Comments on: Controlling People: Signs of a Controlling Person and How to Deal with Them

By: alan

alan — Tue, 12 Nov 2019 04:11:28 +0000

I have mental health issues, was in a bad place, I met a greedy and dirty woman, she smoked drugs, in front of me, she started to control me,getting me to dump rubbish, do jobs for her, made me lie to animal shelters, to give false information saying I had pets when I didn’t. often she would phone me. and arrange for us to go food banks, and tell me to ask for what she wanted. She often made excuses she didn’t feel well, so I would do things for her. she made me brake the law. by dumping rubbish, and taking money from me. I became wise she was controlling me. I stopped the friendship.she cannot look me in the eye when I have seen her.

By: Scout

Scout — Mon, 17 Sep 2018 12:00:47 +0000

One – mindedness… I’ve never heard of this concept before. Thanks for an enlightening article.

By: Daisy

Daisy — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 14:31:20 +0000

Hi there

Me and my boyfriend is going trough a tough time. He recently lost his job and his family is very involved because they care.
His older brother and mother comfort him to help him get over the shock but his sister on the other hand went totally crazy.

She controls him and says very hurtful things towards him and me, and the fact that he lost his job is somehow my fault, I don’t even work there.

Everything he does is my fault. She really hurt me with her words and actions. Because first she tells him what a disappointment he is to her and all the thins about me and my family , and then she takes him shopping just so he feels bad about himself again.

Please help I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown

By: shannon

shannon — Thu, 18 May 2017 19:06:32 +0000

In reply to Ate Emi. Wow, sounds like my mother! I am 46 and have been living with my mother for the past year, due to leaving a bad relationship. Think i just left one and went to another...lol. She is rude, sarcastic, spiteful, controlling and just downright mean. She treats me like a child, and tells me "don't ask questions, just do what i tell you to do". I have no other place to go unfortunately

By: vicky lee

vicky lee — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 21:48:35 +0000

trying to break free from a controlling relationship (family)

I find it really hard, without any name calling or violence most people don’t see the relationship as harmful

But in my experience constantly being coached to be the person they want me to be is exhausting. Any conversation, information, any leads they can gather seem to be turned around and used to attempt to manipulate me into doing what they want me to do.

Have brought it up with them countless times how manipulative and self-serving people can be but they just do not ever get the hint.

Other than cutting off contact are there any other ways which really work to change the relationship?

So resentful that I didn’t get a loving family and just got stuck on a production line to make me another 2.4 children clone because that’s what they thought I should be

I know of lots of other people who wake up to their families controlling behaviour – but of course by the time you are in your late thirties being so far into debt they caused, with dependants they instigated and career they chose for you you’re kind of stuck and can’t just start anew even if you really wanted a different life

So so angry / I know they only do what they think is right but feel so invalidated and ignored / how many others are stuck in similar situations

it must sound really ungrateful and yes there are worse things in the world

seem to encounter countless other people who want to dominate me

i hope i can bring my children up to be better people who arent toxic

By: TiffanyS

TiffanyS — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 01:53:31 +0000

Thank you for sharing this article so long ago. I wish I had read this way back when as it would have maybe knocked me down a peg or two. I am not the victim but the one who tries to be controlling in arguments or tense situations. I am trying to find out how to break this habit of mine and this has helped me some. God has given me a wonderful spouse that has been very generous in helping me out all this time.

By: under the bus

under the bus — Sun, 28 Jun 2015 23:56:06 +0000

After another round of being blamed for my mother’s angry rant to siblings for my not doing what she wants…I found this wonderful article and posts. My older brother & sister gang up on me and tell me how I’ve disappointed our mother yet again. This time I stood up for myself, but year after year…nothing seems to stop the efforts to control somebody. I have never understood what their pay off is. I keep trying to get their approval and support or at the very least some small amount of respect. So far…all my efforts and energy go no where and I’m starting to see that I would be better off ending the fake relationships. I don’t think they have any friends. I feel bad for them, but why should I be beat up for them to feel in control or good. I’m thankful that God is still God and in control.

By: vickey

vickey — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 14:10:23 +0000

I liked that someone mentioned free will. That is an important concern for me not to violate another’s free will. In the matter of controlling people, allowing their freedom to be, must not be infringed upon, yet they infringe upon me. Using the “what’s” and also I use “is that what you think?” So as not to agree or disagree, but it becomes exhausting when controller’s do not stop. Sometimes I cry from receiving verbal abuse because first, it is shocking and second, it lacks sensitivity and love. Most do not receive teachings how to love but mostly to have POWER OVER each other. Male and female were made equally, but different, to function as a unit. As long as we have government and religion teaching male superiority, equality will continue to be an ongoing battle with verbal abuse at the reigns.

By: you said it

you said it — Thu, 14 May 2015 08:11:52 +0000

The best sign to identify a controlling man or woman is to see if the person assumes one mind. ……

This is a great article albeit quite technical. The abuser does not “acknowledge” the other person has a mind of their own that needs to be consulted.

I already knew this in my recovery efforts and seeing it well spelled out helps me to fully accept my understanding.

By: lalah

lalah — Wed, 06 May 2015 14:38:19 +0000

Thank you Joshua! This article really helps me. My bf is a a control freak. I’m always degrading myself everytime I made mistake. It helps me to understand. 🙂 very enlightening!