How to Start and Keep a Conversation Going with a Guy
It is hard enough starting a conversation with a stranger, but try to start a conversation with a guy you think is hot! You don’t know what to say. You wonder if he likes you. You want him to like you. You’re nervous! All this is just the start of what runs through your head.
If you want to start a conversation with an interesting guy, whether it is online through sites like MSN, Facebook, face-to-face, or text, I have a two-step formula.
The first step is to overcome your fears, anxiety, and other “inner-game” problems. You reading this article wanting to know how to start a conversation with a guy tells me you need to solve inner-game problems rather than have me write you a few magical lines to use on a guy you like. The second step defines what you say and how you say it. When you follow this simple two-step formula revealed below, you will know how to start a conversation with a guy and keep the conversation going.
How to Easily Talk with a Guy Like He’s a Friend
Why do you find it easy to talk with friends, but you do not know what to say to a guy you like? You know your friends. This makes it easy to talk about a lot of things and proves the point I want to make: you are able to talk to friends because you do not feel vulnerable to them. You can talk to friends because you do not think about their judgments of you. This opens a floodgate of conversation topics that are suppressed when you try to start a conversation with a guy.
Compare talking with your friends to talking with a guy you like. You can talk about a million subjects with a guy you like, but you say nothing because you worry about him liking you and making a fool of yourself. This negative thinking chokes your ability to talk.
You don’t think negatively and judge yourself around friends so a trick is to not do it around a guy you like. A simple technique to talk with a guy is to pretend he is already a friend. You will relax and conversation topics will more easily come to mind.
Let’s say a girl comes across a guy at a shopping center she wants to get to know. She tries her best to think of something to start the conversation. She can’t think of anything to say. Her mind tells her, “You can’t do this”, “He won’t even like you”, and “You’ll just make yourself look bad and embarrass yourself”. She has already lost her inner game. No conversation starter can fix this because what to say is not the problem. It is important to sort out these inner game issues that prevent you from starting a conversation so you become the woman men want.
…what to say is not the problem.
When you suffocate your mind with destructive thinking, you cannot start a good conversation. Winning on the outside starts with winning on the inside. Before you win in the conversation by starting a good conversation, get your inner game in shape. Do not worry what to say when you cannot speak.
Let’s look into the first step of how to fix your inner game, then we will discuss techniques you can use to start a conversation with a guy and keep a conversation going.
A Simple Technique to Feel Great and Be Positive Around a Cute Guy
Motivational speaker Wayne Dyer uses the phrase “no limit thinking” to release people from self-limiting beliefs. These beliefs empower or disempower anything you do. William James, a 19th century psychologist that pioneered American psychology, said:
The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.
You must release yourself from these beliefs to confidently start and maintain a conversation. Be a no-limit thinker. Remove the limits you have placed on yourself by using a technique called “reframing”.
Reframing is a simple technique. It has you change your interpretation of a situation. Your aim with reframing is to create thoughts congruent with your goals and repeatedly affirm these thoughts to yourself. The better you get at adopting no-limit thinking, your confidence improves as does your ability to talk with people.
The girl at the shopping center can use the reframing technique by changing her current negative thoughts to positive ones about having a great conversation with the guy. Below are some thoughts the girl in our example is trying to overcome and to the right of each limiting thought is a good reframe the girl could use:
|Negative Thought||Positive Thought Using the Reframing Technique|
|“I’m nervous.”||“I’m nervous because I care about the situation.”|
|“I won’t start the conversation well.”||“I will start the conversation well as I can do with my other friends and other people.”|
|“I’m afraid.”||“I wasn’t afraid last week when talking to a new guy so I don’t have to be afraid now.”|
|“He is so amazing and too good for me.”||“He farts, burps, and itches himself like any other human.”|
|“He won’t like me.”||“I don’t care if he won’t like me because I’m the prize. He is the one losing.”|
|“I don’t have anything to talk about.”||“I have thousands of thoughts that can be used to start a conversation.”|
Can you see how easy and powerful it is to overcome the limits you place on yourself? Reframing is an amazing technique. It may take a minute or two to come up with a positive interpretation of the situation, but with practice you’ll become faster and better at it. It can be used in almost any situation to boost your confidence, improve your happiness, and help you succeed.
Now you have fought off your doubts and anxieties about having a conversation with the guy, you can approach him and start a conversation. I’ve found that once girls improve their inner game with the reframing technique, the second step of conversation naturally happens. They feel confident and able to talk about anything. Still, I will share effective techniques and conversation starters below. The reframing technique frees your mind to start conversations, but it is reassuring to have techniques you can rely on to start a conversation.
The Situational Starter – Start a Conversation Every Time
The better you get at adopting no-limit thinking, your confidence improves as does your ability to talk with people.
To use the situational starter technique, notice your surroundings. Preferably make it something the other person is aware of or would be aware of once you use it.
