Drugs, alcohol, energy vampires, greedy clients, persistent salespersons, and charity seekers. These are few of the many objects and people sucking your time, money, energy, focus, and life. For many reasons, however, you give in to them as you donate money, help another hour, work overtime, remain at a venue, or answer a survey.

This is not just an article to help you be assertive – it is a complete guide about the psychology of saying no. Too many people struggle to decline an offer, say they won’t help out, or reject a dangerous substance with confidence. Forces like guilt, peer pressure, and an inability to assert oneself makes people say yes, which puts them in situations they later regret. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Wednesday, May 20, 200917 Comments

You are about to unlock what I believe is the greatest human need in communication. I will show you how to connect with another human in the most intimate way possible – a way that most people never experience. This is something the world so desperately needs. It is something you so desperately need. I have poured enormous amounts of time and effort into this article to change your communication – your life – forever.

See if you can find a link between the following short scenarios: Your partner leaves the room in anger after another argument; A friend lashes out at you despite you having done nothing wrong; Your children’s constant disobedience makes you extremely frustrated and causes you to yell and do things you regret.

Why do the above scenarios, or similar situations, constantly play out in your life? There are thousands of situations like the ones listed above that all have a common thread. We know there is a better way to handle the situation, but we cannot figure it out. Our emotions often get the better of us as we poorly handle the situation. We know something is wrong and that we can fix it, but how? The answers to these questions and the secret human need I will show you how to fulfill is through a method of communication called “nonviolent communication”, also known as NVC.

… Click to continue reading →

Posted on Sunday, December 21, 200812 Comments

I just finished another midnight shift at a job I did not like. I smiled, my eyes were open, I felt good about myself. I said my usual goodbyes to a friend and sprung into my car. My friend reversed his car before I had the chance to leave my car park. He had beaten me this time. It was an unspoken game that took place each time we left work. I waited for him to get out of the way before I reversed to make my way home.

As I drove, the open car park gave me an invitation to have a little fun with my car. If landscapes could talk, this one was whispering into my ear that I should spin the wheels. “Besides, it’s late at night. No one is around and you’re feeling great. It’s an open car park with no danger. Do it!” Like a vulnerable teenager succumbing to peer pressure, I accepted the invitation.

The car became an extension of my body as it began to mimic my ecstatic mood. I put my foot down hard on the accelerator as I spun the wheel left around the first corner. As the rear tires lost their stability and the car went side-ways, I entered the next turn and spun the wheel right. The sound of screeching tires was water fertilizing my increasing smile. Smoke filled the rims of my tires and a shot of adrenaline filled my body.

Following the two consecutive drifts, I straightened the car and approached a set of traffic lights on the main road that would take me home. Had this been during the daytime, about seven cars would be in front of me before the upcoming traffic lights.

My friend who had left before me had passed through the traffic lights three seconds ago so the lights were still green. Keeping in the mood, I put my foot down on the accelerator to catch the green light. I would safely make it. I turned around the corner with a soft screech of the tires. 20 meters in front of me on the side of the road were two police officers beside their vehicle. Lucky me. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Thursday, December 11, 200818 Comments

Whether the person you want to talk to over the phone is a potential partner, client, or friend, and you’ve just met the person or have known them your entire life, there are a series of effective phone skills you can use to increase love and liking to build any relationship. Like any communication skill, there are tips you can follow over the phone to speed up the relationship-building process.

The telephone is a different medium to traditional face-to-face communication. What does this mean to you? Rules change and tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship. What does not change is the fundamental human psychology of the two individuals at either end of the phone. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Saturday, December 6, 20082 Comments

Let me tell you an interesting story you no doubt will relate to. One day I was walking the golf course, caddying for my older brother Nathan, a professional golfer, who was playing a regional qualifier for the Australian Open. He started the day strongly with a few shots under par, but the turning point came on the eleventh hole when he hit a bad two-iron from the tee on a par 4. Being a left-hander, he pulled the golf ball left where it ended out-of-bounds. Following that eradicate shot, his quality of play did not improve for the remainder of the day.

At the end of the round, he had failed to qualify for the national tournament by two shots. In the clubhouse where we had a drink, we talked about what he did well and what he could have done better. “I was surprised by the quality of your chip shots and game around the greens,” I remarked. “Everything went within 2 meters of the pin.” Not to concerned about the disappointed day, Nathan replied, “Yeah, you’re right. My wedge game was strong today. Just…” to which I interrupted and said, “The eleventh 2-iron.” He echoed my words, “Spot on, the eleventh 2-iron.”

I let him continue to talk as his words almost perfectly described the words in my mind. Something happened between our minds. It was like a magic trick taking place. A mystical cable connected our minds, leading to strange psychological phenomena. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Thursday, December 4, 200811 Comments

You’ve been told by teachers, counselors, relationship experts, self-help experts, or religion, that you should love people – or at least love your family, friends, and others important to you. Though you and I know, it’s not that easy! It’s hard to love someone who hurts you or someone you even hate. At times you would rather punch a family member in the face to knock them out so you can live in peace.

Carl Rogers, a pioneering psychologist in the 1950s on human relations, said love, genuineness, and empathy are three essential pieces to constructive communication. Many studies since then support Rogers’ theory. When we fail to love people, it is hard to communicate in a way that supports ourselves and people. Love is the core of powerful communication. Think about it for a moment and I’m sure your experiences will confirm that love is the heart of effective communication.

It is unfortunate we are not taught how to love people. Instead of learning how to love, we learn to fight. Instead of learning how to love, we learn to defend ourselves. Instead of learning how to love, we learn to get our point across and debate. It is no wonder society is deprived of the core energy – love – that drives humanity.

This article will help you love people more. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Wednesday, December 3, 200823 Comments

Welcome to the third part of a four part course called, “Freeing Yourself From Mistakes and Pain: A Four Part Course On Apologizing and Emotional Freedom”. If you missed previous parts, you can jump to the appropriate links at the bottom of this article.

Part three of this course provides you with many tips, techniques, and pieces of advice to help you correctly apologize. The advice I’m about to share with you will help you in ways beyond an apology. The tips can be applied to many areas of your life and communication as you will soon see. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Monday, November 17, 20082 Comments

This is a book review of Daniel Goleman’s Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships.

Goleman in his groundbreaking book reveals that human minds and bodies communicate with one another. The invisible bridges give us the ability to change people’s moods, emotions, and health – as people can do to us. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Monday, November 10, 2008No Comments

This is a book review of Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values.

I do a lot of reading books, listening to CDs, and watching DVDs on topics related to communication. Prior to investing in my self-education, I research the sources worth learning from so I don’t waste my time studying garbage. Even when I frequently choose the best material and devour it, I have discovered a select few that stand above the rest. I’ve stumbled upon few books that I refer to as a must-must-read for everybody. Nonviolent Communication is one of those rare books every person needs to read because of its advice to help the reader build empathy and understanding. … Click to continue reading →

Posted on Saturday, October 11, 2008One Comment