There is a step-by-step method revealed in this guide to easily make friends. People “naturally” great at making friends unknowingly follow it. The difference between you and them is their parents, their teachers, their way of living early in life created these habits. You just have to learn these ways to make friends.

It can be frustrating now, but it no longer has to be hard to make friends. Shy and lonely people have learned how using the below guide. Follow these 5 simple steps and I guarantee within 2 weeks you’ll make new friends.

Step 1. The Effortless Place to Make Friends (How to Easily Make Friends)

A man practices the art of adventure when he breaks the chain of routine and renews his life through reading new books, traveling to new places, making new friends, taking up new hobbies and adopting new viewpoints.Wilfred Peterson, author of the 1949 The Art of Getting Along

Draw from two groups of people to make friends:

1. people you already know
2. people you are yet to meet

The first place out of habit we look at when making friends are people we don’t know. That’s a mistake because you’ll discover how to easily make friends with people you see, don’t talk to, or avoid.

List everyone you currently know who could be a friend that you want to befriend. It’s not about getting people to like you, but getting to know people you like.

These people could be classmates, work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances, friends of people you know, or friends with whom you lost contact. Cousins or friends of siblings are candidates. This is your first list of potential friends. It’s important you write down their names or where you see them (if you don’t know their names) so you can use the advice in this guide.

Next we look at people you’re yet to meet. If you move to a new place and don’t know anyone, your challenge is having no people you know. You need to meet new people.

If you’re lonely, your daily routine stops you meeting new people. You eat breakfast by yourself, go to work to see nobody new, then come home to hangout with yourself. To meet new friends, you have to change your routine. Do you understand? Friends won’t fall from the sky – you have to get out there then make the effort to meet them.

It’s not about getting people to like you, but getting to know people you like.

Meeting new people can be scary yet there are ways to do it. As bonus motivation for you, I’ve found from coaching shy guys, when they use this guide, they often get new exciting work, do activities they’ve wanted for years, and enjoy life more.

What do you mostly do during the day? Do you go to school, have a job, or play a sport? Look at these groups for potential friends.

My favorite method to find potential friends is through hobbies and interests. When I review my life, three quarters of my friends came through this way. Activities like cricket or interest groups like bronies (men who love ponies) are instant sources of friends because of the chat and enjoyment you get from a fun gathering.

What are your hobbies or interests? Also what regular activity would you like to try? Add these interests as reservoirs for friends.

Look for groups in your city. Check out websites like meetup.com, couchsurfing.com or local Facebook groups.

You can also use these free sites to discover what is happening in your area. Events that snag your interest are great places to meet people. Events in your major city cater to new people who want to make friends, meet for a coffee, and chat – that’s easier if you lack the confidence than putting your foot in an existing social circle.

Some people default to bars at night to make new friends. The confidence and friendliness that comes from alcohol often disappears the next day, and you realize your new friend is not who you hoped. Unless you make friends with someone at a bar while each of you are not drunk, the relationship is unlikely to grow. Another problem when making friends at some bars is the loud music that stops good conversation. I don’t recommend bars for new sources of friends.

Step 2. How to Start a Conversation with Common Ground and Already Feel Like Friends

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’C.S. Lewis, Novelist

When you’re shy meeting someone new, it’s hard to think of what to say. Once you discover an interest or experience you have in common, conversation flows a lot easier instead of awkward small-talk. Friends have commonalities whether it be the same school, a fun hobby, or the love of a sport.

Imagine you’ve been invited to a mutual friend’s party, and you don’t know how to start talking to other people. Ask how they know the host or “What brought you to the party?” can work as conversation starters.

Situations where the surroundings naturally break the ice are good for starting conversations when you know nothing about the person. For example, at an art exhibition assume people have opinions about the art, and that your views are something to share. Ask what they think of a certain painting.

Orientation sessions for a new job, training sessions, courses, or parties where others have come alone are all good places to find common ground. You already share being at the event.

Look for little signs of someone’s personality; a shirt with a band name, a wristband for a certain cause, a book in their bag. You might locate a commonality.

Groups and events related an interest or hobby of yours are good to find people who share things with you. You gather for a mutual love whether it be a hobby, writer, political stance, or type of music. You know what you have in common. Ask how long they’ve been a fan or what is their favorite Pokemon card (…Pokemon is cool, man!)

Sometimes you need to talk with the person for a few minutes before you discover what you have in common. A good introduction by a third party should connect you two with a commonality. If nobody is around, touch on various topics until you find something you share. Talk about what you suspect the person is interested in from your observations or intuition – you might have similar jobs, be from the same place, or share an opinion on an important topic.

If nothing strikes you as an obvious conversation starter in a situation where conversation normally flows, bring that to light. Laughing and admitting you can’t think of a thing to say and that you’re awful at small-talk makes for conversation. Your self-deprecating humor is confidence and endearing. Some people will be relieved then admit they feel the same. Your openness alone breaks ice to get another person talking.

Here’s a similar tactic. Not knowing anybody is itself something to talk about, “I don’t know anyone here so I thought I’d come chat.” There’s always something to start a conversation. Always.

For more conversation starters you could ever need, do this exercise I reveal in a video to come up with your own conversation starters and see my massive list of 101 conversation starters.

Step 3. How to Confidently Meet People You Don’t Know

One has to accept pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying.Morris West, Australian author of The Clowns of God

Do you think you cannot make friends until you “overcome” anxiety, become confident, and develop an extroverted personality? You don’t need this belief.

Social anxiety is about yourself – you thinking how you come across to others instead of getting involved in the conversation. Try a new perception the next time you meet someone: focus on people you meet (something external). Devote to learning all about another person’s career or background. Not only will your social anxiety just “be” instead of you fighting it, people will warm to you when you show interest.

Let go that you need to be ‘cured’ of anxiety before you can make friends.

Therapists are realizing that labeling social anxiety as a problem then battling it intensifies anxiety. Your effort spent fighting anxiety puts more focus onto it, leading you further into despair.

Feel anxiety without judging it as good or bad. Let go that you need to be “cured” of anxiety before you can make friends. Read the “cure” for social anxiety disorder to learn more about this strategy.

One therapeutic method to help with fear and anxiety is exposure therapy. This process slowly introduces the thing you’re anxious about into your life. Inner confidence comes from competence, so proving to yourself you are capable of talking to people lets you live with anxiety.

Someone with a fear of snakes can start by thinking of a snake for a few seconds before building to looking at a picture of one. Over time, this might bump up to watching a video then looking at a live snake in a zoo. Small steps is reassuring progress.

If you’re anxious about meeting new people, set yourself small actions to follow. Your first step could be to sit in a place full of people, to say hello to your neighbor, or to make eye contact with someone in your class. Day two can be harder; ask a shop assistant how she’s doing, let a salesperson at the mall talk to you. Write a list of goals. Gently push yourself to higher limits.

One technique to help you accept anxiety is to re-name what you fear. Instead of thinking “Oh, no, that’s my social anxiety”, name it something else. Think of it not as a debilitating thing, but as your “fuel” or your “internal Anthony Robbins” that pushes you to do more.

Step 4. Simple Ways to Follow Up – Starting to Build a Social Life

It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.Jim Rohn, motivational expert

Unless you contact your new friend, your friendship will die. Your weak friendship is capped by the frequency you run into each other. You need a plan to get contact details then see each other in the near future. Once you talk outside the usual situation, you grow friendship.

If your request to follow up goes like, “We should hang out again sometime. What’s your number?” you’ll get the number then struggle to meet again. After testing particularly with women, I discovered you need a valuable reason to see the person and make a plan then. Everyone loves a fun justification to meetup like a game, festival, or sporting event to hang out. The shared plan gives you reason to get contact details then follow up.

Another “excuse” to see each other again is providing value. Friends give value to one another. Value is distributed in a variety of ways with knowledge, connections, and good times. Read, observe, talk, and teach to build knowledge. Follow this guide and Big Talk to quickly and effortlessly expand your social circle so you can connect friends or play matchmaker. Know how to make others feel happy and yourself feel great.

Look for opportunities, hints, or desires in conversation to meet again. Whiff at the reason to meetup soon, “I’d love to go see that movie.” By the end of the conversation, you can ask, “I want to see the movie. When would you like to see it?”… “Give me your phone number and we can sort out a time.”

Once you talk outside the usual situation, you grow your friendship.

Imagine you’re at a social group for new people in your city. This is a perfect opportunity to keep in contact. Other people are as lonely as you. Ask if they’ve found an interesting restaurant, park, or bar. If so, ask if they’d show you sometime. Be ready to mention an interesting place you’ve heard of and ask them to check it out with you sometime.

You learned how to know of events and groups in your area. Whenever you meet somebody who might be interested, ask if they’ve heard of it. People appreciate being told about what’s going on, and “Have you heard about the zombie walk happening next week? Oh, give me your number, I’ll send you the details when I know!” is an easy way to get in contact.

