The telephone is a different medium to traditional face-to-face communication. What does this mean to you? Rules change and tips can be adapted to help you build your relationship. What does not change is the fundamental human psychology of the two individuals at either end of the phone.

Human psychology is about fulfilling needs and wants. You go to the grocery store to buy food to fulfill your need to eat. You buy an expensive shirt because you want to look good. You communicate with others to fulfill your social and identity needs. Attraction, intimacy, and friendship work on human psychological wants and needs. Because of this, you will see how these phone skills I am about to share with you can be adapted to your everyday conversations. Learning how to make someone fall in love with you is therefore neither manipulative nor deceptive as it is a matter of you fulfilling the person’s needs and wants through communication.

If you want others to literally fall in love with you and not just like you more, you must understand attraction. These tips are about building likability over a different type of communication medium – the phone – and do not act as a substitute for attraction. The tips I am about to give you to make someone fall in love with you over the phone, when applied with techniques to build attraction in women and men, can make the opposite attracted to you.

Learning these phone skills is a sure-fire way to build a strong relationship fast and have your new client wanting a business relationship, a friend staying connected with you, or a new acquaintance loving you. A stupid word of warning: do not begin avoiding people face-to-face once you realize the power of these phone skills!

They Need to Be Receptive

The first rule you must obey is checking the person you are talking to over the phone is receptive to you. Regardless of anything wonderful you say, nothing will matter if the person does not pay attention.

If the person has a young child howling louder than a wolf, you will be ignored. The person will hear, but not listen. Your messages will go no further than the other end of the phone line as the person’s mind is elsewhere, preoccupied with the distraction. When we do not have the time to talk, a distraction arises, or we need to do a task, the only thoughts running through our mind are similar to: “How long will it be until this damn person shuts up? I’ve got something to do!”

The first rule of receptivity over the the phone is to make it a habit of checking if the person can talk with you. Ask upfront if the person has time to talk. After the greetings, simply say, “Do you have a couple of minutes to talk?” This makes you courteous and unobtrusive on the person’s space.

The first rule of receptivity ensures the person is receptive at the start of the call and the second rule will make sure the person is receptive during the call. While talking on the phone, interruptions arise. Some can be undetectable, yet others can be heard over the phone. When you hear a baby howling, a door bell ring, or a loud bang, don’t ignore it! Say what sound you heard then ask if the person needs to attend it. The empathy you communicate by acknowledging potential interruptions will increase your likability and ensure the person is tuned in to what you say.

It’s You!

You’re going through a routine day walking down the street. The world is boring, people are getting through their day, and everything appears it would be the same without your presence. What happens though, if at the other end of the street you see a best friend you have not met for five years?

You see your best friend and your energy amplifies a gazillion times! Many memories, experiences, and feelings gush back to you in an intense emotional rush. You run up to the person. “It’s you! I can’t believe it!” Your ecstatic to stumble upon your friend!

The lesson you can learn from this is what I call the “It’s You!” technique. When you ring the person or the person rings you, say your normal greeting in an average mood. Once the person introduces himself, you become surprised, or rather energized, to talk with the person. Wait for the person’s introduction then amp up your energy as if you were talking to that old friend you saw on the street. This makes the person pleasantly thrilled to talk to you.

If you always talk energetically over the phone, your energy with the “It’s You!” technique will not have the sincerity and pleasant thrill because the high energy is normal for you. Only when you authentically convey happiness to be talking to the person more than you would with normal people does this technique work. The feelings of importance the person receives makes it a great technique to help them fall in love with you over the phone.

(In an article on how to be interesting without saying a word, I applied this escalating technique on smiling by gradually increasing your smile when you meet someone; instead of walking around smiling or instantly giving off a big smile. These two “escalation techniques” bring sincerity and warmth to your personality.)

Repeat Their Name

The fourth tip I recommend you whack into your new phone skills bag of tricks is mentioning the person’s name more often. As Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People writes, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Our names are a sweet tune of music to our ears. It is a fast way to build any relationship.

