. Setting the foundations for a great nation was no easy task. The founding fathers allegedly argued like nobody’s business! John Adams in particular was no big fan of Franklin, commenting, “That I have no friendship for Franklin I avow. That I am incapable of having any with a man of his moral sentiments I avow.”

Franklin, on the other hand, vowed to see the good in people and avoided talking badly about them. He said of John Adams, “He means well for his country, is always an honest man, often a wise one…”

When you disagree with someone, it’s tempting to complain about him behind his back. When you hate someone, it’s even more tempting. People filled with venom and spite rarely attract nice friends. The next time you want to drop a negative comment about someone, stop yourself then find something positive to say about them. You’ll be surprised at how people warm to you when they know others would respond with bitterness.

Tip 2: Be nice to enemies

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.

As a young man, Franklin was quite tactless. With effort, he became so good at handling people that he became a founding father, and even an Ambassador to France. He didn’t do it without ruffling a few feathers – when he started campaigning for American independence, many of his English friends and even his own son turned their backs on him.

Despite this, Franklin remained in contact with “enemies” across the ocean and continued to be sociable whenever possible. His biographer, Isaacson, said, “His most notable trait was a personal magnetism; he attracted people who wanted to help him. Never shy, and always eager to win friends and patrons, he gregariously exploited this charm.” Although he pulled himself up from poverty, he didn’t leave his old friends behind when he made his wealth.

You are bound to meet people you don’t get on with or you dislike. Franklin’s tip to make friends is to be pleasant and polite to everybody. By being a generally nice person, you draw more people to you than if you go around making enemies. Treat everybody with respect, even those who you don’t agree with; you never know what might turn into a friendship.

Tip 3: Honor honesty

Honesty is the best policy.

Franklin printed this quote in his Almanack. When his printing career evolved from apprenticeship to producing the Pennsylvania Gazette and the Poor Richard’s Almanack, Franklin could have done whatever possible to sell papers. Although the temptation loomed, Franklin held a strict policy of not printing any libel or insulting views of foreign governments.

Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools.

Honesty was an important virtue to him because of his Puritan upbringing and the social benefits it could deliver. He is also quoted as saying, “Let honesty and industry be thy constant companions” and “Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don’t have brains enough to be honest.”

When your thoughts line with your actions and words, you are honest. You don’t have to tell everybody exactly what you think of them, but many people appreciate honesty if you present it in a diplomatic way. Men, I’ve found women appreciate it when you call them out on their dodgy behavior rather than being dishonest through silence.

People can spot fakers. If potential friends find out you’ve lied about something, they distrust you over even frivolous things like repaying a movie ticket that affect your relationship.

Tip 4: Add value to a conversation then employ silence to empower what you say

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

Franklin knew how to negotiate. What mattered was the benefits to the parties involved. You could ramble on about a lot of things yet it’d be distilled back to how it affects you and others making the decision.

A second part of this quote suggests minimizing noise. Silence is one of the thirteen virtues Franklin wrote at the age of 20, and swore to live by. Imagine what life was like in his time – the evenings would be quiet without electronic entertainment to fill the silence. With few distractions, important topics could be discussed such as Franklin’s favorite subjects of politics, philosophy, and science.

Maybe some of his acquaintances were fonder of filling the silence with worthless conversation. Franklin was not referring to being completely silent or to avoid all small talk, but to useless, uneducated nonsense rather than adding value to a conversation. In this day and age, the art of quality conversation seems to be fading; we would rather absorb ourselves in our cell phones and laptops than really talk to each other.

Employ the virtue of silence in terms of being fully present in every conversation. Don’t play on your phone or answer text messages when someone else is talking to you – it’s poor social etiquette. Treat every conversation as important, and devote your mind to it. If you want to make friends, develop your conversation topics.

Tip 5: Do not gossip and instead think well of others

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

Another of Franklin’s 13 virtues is sincerity. You already know Franklin was a big fan of honesty, and sincerity is a big part of that. When Franklin was unhappy with somebody, he did not go behind their backs but told them directly. On reading a manuscript for Thomas Paine’s The Age of Reason, Franklin was upfront about his feelings: “…You strike at the foundations of all religion… I would advise you… not to attempt unchaining the tiger, but to burn this piece before it is seen by any other person.”

