Over the past year I’ve collected some great resources on social skills I’d like to share with you now. Some are from friends of mine, myself, and just others who’ve given good insight into a topic.

From improving your social skills, overcoming anxiety, and starting a conversation, all the way to ongoing conversation, being charismatic, and making people laugh, here are some great resources I recommend you read even if they take you a while to get through (each of these great resources will open in a new window so you keep track of this page):

1. How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years

Henrik Edberg has some good social skills insight to share. A lot of what he discusses builds on from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read some of his other posts on communication and socializing if you have the time.

2. 25 Ways to Relieve Anxiety

I mostly teach people how to deal with their past, rework their mind, and get into the present to overcome social anxiety, but this post has some good alternatives to deal with anxiety disorders. Read it if you’re shy and struggle talking to strangers. It’s unlikely to cure your social anxiety though it will help make you more comfortable in social situations.

3. 20 Ways to Attack Shyness

If you’re shy, read this post to discover three areas you fail in that make you shy, common behaviors you’re doing that encourage you to remain in your shell, and get 20 effective techniques to help overcome your shyness. The techniques are solid and have my recommendation in helping you become more social.

4. 101 Conversation Starters People Love

A goldmine from none other than yours truly. You get everything needed to start a conversation with anyone.

5. 40 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

Stay-tuned for this one in a month or so lined up for TowerOfPower.com.au. Read it first by subscribing to my eNewsletter here. I’ll let you know when it’s complete.

6. 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name

End the embarrassment of forgetting someone’s name by using seven neat mind-tricks. Charismatic persons like Richard Branson are masters at remembering people’s names. You may not become a billionaire by knowing John is John, yet people will feel special, you won’t feel awkward, and your relationships will be richer.

7. 3 Quick Ways to Never Let Your Conversation Run Out

There’s a lot of garbage advice out there on how to keep a conversation going. Most people just don’t know what they do to continually talk to anyone. You’ll want to read this short article by a guy called Schmidty to help you keep talking to people.

8. 10 Tips: How to Be Funny

Onto some cool skills now that make you a better socializer. Even if you’re a serious type of person, you can lighten and learn how to be funny. Your ability to make people laugh will win you many friends, business deals, and glances from the opposite sex that make you glee in delight.

9. 50 Body Language Secrets You Need to Succeed In Life

Though the start of the article mentions a major communication myth, you get 50 great little tricks to improve your often overlooked nonverbal communication. You can say all the right things when socializing, yet ignore your nonverbal communication and you may look like a weirdo. Get your body language down pat to be cool.

10. 10 Ways to Instant Charisma

You’ll notice this post on charisma summarizes points in other resources mentioned here. Read it if you want to become more likable and win the respect of people you don’t yet know.

11. Tips on Effective Listening

Listening is another topic of many where many “self-help experts” give ordinary advice like “maintain eye contact” and “repeat the person’s words”. There’s more to socializing, rapport, and friendship than the surface aspects of communication. Written by a therapist, this article on effective listening will have you more deeply connecting to people. Listening most times is at least 50% of a conversation so make sure you master this skill if you want to be popular and make cool friends.

12. Presence in Relationships

You might be surprised to see something about presence here. Someone “present” is in the Now. They are fully absorbed in the present moment. Presence is a secret skill in Big Talk. When you’re present in conversations, you’re free from anxiety and you deeply connect to people. You get the feeling of being in the zone as time and worry banishes.

13. How to Make Friends and Get a Social Life

Author Chris use to be a shy, awkward loser. I can call him that because I used to be as well and I’m linking to his article! If you’re not good at making friends and have a social life of stalking others on Facebook, you’ll get a lot of practical tips and theories in this useful resource.

14. How to Network with Busy People

I’ll finish this resource section off with a topic that is secret to success and dominating life. This 12-part series written by Steve Pavlina, who is possibly the leading self-help blogger on the internet, shows how to get in contact and build relationships with hard to reach people. Become a successful networker and life becomes easy because you have resourceful and trustworthy connections.

I hope you enjoyed these social skills resources. Make sure you follow me on Twitter and like Tower of Power on Facebook for more great resources, books, and lessons to build friends and influence people.

Have some really great resources on social skills to share with me and other ToP readers? Share them below!

The 101 great conversation openers are simple, yet don’t be fooled. They’re effective. The most important thing to keep in mind when using any conversation starter is they aim to start the conversation. “Ice-breakers” break the ice; they don’t heat up the planet and make mother nature flourish.

Conversational openers are not intended to make people laugh or get people to like you. Guys, you can make a woman think you’re a primal beast to be captured in the later stages of a conversation. Attempts to impress people with your first words makes you nervous, discouraging you to start conversations. It also makes you look like a try hard in need of approval.

What Makes a Great Conversation Starter?

The best conversation starters are situation-specific. Most openers given by dating experts, communication trainers, and bloggers are limiting because there’s very little chance they’d work in your situation. Try asking someone, “Have you ever been snorkeling?” or “Who’s your favorite TV attorney?” and the conversation may end as soon as it began (unless you’re in a diving class or in court…)

While generic openers and stock material can be used in most situations, use proven formulas like opinion openers to construct your own ice-breakers for situations you find yourself in throughout the week.