You need to know one warning about this technique. If you mention someone’s name too often, you come off as a try hard, needy, and desperate person – much like a poor salesman.

If you are like most people, you can comfortably increase the frequency you say the person’s name. You can get away with mentioning their name more often than in a face-to-face conversation because the phone is a different medium. The phone inhibits intimacy.

If the person begins to mentally drift away from you, hearing their name will reinvigorate their interest. The person can subliminally fall in love with you.

How to Make Up for No Body Language With Your Voice

Another difference you can take advantage of over the phone to enhance your relationships and make the person fall in love with you is countering the inability to communicate with body language. Our nonverbal communication is a large tower from where we broadcast strong signals. A simple message like “you’re funny” can be strengthened many times through body language. Some attraction experts even claim body language alone is enough to make someone fall in love with you.

Your nonverbal communication helps others understand you. Without the visual option to see one another over the phone, yours and their inability to read body language can hurt understanding, connection, likability, and attraction. Your voice is the only form of nonverbal communication over the phone, making it a powerful medium of communication.

You can improve your phone skills despite the lack of connection built through body language by communicating extra energy through your voice. I estimate varying your vocal tonality and energy an extra 30%. If you are happy the person did something well, put an extra 30% of energy in your voice when saying, “That is awesome! Congratulations!” If you are sad, lose 30% of energy in your voice by saying, “I’m… I’m sorry to hear that…” The change of energy communicated through your vocalics establishes empathy to build a connection with your partner. The person will have a feeling of being next to you, which will enhance your relationship fast.

Build Rapport

Rapport is being in sync with the person. It is the hidden key to make people feel connected to you. Establishing rapport ties in with mentioning the person’s name more often and compensating for a lack of body language via your voice because the two techniques build a connection that help the two of you get in sync.

Learning to build rapport over the phone is necessary if you want to build a strong relationship fast. Unfortunately, a complete guide to building rapport is far too complex to discuss in this article, yet the premise of it involves being like the person in as many ways as possible.

One particular characteristic of the person I highly advise you to match is their mood. Mood-matching helps you rapidly build a strong relationship and make someone fall in love with you.

To understand mood-matching, think back to a time when you were feeling unhappy and someone bounding with joy tried to cheer you up with their happiness. How did you feel afterwards? Most likely more annoyed! Their happiness did not relate to you because the two of you were at polarized emotional levels. The person was happy and you were sad.

You can better relate to people and build this “connection” I have been talking about when the two of you are communicating similar moods to one another. Mood is one of many communication factors you can match when talking to someone over the phone.

Rapport is slightly more difficult to create over the phone than in person because body language cannot be comprehended. You can, however, try to compensate for this with a 30% extra variance of energy in your voice.

When you combine all these tips to build a strong relationship over the phone with the ways to build attraction, you have the phone skills to make someone fall in love with you! Even better, these phone techniques are not limited to intimate love. You can apply these skills to potential clients, family members, and those annoying customers. The phone breaks geographic boundaries, but now you can break emotional boundaries.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. The Heart of Effective Communication: How to Love People
2. 101 Conversation Starters People Love
3. Review of How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes
4. Review of Elite Social Control by Hamilton Miller

Author Leil Lowndes gives 92 tricks to become a better conversationalist and improve your social relationships. From body language tricks and words to say, to telephone techniques and social tactics, it’s all in Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone, an attention-grabbing book on human conversations.

The 92 tips are spread throughout the following 9 parts:

1. How to intrigue everyone without saying a word: You only have ten seconds to show you’re a somebody
2. How to know what you say after “Hi”
3. How to talk like a VIP
4. How to be an insider in any crowd: What are they all talking about?
5. How to sound like you’re a peas in a pod: “Why, we’re just alike!”
6. How to differentiate the power of praise from the folly of flattery
7. How to direct dial their hearts
8. How to work a party like a politician works a room: The politician’s six-point party checklist
9. How to break the most treacherous glass ceiling of all: Sometimes people are tigers

As you can tell from the nine parts above, the book is pretty irresistible. Of course, a few of the 92 tricks won’t revolutionize your life, but even if you are a great conversationalist, you are bound to discover a few techniques to throw in your communication bag of tricks. Little techniques like the “big baby pivot”, “little strokes”, and “swiveling spotlight” add up to make you a conversationalist who can talk to anyone. If you don’t know what to say in a conversation or you generally struggle to talk to strangers, How to Talk to Anyone is bound to save you from drowning in conversations.

