I commend you for presenting a good case but, if you would allow me to be direct, you are flat out wrong with myth# 14. Specifically it’s unstated fundamental premise that some lying is good for communication. It may be good for a temporary ego boost, which Leil says, but effective communication is not about making someone happy (and more importantly happy with you) for the moment at that person’s expense. That IS manipulation.

Moreover, a lie’s temporary, ego-boosting effects, to a healthy introspective person, never outweigh its long term negative effects. I’ve heard of an unwritten rule of a negative’s “7:1″ influence ratio and I believe it is true. A negative comment or event has seven times the far-reaching effects and influence of a positive comment or event. Hence negativity should be dealt with carefully.

A lie can only serve to compound this effect. If the lie is discovered the momentary gain from hearing what one wants to hear will be diminished (twofold from that 7:1 ratio) by realizing that one was both lied to and had done something wrong, such as giving a bad speech, at the same time… Try gaining that persons trust or being in his sphere of influence after that.

To solve this issue of a supposed need for “white lies” I always revert to what I like to call “constructive negative-criticism.” And that simply is to stress someone’s truthful positives but at the same time express what is or what was done wrong in a constructive manner; meaning make positive suggestions for next time or pointing out what needs improvement in a positive manner. This way someone can get a true representation of their areas needing improvement and it still lets the advice-receiver build a trusting relationship with the advice-giver in knowing that he or she always has good intentions at heart.

I would never want a speech professor to ever lie to me about a speech to boost my ego, but rather stress what I did correctly and how to improve next time.

===

I did see a lot of great and well written advice in the rest of the article though. And believe you me, I’m not lying .

I find your style of writing incredibly superb when it comes to communication. It just don’t need any explanation as you chooses appropriate terminologies to understand. I like the articles and am seeing changes in my communication skills,

This might be a case of “#5 Myth: Meaning is in words”. These are true myths to me, while your understanding of true myths might be always applicable in all circumstances.

@ Hiam, reading my articles before you prepare final tests is a great decision . Okay, you’ve gone from being the best mother and teacher in the world to being the worst? Think about that. Maybe you’ve experienced a failure or hit a foul mood. It happens. You said you’ve been learning from me just recently so its possible you’re just becoming conscious of your problems and feeling depressed about it. That’s all in the learning process! Each time we face the truth, which we have denied for so long, we feel very uncomfortable.

After conscious incompetence, comes conscious competence, then unconscious competence. Keep at it. We’re all here to help each other grow because where we are isn’t where we want to be.

It’s such an amazing new discovery, at least you came to put our feet on the right track. Sometimes we may feel new ideas, but we don’t have any scientific prove to guide us…until you came.

I need your ideas. I need revolution. I believe in your faithfulness, but still have one question: As a mother and as a teacher, I thought myself to be the most successful mother or teacher of all the world, but it turns to be that I’m the worst; not because I’m so bad. I don’t know there are so many situations where I suffer from real failure. I’m really disappointed, because I couldn’t help my children, neither my students. I really need your help. How can we revive any relation after damage.

At the moment I’m trying my best doing presentations to my students and colleagues working on the same topic, deriving most of your ideas, if you allow me. In the 15 myths I’m going to try to find the 15 magic sticks that helps recover human relations, of course with your help. Thanks for reading this very long e-mail I hope we can discuss the matter because I have a very severe experience.