Here’s an exercise to help you develop excellent openers. Think of the top three situations you find yourself in like a coffee shop, supermarket, or place at work. Now think of 10 things to say in each situation.

Having done that, you already have 30 amazing conversation starters. Do that exercise to always know what to say to anyone. I encourage you to go over the massive list of openers revealed in this article applying the simple exercise you just did.

Alright, before we get started… most of the 101 starters you’d say “Hey” or “Hi” as your first words. I’ve let them out because it’d be redundant. Lastly, keep in mind some openers placed under one category like “Funny Conversation Starters” can be used in situations filed under other categories like “Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls”.

Let’s get talking and working through this gigantic list of ways to start a conversation based off my Big Talk Training Course. We’ll start off basic because that’s all you need in many situations:

Conversation Starters Anyone can Use in Any Situation

1. “I’m [your first name].” Most people reciprocate an exchange of information. Give them your name, they’ll give you theirs.
2. “How are ya doing right now?” “How’s ya day been so far?” Slightly vary the question, “How are you?” No one answers that trite question or gives it any thought.
3. “How’s your [the day of the week] been?” “What’s happened for you today?” “How was your trip?” “How’d you sleep last night?” We’re happy to talk about simple events when they’ve recently occurred.
4. “Hey.” Smile then walk away. Repeat each time and build to a casual conversation. Say it in an environment like a gym when you meet someone over and over. Eventually you’ll feel like friends and have something good to talk about. When you have something else to say, have the confidence to say it.
5. “What do you think of that book?” “Looks like a great drink. What is it?” “I love this place because it’s got great energy.” These examples are situational openers – the most common type of conversation starter. Simply comment on your surroundings.
6. “Where are you from?” This is best if you think the person is not from the area or the location is something like a seminar, convention, or university where people from diverse towns come together.
7. “I like your posture. It makes you stand out nicely.” “Nice shirt. Where did you get it?” “I love your style!” These examples are compliment openers.
8. “It’s so hot today.” “The great sun is burning this afternoon.” “It’s freezing! Do you know the temperature?” Talk about the weather. “Don’t knock the weather,” said American cartoonist Kin Hubbard, “nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.”
9. “I don’t know anyone around here so I thought I’d come talk to you.” “I’m a little nervous talking with strangers, but I just had to come say hi.” “I know no one here so I thought I’d introduce myself to you.” These examples are what I call the “vulnerable introduction”. Make your opener a disclosure of what’s filling your body with anxiety and you’ll endear people.
10. “I’m out meeting new, interesting people tonight. Mind if we chat for a minute?” “You guys look like you’re having fun. That’s so cool that I just had to come talk to you.” “I had to come talk to you because your shirt made me laugh.” Reveal your reason for approaching the person or group.
11. “What about the game last night!” “Yankees aren’t doing so well this season.” “You’re flowers are looking lovely.” Talk about something you know the person is interested in.
12. “I was just listening to radio on my way here and can’t believe what happened in Africa.” Study the news before an event to learn what’s hot.
13. “Normally people start a conversation by talking about what’s in the news, but I haven’t been paying any attention. What’s been going on? Is the President dead?” If you’re like me and never consume the daily news (it’s mental pollution from corporations wanting views or readership), ask about the news. Use humor whenever possible to release tension.
14. “I believe we saw each other at James’ party.” “I think we ran into each other at the trade event last month.” “Did we meet last year at Church?” Start by talking about previous brief interactions.
15. “How’s your Christmas preparations going?” “How’d the New Year go for you?” “Spring Break has been crazy. What’s happened to you at Spring Break so far?” Talk about holiday preparations, experiences, and fun times. The person is guaranteed to do something for holidays like Christmas making it a good opener.
16. Wear a big talk people-magnet. As described in my Big Talk book, big talk people-magnets are items people will approach you to talk about. Such items include earrings, jewelery, tattoos, an unusual hair cut or color, a pinned item on your shirt or top, or a slogan t-shirt. People want to talk to you so help put words in their mouth.

Cold-Read Conversation Starters to Use on Anyone

17. “You look like a [teacher/fashion designer/entrepreneur/some noble profession].” The person feels appreciated and always asks why.
18. “You seem like a [kind/hard working/problem solving/positive personality trait] person. I like that.” The compliment makes them feel great and leads you to talk about others without such a qualities.
19. “You look like a [outgoing/talkative/friendly/people-magnetic trait] person. I’ll talk to you!”
20. “I’m curious. Would your friends say you’re an [outgoing/understanding/open/positive personality trait] person?”
21. “I like your [necklace/shirt/hair/personal trait or item]. I bet that says a lot about your personality.” No one hates a compliment and someone interested in one’s personality.
22. “You guys know each from work?” “You guys look like you’ve been friends since school.” “You guys spending the night out together?” This one is good for groups. Predict their relationship with one another.
23. “I’m practicing a new skill called ‘cold-reading’ on people I don’t yet know. Let me quickly try it on you. It’ll be fun.” Confidently assert you’ll cold-read; don’t ask for permission.

Grab my free magical conversation starter for more great advice on coming up with your own cold-reads in conversation to instantly make people like you.

Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls

24. “I need a girl’s opinion about something I was just discussing with a friend who broke up with his girlfriend. He made out with another woman straight after his relationship break up. Is he a jerk?” Get a female opinion.
25. “I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.” “You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!” “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?” Tease cheesy pick-up lines. Make sure you say the pick-up line in a joking manner.
26. “Who lies more: men or women?” “Is it wrong to break up with a text message?” Ask a controversial question to a group of women then watch their eyes open wide and hear the chatter break out.
27. “I want a woman’s perspective on this. I was just talking a friend who had broken up
    and his girlfriend keeps calling. Why does she do it?” Ask a question about someone’s relationship. Women love to share their opinion on relationships.
28. “You caught my attention because you’re cute so I had to come talk to you.”
29. “Nice boots. Do you have your horse parked outside?” “Nice shoes. They look comfortable.” “Nice top. My grandma has one.” Say it playfully. Lightly tease the woman about something she’ll giggle over. Be prepared for banter.
30. “Can I help you?” Ask this in a shop. Playfully pretend to be an employee.
31. “Are you friendly?” Say it with a suspicious look. “Good, I’ll talk to you.” No women will say no.

Conversation Starters for Girls with Guys

32. “I need a guy’s opinion on something that just happened with a friend. Would you read your girlfriend’s email if you thought she was cheating on you?” Get a male opinion.
33. “Where can I find a good coffee shop around here?” “I need help rubbing sunscreen on my back. I’m unfortunately not double-jointed. Can you help put it on?” “What’s a great country to visit?” Ask for his help. Guys love to give advice (as if you didn’t know that.)
34. “I’ll do a trade with you. You give me that burger and I’ll give you this awful coffee.” Make a playful trade. You can make up anything based on something each of you have at the time.
35. “Can you take a photo for me to send a friend?” Get him to join in the photo.
36. “Can you reserve my seat for me?” “Can you look after these books until I get back?” Ask him to watch something for you – just don’t leave your bag behind for him. You’re opening a conversation for your return, not putting the country at threat or testing if he’d make an honest husband.
37. “Nice [shoes/shirt/bag/material item]. I’ve been thinking of getting one for a friend. Where can I get one?” Question something you complimented.
38. “Oh! Sorry for bumping into you.” “Oh no! I’m sorry for spilling my drink on you.” The accident opener isn’t the best – you may have to spill a drink on the guy three times for him to pick up your interest in starting a conversation. Some women even burn men with cigarettes! Create an accident if you’re absolutely lost for words, but be careful you don’t do damage.
39. “You should come talk to me.” Walk away without giving him a chance to respond.
40. Shoo away your friends for a moment to be alone. Many guys talk to women in bars and clubs when the woman’s friends get a drink or go to toilet – it’s the guy’s chance to attack the lonely gazelle.

Conversation Starters for Families or Friends

41. “Where’s [Uncle Terry/New York crew/missing family or friend] today?”
42. “Are you going to Jim’s wedding?” “Weddings, births, birthdays are all memorable events families and friends can talk about. Divorces are memorable, but depressing.
43. “How have you been this past year?” “Great to see you. What’s changed in your life since the last time we met?” (recall the last time you met to get bonus points). Catch up on the person’s life – my favorite opener to use with family and friends.
44. Bring up a memorable moment or anecdote your family or friends remember like a funny story, an embarrassing mishap, or a trip everyone enjoyed. This starter initiates multiple conversations about similar moments.
45. “What do you have planned for the weekend?” “What’s happening for you Friday?” “What’s on your calendar this week?”
46. “What’s one thing you’re really thankful for?”
47. “Tell me a little known fact about you.” “What’s something I don’t know about you that you think I should know? Like, are you a stalker?” “What’s one thing I probably don’t know about you?”

Conversation Starters for Couples

Most of these are useful when the couple are already in dialog:

48. “What do you most admire about our [family/home/relationship/something with positive qualities]?”
49. “What’s one thing you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?”
50. “I like how you smile when I come home from work.” Compliments replenish the energy in relationships often drained from criticism and lead to great conversations.
51. “In your dream house, what one room must you have?”
52. “What’s a memory between us that stands out for you?”
53. “What does this [flower/meal/atmosphere/something in the environment] remind you of?” Make sure the object you’re commenting on has history in your relationship.
54. “What three values do you most want our children to carry on throughout life?” “What principles do you want our children to live by?” “How do you want our children to best live life?”
55. “If you happen to leave Earth before I do, how would you like me to remember you?” You’ll discover the ideal image of your partner, which you can use to increase understanding and intimacy.

First Date Conversation Starters

56. “How am I doing so far?” Say it sarcastically once the date starts (you’re making fun of someone needy.)
57. “What’s the one defining moment of your life so far?”
58. “What’s one thing you most want to do?” Gather information for a later date to blow their mind away.
59. “What three words best describe you?”
60. “What’s something your friends don’t even know about you?”
61. “What’s the baddest thing you’ve done before?”
62. “What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?”
63. Talk about a funny, embarrassing moment you had with a member of the opposite sex to ease any tension.

Please don’t make the first date or any conversation a needy interview. Question sparingly.

Party Conversation Starters

64. “Do you know [the host's name]?” If they don’t, it doesn’t matter. You’re finding out how they fit into the party, an easy ice-breaker allowing for more conversation about the party and its people.
65. “What’d you get up to earlier today?”
66. “I love this party. People are just having fun. Are you having fun?” “This is an awesome night. How’s your night been?” “The people here are great and add to the fun. Having fun here?” You get the idea.
67. “You better win. I’ve got a bet going with a friend.” Apply this to a game of pool, darts, drinking competition – whatever game you’re bound to see at a party. If the person loses or wins, you’ve got good call-back humor to bring repeat laughs for the rest of the night: “You’re doing well tonight”, “I think you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”, “I’m going to invest my house on you winning a poker tournament. Then you can win and we’ll go retire in Las Vegas and blow all our money.”
68. “I’m trying to settle a bet with a friend. How many oceans are there in the world?” Mention the bet then ask any piece of trivia.
69. “Can you help me opening this bottle?” Just make sure it isn’t a plastic screw lid on a soft-drink bottle. If you game like a ditsy blonde, cool by me.
70. If you’re hosting a party, get a conversation starter kit with questions on cards to break the ice. Table Topics are a company that make such cards for many occasions like parties, teens, couples, and the dinner table. You can by them here.

Conversation Starters at the Gym

Most people (who are serious about working out) don’t like to talk at the gym. Use the following openers to keep your chat short, leaving your conversation partner feeling respected:

71. “You look like you know what you’re doing. What’s a good exercise to target my lower abs?”
72. “Can you spot me?”
73. “How’s your workout going?” This is good to ask at the watercooler or when both of you are resting between sets.
74. “Can you check my form for this set and give me any feedback?”
75. If you’re female, ask a guy for help moving heavy weights. Let him catch your eye on his arms. He’ll love it. Every gym-going guy wants to flaunt his strength to women. Call it a primal mating dance to display his fitness for survival if you wish.

Funny Conversation Starters

76. “What was the best thing before sliced bread?” “In an emergency, why do you have to break glass to get a hammer to break glass?” “Can crop circles be square?” Pick a few stock ironic questions to ask anyone. Ask a question with a clueless, serious look then switch your body language over to “I’m playing around”.
77. “You know what they say about people who [run in the morning/drink espressos/talk to themselves/anything the person is doing]?” They’ll say, “No. What?” Giggle and leave the mystery open or say, “Nothing. I’m just messing with ya.”
78. “Why shouldn’t you take a Pokemon into the bathroom? He might Pikachu.” Tell a simple joke. Few people tell a joke to someone they don’t know – it’s never happened to me.
79. “What’s your biggest pet peeve?” People will usually giggle over their pet peeves because we know how silly little annoyances can be.
80. “My mum said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look scary.” “My grandmother said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look like you’d kidnap me.” People with a sense of humor will usually role play being scary or a kidnapper after such a playful opener.
81. “Look at that fighting couple. I’ve never seen so much love before.” This comedic technique is exaggeration. Observe something then exaggerate it too a humorous level.
82. Tell a funny story that relates to the situation.

Deep, Meaningful Conversation Starters

83. “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?” This question allows both of you to reflect on childhood hopes and dreams.
84. “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?”
85. “I’ve been asking a few people this and want your opinion because you seem like an intelligent person: is it more important to be understood or loved?”
86. “What do you like about this [music/event/holiday/almost anything].” Exploring people’s opinions instead of talking about objective facts makes the conversation personal.
87. “How does this [music/event/holiday/almost anything] make you feel?” Inquire the person about the affect something has on him or her.
88. “What were the highs and lows of your day, today?” Don’t ask unless you really want to know.
89. “What’s something you regret?” “What one thing would you change in your life at the moment?” “If you could go back in time, what one thing would you change?”
90. “What gives you the greatest joy in life?” “What makes you the happiest?” “If you’re about to die, what do you need to have done to be fulfilled?”

The effectiveness of these openers like many others depend on who you chat with. Asking a teenager, “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?” may leave him or her thinking you’re a weirdo.

There’s more to selecting the right topic for a meaningful conversation, however. In fact, what you talk about has little to do with a deep conversation. A meaningful conversation is about connection. If you want to forge a deep connection with others, grab my Big Talk book.

Conversation Starters that Get People Talking

While most starters up to this point have been openers (your first few words), the following are good sticks to stir up a conversational fire. Think of them as “conversation starters that keep the conversation going”.

If any seem awkward, it’s a matter of bridging them to the relevant topic. Preface the following statements or questions with something to avoid looking like you have conversational ADD:

91. “What’s hot in your life at the moment?” Hear about the big event in the person’s life.
92. “What hobbies are taking up your time?” Much more interesting than talking about work again.
93. “What do you for fun?”
94. “What have you been doing in your time off recently?”
95. “What’s the first thing you notice about a person?” “In your opinion, what makes a good first impression?” “Jill has such a great personality. I wonder why.” Talk about what relates to building friends and influencing people. Ask interesting questions most people haven’t answered before.
96. “What countries have you been to?” People love to travel. If they haven’t been overseas, ask, “Where would you like to go?”
97. “If you wrote a book, what would it be about?” “What would you do if [he/the US President/Angelina Jolie/a known person] showed up right now?” “I wonder what your DJ name would be?” Make up an endless array of hypothetical scenarios.
98. “Have you ever [been to Australia/seen a monkey acting human/something unusually interesting]?” One off experiences start a good conversation.
99. “What’s the last thing you purchased online?” Online purchases aren’t a social experience so they can make an interesting conversation.
100. “What movies have you seen lately?” “What’s on your music playlist at the moment?” “Watched any good shows or DVDs recently?” “What book are you currently reading?”
101. “Last time we talked, you were… What happened?” “How’s your new job coming along?” “Who won the game of golf you said you had last time we talked?” Recall something from a past conversation or your current conversation.

Phew! I hope you enjoyed this whopper of a list. Never again can you excuse yourself from approaching people.

If these conversation starters fail to elicit much information from the person to get the conversation going, answer your own question and talk about yourself. The “rapid big talk model” I developed states that self-disclosure regulates the speed and degree two persons know each other. If you want someone to answer in-depth the question, “What hobbies are taking up your time?” describe your hobby for a few minutes.

You now have plenty of material to start a conversation with anyone anywhere. For more advanced conversation starters and proven formulas to keep a conversation going, check out my Big Talk Training Course. It’s the ultimate one-of-a-kind course to overcome shyness, stop being a loner, and always know what to say to make friends with anyone.

May you enjoy meeting new, interesting people!

David DeAngelo starts off by letting readers know that his Double Your Dating ebook is not an encyclopedia, but a reference to being successful with women. It is not intended to be a complete resource on how men can attract women. It is, however, a mighty fine start. He provides strong foundations that any guy must know in order to become successful with women and dating.

After a decade’s experience in learning how to attract women, DeAngelo knows how guys approach the subject of learning how to be successful with women. Too often he has seen guys take a mental standpoint where they mistake themselves for knowing the information while they don’t put the skills to use. He mentions the need for guys to go out and practice the attraction skills he teaches. Many guys seeking advice from him are intelligent, but smart can be dumb. The skills he teaches, like any other, require practice. No great skill or canned pick-up lines will make a guy succeed with women and dating if they are not practiced, adapted, and understood.

There are many canned lines given in the ebook, which give you a strong frame of reference for creating your own lines, but “what to say” is not the basis behind the ebook. The ebook is not filled with lines; it is a holistic reference to become successful with women. The given lines act like the framework for tough situations, such as the complete guide on what to do and say to get a woman’s phone number. The ebook is a powerful reference to create the whole mindset a guy must have if he wants to start dating physically and emotionally attractive women.

This touches on another topic where guys complain about these attraction skills not being their natural self. The author says the majority of guys have no idea how to attract women because their natural self is bottled inside of fear, anxiety, and placing women on a pedestal. Once guys practice and internalize the information, they are then given the privilege to behave as their natural self. Being yourself is an earned privilege and not a right.

DeAngelo’s teachings come from his own experience, and years of studying experts. He has slashed through the loads of dating and psychology advice for men, most of which is useless or harmful, so you can be certain his guidance and tips work. (I have heard him describe his learning experience from the loads of information as walking through a jungle with a machete slashing through the crap that gets in the way of men being successful with women.)

Theory of Attraction and Dating Women

In traditional DeAngelo fashion, he begins Double Your Dating with theory. He briefly goes back a few thousand years to identify the psychological factors of women that remain unchanged to this day. There are inherit differences between the way women and men think, feel, and behave. By taking advantage of these differences – instead of letting them confuse you, like most guys who are unaware of gender differences in dating and attraction – you become more successful with women.

Most men new to attraction and the whole “pick-up scene” make the mistake of assuming women are only interested in handsome, tall, wealthy, and powerful men. These guys may also mistake women as wanting similar characteristics in men that guys want in women. DeAngelo teaches that women are naturally attracted to handsome, tall, wealthy, or powerful men. Though these characteristics instinctively trigger a woman’s natural feelings of attractiveness towards a guy, a man who develops his confidence, social skills, and attraction triggers can elicit more powerful sexual feelings from within her. What matters most is how a man makes a woman feel through his personality and communication. There are plenty of wealthy, tall, good looking men who get women’s attention, but cannot keep it because they disobey the principles in DeAngelo’s ebook.

Helping Men Transform

Two general principles I loved, which stood out from Double Your Dating, is the mindset you must have to become good at something and the need to constantly improve yourself. Though the ebook provides quick, short-term tips to be successful with women, the guys who make the commitment and effort to practice the advice get greater success with women than the guys after quick canned lines. Making a commitment to yourself with persistent effort is a sure way to get the most out of any goal you desire. The second principle of constantly improving yourself will do all guys a miracle in becoming more emotionally and physically attractive.

DeAngelo teaches guys many skills in the ebook that I recommend to people to improve their social skills and feelings about themselves. He shows you how to adjust your attitude, change negative beliefs to empowering beliefs, boost your self-esteem, become a man women know is sexually attractive, and general psychological betterment. The exercises he provides improves many areas of anyone’s life – they are not limited to helping guys become more successful with women.

Become a True Man

One point I think you will love most in the ebook are the strategies and exercises to overcome your fears of approaching women. Too many guys let their fear of approaching stop them from success with women. I felt DeAngelo was speaking directly to me with my past fears of going up to girl and getting rejected.

Another interesting point worth noting is “ass kissing” behavior, like buying a woman’s affection, is to be avoided at all times. In any situation where the motive behind complimenting is manipulative, you can expect a poor response. The basis of the ebook transforms these natural tendencies guys have into challenging behaviors. A guy in control of his life who can playfully tease women communicates sexually attractive qualities.

The personality styles that turn women on is, by itself, enough reason to check out the ebook. These personality styles go beyond personalities that women love – they are an entire life-changing mindset. One particular personality style of many I’ll share with you to demonstrate what I’m talking about is the “aggressive” personality. This personality is not about beating up women or being a jerk; it refers to pursuing a goal with passion, persistence, and determination. Women attract to men that work aggressively towards their passionate goals. It communicates energy, protection, security, and a future outlook, which ties in with the traits that instinctively attract women.

Quite possibly the greatest thing about Double Your Dating, which was added in the second edition, is the action exercises after every chapter. I cannot stress enough the need to practice any skill. Practicing is especially important in the dating world because fear unnecessarily prevents both men and women from dating success. A lot of people develop their fears from thinking too much. The action exercises act like little steps to get guys where they want to be in the dating world. These steps backed by a lot of real-world advice from the author means guys can go from not even being able to approach a girl, to having a great long-term relationship.

Overall, I was very pleased with the ebook. David DeAngelo’s style of writing was casual. I’ve observed his company and products for over three years. It is great to see the success they have given many thousands of men around the world in diverse cultures.

I know readers of the ebook that have more than doubled their dating – they have gone from never having a girlfriend to dating ten women a month. It’s crazy how much success some men now have with women after reading Double Your Dating. These men are now the selectee instead of the selected.

If you’re a guy wondering how you can be more successful with women, DeAngelo’s ebook shows you how. I believe all men, if they practice hard, can “mold with their hands” the kind of success with women they want. If only every man could read it, they would not experience years of frustration, loneliness, and fear that controls their lives.

Double Your Dating has my recommendations behind it! Sign up to David’s newsletter by clicking here. Once you sign up, you will be taken to a page where you can download his ebook Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women (Second Edition). (If you’re already signed up to his newsletter, just enter a fake name and email to continue to the next step so you can get your copy of his ebook.)

Author Leil Lowndes gives 92 tricks to become a better conversationalist and improve your social relationships. From body language tricks and words to say, to telephone techniques and social tactics, it’s all in Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone, an attention-grabbing book on human conversations.

The 92 tips are spread throughout the following 9 parts:

1. How to intrigue everyone without saying a word: You only have ten seconds to show you’re a somebody
2. How to know what you say after “Hi”
3. How to talk like a VIP
4. How to be an insider in any crowd: What are they all talking about?
5. How to sound like you’re a peas in a pod: “Why, we’re just alike!”
6. How to differentiate the power of praise from the folly of flattery
7. How to direct dial their hearts
8. How to work a party like a politician works a room: The politician’s six-point party checklist
9. How to break the most treacherous glass ceiling of all: Sometimes people are tigers

As you can tell from the nine parts above, the book is pretty irresistible. Of course, a few of the 92 tricks won’t revolutionize your life, but even if you are a great conversationalist, you are bound to discover a few techniques to throw in your communication bag of tricks. Little techniques like the “big baby pivot”, “little strokes”, and “swiveling spotlight” add up to make you a conversationalist who can talk to anyone. If you don’t know what to say in a conversation or you generally struggle to talk to strangers, How to Talk to Anyone is bound to save you from drowning in conversations.

Part four titled “How to be an insider in any crowd” was the best part of the book for me. Some great tips were given on the topic of how to dial up a stranger’s hot buttons by talking about their topics of interest (Hint: It’s not asking them what they’re into). The advice is strongly applicable for all types of conversations. Whether talking to a celebrity or a stranger of the opposite sex, the gems shared in this part will be your go-to guide.

In each tip, Lowndes shares a story of her own or a friend’s story to demonstrate how the tip can be applied in real conversations. This makes the book a quick and practical read. The gray box at the end of each tip summarizes what you need to know and makes for a quick reviser to easily remember the flood of tips given to you. When combined with her amazing ability to write in an interesting manner – as she paints images in your mind with picturesque words – Lowndes will have you finish the book in no time and talking to anyone. I’ve been in contact with Leil after reading the book and she is as nice in person as her beautiful writing style.

How to Talk to Anyone is really a conversation skills book and not a relationship skills book. The relationship aspect of this book is about having the skills to initiate and keep a conversation going so you can start a relationship. There is, however, some good tips for maintaining strong relationships that can also be applied to improving your conversations.

To begin improving your conversation skills with 92 killer tips and never be left in the cold during a conversation, get your copy of How to Talk to Anyone from Amazon right now by clicking here today.

UPDATE: Leil has released a new book titled How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, which contains even more little tricks to talk and make friends with people. I’ve read it and it’s just as good as How to Talk to Anyone! I encourage you to get both books.

If you are woman wanting to start a conversation with an interesting guy, whether it is online through things like MSN, Facebook, and Myspace or face-to-face or text, you must work through two primary challenges or steps. The first step is to overcome your fears, anxiety, and other “inner game” problems. Even if you think you are confident – because you are reading this article wanting to know how to start a conversation with a guy – that tells me you need to solve inner game problems rather than have me write you a few magical lines to use on a guy you like. The second step defines what you say and how you say it. Let’s look into these two steps throughout the article.

Why Friends are Easy to Talk With

Why do you find it easy to talk with friends, but you do not know what to say to a guy you like? The answer is: you know your friends. This makes it easy to talk about a lot of things, which proves the point I want to make: you are able to talk to your friends because you do not feel vulnerable to them. You can talk to your friends because you are unconcerned about their judgments of you. This opens a floodgate of conversational topics that are suppressed when you try to start a conversation with a guy.

Contrast talking with your friends to talking with a guy you like. When you try to start a conversation with a guy, you can talk about a million subjects, but you say nothing because you worry about him liking you, saying the wrong thing, or making a fool of yourself. Your negative thinking chokes your ability to converse until the conversation dies. You don’t think like this around friends. It is important to sort out these inner game issues that prevent you from starting a conversation so you can become a confident woman that naturally attracts men.

Let’s say a girl comes across a guy at a shopping center she wants to get to know. She tries her best to think of something to start the conversation, but her mind is blank. She has inner voices telling her negative things such as, “You can’t do this”, “He won’t even like you”, and “You’ll just make yourself look bad and embarrass yourself”. The lady has already lost her inner game. She is not going to start a conversation with destructive thinking.

Her mind isn’t really blank, however; her destructive pattern of thinking gives her the mind blank. When you suffocate your mind with destructive thinking, you cannot start a good conversation. Winning on the outside starts with winning on the inside. Before you win in the conversation by starting a good conversation, get your inner game into shape. Do not worry what to say when you cannot even speak.

I am going to hone in on how girls can start a conversation with a guy by firstly looking more into your inner game, then we will look into techniques that you can use to start a conversation with a guy. Moreover, these are fundamental conversational rules that can be used for anyone in various situations – they are not limited to girls starting conversations with guys.

Reframing Your Mind

The first path you need to hop on to improve your inner game is boosting self-awareness. Be self-aware of your inner dialog, the language in your mind. I know it is easier said than done so I’m going to teach you one of the most powerful personal development techniques to fight limiting thoughts.

Motivational speaker Wayne Dyer uses the phrase “no limit thinking” to release people from self-limiting beliefs. These beliefs empower or disempower us from anything we do. William James, a 19th century psychologist that pioneered American psychology, said:

“The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.”

You must release yourself from these beliefs to confidently start and maintain a conversation. Be a no limit thinker. Remove the limits you have placed on yourself by using a technique called “reframing”.

Reframing is not a difficult technique. It has you change your interpretation of a situation. Your aim with reframing is to create thoughts congruent with your goals and repeatedly affirm these thoughts to yourself. The better you get at adopting a “no limit thinking” approach, your confidence improves as does your ability to talk with people.

The girl at the shopping center would use the reframing technique by repositioning her current negative thoughts to positive ones about having a great conversation with the guy. Below are some negative thoughts the girl in our example is trying to overcome and to the right of each limiting thought is a good reframe the girl could use:

Negative Thought	Positive Thought Using the Reframing Technique
“I’m nervous.”	“I’m nervous because I care about the situation.”
“I won’t start the conversation well.”	“I will start the conversation well as I can do with my other friends and other people.”
“I’m afraid.”	“I wasn’t afraid last week when talking to a new guy so I don’t have to be afraid now.”
“He is so amazing and too good for me.”	“He farts, burps, and itches himself like any other human.”
“He won’t like me.”	“I don’t care if he won’t like me because I’m the prize. He is the one losing.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about.”	“I have thousands of thoughts that can be used to start a conversation.”

Can you see how easy and powerful it is to overcome the limits you place on yourself? Reframing is an amazing technique. It may take a minute or two to come up with a positive interpretation of the situation, but with practice you’ll become faster and better at it. It can be used in almost any situation to boost your confidence, improve your happiness, and help you succeed.

Now that you have fought off your doubts, fears, anxieties, and uncertainties about having a conversation with the guy, you can approach him and start a conversation. I’ve found that once people improve their inner game with the reframing technique, the second part of this article that provides conversation starters naturally happen. People can start a conversation easily because they reframe the situation, which makes them feel confident and able to talk about anything. Nonetheless, I will share effective techniques and conversation starters below. The reframing technique frees your mind to start conversations, but it is reassuring to have techniques you can rely on to start a conversation.

Situational Starter

To use the situational starter technique, all you do is notice your surroundings. Preferably make it something the other person is aware of or would be aware of once you use it.

In the shopping scenario, the girl could talk about things like the hastiness of shoppers or the weather… Wait. I hear you say this technique sucks. Talking about the weather is the simplest and worst use of the situational technique. It is boring and too common. Both examples would probably be ineffective in the shopping situation, but they can work when delivered by powerful nonverbal communication.

I encourage you to be more creative with situational starters. To make better use of this technique, use more in-depth situational influences for effective conversational starters. These rely on your creativity and involve discussions on unusual things about the situation. Your conversations will be more fun once you follow this advice.

I will give you some examples of good situational starters the girl in our shopping example could use to start a conversation with a guy she likes. The girl could ask the guy how to locate a specific store or item; she could ask him where he got his hat because she would like to buy one for her brother; given the guy looks about 20 years-old, she could ask him for his opinion on whether her 20 year-old guy friend would like an item she thinks this guy has an interest in. This last conversation starter is more of an opinion opener, another good technique to start conversations, yet it still involves reading the situation. Use the situational starter or an opinion opener with creativity, and you have all you need to start a conversation.

You can get more conversation starters to use on guys you like and other people by reading an article I wrote titled “101 Conversation Starters“.

What to Talk About

Once you have started the conversation, the biggest difficulty is overcome. The conversation gets easier with time, but you still need to keep the conversation going. Starting a conversation means nothing if it stops dead. You have overcome your inner game issues, you have approached and started a conversation with him, but if you do not keep the conversation going you are in trouble. I will list some techniques and tips you can use to keep a conversation flowing nicely with a guy, but browse the conversation skills section for more great tips.

What should you talk about? One thing you must not talk about is a boring topic. Do not, and I repeat, do not bore your conversational partner to death. You can avoid boredom by avoiding normal conversational topics such as the weather. Talk about passions, interests, conspiracies, and relationships. It is pretty simple to avoid boredom by talking about topics that have emotion! Talk about topics each of you are emotionally involved in to create an emotional link the two of you will remember.

If you don’t know an interesting topic, let the person be the topic. Myself and other guys love to talk about themselves. It’s only natural to talk about yourself because it’s the easiest topic to talk about. You can harness and leverage this with the guy by asking good open-ended questions.

An open-ended question is a type of question that takes more than a few words to answer. Examples of open-ended questions include: “What do you think about…?” “What’s something interesting you got up to last week?” and “Why do you enjoy…?”

In the shopping scenario, let’s say the girl started the conversation by asking the guy, “Excuse me. I’m after a basketball for my brother. I thought you’d know a bit about it and was wondering what advice you could give me?” The girl would listen attentively using positive body language and show other forms of interest in the guy’s answer. If he doesn’t know much about basketballs, it does not matter. She could then keep the conversation going by asking him, “What things are you interested in then?” What matters is she has broken the ice and started a conversation.

She can increase her chances of keeping the conversation going by asking for his advice on an item she thinks interests him. Again, this uses the opinion technique and is valuable to make someone talk to you. She can guess what he is interested in by looking at his clothes, his friends, what he is currently doing, or anything else that is noticeable. The girl can ask him for his advice on buying a basketball because he is wearing a basketball jersey. She can keep a conversation going by observing the guy, listening carefully, and being a good “detective” snooping around for information.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with “Branches”

Once she asks for his advice and listens attentively, she can keep the conversation going by building onto what I call “branches” that grow from a conversation. Branches are more in-depth discussions about the topic, or even another topic, by listening carefully to what is discussed. There are literally thousands of branches to a statement like, “I enjoy shopping with my friends.” Branches from this could be shopping experiences, stories related to shopping, and why you’re currently shopping.

The girl’s question of, “What things are you interested in then?” is one example of a branch. Another example of branching the girl in our shopping example could use, which continues from the guy’s reply to her question about basketballs, is: “Thanks. You do know a lot about basketball. How did you get all this knowledge?” She can build a conversation about the item and branch out into related topics she thinks the guy is interested in depending on his energy when speaking on the topic.

What If You Fail and Get Rejected?

If you do make a mistake and stuff up the conversation with a guy you like, do not worry. Use the reframing technique by saying things to yourself like, “I stuffed up and am now smarter for next time” or “I don’t care. I’m the prize.” Failure is just another step towards your success of effortlessly starting and continuing conversations. With enough practice, you will achieve conversation mastery.

From this article you have improved your inner game, you know how to start a good conversation, and you know how to keep an exciting conversation going. All that is left for you to do is put the techniques to use when you find yourself wanting to start a conversation with a guy you want to meet. Let me know how it goes for you!

Lastly, if you want to learn more about how you can become a more confident, mature, attractive lady that naturally attracts men, there is one online resource I recommend you learn more about: Catch Him and Keep Him. Catch Him and Keep Him is an ebook by Christian Carter to help you become a better woman so you can find and keep Mr Right. Click here to learn more about it.

The book’s title describes the book fairly well. Everything in it has been tested (though I’m not sure about the “new” part.) Conversationally Speaking contains the meat of what communication trainers have advised to people for decades. That is, understanding types of questions, listening, handling compliments, and other basic communication skills.

If you think you have a lot of knowledge about the dynamics of conversations, you will unlikely find anything new in this book. But then again, if you understand conversations well, you wouldn’t need to read many books on how to increase your personal and social effectiveness.

Garner’s book begins with a basic discussion on close-ended and open-ended questions. In later chapters on delivering compliments and listening, however, it seems Garner kicks the book up a gear. I was surprised by the advice to talk about yourself, handle criticism, deal with rejected praise, and reduce social anxiety.

A few criticism’s I’ve seen about the book on Amazon must have been adjusted in later versions of the book because some examples used in the book that people have put-down as “stupid” are non-existent in my version Conversationally Speaking does contain many relevant examples. The examples get to the author’s point as they are used to nicely illustrate a conversation skill.

The book contains very little fluff. Sometimes I felt a discussion was cut short as I turned the page to discover a new chapter. Small amounts of the book explain the skills as you will find yourself flying through it.

Overall, Alan Garner’s Conversationally Speaking is about proven conversational methods that promote conversations in personal and social situations. You won’t see the wheel reinvented in this book because the author has stuck with what has worked for him and hundreds of thousands of his readers. The conversational skills in this book are simple and effective. If you feel your conversational skills need fine-tuning, grab your copy of the book now from Amazon by clicking here.