This was an interesting article, but I feel like you fail to address the role of the outsider in shaping how someone develops these fears of “being boring” or “unhappiness” which may be the cause of their poor communication skills. Did you consider how “smart people” may have been treated as they grew up by the people in their environments which could lead them to develop a “superiority complex” as a defense mechanism? When you’re constantly told you’re inferior because you deviate from the norm (i.e. a child who – unlike her peers – is genuinely more interested in collecting rocks than boys) you start to believe it and you internalize it. It can shape you as you receive feedback that either affirms or negates the lessons you’ve been taught in your formative years about your worth as a person. If you’re rejected by society at large, you’ve nothing to turn to but your books and your beautiful rock collection that you are oh-so-very proud of. Need I even to mention the role of social factors (race, religion, ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status…) in ostracizing a child from their peers?

While I appreciate the argument you present here, I cannot help but feel that your “be humble and get with the program” approach fails to consider some very real contributors to the development of poor communication skills. People may be smart because they had no one to communicate with, so they found friendship in knowledge. You briefly mention this in your discussion of the interplay between not having good communication skills and avoiding situations in which you are forced to communicate, but I feel as though it’s important to consider the aforementioned issues more in depth.

What I’ve learned to do is express my negative emotions creatively and quite independently. I shan’t weigh down another with my negativity, and I do not expect them to put up with me while I try to because that would be detrimental to them. I do resent this article’s implication that I should feel enthusiastic about listening to others gripe on about their troubles, instead of helping them solve them in a way that doesn’t drain me of my own energy. Parts of this article sounds as though it’s trying to tell me that I ought to be eager to sit and listen to people crying:

“Wah, I left my door unlocked and now I’ve lost my CDs.”
“Wow, that sucks, man. Really, I’m sorry that this happened to you.”

That’s about as far as I’ll go. Well, I might go a little further but if you’re carrying on for more than a few minutes, and you start to bitch about the state of the world and how scummy people are for stealing your things, then I am not going to tolerate this. At this point, I am going to point at your unlocked door and say, “Here is your problem. This was YOUR mistake. Hopefully, you’ve learned a valuable lesson today: People with nice things oughtn’t be so careless with them. Be thankful that you’re not destitute, and you have a nice car whose window you don’t have to pay to replace (because the burglar used the door), and that CDs are just things, and are very reobtainable. It’s time to move on, now.” Honestly, I don’t even consider that to be “tough love”. I consider that to be very reasonable. It’s like telling people very abruptly, “Snap out of it!” where appropriate.

It’s time to evolve. It’s time to grow stronger, and to help us all work together toward a better world. Please learn to become emotionally self-reliant, so that you don’t hold yourself back. Emotions are indeed tamable, and can be directed to more constructive ends.

Tactics:
Think through a problem, and vent frustration and other negative feelings in such a way that others are not weighed down by your negativity. For example, hit the gym or the dojo, or draw a cartoon of how the conflict is perceived. One can clean or can organize something, or one can do one’s work! One can cook a fantastic meal, or lose oneself in a videogame. One can totally sex the pain away; there’s nothing wrong with that (but be safe, obviously). One can write about whatever’s bothering him. One can do literally anything that switches up the pace for a while, and will feel better because of it! Heck, even researching and applying self-improvement can go a long way toward alleviating the pain. On the other hand, dwelling on a problem and spiraling downward never solved one—and while venting on someone about it might help YOU feel better temporarily, what it also does is harm that other person—so before you consider someone emotionally insensitive, think about what it is that you’re about to put him through. Please ask for help only when necessary, and try to solve problems on your own. You’ll become a stronger person this person, honestly.

If I’ve got it all wrong here, then please write me a response and I will read and consider it.

A criticism:
“Women are especially interested in any type of drama. Watch their eyes light up when you talk about the latest celebrity fashion stuff ups and other popular dramas.”
Am I really to be considered emotionally insensitive myself, because I do not take interest in what I consider to be a dull topic? Can people not talk about their interest with others who are also interested? I hope you don’t expect me to act interested in the tabloids, and in celebrity-drama. I do not care for pop-stars and misinformation; I’d rather talk about something more substantial.

On “jargon” and “technicality”—
I am personally attracted to those who speak eloquently. I find such flowery speech to be demonstrative and accurate, and do naturally speak this way myself. I do understand that the technicality of the language that I employ sometimes does create blockades for others who are perhaps not very well-read, or who are not very used to speaking in better-than-simple terms, but to dumb myself down in conversation would be to my personal detriment, I think. Further, I do not think that you should feel upset about our disparity. You’re probably better than me at other things, so why should you feel down and out because you’re not as good as me at this? I’m not trying to show-off. This is simply how I communicate with people. I’ll not act unnatural, for your sake. If anything, you should treat the opportunity to converse with a person better-spoken than you as a chance to learn and to practise your best speech! If you were better at soccer than me, and I was playing soccer with you—I’d do my best to catch up to you! I’d try to learn from you—and I’d have a blast doing it, I tell you what.

When I speak I do not aim to demonstrate my vocabulary to you. I simply aim to express myself accurately, and I do make use of all of the tools at my disposal—including drawing pictures and diagrams in my notebook to show you what I’m talking about, or pantomiming and hand-talking, or speaking in illustrative metaphor, or employing tonal adjustments and other such face-to-face tactics. Do you really consider that to be a personal shortcoming? There’s nothing wrong with being better than the average person at something—provided one isn’t conceited about the fact. Please do not misconstrue talent as conceit.

Good article overall. I did enjoy reading it, and did benefit from it, and although I’ll not quote examples of where I feel you’ve got things right, I will say that you are correct about quite a lot of what you speak about. Your points are good!—and you’ve successfully encouraged positive growth in this world, I think. Well done! Thank you for providing.

I generally ask people to remember back to their high school years and see if they can think of a teacher who really knew his stuff, and yet couldn’t get through to most students. Generally few people enjoyed those classes. Some have even described those teachers as “the most intelligent ‘idiot’ they ever came across”.

For those who’ve been to university they’ve probably come across professors and lecturers who are highly educated and very intelligent but simply can’t communicate to their students in a way that enables them to understand and really learn.

My questioning has indicated that high school classes enjoyed most have been those where the teacher uses simple language tuned to the student needs. In most cases Tech, PE, Home Ec etc are considered the best subjects – just look at the language used and the practicality of people in those teaching positions.

Your article has solidified my thinking and expanded on the concepts I teach people. I found it very insightful and interesting.

If Tertiary education had more people who could ‘communicate’, at all levels, we’d be a lot better off as a business community.

Perhaps we need the high school teaching fraternity to put their best communicators forward for Tertiary teaching roles so that we can move towards breaking down the communication barriers you write about!