Part four titled “How to be an insider in any crowd” was the best part of the book for me. Some great tips were given on the topic of how to dial up a stranger’s hot buttons by talking about their topics of interest (Hint: It’s not asking them what they’re into). The advice is strongly applicable for all types of conversations. Whether talking to a celebrity or a stranger of the opposite sex, the gems shared in this part will be your go-to guide.

In each tip, Lowndes shares a story of her own or a friend’s story to demonstrate how the tip can be applied in real conversations. This makes the book a quick and practical read. The gray box at the end of each tip summarizes what you need to know and makes for a quick reviser to easily remember the flood of tips given to you. When combined with her amazing ability to write in an interesting manner – as she paints images in your mind with picturesque words – Lowndes will have you finish the book in no time and talking to anyone. I’ve been in contact with Leil after reading the book and she is as nice in person as her beautiful writing style.

How to Talk to Anyone is really a conversation skills book and not a relationship skills book. The relationship aspect of this book is about having the skills to initiate and keep a conversation going so you can start a relationship. There is, however, some good tips for maintaining strong relationships that can also be applied to improving your conversations.

To begin improving your conversation skills with 92 killer tips and never be left in the cold during a conversation, get your copy of How to Talk to Anyone from Amazon right now by clicking here today.

UPDATE: Leil has released a new book titled How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, which contains even more little tricks to talk and make friends with people. I’ve read it and it’s just as good as How to Talk to Anyone! I encourage you to get both books.

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1. Review of Elite Social Control by Hamilton Miller
2. Review of Conversationally Speaking by Alan Garner
3. Review of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
4. Review of Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer
5. Review of Think and Grow Rich! by Napoleon Hill

Dale Carnegie’s name is synonymous with How to Win Friends and Influence People. Though The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking is not as popular Carnegie’s all-time classic, possibly because of its narrow market in public speaking skills, I believe it lives up to the author’s name. (If you haven’t read Dale Carnegie’s all-time classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, with over 16 million sales you’re missing out.)

Originally called Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business in 1931, Dale’s wife, Dorothy Carnegie, revised the book, and renamed it The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking in 1962 with Dale’s notes and suggestions before he passed away. With many improvements made possible from the couple’s speaking experiences and the Dale Carnegie Organization, this book is a great primer in effective public speaking.

Dale Carnegie taught public speaking for 40 years and has transformed public speaking into a skill anyone can develop. He has seen what works, what doesn’t work, and what works brilliantly. He has helped thousands of people overcome their fears of public speaking to present exciting speeches that hook the audience’s attention.

The book has 5 parts with 14 chapters. It begins with the basics of public speaking. You learn how to choose a topic, express yourself with excitement, and improve your speaking skills. Other bits of advice to improve your speaking skills include how to let others know your thoughts, cut-down the number of points in your speech, and sincerely appreciate your audience.

The most repeated point in the book is to choose a topic that interests you and get excited about it. Convince yourself that what you have is worth sharing and you will convince the crowd to listen attentively to you. Choosing a topic that excites you will make you talk with interest, vocal variety, and good body language because 93% of our communication comes from nonverbal communication when we discuss our likes or dislikes.

This book has the same style of writing as How to Win Friends and Influence People. Many stories are delivered in an easy-to-read language along with the practical simplicity of the advice. While it takes time to develop public speaking skills, the advice given is the easy way to effective speaking because it leverages our natural abilities and knowledge.

A brief review of the table of contents is below for your convenience:

I have left out in-depth detail of parts two, three, four, and five because there are too many points to list here. (I guess you’ll just have to read it yourself!) A full summary of each part is found conveniently at its end for quick reference so you can revise and easily memorize what you have read.

