Self-help is the act of improving yourself without reliance on others. It extends beyond motivation books and popular psychology to include other ways humans communicate. There’s forums, everyday conversations, seminars, webinars, and books.

The term “self-help junkie” was coined to describe someone who attends seminars and buys many books, DVDs, and CDs on the subject. Junkies fuel the $8 billion dollar industry in America alone.

Self-help addicts are sometimes like heroin addicts jumping between experts wanting their next fix. The educational sources become a source of comfort and security to avoid what really is going on as they intellectualize lessons and never build the learning only possible from action. This article reveals the harsh reality about this dangerous industry that some gurus wish you didn’t know.

The Two Dangers of Self-Help

Pennsylvania clinical psychologist Dr John Norcross says self-help can damage you in two ways. Both are costly, time-consuming, and energy-depleting.

The first general danger of self-help is the direct harm, which includes a misdiagnosis or ignorance of a declining condition. Think of it like a well-intended mother issuing aspirin to remove a headache when the cause is cancer. The dangers are real except with personal development the issues are not physical, but often mental and emotional. Selection of the right helpful material is tricky. A wrong decision can leave you worse off.

There’s a lot going in your mind and body unknown to you. You can know your body is sick because you have a headache and feel weak, but you could have one of hundreds of potential health problems originating from poor eating, harmful drinking, disease, and so forth. Similarly, we are unaware of the hidden operations in the mind. It takes a humble attitude of acceptance to respect a lack of mental and emotional control over your life.

The second general danger of self-help according to Dr Norcross is the indirect harm. You exhaust your physical, mental, and emotional efforts on something unsuccessful so you beat yourself up over an inability to change. Once you believe you cannot change, rarely do you change.

Think of self-help like a Do-It-Yourself job at home. You can probably do good landscaping, fix doors, place flooring, and paint. Books, television shows, and a few friends provide you with good advice. However, you wouldn’t remove the home’s foundations, redesign its shape, or relocate it by yourself. Attempts to solve unknown problems or create something entirely new leaves you frustrated believing it cannot be done. People try to redo their minds from the ground up then unfortunately fall short of what they want and believe failure is destiny.

I’ll further expand on these two general dangers in this article. Please note that I am not against self-help. I love it. I teach it! It empowers you to improve your relationships, move ahead in your career, make friends, and enjoy life more. Self-help teaches you to create your reality instead of feeling what is will always be. What you need to get the most from personal development is an awareness of the dangers and myths in self-help shared to you in this article; otherwise you risk wasting time, money, and effort – and ultimately believe something is inherently wrong with you.

Thoughts are Everything, the Truth About Emotions, and How Self-Help Almost Killed Me

The empowerment given through self-help usually originates from improving how you think. The motto is “think better, live better”.

Thoughts are powerful, yet they are not everything contrary to what is preached by advocates of the law of attraction. To think your universe can form from thoughts alone is absurd.

An overt focus on thoughts ignores the side therapists attend to: emotions. Our thoughts influence our emotions and vice-a-versa, yet the influence is limited. You cannot think your way to emotional healing. After all, thoughts and rationalizations are “safe”. It’s easy to intellectually process your problems and talk about them with complete emotional disconnect when you’re afraid of vulnerability and revealing your real self.

I’ll prove how intellectualizing and thinking stops emotional wealth. Dr Steven Hayes, founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), who I had the pleasure to work with for Big Talkers, has a nice technique I’ll share below. Give the label of “good” or “bad” to the follow emotions:

• Happiness
• Anger
• Guilt
• Joy
• Sadness
• Shame

Done? I’m guessing you labeled happiness and joy as “good” and anger, guilt, sadness, and shame as “bad”. Take a look at this, however. What if your mother died. Is sadness bad? What if you punched your child. Is guilt bad? When you put this into perspective, the thoughts you attach to “negative emotions” shifts.