When you disapprove of someone’s behavior or opinion, it is tempting to smile and pretend to agree, then later whisper about them behind their back. Being sincere means being honest, meaning what you say, and not gossiping about people behind their backs. Franklin even suggests we think innocently – if you don’t have bitter or judgmental thoughts about someone, you’re less likely to gossip. If you find yourself judging someone’s behavior, see the possibilities from their point of view to build compassion.

Tip 6: Respond positively to criticism

Critics are our friends, they show us our faults.

When John Adams quipped, “His whole life has been one continued insult to good manners and to decency”, Franklin could have responded with anger and defensiveness. Instead, he pointed out the good qualities in Adams (see #1) and quipped that critics should be loved because they show our faults.

When somebody criticizes you, the natural reaction is to get defensive, become angry, and retaliate. You easily find yourself in an argument. Instead, listen to what they’re saying and imagine it’s about a third-party.

It’s hard to remove the sting, but sometimes the other person tells you something to help you. Look for the lesson in their message; if someone tells you you’re too quiet, instead of getting angry, think about ways to deal with that knowledge (such as speaking louder, contributing to conversation more, or finding people who appreciate it).

Tip 7: Keep your tranquility over trivial incidents

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Whether dealing with an angry Englishman, finding a beer spilled over him in a bustling tavern, or being held up by a delay; Franklin had plenty of reasons to lose his cool. Whether he did or not is not clear, but another of his 13 virtues was tranquility. He saw plenty of others losing their temper over trivial incidents and decided he would not waste his energy.

When someone cuts past you in line, you stub your toe, or your phone messes up, you might find yourself boiling with anger. But what do people around you think if you swear and curse? Flashes of anger are scary, and potential friends will find it hard to trust someone who gets mad so easily.

Pay no attention to the incident when someone accidentally spits on you when talking, says a rude comment about you, or profusely sneezes. When you feel anger bubble, breathe deeply and count to ten. Ask yourself whether it is worth getting angry at things that happen to everyone or at things beyond your control.

Tip 8: People remember how you make them feel

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

In his youth, Franklin was quite tactless. He admitted a fondness for starting arguments for arguments’ sake. During heated political discussions with former English friends, and while arguing with other founding fathers, he learned the hard way that you can’t take back something you say in the heat of the moment.

Leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Franklin also said, “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” With his razor-sharp wit, he learned to hold back his clever quips. In the heat of an argument, you might think of the perfect put-down. Stop and think about it. While saying what’s on your mind might make you feel better for a moment, people will remember it so think before you speak.

Tip 9: Asking for a favor can build friendship (the Ben Franklin Effect)

He that has once done you a Kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.

Franklin in his autobiography explains how he won a rival legislator onto his side in an unusual way – he asked him for a favor. After Franklin thanked the legislator for his compliance by lending Franklin a rare book, he found the guy was suddenly friendly and willing to do more favors for him. They became great friends. This line of thinking was so unique it is dubbed the “Ben Franklin effect”.

We usually think doing favors for others will win them over to us, but Franklin’s advice is to do the opposite. Convince someone to do you a small favor like borrowing their phone to make a call or borrowing a good book they have. Express your gratitude, and from then they’ll be open to doing other favors for you. If you treat this right (i.e. don’t treat them like a servant) you could gain a great friendship.

Tip 10: Let your best friendships develop over time

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.

Franklin was known for being friendly, or at least civil, to everybody (#2). We know even after achieving fame and wealth, Franklin didn’t turn his back on his old friends – he still considered himself a printer at heart. You can find tons of letters online that go to show how much effort he put into keeping friendships, but how many people did he consider true, close friends?

When you’re lonely, it’s easy to grab onto the first nice person and try turning them into your best friend. It doesn’t always work that way. You’ll find some people are nice on the surface but no good at being close friends; your best friends will take time to find. It’s also tempting to act like somebody you’re not to get close to someone. Eventually they work out you’re different from the persona you put on.