In my opinion, the advice offered on how to give an impromptu speech (a speech where you’re given a topic on the spot) is the best part about the book. I have always struggled to think quickly on my feet by speaking smoothly on a topic I was just given, but the advice Carnegie shares is helping me solve the problem. I am quickly improving, becoming more confident, and talking longer – and these improvements will continue because you learn how to continually improve your speaking skills.

I highly recommend you get this book to improve not just your public speaking skills, but to also improve your conversational skills, remove self-consciousness, and boost confidence. Effective public speaking can give you these benefits. If you haven’t already grabbed your copy of Dale Carnegie’s The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking, you can get yours from Amazon by clicking here.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. Review of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
2. Review of Conversationally Speaking by Alan Garner
3. Review of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
4. The Heart of Effective Communication: How to Love People
5. The Decision Tree of Effective Leadership to Create Freedom and Independence

A simple Google search with “Think and Grow Rich” shows millions of results. Since publishing the book in 1937, when the Great Depression was at its strongest, Napoleon Hill has impacted, or rather created, personal development as we know it today. That is why I am reviewing the book: its teachings are powerfully fundamental to any form of personal development.

Think and Grow Rich! is an accumulation and deconstruction of 500 studies he conducted on the world’s most successful people over a 25-year period. Hill studied, and was fortunate enough to develop relationships with many people, such as Andrew Carnegie, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Gandhi, William Wrigley, Wilbur Wright, Theodore Roosevelt, Elbert Hubbard, Franklin Woolworth, John Rockefeller, Charles Schwab, and Alexander Graham Bell. Such a powerful study alone should be enough reason to buy the book. To tap into the minds of men who pioneered today’s world is an irresistible opportunity.

Hill’s book is similar to Dale Carnegie’s classic How to Win Friends and Influence People in that they’re both classic books still shaping many of today’s self-help teachings. Though the books are over 70 years old, they’ve been reshaped by each author’s family and other experts. If either of the classic books are not directly mentioned in a modern personal development book, its principles mostly likely exist without attribution to their original source.

What is the Secret?

The most mysterious aspect about the book is what Hill calls “the secret”. The secret was revealed to him by Andrew Carnegie who subtly told the secret without giving it a name. Hill provides half of the secret, but tells the reader it is up to them to figure it out. In the author’s preface, Hill says:

“The secret to which I refer is mentioned no fewer than a hundred times throughout this book. It has not been directly named, for it seems to work more successfully when it is merely uncovered and left in sight, where THOSE WHO ARE READY and SEARCHING FOR IT may pick it up… If you are READY to put it to use, you will recognize this secret at least once in every chapter. I wish I might feel privileged to tell you how you will know if you are ready, but that would deprive you of much of the benefit you will receive when you make the discovery in your own way.

There is a real interesting seven minute video on YouTube I recommend you go watch where Napoleon Hill discusses the secret. The video captures rare footage of Hill, someone that has shaped personal development today, so I recommend you watch it – if not to learn about the secret, then to just see Hill.

What’s fascinating about the secret is that some people cannot discover it – even after reading Think and Grow Rich! 15 times. This is not a problem on the person’s part, it’s merely an indication that they’re unready. As Hill says, the secret is obvious to you when you’re ready.

The secret reflects Think and Grow Rich! principles: you can read the book and overlook powerful lessons because your awareness is not ready to gather such lessons. Like Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, by reading the book one time every year you experience powerful new realizations in each reading because your present awareness and experience is not enough to completely grasp the principles.

13 Steps to Think Yourself to Wealth

The 13 steps to riches, which form the book’s chapters and most of its contents, follow:

1. Desire
2. Faith
3. Autosuggestion
4. Specialized Knowledge
5. Imagination
6. Organized Planning
7. Decision
8. Persistence
9. Power of the Master Mind
10. The Mystery of Sex Transmutation
11. The Subconscious Mind
12. The Brain
13. The Sixth Sense

The chapters on desire and the mastermind were the most compelling to me. The mastermind section is about gathering a group of like-minded people together. Wealthy individuals often thank Hill for bringing this success principle to mind because even though you may not have the knowledge or expertise in an area, the mastermind connects you to people who gather the information you need for success.