In the shopping scenario, the girl could talk about things like the hastiness of shoppers or the weather… Wait. I hear you say this technique sucks. Talking about the weather is the simplest and worst use of the situational technique. It is boring and too common. Both examples may be ineffective in the shopping situation, but they can work when delivered by powerful nonverbal communication.
Be creative with situational starters. Make better use of this technique with in-depth situational influences. These rely on your creativity and involve discussions on unusual things about the situation. Your conversations will be more fun.
The girl could ask the guy how to locate a specific store or item; she could ask him where he got his hat because she would like to buy one for her brother; given the guy looks about 20 years-old, she could ask him for his opinion on whether her 20 year-old guy friend would like an item she thinks this guy has an interest in. This last conversation starter is more of an opinion opener, another good technique to start conversations, yet it still involves reading the situation. Use the situational starter or an opinion opener with creativity, and you have all you need to start a conversation.
Get more conversation starters to use on guys you like and other people by reading “101 Conversation Starters“.
What to Talk About
You have worked through your inner-game issues and started the conversation. The toughest parts are done. The conversation gets easier with time, but you still need to keep the conversation going. Starting a conversation means nothing if it stops dead. I will list some techniques and tips to keep a conversation flowing nicely with a guy, but browse the conversation skills section for more great tips.
What should you talk about? One thing you must not talk about is a boring topic. Do not bore him to death. Talk about passions, interests, conspiracies, and relationships. It is pretty simple to avoid boredom by talking about topics that have emotion! Talk about topics each of you are emotionally involved in to create an emotional link the two of you will remember.
If you don’t know an interesting topic, let the person be the topic. Myself and other guys love to talk about themselves. It’s only natural to talk about yourself because it’s the easiest topic to talk about. You can harness and leverage this with the guy by asking good open-ended questions.
An open-ended question is a type of question that takes more than a few words to answer. Examples of open-ended questions include: “What do you think about…?” “What’s something interesting you got up to last week?” and “Why do you enjoy…?”
It’s only natural to talk about yourself because it’s the easiest topic to talk about.
In the shopping scenario, the girl can ask the guy for his advice on buying a basketball because he is wearing a basketball jersey. She starts the conversation by asking, “Excuse me. I’m after a basketball for my brother. I thought you’d know a bit about it and was wondering what advice you could give me?” The girl would listen attentively using positive body language and show other forms of interest in the guy’s answer. If he doesn’t know much about basketballs, it does not matter. She could then keep the conversation going by asking him, “What things are you interested in then?” What matters is she has broken the ice and started a conversation.
She can increase her chances of keeping the conversation going by asking for his advice on an item she thinks interests him. Again, this uses the opinion technique and is valuable to make someone talk to you. She can guess what he is interested in by looking at his clothes, his friends, what he is currently doing, or anything else that is noticeable. She can keep a conversation going by observing the guy, listening carefully, and being a good “detective” snooping around for information.
How to Keep a Conversation Going with Branches
Bonus Tips to Make Great Conversation
Follow these extra simple tips for great conversations:
- Ask more questions
- Look people in the eye
- Talk about mutual interests
- Compliment to boost a person’s self-esteem and the conversation
You can keep a conversation going by building onto what I call “branches” that grow from a conversation. Branches are further discussions about the topic discussed or even another topic by listening carefully to what is talked about. There are literally thousands of branches to a statement like, “I enjoy shopping with my friends.” Branches from this could be shopping experiences, why you’re currently shopping, and things about friends.
The girl’s question of, “What things are you interested in then?” is one example of a branch. Another example of branching the girl could use is: “Thanks. You do know a lot about basketball. How did you get all this knowledge?” She can build a conversation about the item and branch out into related topics she thinks the guy is interested in depending on his energy when speaking on the topic.
What If You Stuff Up and He Doesn’t Like You?
If you make a mistake and stuff up the conversation with the guy you like, all is not lost! Relax and laugh a little. Awkwardness only becomes awkward when you draw attention to it and feel embarrassed.
Also use the reframing technique by saying things to yourself like, “I stuffed up and am now smarter for next time” or “I’m the prize.” Failure is another step towards your success of effortlessly starting and continuing conversations with other guys. With enough practice, you will achieve conversation mastery.
From this article you have improved your inner game, you know how to start a good conversation, and you know how to keep an exciting conversation going. You just need to put the techniques to use when you find yourself wanting to start a conversation with a guy you want to meet. Let me know how it goes for you!
Lastly, if you want to learn more about how you can become a confident, mature, attractive lady that naturally attracts men, there is one online resource I recommend you learn more about: Catch Him and Keep Him. Catch Him and Keep Him is an ebook by Christian Carter to help you become a better woman so you can find and keep Mr Right. Click here to learn more about it.
Joshua Uebergang aka "Tower of Power"
Joshua Uebergang, aka "Tower of Power", teaches social skills to help shy guys build friends and influence people. Visit his blog and sign-up free to get communication techniques, relationship-boosting strategies, and life-building tips by email, along with blog updates, and more! Go now to http://www.towerofpower.com.au/free/