Tip 11: You must earn a kind word

If you would reap praise you must sow the seeds, gentle words and useful deeds.

Another quote from the Poor Richard’s Almanack; Franklin didn’t expect to be spoken of highly for no reason. As well as his numerous scientific and political achievements, he was a kind and honest friend to many, and it was the combination of personality and achievements that brought him much praise in his time, and continues to do so today.

You can’t expect people to speak highly of you if there’s nothing to compliment. Be nice to people, do “useful” things – not only favors for others, but in your personal life. If people can see you are kind, ambitious, interesting, or fun, they will want to get to know you more. Don’t sit around waiting for people to automatically like you. Work on becoming a great person in your own right, be nice to others, and people will gravitate toward you.

For more tips to make friends, read this free simple guide to make friends and build a social life.

You are already swimming in the wake of those who courted their way ahead in a career or relationship with charm. Charming people get more affection from the opposite sex, get respected by strangers, and get the raise they want at work. Charming people have an easier, more enjoyable life.

In medieval times (and still to this day) magic had charm because of its mysteries. It had unknown traits that left outsiders dumbfounded. When you charm men and women, they wonder what magic you wield to make people respect and like you.

The good news is if you have as much charm as a backyard rock, you too can transform into a captivating diamond. If you feel you can never outshine the one always topping you with a cooler line, relax then follow some of the best tips showing how to be charming to men and women.

Be Sociable

I was going to put “be nice”, but that can be interpreted as some of the worst advice. If on a date, be nice to the valet people, waiters, waitresses, bartenders, and other service workers by smiling and saying, “G’day”. Ask them with genuine interest how their day is going. If you be a snotty snob, you look worse by the second. People around you wonder how your hair strategically hides your horns.

It’s charming to show friendliness to everyone. Being sociable in everyday “micro-interactions” makes you charismatic.

Show Confidence

You want to know “how to be charming to men and women”? Confidence has been undeniably taught for centuries as a method to charm. If you enter a social situation feeling good about yourself and looking your best, you do better than feeling like trash and looking like so. Any situation you enter with your tail between your legs causes you to stuff up. That’s all I’m going to say about confidence here as nobody can quickly tell you how to be confident.

Remember Arrogance is not Charm

Charm is not where you become Ron Burgundy, walk up to someone, then talk about how awesome you are. If two minutes into the conversation you brag about your recent humanitarian efforts in Haiti and rattle off the titles of leather bound books in your office, you’re not a charmer; you’re an arrogant a-hole. Please stop talking. Real charm comes from receiving by doing things like being genuinely interested and not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Be Lively, Not Obnoxious

Real charm comes from receiving… not pushing your awesomeness onto others.

Whether you are at a bar, restaurant, or event in the park and you are the loudmouth everyone can hear, they’ll want to punch you in the face. It’s not cute and it’s not charming to be the loud, obnoxious person.

Be Positive

I know I’m drowning you in cliches. Too many people I’ve talked to don’t understand how to be charming to men and women because of simple mistakes. Nobody wants to hang around Negative Nancy.

Being sarcastic and cynical is one thing, though it’s difficult to show that part of you in a non-negative way. I like to think of being positively sarcastic as a type of art form. It’s difficult to achieve, but you’re golden if you can properly execute it in a sparing manner.

Avoid discussing how much you hate your job, how bad your health is, how tasteless the music being played is, and how you’re having the worst hair day ever (even though you were just complimented on it). Steer clear of topics like death and suffering, but when they are brought up and others want to discuss them, you can talk about tough topics with a soothing calmness.

Complimenting people is one great way to be positive. I’ll briefly teach you how to compliment soon. When someone compliments you, avoid responding with, “Ugh, you think so? I don’t like it.” Graciously say thank you and leave it at that.

Steve Pavilanis from A Life Less Anxious has a simple way to be more positive around people and with yourself:

Show Interest

Many of us are inclined to start talking about ourselves once someone mentions their hobby, as in, “Oh you like traveling? I just got back from Guatemala. I was helping to pave that giant hole in the earth. Did you hear about that?”