How do you respond when something is bad? You avoid bad things because they represent pain. If you believe anger is bad, you avoid your anger, feel resentful, misunderstand people, and struggle to manage conflict. If you believe embarrassment is bad, you avoid embarrassing situations and never build the confident social life you want. You spend your life running from what you don’t want.

I almost killed myself because of emotional avoidance (as I share in this video that you MUST watch). I lived in depression trying to avoid things like anger, shame, and embarrassment because these were “bad feelings”. Not letting feelings flow and trying to manipulate them increased their strength.

Dr Hayes says we have a dangerous habit of problem solving with our mind. You need to stop critiquing the experiences in you and just let them flow. Observe them as they occur to you instead of worrying and trying to fix them. This is groundbreaking material I won’t go into further detail because it’s all covered in my Big Talk Training Course and Big Talkers, which I highly recommend you get if this article resonates with you.

Some self-help teachers encourage emotional expression. Students may practice poor expressions of anger and assertiveness, however, then kill themselves like Sydney resident Rebekah Lawrence. This is an extreme case, yet I want you to value the messages sent by your emotions and acknowledge thoughts are not everything.

Positive Thinking

Feeling down or thinking negatively? This self-help CD will cheer you up, but not in the way its creators intended.

Positive thinking is taught everywhere. Every mental health professional I’ve heard recommends positive thinking. I teach it as well. For example, in my Big Talk course I teach people when approaching others for conversation to assume friendship. This reduces anxiety, creates attractive body language, and makes talking easy. Positive thinking helps you better interact with people and them interact with you.

The danger with positive thinking that I see in many “pseudo-spiritual aka law of attraction” teachings is they take positive thinking beyond what psychologists believe is healthy. Dr Norcross says flamboyant claims are made.

Cancer, rape, and poor-wealth do not consistently originate from misaligned thoughts. Victims are made to feel they squandered their mind. They are blamed for environmental influences. Self-blame is unnecessary contrary to what self-help teaches because it perpetuates resistance and shame.

Your entire life is not a product of your thinking. With excessive positive thinking you risk building a life that excludes reality. You may go to exorbitant lengths to avoid a problem by looking for the easy way out. Positiveness becomes escapism.

Your comfort zone can stagnate along with the quality of your life through avoidance. Carl Jung says your dark-side (what you want to avoid) – not the light-side you probably love to focus on – contains the gold you seek. I look back on my life and see that the areas where I have taken a step of courage to breach my comfort zone, I have transformed. Look at your life and you will see the moments you acted in the face of fear created the greatest results. That is the core of transforming your social life with Big Talk and my coaching.

Self-Discipline Myth

Along similar lines as the exaggerated power of thoughts is the undue emphasis on self-discipline. Self-control and courage is important to help you confront what you prefer to avoid because it pushes you outside your comfort zone. However, it depends on the definition of discipline.

Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled says, “With total discipline we can solve all problems.” The more I think about the statement, the more I see its truth. Again, though, it depends on what is meant by “discipline”.

When self-discipline is understood as willpower, self-discipline is overrated – even dangerous. I’ve heard many people express discouragement over their lack of discipline when it’s understood as willpower. They think something is wrong with themselves because they cannot change a habit like wake up early or quit smoking. Eventually they believe change is impossible because they have insufficient “discipline”. We’re made to feel as low-value humans for our innate habitual patterns.

Humans are autonomous creatures, not creatures of willpower. Studies prove 90% or more of your behavior is habitual. We think we’re in conscious control of our lives, but we have behavioral and thought patterns repeating day-after-day. Your patterns simply vary in order.

This isn’t to say habits are permanent, yet to change they require focused effort and systems to assist change. How you use your limited willpower determines if you alter unwanted autonomy, remove a bad habit, and create the life you want.

Most people, unfortunately, waste their limited willpower on resisting people, thoughts, and feelings. Big Talk readers know the importance of acceptance in acknowledging the reality of a problem. Acceptance means you humbly acknowledge your limited willpower, the degree you influence the problem, and the time it takes to stop what you don’t want and get what you do want.