Why this Version?

There are a lot of Think and Grow Rich! versions. Why should you get this version by Ross Cornwell? Simply put, from my experience and many other people’s experience, this is the best version. As the book’s front page states: “The version of TGR! that makes all others obsolete.”

Ross Cornwell has included a lot of useful material that other versions released after 1960 exclude. In the back of the book is Bruce Lee’s application of Hill’s “Definite Chief Aim” (you write down your goals using the self-confidence formula). Lee’s definite chief aim was found in Hollywood and matched his success of being the highest paid Oriental star in the United States.

Go to the following link I’m about to give to you, then take a few minutes to read people’s life-transformation stories. Because the original book was released over a half-century ago, people have shared their story on how Think and Grow Rich! changed their life. The 13 steps to riches provided by Hill can change you to who you want to be. If you don’t already have a copy of Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich!, or if you’re curious about this version of the classic book, you can grab your copy now from Amazon by clicking here.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. Review of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
2. Review of Create Your Own Future by Brian Tracy
3. Review of The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
4. Review of Winning with People by John Maxwell
5. Review of How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

Some people are born with great relationship skills, which creates wonders in their personal and professional life. The majority of people, unfortunately, do not have these skills. Winning with People provides you with the secrets to successful relationships of all types through applicable skills. You can learn how to get more friends, business partners, and intimate relationships by following the advice given in this book.

Author John Maxwell is a specialist in leadership training. What he advises in Winning with People feels to be an interesting extension from his experiences as a leader developing relationships. A lot of his insightful experiences, teachings, and lessons are taken from his former role as a pastor.

Each of the 25 chapters is based on a specific principle for winning with people in any situation. Some principles are obvious, but act as a good reminder to implement them in your life. The 25 principles is split into five questions:

1. The readiness question: Are we prepared for relationships?
2. The connection question: Are we willing to focus on others?
3. The trust question: Can we build mutual trust?
4. The investment question: Are we willing to invest in others?
5. The synergy question: Can we create a win-win relationship?

The first question makes you ready to have successful relationships. It primes the reader with the necessary principles for great relationships and winning friends. Too often people are premature in their communication skills by thinking these skills give them their relationships. Communication skills fail you when you haven’t laid the correct foundations with the readiness question.

Another noteworthy point are the stories used to begin each chapter. You’re able to grasp the chapter’s principle as you read each story. The stories also provides a basis for learning by drawing parallels between the points discussed throughout the chapter and relating them back to the story.

The questions asked at the end of each principle get you to deeply think about the points mentioned throughout the chapter. They have you explore your experiences in relation to the topic. These are great learning aids to help you explore the advice given in the book.

Winning with People is an easy read. A drawback related to this is the “fluff” which increases the size of the book and makes for unnecessary reading. All the stories scattered throughout the book is the main contributors to this, but nonetheless, the stories remain relevant. The people who like to-the-point books will find this a turn-off. Other people will find this a turn-on.

After reading this book, I left with a feeling of warmth equivalent to an experience when talking to someone who is friendly and caring. This stood out for me. I fittingly experienced John Maxwell winning over me as I read the book.

Brian Tracy has described this book as a modern version of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. I would not go to that degree, but it is an excellent book on winning new friends and improving your current relationships. You can grab your copy now from Amazon by clicking here.

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1. Review of The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
2. Review of Frogs Into Princes by Richard Bandler and John Grinder
3. Review of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
4. Review of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
5. How to Not Care What People Are Thinking About You – and Release Your People-Magnetic Self Into the Conversation

The original version of this book was written in 1937 with 5,000 copies available. Word then quickly began to spread the globe about the value contained within the book with over 16 million copies now in print. Business owners, salespersons, and generally people who are interested in better relating to their fellow human being, have constantly referred to How to Win Friends and Influence People over the years as the best book you can read on the subject.