Instead, ask about their travels first, otherwise you look desperate to woo them with your God-like Earth-paving abilities and you will be made fun of when you leave. Always ask at least one question when someone mentions their career or a hobby.

Pure presence is intimately mind-warping.

Questioning itself does not charm people. It’s how you lean forward, widen your eyes, and focus on the person’s every word that charms men and women. Pure presence is intimately mind-warping. You’ve got to experience it to know what I’m talking about. There’s a whole chapter on this in Big Talk that makes it easy to charm anyone.

As a rule of thumb, whenever someone shows interest in a topic, respond with equal interest or positive curiosity. Listen to what they say with genuine interest. Minutes will fly-by as they think you’re a great conversationalist. After being heard, they will be keen to hear the stories of your travels. Only then is it okay to brag about your Earth-healing adventure.

Keep in Mind Silence is Golden

Silence at the right time is charming. A silent look into someone’s eyes with a warming smile can say much more than hours of speech.

If you’re awful at moments of silence, practice showing interest in people and work on your listening skills. People have untapped knowledge deep listening digs up. If a guy talks about a problem, listening intently helps him solve his own problems and it makes you look good! By actively listening you honor the talker’s thoughts and feelings and accept people for who they are which they will love.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Withhold Advice

Active listening means you withhold advice until the person is done talking. Keep your unwelcome or unnecessary opinions to yourself. If a woman goes on about how her family never listens to her, don’t respond with “It’s no wonder” nor should you give her your elite suggestions to solve the situation. (Feel free, though, to talk about me and refer her to TowerOfPower.com.au!)

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver. Don’t make them wish they had a roll.

Advice is 1 of 12 communication killers revealed in the Communication Secrets of Powerful People program. You think you help people with advice, but there’s four reasons solutions hurt relationships.

Show Your Sense of Humor

Men and women love a sense of humor. Whether you’re the equivalent of a stand-up comedian, sarcastic, sharp with your wit, dry or dark, don’t be afraid to let it show. Inhibition is the greatest barrier to being funny.

You likely abstain from humor in fear that it’ll make people laugh at you. Bad humor repels people more than not being funny so let your humor-radar carefully guide you through the social waters. If your sense of humor has you walk up to a woman to say, “I like my women like the preparation of a good coffee: ground up and in the freezer,” don’t count on getting far.

There’s hope for you to become funnier because humor is learned. Get Comedy Writing Secrets to learn how humor is structured.

Also, an unusual way to improve your sense of humor is to laugh. Laughter is after all, the other side of a sense of humor. Laughing gets you in a good mood and trains you to take yourself lightly. We like people who laugh at our conversational humor. If you’re talking to someone of the opposite sex and spill your drink or twist up your words, laugh at yourself and relax about it. You can even playfully accuse the person for your accident: “Look what you did!”

Ease your way into humor by learning what works and what’s socially acceptable. You can charm people with laughter and not be a comedian.

Give Authentic, True, and Genuine Compliments

Everyone loves a compliment because it feels good to be admired, attractive, and appreciated (the triple A). Men particularly love them because we naturally crave respect and honor. Love to a woman is like respect to a man. An effective compliment, nonetheless, charms any person.

Sincerity in a compliment is not enough to make someone feel “the triple A”. Timing is also important. Showering someone with sweet words every hour is not attractive and takes away from the authenticity of everything else you say. A simple “you look great in that dress” or “you have beautiful eyes” is perfectly acceptable in small doses.

The last and most important factor to consider to give a killer compliment is figuring out what the person wants to be admired for. There’s no point praising a person on his shirt if he picked it with no care. If the person wears a shirt with the slogan “Help save African children from aids” because he worked in Africa for a few months fighting the disease, then the emotional connection he has with his shirt powers your compliment.

Charisma expert Wayne Elise has some extra advice on how to compliment.

Talk About Your Interests with Passion

Passion is infectious. If the person you talk to or are interested in hears you speak with passion and enthusiasm about what you do, they will become more intrigued with you. If you drone on about your job or how the last few vacations you took were a drag, you come across as Debbie Downer or Derek Depressor no one wants to travel with (or talk to).

Balance Your Work and Social Life

Charming people have the time to charm people! You’re not going to win men and women over by sitting in your office cubicle or playing World of Warcraft to six in the morning. You have got to get out to better socialize with these 14 amazing social skills resources.

We’ve all used the “I can’t, I have to…” excuse on someone we’re disinterested in, and have probably had it used on us. After awhile people are conditioned to think anyone who says no or says they have another commitment is blowing them off because they’re disinterested. I’m not saying you have to cancel plans every time someone you’re interested in wants to spend time with you, but have a flexible schedule.

Few persons want to date or be friends with someone who always runs off to work. Do you think a charming person values work over his or her friends?

Be Ambitious

If you have some direction in your life and goals regarding where you see yourself in 10 years – whether your goal is purchasing a home, helping the homeless in your city get off the street, or getting a raise at your job – show something. You do not look good when you come across as completely clueless with no goals or desires for your future.

For more tips with what you can do physically to improve your charm, a few key body language ideas follow.

Stand with Good Posture

An upright posture with your spine straight, shoulders back, and neck straight gives the added impression of self-confidence. Many people avoid standing this way because they feel uncomfortable or overpowering, but standing with this good posture after awhile feels natural and looks better.

Relax Your Facial Muscles

A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm.

As you read this, your brow is likely to be a little furrowed, eyes squinted, and lips pursed. Maybe not all these, but some, right? Why are you doing this? Can you see the monitor just fine? Probably. Chances are you do some of these things when you are in public as well.

Tension is unconscious, but relaxation is conscious. A relaxed look helps you come across as pleasant and calm. Relax the muscles on your face to the point where you cannot detect tension. You may even want to make this a routine right before you enter a room to socialize.

Smile with Your Teeth

A smile that shows teeth is more appealing and more attractive than a smile with lips together. The later is not as natural and charming. Even if you hate your teeth, research proves showing them when you smile is more authentic. An authentic smile shows you’re enjoying yourself, which is a charming trait. Watch this video for extra tips on how to smile:

Dress Comfortably

You may have worn an outfit that was “hot” or “appealing” or “fashionable,” but didn’t feel completely “yourself” in it. You feel wrong wearing something not you. You spend time adjusting, looking in the mirror, and worrying you look ridiculous. It distracts too much of your brain.

The principle is this: get comfortable in what you wear or don’t wear it. Don’t go out of your way to wear something just because you heard it appeals to someone of the opposite sex. You look more like a weirdo tugging at your outfit the whole night than if you wore your trustworthy outfit yet to fail you for years.

Authentic Charm – How to Be Charming

If you have yet to notice, charm is the art of having a good personality. And a “good personality” in this context is how good you are with people. Again, charm is good people skills.

Good looks is a part of charm, but even that forms your first impression with people so it relates to people skills. If you look good and you know it (and not in a cocky way), it will come through in your personality and you’re more likely to act your most “charming.” I’m quiet and flirty and work with that.

No matter what you do or no matter how hard you “try” to be charming, you will think someone is doing a better job than you, looks better than you, or seems to ease into conversation better than you. Overlook another person’s antics. Let them be them and you be you. Comparing yourself to others devours too much energy better spent on talking and listening to an awesome person and charming their face off. Focus on doing that instead of mental mutilation.

Self-consciousness hurts your ability to build friends. A charming person, after all, knows charm is held in the eye of another man or woman.

For hundreds more tips on how to be charming, make conversation, and win friends, check out the Big Talk Training Course.

There are two aspects to communication: verbal and nonverbal communication. These interesting people do not say a word to make you curious about them so their interesting characteristics come from good nonverbal communication, narrowly known as body language. Good nonverbal communication makes you charming, and interesting.

Many lies and misleading information exist about body language’s impact on communication. One such example comes from Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist at the University of California in Los Angeles, who created the “7%-38%-55% Rule” – a communication rule that defines what factors give our words meaning. The rule says 7% of meaning is in the spoken words, 38% of meaning is in how we say the words, and 55% of meaning is in facial expressions. As I’ve revealed in the 15 greatest communication myths, this communication rule cannot be applied to all situations, as Mehrabian specifically says this rule applies only when someone discusses their likes and dislikes. Mehrabian does, however, emphasize that body language is a strong influence in communication.

Want to look attractive? Your body language has the power to communicate attractiveness. If you want to appear lazy, boring, or unattractive, slouch over with an expressionless face and others will judge you as lazy, boring, or unattractive. Your body language can communicate a lot – and in our case, how to be interesting.

I’ve learned three body language tricks to make myself look more interesting. These techniques are simple, but require a bit of practice for them to become second-nature. Eventually, people will see you as interesting and charismatic. Here are the three most powerful nonverbal skills you can put on yourself that make you more interesting, attractive, and approachable like never before with ease:

1. Gooey Eyes

As I write this article, it’s ironic that I’m listening to a song called “Open Your Eyes” by Snow Patrol while the next song to be played is “Iris” by Goo Goo Dolls. Eyes have always been important to humans. Without eyes, human communication relies on sounds. Communication is made or destroyed with eye contact.

Your understanding of good eye contact is probably to ensure you keep looking at the person, but there are eye contact techniques, like the gooey eyes trick, you can use to make yourself more interesting without having to say a word. The other person will see your great eye contact and instantly infer from your body language that you are no ordinary person. Excellent eye contact gives the message that you are interesting.

Gooey eyes has you momentarily increase eye contact with the person you want to be perceived by as being more interesting. It is a slow, deliberate movement to make people like you. The imagery you want to have – and where it gets its name from – is visualizing your eye contact with the person like a sticky toffee being peeled off a surface. Look at the person as per normal, but keep the eye contact going a little longer than normal as you smile. Right before you turn your head down, to the side, or to someone else’s eyes to break the eye contact, maintain eye contact a little longer by peeling your gooey eyes off the person as you turn your head. Peel your eyes off the person like a sticky toffee lifted from the surface it’s stuck on.

Peel your eyes off the person like a sticky toffee lifted from the surface.

Gooey eyes makes you interesting because your head shifts somewhere else, but your eyes momentarily focus on the person. It shows the person you’re confident enough to make strong contact, a dominant trait, as you continue whatever you do. The technique also communicates that you see a trait in the person that other people overlook. You go to break eye contact yet continue to visually absorb them because they interest you.

Gooey eyes contain several different levels of intensity depending on the person and the situation. Women to women and men to women can generally have strong eye contact. When someone makes strong eye contact with a woman in a conversation, their conversational intimacy heightens. The woman instantly feels more interested in the person.

Women interact with others to feel intimacy and strong eye contact is associated with intimacy. Note the time women spend on the phone. They can talk for hours about what happened in one day. Now think how long a man-to-man phone call takes. We punch in the numbers and are off the phone within one-minute. I’ve had so many man-to-man calls that have lasted less than 30 seconds. We are objective-based.

As a guy, you can be cuter to a woman you like by holding eye contact until she loses eye contact with you. This technique displays explosive amounts of confidence – a very hot trait to women. Make strong eye contact in addition to applying the gooey eyes technique as you look away. Women love slow, meaningful body language. When using these techniques, you better talk to her soon otherwise you will be seen as a creepy stalker.

Be careful with strong eye contact in cultures like Japan because it can be interpreted as threatening and aggressive. You can make strong eye contact without appearing aggressive in most cultures. You can be dominant without being domineering. If you’re a guy, aim to make eye contact about 70% of the time with another guy – and when you look away, visualize your eyes peeling off the guy like a sticky toffee. You won’t come off as aggressive or shy, but you will find a median that shows you are an interesting “someone”.

One last point I would like to make about gooey eyes is to avoid overusing the technique with a person. If you keep peeling your eyes off the person like a sticky toffee, you risk being seen as weird.

2. Illuminating Smile

Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People says smiling is necessary to make friends, but how do we do it? Most of us know the influence of a good smile, yet many people don’t know how to smile well. You need to learn the “how” and not just the “what”.

A good smile is contagious because it makes the smiling person and witnesses feel good. Research has isolated a smile from other influencing variables to discover that seeing only a smile makes you feel better. Likewise, seeing a person frown makes you feel worse. It is a magical brain-to-brain connection that links humans in an almost mystical way. You can make people feel good, make yourself feel good, and make yourself look good by cultivating an illuminating smile.

Why do some people have a cold turkey smile that freezes a room’s emotional temperature? On the other hand, some people ignite your heart with a beautiful smile. How can you achieve an illuminating smile that lights up the room?

You can have great smile even if you were born with an ugly one. You also don’t need a beautiful face to carve a great smile. The face is comprised of muscles you simply control to develop an illuminating smile.

A cold turkey smile begins with the smiling person not feeling happy or excited. The incongruence shows in the facial muscles. An authentic smile shows when you feel positive emotions. Make yourself feel great to smile. It also helps to fabricate a smile by just smiling as research proves you feel better when you smile even if it is fake.

A cold turkey smile is simply an on and off switch, while an illuminating smile slowly increases in intensity until fully illuminated. I call this the “illuminating smile” because your smile is like a volume switch gradually turned to full power.

…your smile is like a volume switch gradually turned to full power.

To use the technique, “turn up” your smile after one second of good eye contact. Increase the dimming switch to gradually brighten your smile. Begin with a little smile, slowly increasing it over two seconds until it becomes a big smile. The initial eye contact to your largest smile totals approximately three seconds.

Practice smiling in front of a mirror. Make the initial eye contact and wait a second, then gradually increase your smile to illuminate the room. You will see how genuine and interesting your smile can become. (Note: Lock the door to the room in case someone sees you practicing your smile. It’s weird to see, but wonderful to do.)

An illuminating smile appears genuine because you do not instantly flick on your smile upon eye contact. You wait a second or two, begin smiling, then increase the size of your smile over two further seconds. (If you want more smiling techniques and further secrets based on facial muscles and psychological secrets to build a great smile, see my Big Talk program.)

3. Capitalizing Posture

An excellent posture rings a giant bell to everyone that you are an interesting “someone”. Women get instantly turned off from a guy if he holds himself poorly. A guy with an excellent posture switches all her right buttons and makes her interested. Likewise, a woman with good posture is hot.

I call this third technique a “capitalizing posture” for several reasons. Firstly, successful people use their assets better than an unsuccessful person. Posture is one of your greatest unspoken assets.

Posture is one of your greatest unspoken assets.

Secondly, a good posture is associated with being tall, high status, confidence, and power. A capitalizing posture is like buildings in a capital city. This does not mean you need to be an over-sized human to have good posture (like yours truly). A capitalizing posture has you focus on maintaining an upright position the best you can with ease.

It’s time to end a posture like The Leaning Tower of Pisa and reconstruct it into a strong, “Tower of Power” structure! There are several techniques you can use to grow your greatest body language asset. I’ve heard so many complex techniques to adjust your posture, but recently I discovered one amazingly simple technique that I wanted to keep secret.

Here it is: all you do is lift your chest. That’s it! Your head will rise, your neck will straighten, your shoulders will drop back, and your back will straighten – all by lifting your chest! This is a capitalizing posture.

If you ever feel compressed in the day (like you might be now as you sit at the computer reading this article) lift your chest like Tarzan. Take on the capitalizing posture. While I recommend you breathe through your stomach (technically you can’t because your lungs aren’t there, but your stomach should expand), I want you to take a deep breath into the top of your lungs to lift your chest and stretch your posture into a taller position.

Try the capitalizing posture technique right now. You can do it on your computer chair. It only takes one second to do. You’ll feel more special and confident just by practicing the technique.

Practice the gooey eyes, illuminating smile, and capitalizing posture techniques in front of a mirror or in a conversation to see for yourself how these three body language adjustments instantly transform you into a more interesting person without having to say a word.

(Discover 14 other simple adjustments you can make to your body language that get people attracted to you by checking out my Big Talk program.)