What’s Really Going On?

Can you see the pattern of problems in most self-help? Thoughts are not everything, emotions are overlooked, positive thinking is taken too far, and self-discipline is overrated. There is a sinister amount of focus on intellectualizing, which drives the typical self-help junkie. Any self-help junkie will tell you they have a problem with “using what they know”.

Change can feel impossible by yourself. Years go by as you become a self-help junkie and question whether your dreams can become a reality. It’s okay to seek assistance from a therapist, counselor, or expert in your problematic area. Someone cannot drive you to change, but you cannot change without a drive to change.

How then do thousands of people around the globe change their life? Ad Bergsma in the Journal of Happiness Studies questioned whether self-help books help. Bergsma says hope is often what makes self-improvement programs effective. The downside of hope is it leaves you vulnerable to exaggerated claims and an empty wallet.

This post is not intended to degrade anyone in particular or self-help. Many authors and bloggers do their best to help, yet intention is not all that’s needed to affect change.

Naming all self-help books bad or good is like saying all team leaders are bad or good. It’s stupidly narrow-minded. Great materials exist. You can work on yourself with great results.

Personal development is the key behind my continuing growth. Self-help is just one part of it. I encourage it to be yours as well. Be wise in your choices and be aware of the self-help dangers shared in this article.

I feel my subscribers and website visitors need an awareness of this reality. If you’ve read this to feel better about yourself, that wasn’t my intent. Be honest about what you are avoiding. See the little control you have over your autonomous behavior. Invest in courses for your personal growth. Accepting these lessons could be your first-step towards change – and yes, I am giving you hope.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom
2. Why Problem Solving Doesn’t Solve the Problem and the Real Solution to Permanent Change

The number of untrained email users is staggering. Former Chief Solutions Officer of Yahoo! Tim Sanders estimates that 90% of business communication is email based and only 10% of email users receive adequate training. When this statistic is combined with data from a market research firm Radicati Group who say the 1.2 billion email users in 2007 will increase to 1.6 billion in 2011, an estimate of 1.44 billion people will be untrained in email by 2011. Your workplace and business likely suffers from poor email etiquette – and it isn’t going to get better anytime soon unless you doing something about it with the rules of email etiquette in this article.

Good Netiquette

Email etiquette, commonly referred to as “netiquette”, defines the rules of email communication. Netiquette is important because an email sent cannot be retrieved. You cannot reach through the computer cables to retrieve an email sent to your boss in a regretful emotional outlash where you swore to destroy his dictatorship.

Though you probably hate the thought of writing a grammatically correct email to a friend, netiquette in everyday email communication helps clarity, understanding, and productivity. Your emails will get the proper understanding they deserve. From having the right mindset when seated, to sending an email, here are the most important netiquette rules to follow so you’re one of the 160 million users in 2011 that know what they’re doing when they check their inbox:

1. Emotional emails. Do not send an email when you are angry. You could say things you later regret and the receiver of your little outburst will have a record of your email that could be used against you. Too many careers have been destroyed from angry emails. Your email may appear okay as you compose it, but let time clear your mind so you don’t regret clicking the “send” button.

I also recommend you reread your email to check for sentences, phrases, and words that can be interpreted another way to your main intent. You may come off as rude even though you try to be nice. A simple joke you think is funny may be offensive to someone else simply because they misinterpreted the joke. The lack of nonverbal communication in email makes it a poor medium to communicate emotion.

2. Unnecessary information. Most people waste too much time browsing their inbox the way it is without having to read long messages. Do people a favor by keeping your emails short. Provide the necessary facts and cut the fat.

Having said that, you still need to provide all the information upfront whenever possible. It is frustrating and time-consuming to ask questions for more information that could have easily been provided in the initial email.

3. HTML. You do not need to know exactly what is HyperText Markup Language (HTML), but basically it is used to make websites look pretty. Making text bold in email uses HTML. When you copy and paste emails from websites, you may also unknowingly copy the HTML code across. The HTML in the email you send does not always look like the email someone receives. Funny enough, the message sent is not the message received. Some email programs are not HTML compatible so when they receive HTML emails, weird HTML code might show and other formatting issues may occur.

Simply provide a website link if you are going to copy an entire web page. If you want to copy snippets of information, not only do you risk breaking copyright laws, but at your discretion you can copy the text across to a text file program (such as Notepad, not Microsoft Word) and then copy the text from there into your email program. Copying the text to a text file program, such as Notepad, removes HTML and prevents weird formatting issues.

4. Reply to all. It is frustrating to receive emails from group members who simply say “Yes, I can come” or “No” when you do not need to receive them. Stop being lazy. Please take the small amount of time to address your email to the specific people your email is intended for.

5. Forwarding to all. I am a big victim of this email mistake! When subscribing to my newsletter, I advise the person to add me to their address book or whitelist to ensure my emails reach them. Because of this, and having an email list that contains tens of thousands of people, I am in many people’s address book. Often, subscribers receive an email and forward it to everyone in their address book. The result for me is a daily cleanup of forwarded emails, which often contain attachments that clog data efficiency.

Chain emails are so annoying! The next time you get an email with a poem, story, or series of images you love, keep them to yourself. A lovely story about patience you forward to friends may infuriate them.

6. Making people’s email addresses known. It is considered rude to send out an email to several people making their email address visible in the “To” box. Unless the recipients know each other and are comfortable sharing their email addresses, avoid this bad mistake. You can use the Bcc (blind carbon copy) function of emails to hide recipients’ email addresses. The Bcc function will ensure everyone receives the email, but it looks like the email is addressed to a specific individual.

7. Removed message thread. Here is another email etiquette mistake that I am a victim of everyday: not having the replied message in the sent message. Not having the replied message in the sent message is almost the face-to-face conversational equivalent of being bashed across the head and forgetting what was discussed in the conversation. Based on the hundreds of emails I receive everyday, I estimate 10% of people do not attach their replied message. I easily forget what was sent in an email someone replied to because I frequently have discussions with multiple people at the same time.

Make it easy for people to know what you are talking about by ensuring their message you reply to is attached. Google’s email service, Gmail, is great at keeping track of past messages. Be sure to change your email settings so that messages you reply to get included in your reply.

8. Use of abbreviations. Friend to friend or family member to family member, abbreviations can be fine. It is entirely up to you. Problems arise when abbreviation usage in emails carries over into the workplace and other areas where professionalism is needed. Here is a useful video on email etiquette that I thought you might find interesting:

A three minute Fox Providence presentation discussing email etiquette. It focuses on professionalism by avoiding abbreviations.

9. Unknown abbreviations. AFAIK 404 but I’ll POAHF because I TILII. Do you know what that means? Very few people do. It means: As far as I know I have no clue, but I’ll put on a happy face because I tell it like it is.

Good email etiquette avoids unknown abbreviations. Though you can get away with abbreviations when emailing friends, for example – because it is an efficient technique for a slow typer – communication problems occur when the receiver is unaware of the abbreviation. What may seem apparent to you might confuse the recipient of your email. How would you like it if a friend sent you an email with ADO, YOOAD, WWMT, and other weird abbreviations? (I just made those last few ) You would feel annoyed at having to clarify something the person should realize in the first place.

10. Poor subject heading. If you leave the subject field empty or simply put “Re:” in the field, you avoid an important function of email communication. When someone receives an email, it is common for them to quickly scan the subject heading of each email to see what emails need to be firstly addressed. Your goal in personal emails is not to write the most captivating subject heading so people open your email. Write an honest and specific subject heading that reflects your email message. Instead of writing “HELP!!” to your telecommunications company, you could write “Help Needed With Phone Wires”. Sometimes, if I think a subject heading is important for personal emails, I can take up to a minute to come up with a good subject.

11. Poor sent time. Be weary of the time you send your email. This mistake is dependent on a few things. Firstly, with the worldwide connectivity and never-ending discussion available over the Internet, it does not matter what time you send an email to someone living in a different time zone. Secondly, some people could not care what time you send your email as they only care about reading what you have to say. You do, however, need to be careful of the time you send emails to some people such as coworkers, managers, and clients, for example.

A job candidate’s email containing a resume sent to the human resources department at 3am will not look good as it sits in the inbox. It may jeopardize the job candidate’s chances of working with the company. Send an email at another time if you think the recipient will judge you poorly based on the time you send it.

12. Excessive Capitalization. IT IS CONSIDERED RUDE TO TYPE IN CAPITALS. Typing in capitals is the digital equivalent of yelling in someone’s face. Hopefully, you would not yell in someone’s face so do not do it in the digital world. On the other end of the spectrum, do not type all your text in lower case. It is simple grammar.

13. No spell checking. I am guilty of this a few times and have been pulled up by the grammar police for teaching communication and misspelling words. (Apparently I am not allowed to misspell words!) Spell check your more formal emails. Most popular email providers should provide the option of spell checking. If your email service does not have a spell checker, you can copy your email into a word editing document to spell check it.

14. Poor use of attachments. Any email attachment over one mega byte (approximately 1000KB) is pushing email etiquette rules. Not everyone has broadband or cable, and these people do not want to spend 5 minutes downloading an unnecessary file. For large attachments, you are better off using file upload services such as Mega File Upload and 2shared. With these services, you upload a file to their website and they give you a link you can send to others where they can download the file.

Another rule for email attachments is to consider the format of your attachment. Not everyone can open a file with the .odt extension.

15. Requesting delivery and read receipts. Delivery and read receipts is a feature in all email programs (that I’m aware of). The feature lets you send an email and have the recipient confirm it was received. You are notified with an email that they received your email only if they confirm it. The feature is therefore an unreliable way to check if someone receives your email. It also adds more clutter to an already busy inbox. In most cases, you don’t need to know if an email was received because modern technology with email deliverability is good.

If you need to check whether your email was received, ask the person in your email to reply saying they got your message. If your message is really that important, which it rarely is over email, maybe you should phone the person. Do not blame the recipient of your email for a problem you can control.

16. Write. Send. Edit. That is obviously in the wrong order if you follow good email etiquette. We sometimes think about editing our email once we have sent it. Get this common email mistake in the right order: 1) Write, 2) Edit, and 3) Send. Wow! Submit. Done.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. Top 15 Dumb Mistakes People Make in Relationships
2. Barriers and Mistakes in Apologizing
3. Ways to Resolve Conflict When Others Avoid It

The Game is a truly fantastic read. Author Neil Strauss takes the reader through his life changing transformation from geek to woman-magnet. You follow his exciting tales as he starts out as not confident, shy, passive, and an introverted writer for The New York Times who within two years becomes one of the world’s greatest pick-up artists (PUAs).

A pick-up artist is a man who goes out and attracts women with his tremendous communication skills. Though they don’t refer to the skills as “communication skills”, the many pick-up artists throughout The Game are extremely competent in reading a woman’s body language, keeping her interested, and having great conversations. The PUAs ability to fine-tune their skills, rapidly adapt to situations, use routines, and maintain a high awareness of present social dynamics put the majority of people that learn communication skills to shame.

Each PUA (character) in The Game has a nickname that reflects his personality or has a strange story behind its origin. Strauss goes by the name of “Style” as he learns pick-up skills with guys like Extramask, Juggler, and WideFace from pioneers in the field like Mystery and Ross Jeffries.

Strauss is the book’s main character. After reading tid-bits of pick-up skills online from what’s called a “lair”, an online gathering place where guys learn how to attract women, Style meets up with Mystery at a workshop. Mystery is accompanied with friend and fellow instructor, Sinn. Mystery and Sinn instruct Style and two other students on what to expect at the workshop.