A phone number exchange is the best way to follow up. It can be scary asking for a person’s phone number, but the worst that could happen is they say no.

Aside from exchanging numbers in conversation, a generic full-back is if you talk about any good books or websites, promise to send them a link to it. Another way to keep in touch today is adding colleagues and classmates on Facebook. Browse their profile for possible conversation topics, send them a private message to spark their interest, and show you’re a person worth meeting before inviting them to an event. Friendships frozen to Facebook die without attention.

Even when you exchange details, you plan a get-together, and the person flakes, try again. Who knows the true reason they flaked. People commit to things without thinking through whether they can make it. Other times a flake can be from the person not feeling comfortable enough with you in conversation before you made the plan. Try steps 1-4 on someone else.

Step 5. How to Grow Your Social Circle

Marge: Are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?
Homer: Of course not, Marge. Just for the rest of his life.

The final step of how to easily make friends is to strengthen the relationship. To make a friendship grow, you need to see the person or talk to them every month. Falling out of contact for long periods of time only works in well-established friendships.

Small talk does not cut it for friendship. The conversation needs to move to something deeper, something more meaningful to either of you if you want to connect. Talk about your feelings, opinions, past experiences, and even problems. Ask about theirs too.

Your social circle can grow with a couple of regular friends. Get your friends to invite friends you haven’t met to events. Chances are their friends are similar in personality and interests so you’re more likely to make friends with them compared to others you don’t know.

Some friendships take a year to grow, while others develop in a week. It depends on compatibility. The more people you meet and talk to, the more likely you are to find people you get on with well.

I hope you found this guide to make friends and build a social life helpful. Please share the guide by clicking your favorite social media button below.

I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.

A well-oiled list of conversation topics ready to roll out is only one part of what matters to have a good conversation – it isn’t your complete solution to make friends and influence people. You can have fun talking about paper to a friend because good conversation is more than topics. Work on listening, positive body language, and your personality seen below (as well as other skills not listed):

Use the conversation subjects you’re about to discover with other conversation skills for the best results! If you’re over the standard enquirying about someone’s weekend, commenting on the weather, and asking “How are you?”, here’s my top list of conversation topics to keep a good conversation going. Some are deep, some are light, and all are real topics you can use that help you come up with your own.

Business Conversation Topics

1. Current News Stories

Eye the latest news stories relating to your industry. Signup to an RSS reader, visit your industry’s best blogs, then add their RSS feed to your reader. You instantly get updated with new articles and can scan topics useful for conversation.

In your RSS reader, you can even setup separate categories to easily monitor sites covering fun topics, international issues (amazing tip for when you’re about to travel overseas!), and client industry news. When it comes to talking about these topics, you impress people as an expert if you reference where the news came from.

2. The Economy

The economy affects business, for good or for bad. Professionals often discuss how the economy is affecting their company. Be careful not to turn the conversation to personal finance; discussing your own money is crude. Read up on stock markets, interest rates, and other factual information.

3. Ask for Advice

Anything from “Can you show me how to use the photocopier?” to “Can you give me some tips on managing the finance department?” gives a co-worker pride. Few resist the call for help. Show you genuinely appreciate their advice by listening, nodding, and thanking. Conversation will flow.

4. Industry Trends

Has your company changed something it does? Companies update their technology, modify a policy, or introduce new fun days at work (well, the lucky ones do). Discuss the pros and cons – comparing to other businesses, e.g. “I don’t like our new company policy on food at desks. What’s your opinion?” “What do you think of parallax web design?” “I developed an app for the new Mozilla platform the other day. It’s surprisingly simple.”

Few resist the call for help.

5. Professional Development

Those who want to develop themselves may read books and attend events to help get ahead. Asking “What are the most influential business/motivational books you’ve ever read?” could lead into a discussion of self-help, famous motivational speakers, and cool habits to develop.

6. Personal History and Goals

It’s the past and present of one’s life. If you want to know someone outside the business setting, ask “How did you get started in the industry?” You learn more about people this way, and get to discussing ambitions, goals, and the person’s past. Prepare to share your story. Giving is as important as taking to keep a good conversation going.

Dinner Conversation Topics

7. The Latest Movies or Books

Nearly everybody watches movies, is into a TV show, or reads books. Ask people for their favorite and what they’re currently into. If you haven’t seen the movie or read the book they mention, ask about it with interest!

8. Travel

Whether you talk to a world traveler or someone who doesn’t have a passport, everyone loves traveling. Ask about their most memorable holiday, compare where you’ve been, tell a funny experience with foreigners, or share where you’d like to go.

9. The Pros/Cons of Their Jobs

Most people can talk about their jobs for hours. Some may tell you how wonderful their current workplace. Even if someone hates their job, they’re usually happy to let off steam about their annoying boss. Start with “What do you like most about your job?” or “How did you get into it?”

When sharing stuff about your job, describe it in a way the person will understand by relating it to their experience. “When I get a call from XYZ supplier, I know it’s not going to be good. They’re like a grumpy customer you see that you want to avoid.”

10. “If the world was about to end…”

A question like “What would you do if the world was going to end in 24 hours?” can bring up some interesting answers. Try it with a large group of people. A less morbid example is: “If you could do anything you wanted for one day, with no consequences, what would you do?”

11. The Celebrity Guest List

A classic question: “If you could invite anyone, alive or dead, to your dinner party, who would it be and why?” This leads to discussions about various people in the public eye; great if you don’t have any mutual friends or interests…yet!

12. Food!

At a dinner party, food is on everyone’s mind. Ask what recipes people like to cook, which cuisines they’ve tried, and what restaurants they recommend. Just don’t unfavorably compare the host’s dinner to something else! It’s good social etiquette.

13. The Olden Days…

Share games you use to play as kids, which TV shows you liked, and the adventures you had. It’s great conversation fuel for people over 20 years old. If someone is hesitant to participate, they may have had a bad childhood so don’t force their input. You can also discuss how different things are now from when you were a child, e.g. “Imagine what it would have been like if we’d all had cell phones! When my mom wanted to find me, she’d…”

Funny Conversation Topics

14. Embarrassing Stories

If you’re with a group of friends, sharing embarrassing stories can cause a lot of laughs. You can compare moments of embarrassment in public, drunken blunders, or dating encounters that went wrong. You can also share stories you’ve heard from other people.

15. The People Around You

Look at the people walking by (great if you’re in public) and try guessing facts about them. You can even say that the person with the most interesting interpretation “wins”, e.g. “Look at that guy run! He’s just remembered his girlfriend left her hair clip on his bed, and his wife’s nearly home!” “I think he left the waffle iron on. Everyone loves waffles.”

16. Crazy Comments by Kids

If you’re with a group of friends who have kids (or you’re all teachers), exchange stories about the funny things your kids say and do. There’s probably always something weird, funny, or scarily smart to share.

17. Worst Dates

Ask your friends about the worst date they’ve ever been on. Make sure you have a couple of funny stories of your own to share (without naming anyone). For more ideas, think of awkward situations to be in, but are now funny. These are great to talk about.

18. “What kind of old person would you like to be?”

An interesting question, bound to bring a smile to people’s faces (it’s unexpected). Although many won’t have thought about it before, they’re sure to have an opinion.

19. Jokes

Yes, you can sit around exchanging the funniest jokes you’ve heard. If you’re into comedy, you can discuss the best comedies or stand-up comedians you’ve seen. Try to learn a couple of their jokes to share.

20. Weird Comparisons

For example – “If you were any animal, which animal would you be?” It sounds childish, but can work with anyone. Get people to explain their choice. In a big group of friends, your friends can tell you which animal you’d be, before switching to the next person.

21. Truth and Lies

More of an ice-breaking game. The idea is that everyone gives three statements about themselves – one is true, and two are lies. The other people have to work out which is true. The more interesting or funny the statements, the better.

Conversation Topics for Dates

22. Their Goals and Dreams

Many people enjoy talking about themselves. Try questions like “What job would you really love to do?” to let your date open up. If you get your date opening up about their dreams and ambitions, while being encouraging and supportive, they will feel relaxed around you and value you as a great listener.

23. The Movie You Just Saw

Works after a cinema date or DVD. Ask what they thought of the movie, compare to similar movies, and ask what kind of movies they normally like.

24. All-time Favorites

“What’s your all-time favorite movie/song/book/food?” This gets your date to open up and feel you are interested. It can also lead to suggestions of follow up dates, e.g. “What, you haven’t seen Grease? I’ll have to show it to you sometime!”

25. Funny Things

Laughter is a sign things are going well (unless it’s at you… even then). Try “What kinds of things really make you laugh?” to find out more and turn the topic to funny things. Goofy questions like “Which creature would you most like to be for the day?” can break the ice with some dates.

26. Passions

“What are you really passionate about?” When people discuss their passions, you see who they really are. This gives you a good idea about your date. They will also be impressed when you talk about your own passions, as this is something you talk about easily that lights you up in an attractive way.

