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11 Tips From Benjamin Franklin to Make Friends

Few people can boast achievements equal to what Benjamin Franklin (Jan 1706-Apr 1790) accomplished in his lifetime. Coming from simple, working class roots, he made his wealth with his printing business then went on to invent many useful things; the lightning rod, the Franklin stove, the Glass Armonica, bifocals, and Daylight Savings Time. Not just an inventor, he discovered the gulf stream and whirlwinds.

Discontent with all of that, he is also a founding father of the U.S.A. – often hailed as “The First American” for his campaigns towards colonial unity. He served as the governor of Pennsylvania and the U.S. Ambassador to France. A pretty full life don’t you say?

On top of it all, Franklin was well-liked for his wit, charming to men and women, high in his diplomatic ability, and constantly working on a kind personality. A man who greatly impacted politics knew how to get people on his side. Franklin was friends with Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Samuel Adams, James Madison, William Keith (the governor of Pennsylvania) and some important European thinkers like Hume and Priestley. He was known to make friends wherever he went, and to keep those friends.

So what can we learn from Benjamin Franklin about making friends? Read more

Distraction - Won't hear this much in top self-help books

The 1 Page Summary of 1,000 Top Self-Help Books

There are over 210,000 self-help books on Amazon. Probably 1,000 are top self-help books. Just a guesstimate.

Each author has not written a ground-breaker. I think you can summarize 75% of all the books onto 1 page. You could say this post is a cliffs notes version of 158,000 books. Give yourself the lazy education of reading such an impossible number of words.

The 12 lessons are tips from the top self-help books covering topics from women, depression, relationships, and psychology. I have yet to read a popular self-help book that makes no mention of the below lessons. You may be surprised as you realize how frequently you hear the echoed advice. Read more

Conflict avoider

Ways to Resolve Conflict When Others Avoid It

You are rare if you want to resolve conflict instead of avoiding it. Based on my 8 years of teaching conflict management, most people want to learn ways they can avoid conflict. Chances are your co-workers, family, and friends do not want to solve that tough issue between you and them.

To survive and thrive in any relationship you must know ways to manage people who prefer to overlook “negative feelings” then put a rosy-glow on everything – and even how to make yourself not be afraid of dealing with relationship warfare. Conflict is unavoidable even to those who avoid it because our differences in culture, values, needs, and perspectives will always cause collisions.

If you aim for conflict avoidance, it isn’t avoided or somehow solved. Problems escalate, resentment builds, and relationships die. What gets avoided is enjoyable relationships, the true depths of human beings, and reality. You must learn effective ways to resolve conflict when others prefer to pretend perfection. Read more

Married woman shocked

Top 15 Dumb Mistakes People Make in Relationships

One of my friends recently asked his girlfriend, “What’s one dumb thing I do in the relationship?” She looked at him in shock, “Where do I begin? If it has to be one, I’d just say you can be a real ****.” “What!” he replied, “How dare you. Now it’s my turn.” A dam wall broke. An hour later the couple finished talking.

After studying communication for almost a decade, I notice we make many dumb relationship mistakes and communication errors that I’m about to share with you. I use the term “dumb” not to put you down, but to label the mistakes lots of people repeat. Put an end to these 15 relationship mistakes in no particular order: Read more

Stress makes communication hard

How to Manage Stress in Relationship Communication: Keep Calm with Scientific Stress Management

Not enough time to exercise, boss pushing for work to be completed, children are loud, bills to pay, shopping to be done, housework to do, partner asking for your help. To top it all off you’re suppose to be nice to people by communicating effectively with them in a confrontation? Yeah right!

Why Stress Makes Communication Difficult

You find it hard to communicate in stressful moments. So do I. There’s a reason why it is hard to listen and not yell in tough situations that all relationships face. Science proves it is near impossible for you to communicate well when under stress. Read more

The nonviolent communication logo

The Complete Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Process for Compassion, Understanding, and Peace

You are about to unlock what I believe is the greatest human need in communication. I will show you how to connect with another human in the most intimate way possible – a way most never experience. This is something the world so desperately needs. It is something you so desperately need.

What is the link between the following scenarios:

  1. Your partner leaves the room in anger after another argument
  2. A friend lashes out at you despite you having done nothing wrong
  3. A child’s constant disobedience makes you frustrated and causes you to yell things you later regret

Thousands of situations like the ones above all have a common thread that play out in your life every year. There is a better way to handle the situation, but you cannot figure it out. Your emotions get the better of you and others as you poorly handle the situation. The answers and the secret human need I will show you how to fulfill is through a method of communication called “nonviolent communication”, also known as NVC. Read more

Lady in bed from a cold

How to Make People Happy and Yourself Feel Great – The Science of Emotions

I just finished another midnight shift at a job I did not like. I smiled, my eyes were open, I felt good about myself. I said my usual goodbyes to a friend and sprung into my car. My friend reversed his car before I had the chance to leave my car park. He had beaten me this time. It was an unspoken game that took place each time we left work. I waited for him to get out of the way before I reversed to make my way home.

As I drove, the open car park gave me an invitation to have a little fun with my car. If landscapes could talk, this one was whispering into my ear that I should spin the wheels. “Besides, it’s late at night. No one is around. It’s an open car park with no danger. Do it!” Like a vulnerable teenager succumbing to peer pressure, I accepted the invitation.

My foot pressed the accelerator as I spun the wheel left to get quick around the first corner. The rear tires lost their stability as the car slide side-ways. The car became an extension of my body as it mimicked my ecstatic mood. I entered the next turn and spun the wheel right. The sound of screeching tires was water fertilizing my increasing smile. Smoke filled the rims of my tires and a shot of adrenaline filled my body.

Following the two consecutive drifts, I straightened the car and approached a set of traffic lights on the main road that would take me home. Had this been during the daytime, about seven cars would be in front of me before the upcoming traffic lights.

My friend who had left before me had passed through the traffic lights three seconds ago so the lights were still green. Keeping in the mood, I put my foot down to catch the green light. I would safely make it. I turned around the corner with a soft screech of the tires. 20 meters in front of me on the side of the road were two police officers beside their vehicle. Lucky me. Read more