The first night out, the two instructors blow the students’ minds away. They see the instructors attract women before their eyes. The three students get caught in disbelief as their past beliefs of only good-looking guys get hot women is destroyed (most characters in the book are said to be unattractive). The following nights at the workshop, the student’s begin to practice. Their practice is filled with failure, funny stories, and the occasional successful approach, which excite the students.

The workshop teases Style into the whole pick-up subject as he soon commits to making the decision to get this part of his life solved. He becomes sick of not being able to talk to women and sets out on a journey to become ultra successful with women. After learning from the many greats like his best friend Mystery, attending seminars, practicing and failing, and reading many books on various topics, Style soon becomes one of the world’s best at picking-up women.

The PUAs’ social skills are mind-blowing. They have an amazing ability to penetrate a group of 10 people consisting of 9 men and 1 woman, and come out with the woman’s phone number. There is a scene in the book where a character by the name of Mystery basically steals Scott Baio‘s girlfriend, a very attractive lady. Mystery achieves this by firstly befriending Scott. He approaches the group by performing magic tricks to demonstrate a higher value, which sets him apart from other men. Scott’s girlfriend urges Mystery to show her more tricks, but he ignores her. Because of her requests, Mystery occasionally does something called a “neg” where he makes comments to Scott like, “Is she always this demanding?” In under 20 minutes, Scott’s girlfriend hands Mystery her phone number (number-close).

As you can probably tell, the attraction community is filled with their own jargon like negging (a gentle put-down), average frustrated chump (AFC, typical guy who isn’t good with women), indicator of interest (IOI, a sign of interest a woman displays), and demonstration of higher value (DHV, a display of high status) to name a few of the many terms. Pick-up artists or soon-to-be pick-up artists go sarging in-field (meaning they go out to practice their pick-up skills on women). The men mostly go in-field for “night game” at clubs and bars, though there is a few pick-up scenes in the The Game at “day game” venues like bookstores. The first day game approach Strauss did was a success in number-closing a Playmate of the year.

Other stories with celebrities are well told. A character by the name of Papa number-closed Paris Hilton at a taco store. Another one is when Courtney Love moved into the pick-up artists’ house, named “Project Hollywood”, during Courtney’s legal battle. This situation goes on for a few chapters with Courtney having a funny “Muffin Day” and “Lemonade Day” where she makes mass amounts of muffins and lemonade for the guys. Also, later on in the book when Strauss has mastered pick-up skills, he interviews a resistant Britney Spears for The New York Times. After running a few routines on her, Britney suddenly opens up and begins to heavily participate in the interview.

The Game does contain the occasional swearing and adult scenes. Moreover, it is written in a novel format, which hooked me word-for-word. I rarely read novels, but Strauss integrates a narrative style of writing by educating the reader with what goes on at a deeper level in a situation when the skills get used. You’re pulled inside the minds of pick-up artists as you discover their diverse use of social skills. You really do penetrate the secret society of pick-up artists.

People unfamiliar with the pick-up community will find The Game interesting. Those familiar with the community will likely have already read the book. If this whole topic interests you, go and get your copy of Neil Strauss’ The Game directly from Amazon.com by clicking here today. Next, check out the videos below where Neil (the bald guy) discusses his book and some of the techniques on various television shows.

Videos

Neil Strauss on ABC Primetime Special

Neil Strauss on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Get your copy here.

UPDATE: Neil Strauss has released a follow up, Rules of the Game, which comes in a nice two book set. One book contains many fascinating stories while the other is a 30 day challenge that aims to get you using the many tips Strauss shares in the book. You can get Rules of the Game here.

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2. Review of Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo
3. Review of Catch Him and Keep Him by Christian Carter
4. Review of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
5. Review of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

I do a lot of reading books, listening to CDs, and watching DVDs on topics related to communication. Prior to investing in my self-education, I research the sources worth learning from so I don’t waste my time studying garbage. Even when I frequently choose the best material and devour it, I have discovered a select few that stand above the rest. I’ve stumbled upon few books that I refer to as a must-must-read for everybody. Nonviolent Communication is one of those rare books every person needs to read because of its advice to help the reader build empathy and understanding.

Author Marshall Rosenberg founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication in 1984. It is a non-profit organization that teaches people all “Nonviolent Communication” or “NVC”. Rosenberg with a few hundred trainers run workshops around the world, coaching people on the NVC method. Nonviolent Communication teaches the processes used in the organization’s workshops that coach people on empathy, compassion, and relationship intimacy.

The primary concept in Nonviolent Communication is a four stage model: 1) observing, 2) feeling, 3) needing, and 4) requesting. (I’ve written about this model in-depth for your benefit here.) The observing part of this model is invaluable. By learning to observe without intoxicating the observation with evaluation, your communication and relationships improve to high levels of intimacy and connectedness. Successfully “taking in” a person’s communication is powerful.

An important concept in the book worth focusing on is that our actions, whether poorly expressed in an argument through yelling or swearing, comes from a need. When someone is stubborn, calls you names, or shouts hatred at you, they have a need. Identifying people’s needs helps you effectively communicate in a nonviolent manner.

The book is the best source I’ve come across for one to learn empathy. Because men are objective-based in their communication while women tend to communicate for intimacy, this difference often means men fail to empathize with a woman – and hence fail to meet her needs. Women are not necessarily better communicators than men, but men tend to benefit more than women in learning how to empathize. Having said that, women still need to improve their empathy because empathy in a relationship builds an intimate connection – something we all need.

The methods in Nonviolent Communication teach you how to build a strong connection in your relationships throughout everyday conversations and intense conflict. In conflict we seek to be listened to and understood more than ever. Nonviolent Communication shows you how to make this connection in the midst of a heated argument and relationship-destroying fights so the conflict builds the relationship.

Once you have read Nonviolent Communication, I believe you will quickly pass on your copy to your partner and family members – maybe even encourage coworkers and your boss to buy their copy. The book contains methods we all love to be used on us as the techniques appeal to healthy relationships, individual wellbeing, and happiness. In fact, there are a couple chapters in Nonviolent Communication dedicated to using the NVC techniques on yourself so that you can better manage anger and communicate. NVC increases compassion and giving from the heart through a better flow of communication in ourselves and with others.

Marshall Rosenberg has used NVC in diverse situations that extend beyond personal relationships. He has advised country leaders on overcoming intense political conflict, helped gangs that have killed each other to live in peace, and assisted school bullies to become refocused on getting along with their peers. NVC improves communication in all relationships. Nonviolent Communication is one of those rare books I wish every individual would read as the techniques are widely applicable and greatly beneficial.

The one minor problem I have with Nonviolent Communication is its methods require you to care about your conversational partner (then again, this may not be a problem). You need to focus on people’s needs otherwise the NVC model is rendered useless. I think the majority of people who read the book use the techniques in their most important relationships instead of everyday conversations. The effort required to be empathic is worth it for your important relationships even if empathy can be draining when your needs are not met.

In 200 well-written pages, it is an easy read. I finished the book in two days. It had me hooked. The methods are few, which make it easy to understand and implement in your life. The book has interesting stories with dialog that shows the techniques in real-life situations. There is also a mixture of poems and large quotes throughout the book to nicely accentuate points.

Overall, I can’t recommend Nonviolent Communication enough. You will find the book extremely helpful even if you consider yourself to be a nonviolent person. I have a good understanding of empathy and conflict, yet I extracted a tonne of great information from this book. You can grab your copy of Nonviolent Communication from Amazon by clicking here today.

Videos

Marshall Rosenberg discusses how NVC developed and how the method of communication compares with dominance and other forms of superiority.

Again, go grab your copy of Nonviolent Communication from Amazon today by clicking here.

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