27. Travel Bucket List

“Which five places do you most want to visit?” Great for travelers. Comparing places you’ve been and want to go can spark a lot of conversation, and travel stories can be very attractive – especially if you’ve done something fascinating and you’re a good storyteller.

28. What You’re Looking For

Be careful with this one. If you can charmingly ask your date to describe what they’re looking for in a man/woman, it can go one of two ways. You might realize they’re not right for you, or you might get an insight into what to do. This can also lead to funny stories about bad dates.

Dating tip: This is a time to get to know each other, but it’s best to avoid controversial topics where you might disagree. Keep topics light and fun, but throw some unusual questions in there, as many dates involve the same questions over and over. Take things they mention about their lives and expand on them, e.g. “Oh, you mentioned you went to school in Chicago – what did you study?” This could lead to a discussion about universities, the subject is particular, or the city. Relate their experiences back to yourself, but remember this isn’t all about you looking interesting – people like to feel valued. Be interested in your date’s passions, hobbies, and experiences.

Conversation Topics with Women

29. Hobbies

Ask a woman what her hobbies are to get a better idea of good conversation topics. Let her tell you about a hobby she’s really into, and ask questions about it.

30. Advice

Many women love giving advice and solving problems, although spilling your problems is better on a potential friend rather than a date. Mention an interesting problem a friend has been having – nothing too serious. Annoying bosses, co-workers, or dating disasters are good topics.

31. Hopes and Aspirations

A lot of women have big ambitions these days, and sharing them with supportive friends can make them feel great. Ask your female friends where she sees herself in five years time, or what her ideal life would look like.

32. Cooking

It sounds sexist, a lot of women genuinely love cooking. If you find a woman who does, talk about recipes, chefs, and her favorite things to make at home. Then get her to cook for me!

33. Men

Revolutionary fact: women love to gossip about men – comparing good and bad experiences, lusting after attractive men, and generally talking about them. You can start with a celebrity example “Would you rather be stuck on a dessert island with Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt?” or, for extra giggles, people you both know.

34. Gossip

It’s no secret many women love to gossip – usually about people they know, either at work or socially. It isn’t very nice, but “Have you heard that Sandra from finance is pregnant?” (use actual gossip, don’t invent stories) can start a very excited conversation. Gossip can be fine as long as you don’t talk poorly of people.

35. Spirituality

Many women are in touch with their intuitive “spiritual side”, and like to discuss alternative therapies, meditation, dreams, and their soul. It’s hard to broach the topic if you don’t know the woman well. Try playfully asking “Ever had a dream that actually happened?” or “Have you tried yoga?” to enter the waters.

Conversation Topics with Men

36. Movies and Entertainment

For men who enjoy movies and TV, discuss which movies they’ve seen lately, their favorite movie of all time, the best action scene etc. These conversations can go on for a while.

37. Technology

Gadgets and the latest developments, e.g. “Have you seen those Google glasses?” Share opinions, compare crazy inventions you’ve heard of, and come up with ideas somebody should invent.

38. Recent Sports Matches

Most of us men love sports. “Did you see the game last night?” is a typical conversation opener. At least understand the sport to join in!

39. Dream Teams

Does your office have a fantasy football league? It’s fun to discuss your dream sports team, comparing which players you’d recruit. You could also do this with movies or concerts – who’d be the actors in your dream movie?

40. Women

We usually don’t gossip about women like women do about men. Some men compare women they find attractive. A conversation can go along the lines of “Would you?” for various celebrity or known women.

41. Health and Fitness

From the wealth of men’s magazines, it’s clear men prioritize health and fitness. Chat about workout techniques, which gyms are good, what food to eat or avoid. Some guys might not be comfortable discussing it, but if you openly ask their advice they might be happy to.

Deep and Meaningful Conversation Topics

42. The Meaning of Life

Most people have thought about it at some point. Start with “Why are we here (in this existence)?” or “Are we here for a reason, or did we just happen?” A gateway into debating God, destiny, and free will.

43. Subjective Experience

“Is there an objective reality?” Topics ranging from visual illusions to widely different opinions on the same thing can open the topic of how everybody’s reality is constructed from their brains, and therefore different. How do you know the colors you see are the same that everyone else sees?

44. Contribution to Society

Doing good deeds is increasingly popular, yet we’re aware of our society’s impact on the environment and poorer countries. Discuss what you do to make the world a better place, or how you could improve your contribution and minimize your impact.

45. Politics

Although arguments can arise, a healthy political debate is a good thinking exercise. Discuss various points and current political events, as well as the very concept of democracy – “Do the masses really know what’s good for them?”

46. Life on Other Planets

“Do aliens exist? Are they already here? What would they think of us as a race?” Think about what life might be like in the future if humanity were to spread to the stars. This can bring up a lot of interesting ideas.

47. Human Nature

What is human nature? Are we born with our personalities or do we develop them from our upbringing? Share examples of how you think your environment shaped your being, think about twins who are different, and debate whether human nature is intrinsically good or bad.

Other Rules and Tips to Come Up With Your Own Conversation Topics

48. Talk About the Person

On any topic you can ask someone’s opinion or experience.

49. Find That Hot Experience

We usually have something hot in our life at any moment that we’d love to share. Find out what is hot for the person by asking, “What’s big in your life at the moment?” (Thanks to Don Gabor for this question.)

50. List 10 Topics You Love

Then think about how you can talk about them. This prepares you to take a conversation down many routes. Make these topics as diverse as possible so you can connect with a variety of people. Saying you love “League of Legends”, “Skyrim”, and “Battlefield 4” won’t do. You’ll only keep a conversation going in this case if someone else (like me!) loves video games.

51. Avoid Edgy Topics

Skip topics like health ailments, family problems, and money. You can talk about these but it’s just risky for most people. By all means, if you’re confident experiment with these topics. Because they are edgy, they may get certain people yapping away.

52. Conversation Starters

Review my list of 101 conversation starters for great ideas to get talking with people you don’t know.

All conversation topics are like herbs in a recipe. If you only use herbs or concern yourself with what to say, the end result will be weird. When used with other ingredients, they’re an essential part of the whole.

As you get better with all your conversation skills, you only need one or two topics to get going as the conversation carries itself through a variety of topics you could not conceive earlier. The effortless discussion may come from a weird fact, a story, or someone’s opinion about the initial topic. These are the best conversation topics.

For everything you need to develop people skills for a great life, even if you’re shy, I suggest you get my Big Talk course.

My video review of the book along with tonnes of special tips and samples you won’t get anywhere else. Be sure to turn up your volume to at least half.

Why You Need to Download it Now

I’ve been shy and lonely like Paul, and know the journey to transformation is scary but Get the Friends You Want makes it fun and effective.

In the caveman days you needed your tribe to hunt animals, kill predators, and protect your family. You could not do all this at once without friends. Today you can live from your computer safe inside an apartment. Does this mean friends are pointless today? You and I know, that is a miserable life.

You need to make friends if you want a great life. Without connections, your opinions get ignored. You are passed up for job promotions. A lack of friends means you miss social activities, solutions to problems from information-sharing, and chances to date someone attractive. Of course, if you have good friends, you have more fun. It may feel unfair and it’s reality.

One common lesson in the book is the irrationality of people when we socialize. We hang out with some people and not others because of survival, replication, status, thrills, approval, and love. We judge others within seconds because there is not enough time to “understand” 7 billion people on Earth. You can complain about this and get nowhere.

Paul says you are rejected or accepted relative to the value you give or fail to give. You can give high value by being popular (allowing friends to make friends), having status (to lift their status), and through other means like creating good emotions in others (where you are fun, ambitious, and positive). Everything you learn in Get the Friends You Want teaches you how to overcome shyness, be fun, and make conversation so you are more valuable than ever.

…you are rejected or accepted relative to the value you give or fail to give.

You are not shown superficial ways to make friends. From reading the book I learned that physical isolation is being alone while social isolation is being lonely. That is why you can feel lonely at work. Social and emotional connection makes loneliness disappear. You learn how to really connect with people without shallowness or manipulation taught in pick-up ebooks or most conversation courses.

That’s why I encourage you to download your copy of the book by clicking here.

Part 1: Overcoming Loneliness, Shyness, and Social Anxiety

It is a weird journey transforming your social life. Fortunately for you, Paul has been there. He was lonely until he transformed then put everything he knew about making amazing friends into the book. You are taken by the hand shown how to safely handle all the change you are about to encounter to create the social life you want.

Once you learn how handle beat loneliness and shyness you’re given step-by-step techniques like “how to use beliefs to unwire shyness from your brain”. Whenever you think of a harmful belief like “People don’t like me”, say it in the voice of a duck. The belief weakens. Say an empowering belief like “People who get to know me, love me” in a deep voice of someone you idolize. This strengthens the belief. Pretty cool trick. You get four “brain toys” that are fun ways to make you feel confident and social.

I loved the tip to handle a party invitation when you’re anxious: accept the invite, but say you can only stay 30 minutes for a reason. This encourages you to attend the party, makes you more comfortable, and allows you to leave if things get too much.

Part 2: Conversation and Social Skills

This part reveals how to master conversation and social skills. You learn how to find common ground, discover conversational hooks you want to talk about, and keep a conversation going. The two lessons about saying what’s on your mind and talking about yourself are powerful. Many other easy-to-use techniques exist so you forever keep a good conversation going.

There’s 6 rules of a cool person, ways to be funny, guidelines to talk with passion, and 44 socially awkward behaviors to avoid. I contacted Paul, the author, and he let me share some with you:

1. Being too different. Be unique, yes. But, if you act and look way too different, people won’t be able to relate to you.

2. Not making eye contact. It’s like you’re hiding something. You should make eye contact often.

3. Standing too close or too far. Too close means you don’t respect others’ physical space. Too far means you want to put a distance between you and the people you’re talking to.

4. Sharing too much personal information, too soon. That should be shared gradually as the friendship deepens.

5…

44. Taking the victim role. Never victimize yourself to get attention. Leave that for the social skills amateurs. If you have a conflict, just say that you don’t get along with the person. Don’t flame them.

Part 3: Making Friends and Building a Social Circle

The final part teaches you how make friends and build a social circle. By the time you finish reading this third section, you will know exactly what to complete each week to meet new people. This section is jammed with practical ways to build a social circle.

I followed the easy advice of how to use Meetup.com and Facebook to meet nice people without wasting time online and already made new friends. That was good, but the tip I liked more is when you set plans with people you know little about, pick a place that:

1. Allows you to talk
2. Alleviates the pressure of conversation through music or some entertainment

This makes it easy to have good conversation even if you are bad at talking with strangers.

Is this book for you? It is if you are shy, lonely, or struggle to make conversation with people you don’t know. As you just saw, you’ll be a more confident and social person by the time you finished reading.

If you’re lucky and really smart, you probably could figure it out all on your own with about 15 years of testing and frustrations. You have no time for that though.

No other course teaches you what you learn in Get the Friends You Want. You get a complete system to build a social life. The book is unavailable in stores, but you can download it and be reading it within 5 minutes from now. I highly encourage you to order the book now by clicking here.

Over the past year I’ve collected some great social skills resources I’d like to share with you now. Some are from friends of mine, myself, and just others who’ve given good insight into a topic.

From improving your social skills, overcoming anxiety, and starting a conversation, all the way to ongoing conversation, being charismatic, and making people laugh, here are some great resources I recommend you read even if they take you a while to get through (each of these great resources will open in a new window so you keep track of this page):

1. How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years

Henrik Edberg has some good social skills insight to share. A lot of what he discusses builds on from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read some of his other posts on communication and socializing if you have the time.

2. The Only “Cure” for Social Anxiety Disorder and Achieving Social Freedom

If you’ve suffered from social anxiety disorder having tried to treat it for years, it is maintaining your problem. Your infatuation with anxiety and curing it go hand-in-hand. I’ve written all you need to “cure” your social anxiety disorder here.

3. 101 Conversation Starters People Love

A goldmine from none other than yours truly. Get all the conversation starters you could ever need with anyone.

4. 40 Ways to Make a Good First Impression

According to research, if someone judges you as “attractive”, “friendly”, and “open” within 100 milliseconds, they’re likely to think you’re all that by the end of the conversation. In this killer article of mine, you’re given 40 tips on body language, conversation techniques, and mind strategies to quickly and permanently impress people. Get all the ways to make a good first impression.

5. 7 Hacks to Remember Any Name

End the embarrassment of forgetting someone’s name by using seven neat mind-tricks. Charismatic persons like Richard Branson are masters at remembering people’s names. You may not become a billionaire by knowing John is John, yet people will feel special, you won’t feel awkward, and your relationships will be richer.

6. How to Keep a Conversation Going

There’s a lot of garbage advice out there on how to keep a conversation going. Most people just don’t know what they do to continually talk to anyone. Paul reveals to you the secret to keep a conversation going is unlocking your inhibition.

7. 10 Tips: How to Be Funny

Onto some cool skills now that make you a better socializer. Even if you’re a serious type of person, you can lighten and learn how to be funny. Your ability to make people laugh will win you many friends, business deals, and glances from the opposite sex that make you glee in delight.

8. 50 Body Language Secrets You Need to Succeed In Life

Though the start of the article mentions a major communication myth, you get 50 great little tricks to improve your often overlooked nonverbal communication. You can say all the right things when socializing, yet ignore your nonverbal communication and you may look like a weirdo. Get your body language down pat to be cool.

9. 10 Ways to Instant Charisma

You’ll notice this post on charisma summarizes points in other resources mentioned here. Read the social skills resource if you want to become more likable and win the respect of people you don’t yet know.

10. The 10 Principles of Listening

Listening is another topic of many where “experts” give ordinary advice like “maintain eye contact”. Like you didn’t know that already. There’s more to socializing, rapport, and friendship than the surface aspects of communication. Listening most times is at least 50% of a conversation so make sure you master this skill if you want to be popular and make cool friends. Also see this listening article written by a therapist to more deeply connect to people.

11. Presence in Conversation

You may be surprised to see presence mentioned here. Someone “present” is in the Now. They are fully absorbed in the present moment. Presence is a secret skill in Big Talk. When you’re present in conversations, you deeply connect to people. You get the feeling of being in the zone as time and worry banishes.

12. How to Make Friends and Get a Social Life

Author Chris use to be a shy, awkward loser. I can call him that because I used to be as well and I’m linking to his article! If you’re not good at making friends and have a social life of stalking others on Facebook, you’ll get a lot of practical tips and theories in this useful resource.

13. How to Network with Busy People

This 12-part series written by Steve Pavlina, a leading self-help blogger, shows how to get in contact then build relationships with hard to reach people so you dominate life. Should you become a successful networker, life becomes easy because you have resourceful and trustworthy connections.

14. More Social Skills Resources: Your Suggestion

Have something amazing to share with other readers? Contact me or comment below. If I feel it’s a one-of-a-kind helpful resource, it may appear in this list!

I hope you enjoyed these social skills resources. If you’d like more and want the best free resources on other topics like behavior and being a bad ass, follow me on Twitter and like Tower of Power on Facebook.

The 101 great conversation openers are simple and effective. Do not be fooled. The most important point to remember when using any conversation starter is they aim to start the conversation. “Ice-breakers” break the ice; they don’t heat up the planet and make mother nature flourish. (Tweet this.)

Conversation openers are not intended to make people laugh or get people to like you. Guys, you can make a woman think you’re a primal beast to be locked in her room later in the conversation. When you attempt to impress someone with your first words, you get nervous, discouraging you from starting a conversation. It also makes you look like a try hard in need of approval.

What Makes a Great Conversation Starter?

Watch this video for an amazing exercise you can do with me to create over 30 conversation starters that work for you

The best conversation starters are situation-specific. Most openers given by dating experts, communication trainers, and bloggers are limiting because there is little chance they would work in your situation. Try asking someone, “Have you ever been snorkeling?” or “Who’s your favorite Star Wars character?” and the conversation may end as soon as it began (unless you’re in a diving class or at a nerd function… I’m mean, Star Wars convention.)

‘Ice-breakers’ break the ice; they don’t heat up the planet and make mother nature flourish.

While generic openers and stock material can be used in many situations, use proven formulas like opinion openers to construct your own ice-breakers for situations you find yourself in throughout the week.

Here’s an exercise to help you develop excellent openers. Think of the top three situations you find yourself in like at the gym, supermarket, or a bench near work. Now think of 10 things to say in each situation.

Having done that, you already have 30 amazing conversation starters. Do that exercise to always know what to say to anyone. I encourage you to go over the massive list of openers revealed in this article applying the simple exercise you just did.

Before we get started, “Hey” or “Hi” is left out from the 101 starters because it is redundant. You often want to say such a simple greeting first. Also keep in mind some openers placed under one category like “Funny Conversation Starters” can be used in situations filed under other categories like “Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls”.

Let’s get talking and working through this gigantic list of ways to start a conversation based off the Big Talk Training Course – the ultimate guide if you’re shy to talk to anyone and make friends. We start basic because that is enough most times:

Conversation Starters Anyone can Use in Any Situation

1. “I’m [your first name].” Most people reciprocate an exchange of information. Give them your name, they’ll give you theirs.
2. “How are ya doing right now?” “How’s ya day been so far?” Slightly vary the question, “How are you?” No one answers that trite question or gives it any thought.
3. “How’s your [the day of the week] been?” “What’s happened for you today?” “How was your trip?” “How’d you sleep last night?” We’re happy to talk about simple events when they’ve recently occurred. We love to blabber about our delayed flight, the traffic jam, or the sunburn on our arm within a day or so of it happening.
4. “Hey.” Smile then walk away. Repeat each time you meet the person and build towards a casual conversation. Say it in an environment like a gym when you meet someone over and over. Eventually you’ll feel like friends and have something good to talk about. When you have something else to say, have the confidence to say it.
5. “What do you think of that book?” “Looks like a great drink. What is it?” “I love this place because it’s got great energy.” These examples are situational openers – the most common type of conversation starter. Simply comment on your surroundings.
6. “Where are you from?” This is best if you think the person is not from the area or the location is something like a seminar, convention, or university where people from diverse towns come together. Let the conversation spread from their as you talk about the city’s sporting teams, cultural icons, and famous landmarks.
7. “This might seem a little weird, but I like your posture. It makes you stand out nicely.” “Nice shirt. Where did you get it?” “I love your style!” These examples are compliment openers.
8. “It’s so hot today.” “The great sun is burning this afternoon.” “It’s freezing! Do you know the temperature?” Talk about the weather. “Don’t knock the weather,” said American cartoonist Kin Hubbard, “nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.”
9. “I don’t know anyone around here so I thought I’d come talk to you.” “I’m a little nervous talking with strangers, but I just had to come say hi.” “I know no one here so I thought I’d introduce myself to you.” These examples are what I call the “vulnerable introduction”. Make your opener reveal your anxiety to endear people.
10. “I’m out meeting new, interesting people tonight. Mind if we chat for a minute?” “You guys look like you’re having fun. That’s so cool that I just had to come talk to you.” “I had to come talk to you because your shirt made me laugh.” Reveal your reason for approaching the person or group.
11. “What about the game last night!” “Yankees aren’t doing so well this season.” “Your flowers are looking lovely.” Talk about something you know the person is interested in.
12. “I was just listening to the radio on my way here and can’t believe what happened in Africa. Have you heard about the flying frozen fish?” Study the news before an event to learn what’s hot.
13. “Normally people start a conversation by talking about what’s in the news, but I haven’t been paying any attention. What’s been going on? Is the President dead?” If you’re like me and never consume the daily news (it’s mental pollution from corporations wanting readership), ask about the news. Use humor whenever possible to release tension.
14. “I believe we saw each other at James’ party.” “I think we ran into each other at the trade event last month.” “Did we meet last year at Church?” Start by talking about previous brief interactions.
15. “How’s your Christmas preparations going?” “How’d the New Year go for you?” “Spring Break has been crazy. What’s happened to you at Spring Break so far?” Talk about holiday preparations, experiences, and fun times. The person is guaranteed to do something for holidays like Christmas making it a good opener.
16. Wear a big talk people-magnet. As described in my Big Talk book, big talk people-magnets are items people will approach you to talk about. Such items include earrings, jewelery, tattoos, an unusual hair cut or color, a pinned item on your shirt or top, or a slogan t-shirt. People want to talk to you so help put words in their mouth.

Cold-Read Conversation Starters to Use on Anyone

17. “You look like a [teacher/fashion designer/entrepreneur/some noble profession].” The person will feel appreciated and always ask why you guessed that particular profession.
18. “You seem like a [kind/hard working/problem solving/positive personality trait] person. I like that.” Use this opener when the person displays an admirable trait. The compliment makes the person feel great and can lead the conversation to many directions.
19. “You look like a [outgoing/talkative/friendly/people-magnetic trait] person.”
20. “I’m curious. Would your friends say you’re an [outgoing/understanding/open/positive personality trait] person?”
21. “I like your [necklace/shirt/hair/personal trait or item]. I bet that says a lot about your personality.” No one hates a compliment or someone interested in one’s personality.
22. “You guys know each from work?” “You guys look like you’ve been friends since school.” “You guys spending the night out together?” This one is good for groups. Predict their relationship with one another.
23. “I’m practicing a new skill called ‘cold-reading’ on people I don’t yet know. Let me quickly try it on you. It’ll be fun.” Confidently assert you will cold-read; don’t ask for permission.

Grab my free magical conversation starter for more great advice on coming up with your own cold-reads in conversation to instantly make people like you.

Conversation Starters for Guys with Girls

24. “I need a girl’s opinion about something I was just discussing with a friend who broke up with his girlfriend. He made out with another woman straight after his relationship break up. Is he a jerk?” Get a female opinion.
25. “I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.” “You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!” “Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?” Tease cheesy pick-up lines. Make sure you say the pick-up line in a joking manner.
26. “Who lies more: men or women?” “Is it wrong to break up with a text message?” Ask a controversial question to a group of women then watch their eyes open wide and hear the chatter break out.
27. “I want a woman’s perspective on this. I was just talking to a friend who broke up. His girlfriend keeps calling. Why does she do it?” Ask a question about someone’s relationship. Women love to share their opinion on relationships.
28. “You caught my attention because you’re cute so I had to come talk to you.”
29. “Nice boots. Do you have your horse parked outside?” “Nice shoes. They look comfortable.” “Nice top. My grandma has one.” Say it playfully. Lightly tease the woman about something she’ll giggle over. Be prepared for banter otherwise you could be eaten alive by a witty woman.
30. “Can I help you?” Ask this in a shop. Playfully pretend to be an employee.
31. “Hmm, are you friendly?” Say it with a suspicious and playful look. Most women will not say no. “Good, I’ll talk to you.” If she does say no, you can overlook it, use it as banter material, or take it as a warning sign to leave the grump alone. This opener is more suited to entertainment venues.

Conversation Starters for Girls with Guys

32. “I need a guy’s opinion on something that just happened with a friend. Would you read your girlfriend’s email if you thought she was cheating on you?” Get a male opinion.
33. “Where can I find a good coffee shop around here?” “I need help rubbing sunscreen on my back. I’m unfortunately not double-jointed. Can you help put it on?” “What’s a great country to visit?” Ask for his help. Guys love to give advice (as if you didn’t know that.)
34. “I’ll do a trade with you. You give me that burger and I’ll give you this awful coffee.” Make a playful trade. You can make up anything based on something each of you have at the time.
35. “Can you take a photo for me to send a friend?” Get him to join in the photo.
36. “Can you reserve my seat for me?” “Can you look after these books until I get back?” Ask him to watch something for you – just don’t leave your bag behind for him. You are opening a conversation for when you return, not putting the country at threat or testing if he would be an honest husband.
37. “Nice [shoes/shirt/bag/material item]. I’ve been thinking of getting one for a friend. Where can I get one?” Question something you complimented.
38. “Oh! Sorry for bumping into you.” “Oh no! I’m sorry for spilling my drink on you.” The accident opener isn’t the best because its subtly may mean you have to spill a drink on the guy three times for him to pick up your interest in starting a conversation. I’ve heard of some women using this conversation starter by burning men with cigarettes! Don’t be talking to me b****! Create an accident if you are absolutely lost for words. Just be careful you do no damage.
39. “You should come talk to me.” Smile over your shoulder as you walk away without giving him a chance to respond. Mystery is sexy.
40. Shoo away your friends for a moment to be alone. Many guys talk to women in bars and clubs when the woman’s friends get a drink or go to toilet – it’s the guy’s chance to attack the lonely gazelle.

Conversation Starters for Families or Friends

41. “Where’s [Uncle Terry/New York crew/missing family or friend] today?”
42. “Are you going to Jim’s wedding?” “What celebrations are coming up in your family?” Weddings, births, and birthdays are all memorable events family members and friends can talk about. Divorces are memorable, but depressing.
43. “How have you been this past year?” “Great to see you. What’s changed in your life since the last time we met?” (Recall the last time you met to get bonus points). Catch up on the person’s life – my favorite opener to use with family and friends.
44. Bring up a memorable moment or anecdote your family or friends remember, such as a funny story, an embarrassing mishap, or a trip everyone enjoyed. This starter initiates multiple conversations about similar moments.
45. “What do you have planned for the weekend?” “What’s happening for you Friday?” “What’s on your calendar this week?”
46. “What’s one thing you’re really thankful for?”
47. “What’s something I don’t know about you that you think I should know? Like… are you a stalker?” “What’s one thing that’s new in your life?” “What’s recently changed in your life?”

Conversation Starters for Couples

Most of these are useful when the couple are already in rapport and chatting:

48. “What do you most admire about our [family/home/relationship/something with positive qualities]?”
49. “What’s one thing you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?”
50. “I like how you smile when I come home from work.” Compliments replenish the energy in relationships often drained from criticism. A compliment often leads to a great conversation.
51. “In your dream house, what one room must you have?”
52. “What’s a memory between us that stands out for you?”
53. “What does this [flower/meal/atmosphere/something in the environment] remind you of?” Make sure the object you’re commenting on has history in your relationship.
54. “What three values do you most want our children to carry on throughout life?” “What principles do you want our children to live by?” “How do you want our children to best live life?”
55. “If you happen to leave Earth before I do, how would you like me to remember you?” You’ll discover the ideal image of your partner, which you can use to increase understanding and intimacy.

First Date Conversation Starters

56. “How am I doing so far?” Say it sarcastically once the date starts (you’re making fun of someone needy.)
57. “What’s one defining moment of your life so far?”
58. “What’s one thing you most want to do?” Gather information for a later date to blow their mind away.
59. “What three words best describe you?”
60. “What’s something your friends don’t even know about you?”
61. “Ignoring your criminal history, what’s the baddest thing you’ve done?” You set the frame your partner is the problematic one. It also gives you call-back humor to brighten a dying conversation.
62. “What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?”
63. Talk about a funny, embarrassing moment you had with a member of the opposite sex to ease tension.

Do not make the first date or any conversation a needy interview. Question sparingly.

Party Conversation Starters

64. “Do you know [the host’s name]?” If they don’t, it doesn’t matter. You’re finding out how they fit into the party, an easy ice-breaker allowing for more conversation about the party and its people.
65. “What’d you get up to earlier today?”
66. “I love this party. People are just having fun. Are you having fun?” “This is an awesome night. How’s your night been?” “The people here are great and add to the fun. Having fun here?” You get the idea.
67. “You better win. I’ve got a bet going with a friend.” Apply this to a game of pool, darts, drinking competition – whatever game you see at a party. If the person loses or wins, you’ve got good call-back humor to bring repeat laughs for the rest of the night: “You’re doing well tonight”, “I think you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning”, “My house is on you winning this game of poker. If you win, we can go retire in Las Vegas then blow all our money.”
68. “I’m trying to settle a bet with a friend. How many oceans are there in the world?” Mention the bet then ask any piece of trivia.
69. “Can you help me open this bottle?” Good for the ladies to make a guy feel macho. Just make sure it isn’t a plastic screw lid on a soft-drink bottle. If you game like a ditsy blonde, cool by me.
70. If you host the party, get a conversation starter kit with questions on cards to break the ice. Table Topics are a company that make such cards for many occasions like parties, teens, couples, and the dinner table. You can buy them here.

Conversation Starters at the Gym

People serious about working out (yes, the hot ones) don’t like to talk at the gym. You may want to precede all the following gym conversation starters with, “I’ll quickly let you get back to working out, but…” Use the following openers to keep your chat short, leaving your conversation partner feeling respected:

71. “You look like you know what you’re doing. What’s a good exercise to target my lower abs?”
72. “Can you spot me?”
73. “How’s your workout going?” This is good to ask at the watercooler or when both of you are resting between sets.
74. “Can you check my form for this set and give me any feedback?”
75. If you’re female, ask a guy for help moving heavy weights. Let him catch your eye on his arms. He’ll love it. Every gym-going guy wants to flaunt his strength to women. Call it ego, but I opt for a primal endeavor to create attraction by displaying one’s fitness for survival.

Funny Conversation Starters

76. “What was the best thing before sliced bread?” “In an emergency, why do you have to break glass to get a hammer to break glass?” “Can crop circles be square?” Pick a few stock ironic questions to ask anyone. Ask a question with a clueless, serious look then switch your body language over to “I’m playing around”.
77. “You know what they say about people who [run in the morning/drink espressos/talk to themselves/anything the person is doing]?” They’ll say, “No. What?” Giggle and leave the mystery open or say, “Nothing. I’m just messing with ya.”
78. “Why shouldn’t you take a Pokemon into the bathroom? He might Pikachu.” Tell a simple joke. Few people tell a joke to someone they don’t know – it’s never happened to me.
79. “What’s your biggest pet peeve?” People will usually giggle over their pet peeves because we know how silly little annoyances can be.
80. “My mum said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look scary.” “My grandmother said I shouldn’t talk to strangers, but you don’t look like you’d kidnap me.” People with a sense of humor will usually role play being scary or a kidnapper after such a playful opener.
81. “Look at that fighting couple. I’ve never seen so much love before.” This comedic technique is exaggeration. Observe something then exaggerate it to a humorous level.
82. Tell a funny story that relates to the situation.

Deep, Meaningful Conversation Starters

83. “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?” This question allows both of you to reflect on childhood hopes and dreams.
84. “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?”
85. “I’ve been asking a few people this and want your opinion because you seem like an intelligent person: is it more important to be respected or loved?”
86. “What do you like about this [music/event/holiday/almost anything].” Exploring people’s opinions instead of talking about objective facts makes the conversation personal.
87. “How does this [music/event/holiday/almost anything] make you feel?” Understand the affect something has on the person.
88. “What were the highs and lows of your day, today?” Don’t ask unless you really want to know.
89. “What’s something you regret?” “What one thing would you change in your life at the moment?” “If you could go back in time, what one thing would you change?”
90. “What gives you the greatest joy in life?” “What makes you the happiest?” “If you’re about to die, what do you need to have done to be fulfilled?”

The effectiveness of these openers like many others depend on who you chat with. Ask a teenage dude, “Are you a person who does their duty or forges their own path?” and he’ll roll his eyes thinking you are a weirdo.

There is more to selecting the right topic for a meaningful conversation, however. In fact, what you talk about has little to do with a deep conversation. A meaningful conversation is about connection created from deep rapport. If you want to forge a deep connection with others, grab my Big Talk book.

Conversation Starters that Get People Talking

While most starters up to this point have been your first few words, the following are good sticks to stir a conversational fire. Think of them as “conversation starters that keep the conversation going”.

If any seem awkward, it is a matter of bridging them with a relevant topic. Preface the following statements or questions with something related to avoid looking like you have ADD:

91. “What’s hot in your life at the moment?” Hear about the big event in the person’s life.
92. “What hobbies are taking up your time?” Much more interesting than talking about work again.
93. “What do you do for fun?”
94. “What have you been doing in your time off recently?”
95. “What’s the first thing you notice about a person?” “In your opinion, what makes a good first impression?” “Jill has such a great personality. I wonder why.” Talk about what relates to building friends and influencing people. Ask interesting questions most people never hear.
96. “What countries have you been to?” People love to travel. If they haven’t been overseas, ask, “Where would you like to go?”
97. “If you wrote a book, what would it be about?” “What would you do if [he/the US President/Angelina Jolie/a known person] showed up right now?” “I wonder what your DJ name would be?” Make up an endless array of hypothetical scenarios.
98. “Have you ever [been to Australia/seen a monkey acting human/something unusually interesting]?” One off experiences start a good conversation.
99. “What’s the last thing you purchased online?” Online purchases aren’t a social experience so they can make an interesting conversation.
100. “What movies have you seen lately?” “What’s on your music playlist at the moment?” “Watched any good shows or DVDs recently?” “What book are you currently reading?”
101. “Last time we talked, you were… What happened?” “How’s your new job coming along?” “Who won the game of golf you said you were about to play the last time we talked?” Recall something from a past conversation.

Phew! I hope you enjoyed this whopper list. Never again can you excuse yourself from approaching people.

If these conversation starters fail to elicit much information from the person to get the conversation going, answer your own question and talk about yourself. The “rapid big talk model” I developed states that self-disclosure regulates the speed and degree two persons know each other. If you want someone to answer in-depth the question, “What hobbies are taking up your time?” describe your hobby for a minute. They will become socially compelled to give more than a one-word answer.

You now have plenty of material to start a conversation with anyone anywhere. For all you need to go from shy and quiet to confidently talking to anyone, check out my Big Talk Training Course. It’s the ultimate one-of-a-kind course to overcome shyness, stop feeling lonely, and always know what to say to make friends with anyone. Get it today.

May you enjoy meeting new people!

David DeAngelo starts by letting you know his Double Your Dating ebook is not an encyclopedia, but a reference to being successful with women. It is not intended to be a complete resource on how men can attract women. It is a mighty fine start. You get strong foundations any guy must know in order to become successful with women and dating.

The History of Double Your Dating and DeAngelo

After a decade’s experience in learning how to attract women, DeAngelo knows how guys approach the subject of learning how to be successful with women. Too often he has seen guys take a mental standpoint where they mistake themselves for knowing the information while they don’t put the skills to use. He mentions the need for guys to go out and practice the attraction skills he teaches. Many guys seeking advice from him are intelligent, but smart can be dumb. The skills he teaches, like any other, require practice. No great skill or canned pick-up lines will make a guy succeed with women and dating if they are not practiced, adapted, and understood.

There are many canned lines given in the ebook, which give you a strong frame of reference for creating your own lines. “What to say” is not the basis of the ebook. The ebook is not filled with lines – it is a holistic reference to become successful with women. The given lines act like the framework for tough situations, such as the complete guide on what to do and say to get a woman’s phone number. The ebook is a powerful reference to create the whole mindset you must have to start dating physically and emotionally attractive women.

DeAngelo has slashed through the loads of dating and psychology advice for men, most of which is useless or harmful.

This touches on another topic where guys follow the age-old dating myth of “just be yourself”. Most guys have no idea how to attract women because their natural self is bottled inside of fear, anxiety, and placing women on a pedestal. Once you practice and internalize the information, you then have the privilege to behave in whatever way is natural to you. Being yourself is an earned privilege and not a right.

DeAngelo’s teachings come from his own experience, and years of studying experts. He has slashed through the loads of dating and psychology advice for men, most of which is useless or harmful, so you can be certain his guidance and tips work. I heard him describe his learning experience from the loads of information as walking through a jungle with a machete slashing through the crap that gets in the way of men being successful with women.

The Theory of Attraction and Dating Women

In traditional DeAngelo fashion, he begins Double Your Dating with theory. He briefly goes back a few thousand years to identify the psychological factors of women that remain unchanged to this day. There are inherit differences between the way women and men think, feel, and behave. By taking advantage of these differences – instead of letting them confuse you, like most guys who are unaware of gender differences in dating and attraction – you become more successful with women.

Men new to attraction and the whole “pick-up scene” make the mistake of assuming women are only interested in handsome, tall, wealthy, and powerful men. These guys also mistake women as wanting similar characteristics in men that guys want in women.

You learn that women are naturally attracted to handsome, tall, wealthy, or powerful men. Though these characteristics instinctively trigger a woman’s natural feelings of attractiveness towards a guy, a man who develops his confidence, social skills, and attraction triggers can elicit more powerful sexual feelings from within her. What matters most is how a man makes a woman feel through his personality and communication. There are plenty of wealthy, tall, good-looking men who get women’s attention, but cannot keep it because they disobey the principles in Double Your Dating.

How This Will Help You Transform

Two general principles I loved, which stood out from Double Your Dating, is the mindset you must have to become good at something and the need to constantly improve yourself. Though the ebook provides quick, short-term tips to be successful with women, the guys who make the commitment and effort to practice the advice get greater success with women than the guys after quick canned lines. A commitment to yourself with persistent effort is a sure way to get the most out of any goal you desire. The second principle of constantly improving yourself will do all guys a miracle in becoming more emotionally and physically attractive.

You learn many skills in the ebook that I recommend to improve your social skills and feelings about yourself. You discover how to adjust your attitude, change negative beliefs to empowering beliefs, boost your self-esteem, become a man women know is sexually attractive, and general psychological betterment. The exercises he provides improves many areas of anyone’s life – they are not limited to helping guys become more successful with women.

Become a True Man That Naturally Attracts Women

One point I think you will love most in the ebook are the strategies and exercises to overcome your a fear of approaching women. Too many guys let their fear of approaching stop them from success with women. I felt DeAngelo was speaking directly to me with my past fears of going up to girl and getting rejected.

Another interesting point worth noting is “ass kissing” behavior like buying a woman’s affection is to be avoided at all times. In any situation where the motive behind complimenting is manipulative, you can expect a poor response. The basis of the ebook transforms these natural tendencies guys have into challenging behaviors (she buys you a drink). A guy in control of his life who can playfully tease women communicates sexually attractive qualities.

…a reference to being successful with women.

The personality styles that turn women on is, by itself, enough reason to check out the ebook. These personality styles go beyond personalities that women love – they are an entire life-changing mindset. One particular personality style of many I’ll share with you to demonstrate what I’m talking about is the “aggressive” personality. This personality is not about beating up women or being a jerk; it refers to pursuing a goal with passion, persistence, and determination. Women attract to men that work aggressively towards their passionate goals. It communicates energy, protection, security, and a future outlook. These are instinctively attractive traits to women.

Possibly the greatest thing about Double Your Dating was added in the second edition: the action exercises after every chapter. I cannot stress enough the need to practice any skill. Practicing is especially important in the dating world because fear unnecessarily prevents you from dating success. A lot of people develop their fears from thinking too much. The action exercises are little steps to get you where you want to be in the dating world. These steps backed by a lot of real-world advice means the ebook can help you go from not even being able to approach a girl, to having a great long-term relationship.

Overall, I was very pleased with the ebook. David DeAngelo’s style of writing was casual. I’ve observed his company and products for over five years. It is great to see thousands of men around the world in diverse cultures succeed from Double Your Dating.

Readers have more than doubled their dating – they have gone from never having a girlfriend to dating ten women a month. It’s crazy how much success some men now have with women after reading the ebook. These men are now the selectee instead of the selected.

If you wonder how you can be more successful with women, DeAngelo’s ebook shows you how. I believe all men if they practice hard, can “mold with their hands” the kind of success with women they want. If only every man could read it, they would not experience years of frustration, loneliness, and fear that controls their lives.

Double Your Dating has my recommendations behind it! Sign up to David’s newsletter by clicking here. Once you sign up, you will be taken to a page where you can download his ebook Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women (Second Edition). (If you already receive his newsletter, just enter a fake name and email to continue to the next step so you can get your copy of this amazing ebook.)

Author Leil Lowndes gives 92 tricks to become a better conversationalist and improve your social relationships. From body language tricks and words to say, to telephone techniques and social tactics, it’s all in Lowndes’ How to Talk to Anyone.

The 92 tips are spread throughout the following 9 parts:

1. How to intrigue everyone without saying a word: You only have ten seconds to show you’re a somebody
2. How to know what you say after “Hi”
3. How to talk like a VIP
4. How to be an insider in any crowd: What are they all talking about?
5. How to sound like you’re a peas in a pod: “Why, we’re just alike!”
6. How to differentiate the power of praise from the folly of flattery
7. How to direct dial their hearts
8. How to work a party like a politician works a room: The politician’s six-point party checklist
9. How to break the most treacherous glass ceiling of all: Sometimes people are tigers

As you can tell from the nine parts above, the book is pretty irresistible. Of course, a few of the 92 tricks won’t revolutionize your life, but even if you are a great conversationalist, you are bound to discover a few techniques to throw in your communication bag of tricks. Little techniques like the “big baby pivot”, “little strokes”, and “swiveling spotlight” add up to make you a conversationalist who can talk to anyone. If you don’t know what to say in a conversation or you generally struggle to talk to strangers, How to Talk to Anyone is bound to save you from drowning in conversations.

Part four titled “How to be an insider in any crowd” was the best part of the book for me. Some great tips were given on the topic of how to dial up a stranger’s hot buttons by talking about their topics of interest (Hint: It’s not asking them what they’re into). The advice strongly applies to all types of conversations. Whether talking to a celebrity or a stranger of the opposite sex, the gems shared in this part will be your go-to guide.

You will finish the book in no time and be talking to anyone.

In each tip, Lowndes shares a story of her own or a friend’s story to demonstrate how the tip can be applied in real conversations. This makes the book a quick and practical read. The gray box at the end of each tip summarizes what you need to know. It makes for a quick reviser to easily remember the flood of tips given to you.

Leil Lowndes has an amazing ability to write in an interesting manner as she paints images with picturesque words. You will finish the book in no time and be talking to anyone. I’ve talked with Leil after reading the book and she is as nice in person as her beautiful writing style.

How to Talk to Anyone is really a book to better your conversation skills and not a relationship skills book. The relationship aspect of this book is about having the skills to start a conversation and keep a conversation going. There is, however, some good tips for maintaining strong relationships that can also be applied to improving your conversations.

To begin improving your conversation skills with 92 killer tips and never be left in the cold during a conversation, get your copy of How to Talk to Anyone from Amazon right now by clicking here today.

UPDATE: Leil has released a new book titled How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, which contains even more little tricks to talk and make friends with people. I’ve read the book and it’s great like How to Talk to Anyone! All tips are unique. I encourage you to get both books.

If you want to start a conversation with an interesting guy, whether it is online through sites like MSN, Facebook, face-to-face, or text, I have a two-step formula.

The first step is to overcome your fears, anxiety, and other “inner-game” problems. You reading this article wanting to know how to start a conversation with a guy tells me you need to solve inner-game problems rather than have me write you a few magical lines to use on a guy you like. The second step defines what you say and how you say it. When you follow this simple two-step formula revealed below, you will know how to start a conversation with a guy and keep the conversation going.

How to Easily Talk with a Guy Like He’s a Friend

Why do you find it easy to talk with friends, but you do not know what to say to a guy you like? You know your friends. This makes it easy to talk about a lot of things and proves the point I want to make: you are able to talk to friends because you do not feel vulnerable to them. You can talk to friends because you do not think about their judgments of you. This opens a floodgate of conversation topics that are suppressed when you try to start a conversation with a guy.

Compare talking with your friends to talking with a guy you like. You can talk about a million subjects with a guy you like, but you say nothing because you worry about him liking you and making a fool of yourself. This negative thinking chokes your ability to talk.

You don’t think negatively and judge yourself around friends so a trick is to not do it around a guy you like. A simple technique to talk with a guy is to pretend he is already a friend. You will relax and conversation topics will more easily come to mind.

Let’s say a girl comes across a guy at a shopping center she wants to get to know. She tries her best to think of something to start the conversation. She can’t think of anything to say. Her mind tells her, “You can’t do this”, “He won’t even like you”, and “You’ll just make yourself look bad and embarrass yourself”. She has already lost her inner game. No conversation starter can fix this because what to say is not the problem. It is important to sort out these inner game issues that prevent you from starting a conversation so you become the woman men want.

…what to say is not the problem.

When you suffocate your mind with destructive thinking, you cannot start a good conversation. Winning on the outside starts with winning on the inside. Before you win in the conversation by starting a good conversation, get your inner game in shape. Do not worry what to say when you cannot speak.

Let’s look into the first step of how to fix your inner game, then we will discuss techniques you can use to start a conversation with a guy and keep a conversation going.

A Simple Technique to Feel Great and Be Positive Around a Cute Guy

Motivational speaker Wayne Dyer uses the phrase “no limit thinking” to release people from self-limiting beliefs. These beliefs empower or disempower anything you do. William James, a 19th century psychologist that pioneered American psychology, said:

The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.

You must release yourself from these beliefs to confidently start and maintain a conversation. Be a no-limit thinker. Remove the limits you have placed on yourself by using a technique called “reframing”.

Reframing is a simple technique. It has you change your interpretation of a situation. Your aim with reframing is to create thoughts congruent with your goals and repeatedly affirm these thoughts to yourself. The better you get at adopting no-limit thinking, your confidence improves as does your ability to talk with people.

The girl at the shopping center can use the reframing technique by changing her current negative thoughts to positive ones about having a great conversation with the guy. Below are some thoughts the girl in our example is trying to overcome and to the right of each limiting thought is a good reframe the girl could use:

Negative Thought	Positive Thought Using the Reframing Technique
“I’m nervous.”	“I’m nervous because I care about the situation.”
“I won’t start the conversation well.”	“I will start the conversation well as I can do with my other friends and other people.”
“I’m afraid.”	“I wasn’t afraid last week when talking to a new guy so I don’t have to be afraid now.”
“He is so amazing and too good for me.”	“He farts, burps, and itches himself like any other human.”
“He won’t like me.”	“I don’t care if he won’t like me because I’m the prize. He is the one losing.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about.”	“I have thousands of thoughts that can be used to start a conversation.”

Tweet this funny advice.

Can you see how easy and powerful it is to overcome the limits you place on yourself? Reframing is an amazing technique. It may take a minute or two to come up with a positive interpretation of the situation, but with practice you’ll become faster and better at it. It can be used in almost any situation to boost your confidence, improve your happiness, and help you succeed.

Now you have fought off your doubts and anxieties about having a conversation with the guy, you can approach him and start a conversation. I’ve found that once girls improve their inner game with the reframing technique, the second step of conversation naturally happens. They feel confident and able to talk about anything. Still, I will share effective techniques and conversation starters below. The reframing technique frees your mind to start conversations, but it is reassuring to have techniques you can rely on to start a conversation.

The Situational Starter – Start a Conversation Every Time

The better you get at adopting no-limit thinking, your confidence improves as does your ability to talk with people.

To use the situational starter technique, notice your surroundings. Preferably make it something the other person is aware of or would be aware of once you use it.

In the shopping scenario, the girl could talk about things like the hastiness of shoppers or the weather… Wait. I hear you say this technique sucks. Talking about the weather is the simplest and worst use of the situational technique. It is boring and too common. Both examples may be ineffective in the shopping situation, but they can work when delivered by powerful nonverbal communication.

Be creative with situational starters. Make better use of this technique with in-depth situational influences. These rely on your creativity and involve discussions on unusual things about the situation. Your conversations will be more fun.

The girl could ask the guy how to locate a specific store or item; she could ask him where he got his hat because she would like to buy one for her brother; given the guy looks about 20 years-old, she could ask him for his opinion on whether her 20 year-old guy friend would like an item she thinks this guy has an interest in. This last conversation starter is more of an opinion opener, another good technique to start conversations, yet it still involves reading the situation. Use the situational starter or an opinion opener with creativity, and you have all you need to start a conversation.

Get more conversation starters to use on guys you like and other people by reading “101 Conversation Starters“.

What to Talk About

You have worked through your inner-game issues and started the conversation. The toughest parts are done. The conversation gets easier with time, but you still need to keep the conversation going. Starting a conversation means nothing if it stops dead. I will list some techniques and tips to keep a conversation flowing nicely with a guy, but browse the conversation skills section for more great tips.

What should you talk about? One thing you must not talk about is a boring topic. Do not bore him to death. Talk about passions, interests, conspiracies, and relationships. It is pretty simple to avoid boredom by talking about topics that have emotion! Talk about topics each of you are emotionally involved in to create an emotional link the two of you will remember.

If you don’t know an interesting topic, let the person be the topic. Myself and other guys love to talk about themselves. It’s only natural to talk about yourself because it’s the easiest topic to talk about. You can harness and leverage this with the guy by asking good open-ended questions.

An open-ended question is a type of question that takes more than a few words to answer. Examples of open-ended questions include: “What do you think about…?” “What’s something interesting you got up to last week?” and “Why do you enjoy…?”

It’s only natural to talk about yourself because it’s the easiest topic to talk about.

In the shopping scenario, the girl can ask the guy for his advice on buying a basketball because he is wearing a basketball jersey. She starts the conversation by asking, “Excuse me. I’m after a basketball for my brother. I thought you’d know a bit about it and was wondering what advice you could give me?” The girl would listen attentively using positive body language and show other forms of interest in the guy’s answer. If he doesn’t know much about basketballs, it does not matter. She could then keep the conversation going by asking him, “What things are you interested in then?” What matters is she has broken the ice and started a conversation.

She can increase her chances of keeping the conversation going by asking for his advice on an item she thinks interests him. Again, this uses the opinion technique and is valuable to make someone talk to you. She can guess what he is interested in by looking at his clothes, his friends, what he is currently doing, or anything else that is noticeable. She can keep a conversation going by observing the guy, listening carefully, and being a good “detective” snooping around for information.

How to Keep a Conversation Going with Branches

You can keep a conversation going by building onto what I call “branches” that grow from a conversation. Branches are further discussions about the topic discussed or even another topic by listening carefully to what is talked about. There are literally thousands of branches to a statement like, “I enjoy shopping with my friends.” Branches from this could be shopping experiences, why you’re currently shopping, and things about friends.

The girl’s question of, “What things are you interested in then?” is one example of a branch. Another example of branching the girl could use is: “Thanks. You do know a lot about basketball. How did you get all this knowledge?” She can build a conversation about the item and branch out into related topics she thinks the guy is interested in depending on his energy when speaking on the topic.

What If You Stuff Up and He Doesn’t Like You?

If you make a mistake and stuff up the conversation with the guy you like, all is not lost! Relax and laugh a little. Awkwardness only becomes awkward when you draw attention to it and feel embarrassed.

Also use the reframing technique by saying things to yourself like, “I stuffed up and am now smarter for next time” or “I’m the prize.” Failure is another step towards your success of effortlessly starting and continuing conversations with other guys. With enough practice, you will achieve conversation mastery.

From this article you have improved your inner game, you know how to start a good conversation, and you know how to keep an exciting conversation going. You just need to put the techniques to use when you find yourself wanting to start a conversation with a guy you want to meet. Let me know how it goes for you!

Lastly, if you want to learn more about how you can become a confident, mature, attractive lady that naturally attracts men, there is one online resource I recommend you learn more about: Catch Him and Keep Him. Catch Him and Keep Him is an ebook by Christian Carter to help you become a better woman so you can find and keep Mr Right. Click here to learn more about it.

The book’s title describes the book fairly well. Everything in it has been tested (though I’m not sure about the “new” part.) Conversationally Speaking contains the meat of what communication trainers have advised to people for decades. That is, understanding types of questions, listening, handling compliments, and other basic communication skills.

If you think you have a lot of knowledge about the dynamics of conversations, you will unlikely find anything new in this book. But then again, if you understand conversations well, you wouldn’t need to read many books on how to increase your personal and social effectiveness.

Garner’s book begins with a basic discussion on close-ended and open-ended questions. In later chapters on delivering compliments and listening, however, it seems Garner kicks the book up a gear. I was surprised by the advice to talk about yourself, handle criticism, deal with rejected praise, and reduce social anxiety.

…is about proven conversational methods that promote conversations.

A few criticism’s I’ve seen about the book on Amazon must have been adjusted in later versions of the book because some examples people have put-down as “stupid” are non-existent in my version. Conversationally Speaking contains many relevant examples. The examples get to the author’s point as they nicely illustrate a conversation skill.

The book contains very little fluff. Sometimes I felt a discussion was cut short as I turned the page to discover a new chapter. Small amounts of the book explain the skills as you will find yourself flying through it.

Overall, Alan Garner’s Conversationally Speaking is about proven conversational methods that promote conversations in personal and social situations. You won’t see the wheel reinvented in this book because the author has stuck with what has worked for him and hundreds of thousands of his readers. The conversational skills in this book are simple and effective. If you feel your conversational skills need fine-tuning, grab your copy of the book now from Amazon by clicking here.