Classic Literature

In every subject there are usually one or two books people categorize as “must-read” if you are to succeed in the subject. In the wealth world there is Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich and Wallace Wattles’ The Science of Getting Rich. In the advertising world there is Claude Hopkins’ Scientific Advertising. In the self-help world there is Maxwell Maltz’s Psycho-Cybernetics or The New Psycho-Cybernetics. While in the human relationships and communication skills world, the number one book to read is How to Win Friends and Influence People. There are people of course who disagree with this, but there are substantial numbers of experts in their respective industries that refer to these books as the best ones you can read. (I strongly encourage you to read these classic books as they are original sources of most self-help information taught today.)

Most of these classical books mentioned date back to 1920. They are the pioneers in their respective industry. Books that discuss the psychology of financial success to this day use the exact same principles mentioned in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. The same goes for other self-help classics like James Allen’s As A Man Thinketh. How to Win Friends and Influence People is no exception. Nearly any communication skills book today mentions a principle originating from the book, whether it be to show interest in people or to avoid criticism. It is the authority book in human relations.

If you are not familiar with self-help classics, you may wonder how the heck these books written in the early-to-mid 1900s be useful today? Surely humanity has made many superior discoveries that exceed this “old school” material?

I use to think books today were superior to self-help classics. I heard hundreds of people praise How to Win Friends and Influence People. I thought the book was most people’s introduction to communication skills. I thought, “Sure, the book is great because it’s your first experience in learning the amazing effect of good communication.”

There is something to do with learning about a subject from its original pioneers, however, that makes the information powerful.

What I later found, which is what many people experience, is that by reading the book one time every year you encounter new realizations. Life-changing insights are also frequently experienced by many people upon re-reading Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich. I believe this is because your awareness and experience in the present is not enough to completely grasp the principles in these classic books.

Fundamental People Skills

After reading the 2007 edition of this book, I realized the book’s four parts, which deal with techniques to handle people, ways to make people like you, winning people to your way of thinking, and being a successful leader, are fundamental skills of all human relations. I consistently refer to these principles in my articles and other teachings. The important point I want to distinguish is that fundamentals are not basic skills. Fundamentals in any area form a solid framework for further skill development.

An athlete cannot become good at his or her sport by failing to develop its fundamentals. Sport coaches will tell you that an athlete who does not have the right fundamentals is tough to coach because every skill builds from the foundations laid by fundamental skills. Professional athletes always fine tune their fundamental skills because they know the profound affect such skills have on their professional abilities. Advanced techniques are only useful when the person knows the fundamentals. Also, having good fundamentals produces an exponential effect that puts you ahead of 95% of people, while advanced techniques in any area produces a slight improvement that gives you an edge of the 5% who also have sound fundamentals.

Tiger Woods still improves his fundamentals, but he can work on perfecting his 2 iron stinger where he hits the ball with a very low trajectory, while the average golfer is better off focusing on fundamentals like a better grip, stance, and pre-shot routine. The skills taught in How to Win Friends and Influence People constantly need to be revisited and worked on regardless of how good you think you are in communication.

More Specifics of the Book

At the start of each chapter, Carnegie discusses the chapter’s principle. He then provides an example of how someone, mostly students from his speaking course, have applied the principle in their business or family life. The stories themselves can be a revelation at times as you become aware of how and in what situations the principles can be applied.

The majority of the book discusses concepts instead of word-for-word techniques. One principle is making the other person feel important. Carnegie doesn’t tell you to say exactly this and that. He provides the “what”, which is the concept, with a little bit of the “how”.

The table of contents is below:

The principles of each part are nicely summarized at its end so you can easily review and memorize them. Each principle may seem simple at times, but don’t let simple deceive you from its power. These are powerful principles still changing the lives of those who read the book five or more times.

If you don’t already have a copy of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, you need to go grab your copy now from Amazon by clicking here.

Other Articles That Might Help You

1. Review of The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking by Dale Carnegie
2. Review of Influence by Robert Cialdini
3. How to Not Care What People Are Thinking About You – and Release Your People-Magnetic Self Into the Conversation
4. Review of Winning with People by John Maxwell
5. Review of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey